Never Say Die

“Bert, get up. Bert!” Gerard shakes his dark haired boyfriend who is passed out on their bed. Again. “Damn.” Gerard stands and paces their bedroom. “I give up.” He picks up a few empty beer bottles and gathers them and heads to the recycling can to dispose of them. “Fucking Bert, passes out every night, god damn.” Gerard shakes his black hair out of his hazel eyes and sighs heavily.

This has been going on for quite a while now. Bert would get drunk or high and then Gerard would end up caring for him in the end. Things weren’t all perfect when they first got together, but Gerard had hoped that Bert would mature a bit and stop with all the nonsense. Sure, Gerard would have a beer or two, but he wouldn’t overindulge as Bert so often did. However, just yesterday, Gerard found out Bert’s dirty little secret. He was doing coke and was almost always just a bit high. Gerard was furious and today was the day he was going to really stand up to Bert.

As if on key, Bert stumbles into the kitchen; gripping his hair in one hand and holding the wall with another.

“Can I get some advil or something, my head is pounding.” Gerard swiftly opens the cabinet and let’s it slam to a close after he has the headache medicine. “Christ, Gerard, my head.”

“Sorry.” Gerard says unapologetically and hits the counter with the medicine bottle as he sets it down. Bert glares and slumps down in a chair. “Bert, we need to talk.”

“Can’t it wait; I’m exhausted.” Gerard takes a deep breathe.

“No, no it can’t. I can’t watch you kill yourself. I know about the coke and it needs to stop. You need to turn this all around.”

“What? Gerard, please, stop worrying.”

“No, Bert, you have to face this and stop it before you lose everything.” Gerard exclaims. “You’re going to die and I can’t let that happen, I love you, Bert.” Bert doesn’t seem to be phased.

“I’m not going to die. Never say die, Gerard.” Bert shakes his head. “I’m right here, Gee, don’t worry.”

“It doesn’t matter though, I’m lonely when you’re right here because I know you aren’t you.” Gerard is shaking; close to bursting.

“Everything is fine, Gerard.” Bert takes the advil and heads back to the bedroom. Gerard can’t even believe how disgusted he is with Bert right now. Fed up, Gerard storms into the bedroom, but finds Bert isn’t there.

“Bert?”

“I’m in the bathroom.” Gerard bangs on the door.

“Come out, Bert. We need to talk.”

“Leave me alone.”

“Just come out and get some fresh air.”

“Keep me away from the light.” Bert barks back and Gerard just slides down the door to the floor. He hears a strange noise from inside the bathroom and he presses his ear against the door.

“Bert.” Gerard says quietly, but then puts two and two together. It’s the sound of a razor blade on porcelain. He’s snorting himself to death on the sink. “Bert, you fucking idiot! Do you want to die? Do you want me to leave you?” Bert doesn’t answer and Gerard wants to cry. “You know what, forget this. I’m getting out of here, good luck with your pathetic life!”

Gerard storms out of the house and walks along the sidewalk, shaking his head. 'What am I going to do?' Gerard wonders. He turns around and gets into his car and heads in the direction of his brother's house. He may be able to help, hopefully.

Meanwhile, Bert snorts the powder up his nose and forgets the world for a while. He needed it now especially; Gerard just walked out. 'This relationship is dying.' Bert starts to think but quickly shakes his head. "Never say die."

***

"He's just being such an idiot, Mikey." Gerard sighs and sinks into the couch beside his brother.

"It'll be okay, Gerard. You two will get through this, you guys always do."

"Yeah, but I want things to actually be fixed for once. Everything just gets fucked again." Mikey puts a hand on Gerard's shoulder and squeezes lightly. "I just want him to realize that he's betrayed me. He used to call me his addiction, but I now, he's chosen the wrong addiction." Mikey nods. "I just need him to understand how much I love him."

Bert lies back on the bed and smiles, watching the ceiling fan spin around. There's cocaine underneath his nose and he's not all there at the moment. He laughs at how great this single moment of nothing is and he feels perfect, absolutely perfect. However, as he gazes off into space, some paranoia sets in. 'Gerard.' He thinks and the name flies through his brain.

"Gerard!" He calls out, forgetting that Gerard said he was going. Bert walks out the front door and walks down the street, looking high and low. Where had he gone?

Gerard lets out one last sigh then stands up from the couch.

"I better get going, Mikey. I need to check on Bert and talk to him about all of this." Mikey nods and hugs his brother tightly.

"You'll be alright, I promise."

"Thanks." Gerard climbs into his car and drives off. As he nears the house, he realizes that front door is wide open. "Oh, shit." Turning off the car, he rushes inside, but finds no Bert, but he does find baggies of coke in the bathroom. "Fuck, he walked off high? He's going to get himself killed." Gerard concludes and rushes out the door to the car. Gerard drives like a madman, but he couldn't care less, he needs to find Bert. He needs to find him now.

The streets are all but deserted and Gerard looks away from the road for a split second when he turns and finds someone directly in front of his car. "Fuck!" He screams and slams on the brakes, but he's too late. He's hit this person and it's not just anyone, it's Bert. He leaps from the car and drops to his knees beside Bert whose head is bleeding and he looks confused. "Oh my god, Bert, oh fuck." Bert's leg is twisted wrong and there's blood soaking through his shirt. Neighbors who heard the tires squeal are outside, some calling 911 and others trying to help.

"Gerard." Bert says.

"Bert, I was looking for you and then oh god." His eyes well up. "I hit you and now you're going to die, all because of me. I should've stayed with you and made sure I talked to you."

"Gerard," Bert says quietly as sirens blare in the background. "Never say die."