Peace, Love, and Manson

I wake up the next morning feeling like absolute death. I didn’t shower last night and my hair is stuck to the back of my neck due to sweat. I’m only awake for about ten seconds when I have to sprint to the bathroom, spewing my guts out in the toilet. Someone must hear me because I can hear footsteps followed by the feeling of someone holding my hair. I vomit again and again.

When I feel like I’m finally done, I push myself away from the toilet seat. Ramona stands up behind me. She’s ready for the day, all of her makeup on, but she looks like she’s in serious pain.

“I know what you’re feeling,” she groans, “You are me two hours ago.”

I laugh a little bit and stand up to wash my mouth out and brush my teeth. Ramona shakes two Tylenol in my hand and I take them gratefully, chugging it down with a glass of water.

I grab a plain white V-neck, yellow sweater, and high wasted denim shorts from my bag and make my way to the shower. I pound on the bathroom door.

“Taken!” Shirley sings.

The only other shower close to me is public. It’s out door and I don’t really know why but it’ll have to do. There’s barely any privacy, but I hang up my towel so it can hide some things.

The water is warm and quickly washes off the layer of sweat on my skin. I pour shampoo in my hand and begin singing that song I heard on the radio with Arthur all those days ago. Could that have only been last week?

I hear foot steps behind me and my voice breaks on a note.

“You have a nice voice,” I hear Phoenix say.

I turn around and run to my towel, covering myself up.

“You scared the shit out of me,” I breathe.

“Have you thrown up yet?” Phoenix asks.

“Yes.”

“Do you feel any better?”

“No.”

“Well, too bad. You’re spending the day with me. And, god dammit, we’re going to have fun!” He teases.

I laugh and he covers his eyes and turns around playfully as I towel myself off and change into my clothes. It makes me a little sad that I can’t braid my hair anymore, but I do like the change. I jump onto Phoenix’s back and he takes me to a field that’s empty except for a few trees. I use the towel as a blanket and we both sit across from each other.

“Charlie is supposed to visit sometime next month,” Phoenix picks at a loose thread on the towel. I lay my hand over his, running my fingers over it.

“Charlie?”

“Charlie Manson? The owner. Well, I mean he’s not really the owner. But our leader. He goes between camps and he’s supposed to be here next month after he finishes up at Barker. I’ve never met him myself.”

“Oh, him. I’ve heard a lot about him. I’m excited to meet him.”

After we discuss his legacy for a few minutes, we decide to take Speed right there in the park. We admire the trees and point out the things we love and dislike about each other’s faces (there are more likes than dislikes, I like his smile and he likes my nose).

We spend the rest of the day high, running from cabin to cabin, dropping in and saying hello. I walk in on Ramona having sex with some guy. After the Speed is wears off, we pass a joint back and forth. We end up passing out on a table in the kitchen.

“Wake up, lovebirds, we’re trying to eat here,” I know that voice. It’s my brother, Arthur, with some auburn haired girl.

I later find out her name is Susie and that they’re in love. We all sit by each other at dinner and I catch up with my brother. He said Susie introduced him to LSD last night. He says he doesn’t like it very much but she does. Arthur says “you need to make sacrifices when you’re in love”.

I feel bad for him, I really do. I know you have to make some sacrifices when you’re in a relationship, but I don’t think you should take drugs to fit in with them. That’s almost like peer pressure.

I wish them good luck and I go back to my cabin with Phoenix.

We kiss for the first time, followed by several times after that. I cup his face in my hands, pulling him closer to me. His fingers run up my sides, under my shirt, and they rest on the soft fabric of my bra. He gives a soft squeeze and a whimper escapes my lips. I can hear him chuckle in the dark, kissing me more forcefully.

“I think the time is right,” I breathe against his mouth, “You know… to fuck me.”
This time, all that he can say is “okay”.

So we do, and it’s wonderful, and I’m glad we waited until we were sober because everything is so much clearer and lovelier and sweeter this way. And I love him. I love him and I don’t care if I’ve only known him for two days.

I just know. I know and I’m sure of it.

We wake up the next morning entangled in each other’s arms. I’m initially awakened by Ramona screaming, “It’s done! Clementine is no longer a sad virgin!” My head pops up from the pillow and I shush her, curling up closer to Phoenix.

“I want to tell you something but I don’t want you to run away screaming,” Phoenix mumbles.

“Tell me.”

“No.”

“Phoenix.”

“I love you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“I love you too.”

“Are you sure?”

“More than sure.”

We kiss, kiss, and kiss again. Then have make love, make love, and make love again. Then we smoke, smoke, and smoke again. We pop a few Xanax and melt into a wonderful deep sleep. That’s how the month goes. Sex, drugs, and love.

I’m excited to meet Charlie, the man who created this wonderful place where I met my true love and finally feel accepted.

I just didn’t know it was all going to end up so badly.