Tell Me You Love Me

My mother doesn't handle punishments or lectures very well. She told me her whole life story, which is like from the Jurassic Park era to present day. She told me about how she had her first child at 15, how she worked two jobs to support her new family, how my dad cheated on her with the slutty waitress from the Cheesecake Factory ( I was still in her womb at the time), etc. I zoned out and was soon asleep, but she threw a cup of cold water in my face and told me I was grounded for two months. Honestly, I didn't really care if I was grounded, because in two months, I'll be as big as a hippopotamus. I mean, who wants to see me when I look like a hippopotamus? I don't want to see me looking like that and I'm pretty sure Jesus Christ himself doesn't want to see me like that. I walked to my room, locked my door, and threw myself onto the bed. I swear, I've only been pregnant for three months, but it feels like an eternity.

I stared at my ugly white walls and shuddered in disgust. I need to hurry up and find out the gender of this baby so I can go ahead and paint my stupid room pink or blue, the typical nursery colors. Now that I think about it, I have nothing in my room. All I have is a double size bed, a Mickey Mouse wall clock, a dresser that holds up my TV, a stereo, a few Chris Brown posters on the wall, and a tiny closet. I have nothing for a baby in my room. I shook the thoughts out of my mind and decided to do some homework. I'm really smart and I'm doing amazing in all my classes, but I don't see the point of doing all of them. I can still do the work, but it'll be hard knowing I can't walk back into the dance studio and show them I can bring it. I want do dance and hone
stly, I miss dancing. Everyone has a purpose in life and that's my purpose: to dance. I want to dance so well that I'll get accepted into Julliard. Then, after a few years of that, I want to dance on Broadway, if people can even do that. Then, I'll become a back-up dancer for important people, like Mariah Carey or something. Finally, I'll open my own dance studio. I might be a sophomore, but it's never too early to plan for the future.

Suddenly, my phone started to buzz really loud. It might be on vibrate, but my phone could possibly cause a Ritcher 8 earthquake. I looked at the caller I.D. and it was an unknown number. I didn't feel like talking to anyone right now, so I ignored it. But when the number kept calling over and over again, I just had to answer.

"Hello?" I said, sighing heavily as I picked at my chipping nail polish. Which reminds me, I need to see if Janae has any nail polish remover in her room.

"Gurl, don't you go huffing and puffing and sighing at me. I'm just tryna have a normal conversation with my baby sister. Is that too much to ask?" the girl yelled from the other line.

"Janae?!" I shouted through the phone. How is it that this girl can manage to call me but she can't come raise her child?

"Duh, you idiot! who'd you think it was, Santa Claus, bitch!?" she yelled, making my left ear hurt.

"Hey, don't come at me! I actually thought it was the girl who didn't abandon her own child for two days and have her younger sister take care of her baby, but I guess not!" I yelled back, getting angry with my sister.

"Hey now! I didn't abandon her! You're there to watch her, so I don't see what the problem is!" she said, sighing heavily through the phone.

"I have my own baby to worry about, in case you didn't remember! Kids at school know my secret now, and they're looking at me as if I'm having Lucifer's baby and I'm about to pop already." I cried.

"Yeah, I know. Don't worry about what those bastards say, because I'm sure they wouldn't have the guts to say it to your damn face. But anyways, just drop Chenille off every morning at this address: 6235 Vincent Drive. It's a yellow house with two cars in the driveway. It's my friend Vivica's house. Pick her up when you get out of school. She already knows the arrangements." she said before she hung up.

I started talking again, yelling her name into the phone when my mom bust in on me. She must have heard me lock the door and unlocked it with a hanger.

"If I say you're grounded, do you think that means you can talk n the phone?!" she yelled, snatching my phone away from me. Gosh, I didn't know my punishment was this bad. "Who were you talking to, anyways? Was it Janae, or was it that rotten boyfriend of yours?" she said, tapping her foot.

"It was Janae. She wanted to know how Chenille was doing. And my boyfriend's not rotten! He's just not what you want him to be!" I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Excuse me?" she said, her voice changing to a low grumble. I looked around the room for some type of weapon and where to hide it because she was going to skin me alive. "I've about had it with you and your sister. You two have been pushing my buttons for awhile, and ya'll ain't too old to get your asses beat! So, take my advice, Simonee: watch that smart ass mouth of yours or else somebody's gonna come around and kick your ass because of it." she said, walking out my room and leaving the apartment.

Chenille walked out from the living room with cookie crumbs on her face. I was hurt that my mom would say something like that, but I couldn't help but laugh at her. She looked so cute. The more I look at here, the more I soft of get depressed. I really wish people would accept the fact that I'm pregnant and I'm starting a family of my own. But some people choose to only listen to themselves. I'm not doing anything wrong to harm these people, so I don't see what the problem is. OK, I kind of do see the problems. Here are a few of them: 1) I'm 15 years old, 2) I have my whole life ahead of me to have children, 3) I can't provide a stable environment for my child, and 4) I have no money to support my child.

God, this sounds a lot like stuff my mother would say to me. But, I can argue with all of these, because Aaron supplies me with money (plus my babysitting money), Aaron's birthday is in two weeks (November 20; he said once he turns 18, he's inheriting his money, getting emancipated, and purchasing us a house in Manhattan), and I can just go out and get everything I need with Aaron's "abortion" money. Suddenly, an idea popped up in my head: I'll just go buy the stuff now so I can be prepared for later. I grabbed my tote (which contains my wallet), slipped on my shoes, and walked out to the living room to grab my house keys. I was about to walk out the door when I heard a whine. I looked over at Chenille, who was staring at me with bold eyes, trying not to tear up.

"Oh no, Chenille. I'm not leaving without you." I said as I swooped down to pick her up. I grabbed her diaper bag (why Chenille has a diaper bag at the age of two, I have no idea), turned off the lights, and locked the door. Chenille wanted to get down, so I let her walk and hold my hand. We continued down the hallway when Jennifer walked out from behind the corner and screamed out at me. "Oh my God, Jennifer, you're crazy! Don't scare me like that!" I cried as she laughed uncontrollably. Chenille was laughing, too. I don't think it was funny. "I'm sorry, girl, but the look on your face was priceless." she said, trying to stop laughing at me. I just walked around her with Chenille in tow, but Jennifer wasn't in the mood to be ignored. "Wait, where are you guys going?" she asked jumping over the railing and onto the next stair level. She needs to be careful before she falls over and breaks her back, because it's happened to other people before. "We're going to the mall." I said, making Chenille jump up and down with joy. "I'm coming with you, since it's my fault you got in trouble." she said, smiling like a two year old. I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a treat or a form of punishment, but you never know with Jennifer. "I don't know. Can she come, Chenille?" I asked, teasing Jennifer. "Oh, come on! I'll be good and I won't hurt anybody, I promise!" Jennifer whined, making Chenille laugh. Jennifer is so goofy, I just don't know what to do with her. Chenille then let go of my hand and jumped onto Jennifer's back. "I guess that's a yes. But as my punishment to you for getting me in trouble, you have to carry her like that from the time we get to the bus and the time we actually get inside the mall." I said, nudging her with my elbow. "What mall are we going to exactly?" she asked, nudging me back. "The Queens Center Mall, you doofus." I said, rolling my eyes at my best friend's stupidity.

Do to the fact that we live in Crown Heights, it'll normally take us 23 minutes when we try to go to the mall. But since I had to go get Chenille's extra car seat, that delayed us 2 minutes. We were fine with that until Jennifer's car was going to run out of gas and she had to go fill it up, delaying us 1 minute extra until Chenille had to go pee. She delayed us an extra minute, which we were okay with until she asked for some candy. We got her some and were going to leave, but due to my cravings on the move, I took up two minutes buying Hot Fries, a pink Calypso, and a Monster for Jennifer, adding up to a waste of 6 minutes. Then, we had to wait in traffic for 5 minutes! "This sucks!" Jennifer complained, turning on the heat. Chenille was busy playing with something, Jennifer was sipping on her Monster, and I had finished nearly half my bag of Hot Fries. "Thank you for stating the total obvious, Butt-Head." I mumbled, placing my cheek on the icy cold window. Winter is really crazy up here, with all these blizzards and what not. So, since we just had a minor ice store, I'm pretty sure someone's car drove into another car due to black ice. "No fair. I want to be Beavis." she jokingly whined. Jennifer has always said that if she had to date any cartoon, it would either be Beavis, Johnny Bravo, or Chip Skylark. God, she is such a nerd and a doofus, but she's a hot nerd with doofus tendencies, a weird personality, and a special place in my heart. "That's not gonna happen, because I'm always Beavis." I said jokingly, crossing my arms over my chest. Suddenly, Chenille was kicking my seat and laughing as she played with the side of a lighter, flicking it so the flame would come up. "Aaah! Chenille, give that to me right now!" I screamed, snatching the lighter out of my niece's hand. Jennifer quickly took it and shoved it in her glove department, only to reveal a pack of Newport cigarettes. I looked at my friend with saddening eyes, causing her to crack under pressure.

"OK, you caught me, Simonee! I smoke, alright? It's not a big deal." she said, slamming the compartment as she gripped the steering wheel. What the heck? We've watched that stupid Cindy the Cigarette video some many times in elementary school, and she wants to say it's not a big deal?

"Dude, we've watched that stupid Cindy the Cigarette video since the first grade. Don't you remember the song and its importance?" I said, looking at her with worried eyes.

"Yes, I remember the jingle: 'Cindy the Cigarette is here, so she can turn your lungs black when death is near. So always remember and just know, if someone slips one out, you just say 'NO!''" she said, singing the catchy tune as if it was the first time we learned it.

"You know you're gonna have to stop when you around me, right?" I said in a low whisper, but it was loud enough to the point when she could hear me.

"Who says I have to stop just because of you?" she said harshly, taking me completely by surprise. Normally, I would've come back with a rude insult, but my hormones are acting funny at this point and I slowly begin a muffled cry.

"You're a cold-hearted bitch, you know that?" I said, glaring at her with stinging eyes. Now it was her turn to look hurt. "Excuse me?! How am I a cold-hearted bitch!?" she yelled, making me cry even more.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I mean selfish, rude, cold-hearted bitch! What you did to Ashelynn was awful! I would've never exposed a girl like that! Then, you ask me why you have to stop your awful shit when I'm around? Let me put it like this: I'm pregnant, you stupid bitch! That shit stinks and I'm not sure if I'm correct, but my baby could fucking die because of your carelessness!" I cried, my salty tears now running down my cheeks. There was an akward silence after that and we didn't speak for the whole ride.

**********************************************
We arrived at the mall and the parking lot was crowded. Jennifer ended up parking in the front in the 'Expecting Mothers or Families with Toddlers' parking space. "Why don't they just say 'Pregnant Mothers'? It sounds so much better." I said, staring at the sign while placing my hand on my belly. Chenille was still on Jennifer's back. "Maybe its because they're expecting babies." she said, shrugging her shoulders. When we walked into the automatic doors, the first thing we saw was a row of children carts. I grabbed a pink and purple racing car cart for Chenille, who happily jumped off Jenny's back and strapped herself in. Jennifer pushed the cart while I walked. Our first store was Forever 21. Jennifer tried on this cute Mickey Mouse sweater and a pair of skinny jeans. They were so cute. Then, it was my turn. I grabbed a pair of skinny jeans and tried to put them on. They could fit on my legs, but I couldn't pull them up over my ass.

"Um, Jenny? Could you come in here for a second?" I pleaded. I unlocked the door when she knocked and let her in. She looked shocked and scared at the same time. "Simonee! You're, um...your baby bump is blocking your pants. Maybe you should try on the sweater." she said, trying to help me get the pants off. I didn't know why she was scared until I looked through the crack of the stall: Aaron was here. I quickly put on my original pants, but I tried on the sweater. It was adorable, plus it sorta covered up my belly. "Quick! Go get me five sweaters in this size! No hoods on them, either!" I whispered, putting on her sunglasses. Aaron doesn't know I'm spending his abortion money, so he can't know I'm here. I put my hair up in a bun, leaving two curled strands of hair down on both sides beside my stereotypical Chinese bangs. I grabbed Chenille's cart and pushed it to the counter. Suddenly, I noticed a pair of earrings. I wanted those really bad, but I remembered that I was only getting what I needed. The lady at the counter looked at me, then at Chenille, then at my belly, and back at me. She plastered on a fake smile and I hated it when people fake smiled at me.

"Look, either you're going to say something about my bump or check my shit out, miss." I said, lowering Jennifer's sunglasses at her. Just then, Jennifer can running up to me with the sweaters. "Hey, Simonee. One of these is a size larger than the others." she said, panting. She put the sweaters and the jeans on the counter, but not before she tapped me on my shoulder and told me to look up. Aaron was towering over me and he didn't look happy. I grabbed Jennifer's hand to slide her the money and she took it, waiting until he left to pay for it. He grabbed my other hand and tugged on it, cocking it to the side to show me where to go. Once we were over there, he pushed me into a stall, pinned me against the mirror, and started to kiss me roughly.

"Aaron, stop. We're in a mall." I said, trying to wriggle free, but he just leaned towards my ear and started nibbling on it. "Aaron, please stop. You're hurting me." I plead. Hebfinally stopped, but not before he punched the wall, causing me to scream. "I heard you've been avoiding me, Simonee. Why?" he said, covering my mouth. I bit his hand, causing him to grab it in pain. I quickly unlocked the door and got out the stall, but not before he grabbed me by the waist and made me face him.

Suddenly, I heard annoying giggles and laughter coming from the entrance of the department store. "Oh, so I guess they sell maternity clothes here now, right, chica?" LaLa said, making ChaCha, Tamara, Ashelynn, Nova, and their groupies laugh. What the heck is going on here?

Jennifer grabbed Chenille's stroller walked up to them, making LaLa take two steps back. When Aaron and I walked over there, Nova walked up to me, but not too close. " No, they don't actually. She can wear whatever she wants to, so long as it's comfortable for my girls, ain't that right, baby?" Aaron said sternly, grabbing my hands and placing them on my belly, forcing me to rub it. Is he serious? Less that 2.5 seconds ago, he just tried to rape me in a dressing room! I tried to remove them, but he just gripped tighter.

"Well, then get her some pants. Her baby belly looks like it's about to explode in those pants!" ChaCha said, causing the group to erupt into more giggles. I looked down at my expanding waist. She was right. These pants did feel kind of tight earlier in the day. I looked over at Tamara with saddening eyes, but she looked away. This girl is supposed to be my so called friend, but she's nothing but a traitor. Suddenly, my stomach started to bubble and I gasped. Jennifer looked at me with fearful eyes and so did Chenille. "Excuse us, we have to go." I said, finally freeing myself from Aaron. Jennifer grabbed the cart and tried to push through, but they wouldn't budge. "You guys going to buy some stuff for mommy-to-be?" Ashelynn cooed. Finally, I'd had enough. I walked back towards them and pointed my finger in Ashelynn's face.

"Now you listen here, you stuck up brat. I've had it with all of you, cracking on me just because I'm having a baby. Yes, I know I'm gaining weight and my belly is getting bigger each day. Yes, I know I'm constantly throwing up and eating everything in sight. Yes, I know kids like you talk behind my back everyday, calling me names and stuff. But we're all just gonna have to get used to it because-" I said before stopping. They all looked at me with surprise at I stood there, trying to say something. Suddenly, my lunch and snack came up and landed all on the floor. "I'm pregnant." I said, smiling as I waltzed over to Jennifer and Chenille, who were cheering me on. We left everyone shocked as we walked to Babies 'R' Us.