Let Me Be the One.
All The Time.
“Hello?”
As soon as I heard that uttered word I knew exactly who was on the other end. That was a voice I didn’t deserve to hear—ever. I glanced at the sleeping form next to me and quietly made my way into our sitting room. I shouldn’t have answered; I’d recognize this number anywhere—anywhere. Something was wrong, I could tell in that simple hello.
“Hello. What’s wrong?”
I heard a sniffle and then a deep breath before the beautiful creature on the other end spoke. Their voice calming my every nerve just like it had always done—before I ruined everything.
“I miss you.”
I closed my eyes at those simple yet daunting three words—at least they weren’t the three words I’d gladly yell from a top the highest building. I let out a sigh, I felt myself smile into the phone as I heard those words. Words I thought I’d never hear again.
“I miss you too.”
I heard a cold laugh come from the other end, followed by a small sob. I had brought this pain on; those tears were because of me, because of what I had done. I heard movement from the other room.
“I had to call you; I can’t take not talking to you any more. I don’t care about what you’ve done anymore, I, I just need to hear your voice.”
My heart broke at those words—I was forgiven. I heard the faint call of my name; the angel on the phone did too. I clenched my eyes shut in frustration as I heard a small gasp come from the other end.
“She’s still there?”
I couldn’t say anything—I didn’t have to, her voice was heard calling my name again, this time closer.
“Please—“
I was cut off; whatever I was going to say was pointless, I knew that, my angel knew that.
“Don’t make a petty excuse for her. It’s been six months since I last saw you, talked to you. I’ve managed to live without you, move on, not to someone new, but slowly getting over what we had.”
I saw as my vision blurred due to unshed tears; I’d hurt the only person to ever love me whole-heartedly in the worst way.
“I called to, to say goodbye, one last time. I realize that, so long as she’s there you’ll do nothing more than answer to her every whim. You’re not the man I knew such a short time ago. Goodbye.”
The line was dead; my world had cut itself off from me. I felt my already shattered heart burst in the pain of knowing I’ve added more damage. I felt a small, delicate hand touch my shoulder.
“Are you alright Gee?”
I just nodded—I stood up and pulled her into my arms, desperate for the warmth of another body. I let her lead us back to bed where I placed my hands over her enlarged and rounded stomach—my life. I made sure she was asleep again before I moved once more. Turning away from her in shame as the tears fell, silently.
If it weren’t for that small life inside the woman beside me, I’d have asked where my angel was and went to his side. I’d give anything—but this child—to be in his arms at night. I heard the faint sound of the radio; the song playing mocking my every emotion at the moment, tormenting me with that voice I keep locked inside my head.
The voice I hadn’t heard in six months until just moments ago, a voice telling me words I had longed to hear.
As soon as I heard that uttered word I knew exactly who was on the other end. That was a voice I didn’t deserve to hear—ever. I glanced at the sleeping form next to me and quietly made my way into our sitting room. I shouldn’t have answered; I’d recognize this number anywhere—anywhere. Something was wrong, I could tell in that simple hello.
“Hello. What’s wrong?”
I heard a sniffle and then a deep breath before the beautiful creature on the other end spoke. Their voice calming my every nerve just like it had always done—before I ruined everything.
“I miss you.”
I closed my eyes at those simple yet daunting three words—at least they weren’t the three words I’d gladly yell from a top the highest building. I let out a sigh, I felt myself smile into the phone as I heard those words. Words I thought I’d never hear again.
“I miss you too.”
I heard a cold laugh come from the other end, followed by a small sob. I had brought this pain on; those tears were because of me, because of what I had done. I heard movement from the other room.
“I had to call you; I can’t take not talking to you any more. I don’t care about what you’ve done anymore, I, I just need to hear your voice.”
My heart broke at those words—I was forgiven. I heard the faint call of my name; the angel on the phone did too. I clenched my eyes shut in frustration as I heard a small gasp come from the other end.
“She’s still there?”
I couldn’t say anything—I didn’t have to, her voice was heard calling my name again, this time closer.
“Please—“
I was cut off; whatever I was going to say was pointless, I knew that, my angel knew that.
“Don’t make a petty excuse for her. It’s been six months since I last saw you, talked to you. I’ve managed to live without you, move on, not to someone new, but slowly getting over what we had.”
I saw as my vision blurred due to unshed tears; I’d hurt the only person to ever love me whole-heartedly in the worst way.
“I called to, to say goodbye, one last time. I realize that, so long as she’s there you’ll do nothing more than answer to her every whim. You’re not the man I knew such a short time ago. Goodbye.”
The line was dead; my world had cut itself off from me. I felt my already shattered heart burst in the pain of knowing I’ve added more damage. I felt a small, delicate hand touch my shoulder.
“Are you alright Gee?”
I just nodded—I stood up and pulled her into my arms, desperate for the warmth of another body. I let her lead us back to bed where I placed my hands over her enlarged and rounded stomach—my life. I made sure she was asleep again before I moved once more. Turning away from her in shame as the tears fell, silently.
If it weren’t for that small life inside the woman beside me, I’d have asked where my angel was and went to his side. I’d give anything—but this child—to be in his arms at night. I heard the faint sound of the radio; the song playing mocking my every emotion at the moment, tormenting me with that voice I keep locked inside my head.
The voice I hadn’t heard in six months until just moments ago, a voice telling me words I had longed to hear.