Our Version of Events

My head was splitting the following morning when I woke up, and it took me a couple of seconds to realise where I was once I opened my eyes. Evan was standing by the bed, clad only in a pair of boxers, and he smiled softly as he handed me a steaming mug of coffee.

“Thanks,” I croaked as I pushed myself up onto my elbows, keeping the bed sheet over my body,
“What time is it?”

“Nine.”

“I didn’t mean to stay the night,” I frowned as I sipped at my coffee, Evan getting into the bed beside me.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he lazily draped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him,
“I’d a great time last night.”

I hummed in response, just wanting to get dressed and get the hell out of there. I was still feeling numb, not feeling any emotion whatsoever, and I would like to be alone when that freight train of emotional crazy hit me, just like it always did.
We didn’t speak as we drank our coffee, and I hated how comfortable Evan appeared to be. He didn’t say anything as I threw the bedclothes off of me and stood up, dressing as quickly as I could. I could feel his eyes glued to my body and I was disgusted with myself when I felt myself becoming a little aroused by it.
What the hell was wrong with me?

“Do you want a lift home?” Evan asked as he stood up, and I could see the hurt in his dark eyes when I frantically shook my head no.

“No, no, I’ll hail a cab. Thanks, though.”

I barely looked over my shoulder at him as I scurried out of his apartment, doing the walk of shame out onto the main road as I desperately scanned the busy roads for a taxi. The journey home only took twenty minutes but it felt like a lifetime, and I thought my stomach was going to drop out of my ass when I saw Shawn’s silver Mercedes in our driveway.
Was he home because I was out all night? Would he be able to smell Evan on my skin? Did he even love me enough to care?

“Shawn?” I called out tentatively as I let myself in through the front door.

“Study,” was all I got back as a response.

My heart was pounding so hard I could hear my pulse in my ears, my palms growing slick with sweat. He didn’t look up from whatever case file he was reviewing, he merely hummed to let me know that he saw me standing in the threshold of his study.

“I’m home,” I murmured pathetically, anxious about what he would say to me.

“I presume you had a good night with the girls?”

I swallowed thickly, feeling my breathing hitch in my throat.

“Yeah.”

It was so obvious that something was wrong with me, I couldn’t even formulate proper sentences, but it was like water off a duck’s back with Shawn.

“There’s a leak in the office so I have to work from home. It would be great if we could have dinner this afternoon instead of this evening.”

It was all I could do to nod my head and leave the room, slowly making my way up the stairs and into our ensuite. Regardless of how trapped I was feeling in our marriage, I still would have been annoyed beyond all belief if he stayed out all night with his friends; all he had to say to me was when he wanted his dinner. I stripped down and got into the shower, letting the scalding hot water wash off any remaining traces of Evan as I rested my head against the tiled wall, closing my eyes over.
Did he even love me anymore?



The weekend passed by with Shawn in his office all day and me trapped inside of own head, not knowing what to make of my life anymore. I was only in my early twenties, how had I managed to make things so complicated for myself?
Guilt started to gnaw at me come Sunday morning and that night as Shawn and I got into bed I initiated sex, even though my stomach clenched uneasily. He had lightly moved me off of him, saying he was too tired and too preoccupied with work, and that was that. He had fallen asleep within a matter of minutes while I lay beside him tossing and turning all night, my ego bruised and memories of when we used to fuck like the world was ending invading every waking moment.
He was gone before I woke up the next morning and I had spent a good fifteen minutes crying in bed; I could not let this be the rest of my life. When I arrived at the school Evan’s car was the only one in the parking lot, and I groaned internally when I saw him getting out.

“Morning, Avery,” he called out as I got my bag out of the backseat of my car.

“Hey, Evan,” I replied tiredly, blinking rapidly in surprise when he handed me a Styrofoam Starbucks cup,
“Thanks.”

I eyed the coffee uncertainly as I took it from him, locking my car and following him into the school.

“Is everything okay, Avery?” he asked me quietly as we walked down the deserted corridor.

My marriage is in peril. My husband couldn’t give a rat’s ass about me. I feel like scum for cheating on him with you. I feel like a dirtbag for picking someone as nice as you to be the other man.

“No,” I smiled in response, gently shaking my head for extra effect.

He frowned as he stared back at me, his eyes scanning my face for any clues as to what was going on in my head, before he shrugged his shoulders lightly.

“Are you free for a drink tonight?”

I took a deep breath and bit down on my lower lip, averting my gaze. Why did I have to get so drunk and fuck him?

“I don’t think we should do that again, Evan.”

“What?” he asked and it near killed me to see the expression on his face,
“I thought we had a good time on Friday…was it…” he cut himself off nervously, his tongue quickly darting out to lick his lips,
“Was it not good for you?”

“It was!” I replied before I could stop myself,
“It’s just…”

I cut myself off before I could say complicated. That would just leave me having to give him reams and reams of pathetic, half-assed excuses.

“I don’t think we should shit where we eat, Evan. Friday was fun but…it was a mistake.”

“Oh…”

He began to anxiously shift from foot to foot, and I don’t think I have ever hated myself as much as I had then. I had wanted to tell him how I loved spending time with him and that I wanted to be friends, but I knew it would sound nothing but insincere.

“I better go get my notes ready for class,” he finally broke the silence, and I surprised myself by suddenly not wanting to watch him walk away.

I said nothing, I didn’t even acknowledge that I had heard what he said, I merely continued to dumbly stand there. Evan locked eyes with me, holding my gaze and giving me one last opportunity to save whatever it was we had last week, but my lips remained tightly pursed. After a few long seconds, he nodded his head, more to himself than to me, and silently walked down the corridor. I quickly slipped into my classroom, closing the door tightly behind me and inhaling a shaky breath. I felt like I had been punched in the chest, I felt like the world was spinning abnormally fast around me but I was staying in the one place, I felt like the walls were melting around me and suddenly everything was all too bright.
I don’t think I can keep teaching here.