Tell Me You Love Me
Chapter 20
"SIMONEE STALLINGS, CAN YOU EXPLAIN TO ME WHY YOU'RE LATE...FOR THE THIRD TIME?!" my teacher shouted at me as I entered his room, trying to close the door from behind me. I turned around to find everyone's eyes on me, including Jennifer's. The class just kept looking at me like they wanted to punch me in the face.
"I-Iwas late because...my bus...I...I missed my bus this morning, and then these kids tried to fight me in the hall, and-" I said before the class erupted into snickers and laughs. Mr.Simmons just shook his head and sat down into his rolling chair. I looked up at Jennifer, who just shook her head and looked at me.
"Alright, Simonee. Stop with the excuses, please. Since this is your third tardy, I'm giving you a lunch detention next week. I'm all booked for this week. Now, please sit down so we can continue with our class schedule." Mr.Simmons said, scooting over to the front of the class as I slowly walked to my seat. Everyone was either looking me up and down or looking at my belly. I avoided eye contact with everyone, including Jennifer. I noticed that she kept sneaking quick glances at me, but we didn't speak to one another. The water dripping from my hair was now forming puddles on the desk as I began to place a notebook on it. Apparently, we were having a notes day and a test next week, and I tried to concentrate on the notes, but I just kept sitting there, doodling random pictures and baby names. Eventually, I just started circling the names that I thought were nice and continued to doodle. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Jennifer scribbling down words on a sheet of paper. 'Shut up, Simonee! It could be notes, ya dork!', I thought to myself as I continued to draw on my paper. She slowly slid the paper to the spirals of my notebook. I glanced up at her as she tapped her pen on the desk, signaling me to read it. I shook my head 'no' at her, but she just keep shaking her head 'yes' at me. I just gave her a sideways looked and opened up the stupid thing as quick as I could, trying not to get caught and into more trouble.
¿jenny: what's wrong, chica?
I looked over at her, and she had a worried expression on her face. I mouthed to her that I'd tell her at lunch and crumbled the paper up into a tiny ball. Personally, I don't really feel like talking to anyone right now. Everyone that I love seems to be pissed at me these days, and quite frankly, it sucks ass.
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"So, you wanna tell me what's wrong?" Jennifer says, pouring ranch over her potato skin-styled fries. It was now lunch time, and I didn't have much of an appetite. I was concerned about tomorrow's dinner. I don't understand why my family can't get the fact that I'm pregnant, and in 6 months, I'll have a baby of my own. I know it's a hard concept to grasp on to (believe me, it's hard for me to grasp on too), but they've got to accept it.
"Not really. These guys were messing with me this morning, and one of their girlfriends tried to fight me. Other than that, my grandmother's in town and I find out how far along I am this week." I said, twirling the straw in my YooHoo chocolate milk bottle. Jenny looked up at me with a 'are you okay?' look, but I just gave her a non-worrying glance. She needs to not worry so much about me. I'm fine...I think. "Jen, stop looking at me like that. I'm gonna be okay, really. Don't worry so much, bitch." I said, nudging her with a weak smile on my face. She doesn't really take the b-word too lightly, but she let me slide.
These two little, itsy-bitsy freshman girls stopped at our table, staring at us like they wanted us to move because we were sitting in their seats. I just looked away from their deadly states and took a small bite out of my disgusting hoagie sandwich. Jennifer looked up at them and slowly started to rise out of her seat. When I noticed that she was halfway out of her seat and in the air, I dug my nails into her skin and yanked her down, trying to stop her from starting any confrontations.
"Stop! Calm down and quit trying to start something!" I whispered to her, receiving a disbelieving look from Jennifer in return.
"What!? They're the ones that came over here, staring like they need something. I might as well help them find it." she said, slowly trying to get up again. This time, I grabbed her hands and yanked her down into her seat.
"NO! You've already gotten me in trouble for this shit! I swear, Jenny, if you cause another commotion, you're going down by yourself because I can't get in trouble again and I won't get in trouble again because of you." I whispered to her with a pleading look on my face. Judging from the look on her face, I could tell that she could tell that I was serious. She knows that I don't usually beg for anything, but she gives in to me this time. Jenny just sighs and picks up her fork, not making any eye contact with the girls. Sooner or later, they begin to walk away. As soon as they're out of ear shot, she starts drilling me.
"What the hell was that!? Those girls looked like they were going to say something to you and you just sit there and do nothing?" Jennifer says as I look away from her. I'm not in the mood to argue with her, but she's making it really hard to stay cool.
"Jenny, please, not now. I'm not trying to start anything. Besides, I've figured that if I just stay quiet and don't open my mouth, then everyone will leave me alone about it." I mumble, taking another distasteful bite out if my sandwich. I know it sounds silly to eat something you hate and I don't really have an appetite, but if you spent $2.50 on a sandwich and some chips, you're not gonna want to throw away that money, right?
"Leave you alone? Do you know how incredibly stupid that just sounded coming out of your mouth right now!? Simonee, you've been keeping quiet for a total of 3 days, and look how far that's gotten you! Kids are trying to fight you and are calling you names because you're pregnant, and you're sitting here like you are okay with all of it?"
"Ooh, so now I'm stupid to you?"
"No! I didn't say you were stupid. I said you're acting stupid, because everyone's treating you like shit and you're sitting here, thinking it'll all go away if you keep low."
"Well, that's damn near calling me stupid, Jenny! You don't think I know what everyone's saying or how everyone wants my fucking head?! Keeping quiet is the only thing I can do, other than getting fat and looking away while everyone's staring and laughing at me! You don't have to take all of this shit in and deal with it! I have to, but what can I do? Fight back and risk losing my child!? Look, if you want to go ahead and judge me like the rest of the student body, then be my damn guest, but don't do it to my face and act like my best friend with a fake ass smile. As a matter of fact, why don't you go gossip your ass off about me in the bathroom like everyone else does and get the hell out of my life, Jennifer?" I said, catching the attention of teenage burnouts who were completely wrapped up in their THC-induced vibe, preppy girls who were arguing over the release date of the newest Gucci bag, and multiple groups of onlookers and bystanders. When Jenny and I had looked up, we realized that all eyes were on us. Embarrassed by my outburst and the attention that I was receiving, I grabbed my backpack and my hoagie and left the cafeteria.
Apparently, word of Jenny and I's little argument got out quick...once again. For once in my high school nightmare, can my business stay...well, my business? It's as if no one else has anything else to talk about these days. I mean, I know that being "that pregnant girl" is a pretty big deal in high school, but COME ON! There are plenty of other topics to talk about in our daily, high school lives. I'm pretty sure that me being pregnant isn't the only thing we have to talk about. If anything, I should be the only one wondering and talking about this situation, considering the fact that I'm having the baby and I'll be taking care of it. Looking back on it, I wasn't really happy when I found out I was pregnant, but I wasn't really upset about the subject. I can remember it like it was yesterday:
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I was curled up in the fetal position on the salmon, cracked tiles of my bathroom floor. The water dripping from the sink faucet was the only noise that could be heard around the house at the time. My stomach was churning and bubbling like a boiling pot of milk. I tried to hold down my newest addition to my digestive system, but it just wasn't working. Sitting myself upon the tub, I sat the toilet seat up as my head began to spin rapidly and my lips began to quiver. I began to wail as the contents of my stomach rose up to my throat and out of my mouth. This had been going on for a total of 4 weeks now. God, I've never felt this sick before.
After flushing the toilet to hide the smell and the contents of my leftovers, I glanced over at the counter where the purple and white stick that was shaped like a thermometer laid. The miniature bow that sat in the trash can said it would only take 10 minutes, but it was taking an eternity. This seemed to be the second longest moment I've had to wait for something ( the first was waiting for my dad to show up for Christmas when I was 5 ), and I hated it. I don't want to wait to find out if I'm really pregnant or not. If I am, I don't know how I'll react. Most girls feel scared, surprised, or choose to ignore the fact that they'll have someone new in their lives. I just don't really know.
Beeping noises brought me out of my thoughts and back to reality. Looking over at the counter, my fingers lifted up the stick and brought it into my vision. My fingers started to tremble and my eyes started to tear up. My fingers lost their grip and the stick fell from my hands, breaking into three pieces. I washed my hands immediately and wiped off my hands before bringing them to my eyes. No matter how hard I tried to wipe my eyes, the tears kept on coming. I grabbed some toilet paper and picked up the broken stick as I continued to cry. They weren't tears of sadness, but joy and confusion. Thinking about it, I didn't need the test to tell me the news that I already suspected. The test could've came in a box that was written in Spanish, French, or Mandarin Chinese, but that didn't matter. They would've given me the same answer: I was going to be a mother at the age of 15, something I was actually happy about.
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"Are you okay?" a random teacher asked me, holding my hands. I didn't know what she was talking about. I'm not dying or anything, I've never met this woman a day in my life, and I haven't done anything wrong. "Honey, those children have been pelting you with food and other objects for the past ten minutes, and you're standing here alone, crying." she said. I looked back to see Ashelynn, Nova, their group of friends, and the kids from this morning snickering at me. Then I looked down at my clothes, which were now dirty. I was covered in applesauce, bananas, pepperoni, and food galore. There were spit balls in my hair and pencils at my feet. I didn't speak, but instead I smiled at the teacher while my eyes were getting watery.
"I'm fine, miss. Can I go clean myself up now?" I said with a weak smile on my face. I tried to look good and save face, but the teacher wasn't buying it. I knew she would call my bluff, I could see it in her blue eyes.
"Why don't you come with me?" she said, patting my hand. I wanted to tell her no, tell her that I could handle this problem by myself, but I didn't do that. I just shook my head like a dummy and let the lady hold my hand like I was crossing the street with her as she led me to her classroom. Judging from her room, she was a reading teacher or something, because she had a lot of positive posters and other stuff that teachers have. Plus, her desk plaque read : 'Mrs.Pimberton , Reading Teacher'.
"Now, I'm going to have to ask you to fill out this office slip. What's your next class, honey?" I didn't understand why I was filling it out, and I think she could tell, too. "Oh, honey, you're not it trouble. It's just for...um...wait one second, um..."
"Simonee. My name is Simonee Stallings." I mumbled as I wrote down the information. If I wasn't getting in trouble, then why am I filling out this stupid thing. Each time I wrote something, I snuck quick glances at her as she punched something into the computer. Then, the phone rang, snapping the both of us out if our trances. When she picked up, I continued to write, but I kept listening to what the conversation was about. "Yes, I have a student in my class who...she looks like a mess...found her in the hallway...covered in everything under the sun...Simonee Stallings...she's the one everyone's been...yes sir, but...never had anything this scandalous...not in 29 years of teaching...never been this bad...okay,sir...thank you, sir." As soon as she hung up, I focused back on my paper. She cleared her throat and I looked up, sniffling and wiping my eyes. My paper was almost covered in tear stains, but I didn't care. I just wanted to know why I was filling out this stupid paper. "Simonee, are you done with the form, honey?" I just looked at her , shaking my head. She didn't seem to mind, though. She just smiled at me and politely took the paper from me. "What's your next classes, Simonee?"
"Geometry and Art 101." I said silently before she went to the phone again and began to talk to my teachers. Apparently, I wouldn't be attending those classes for the rest of the day. I pray to God that I'm not getting suspended again. I just got back here and my mother will have my head if I get suspended again, since she worked really hard to get me back in.
I sat here, playing with my fingers until the principal of the school came in the room. Great, what now?! From what it looks like, I am getting suspended. This is some serious bull, man. I looked back at him and he just smiled at him. His name was...well, I don't really know his name. They've told us his name at orientations and stuff, but I can't remember it. He sort of looks like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons. I'm just going to call him Mr. Burns. The principal issues my teacher out into the hallway and she leaves the room. I can't really hear anything because they're speaking in low tones, but I can tell that it's not a good conversation. I just want this all to end. I don't like this feeling, this feeling of loneliness and fear. I don't watch a lot of television, but I'm pretty sure no one from 16 and Pregnant had to go through this type of stuff. I only have 6 lonely, stupid months until my baby comes, and then maybe everything will go back to normal...I hope. God, what is taking these people so long? Can I just crawl under a rock and die now? No one would miss me anyways.
Finally, they came back in, but they didn't even look at me. Instead, they called my teachers and told them to send people down to the principal's office with my work. Then, they called, you guessed it, my freaking mom! She's going to explode when she gets here. After the phone call ended, we walked down to the office. Everyone was staring at me like I was either in trouble or getting a reward. I didn't want to look at them because they'd notice that I've been crying, so I just kept my head down and didn't look up. I didn't look at anyone until I heard the principal's door shut completely. The kids from my classes came to give me my work, but they just looked at me with sympathy and sadness, like I was a damn charity case.
Needless to say, mother was not happy about coming into school from her job. As they told her the situation, her eyes were burning through my skull and my brain was probably now transformed into soup as she glanced at me during the whole meeting. I knew I was going to be in trouble for getting sent to the principal's office again. But she should be happy this time, due to the fact that it wasn't my fault this time. I wasn't paying attention to anything the principal had been saying, but I did catch snippets and pieces of what he had said. Apparently, my "situation" was causing problems for me and I was becoming more of a distraction, which I didn't understand at all. The little shits could get their work done if the wanted to, but they CHOOSE not to do their work and focus on my problems. I don't want to make it seem like the world revolves around me, but right now, it sorta does revolve around me...in a sense, I guess.
"Can I take my daughter home now?" my mother said, smiling fakely at the principal. I could see straight through her fake smile and I knew that she knew that I could, too. I don't look at her and pick up my backpack. My principal tells me that I can come back tomorrow, which my mother happily agrees to as she rises from her seat. Following my mother's footsteps, I rise out of my seat, placing one hand on the arm of the chair and the other on my belly. Suddenly, my mother clutches my hand as she stalks out of the office, dragging me with her. She didn't say one word to me as we showed our IDs to the security guards and when we walked out to the parking lot. I snuck quick glances at her to see if her mood had changed, but it hadn't. She still had the same expression: furrowed eyebrows, scowling face, frowning lips, and a nostril flare.
"Judging from your expression, you're not too happy about this whole thing, are you?" I asked as she unlocked the car doors. She stopped and looked up at me, her eyes wide like a mad man. I quickly looked away from her and got into the car, not saying a word. My mother got in the car and shut her door, whereas I slammed it. She gave me another look and I didn't say anything. Finally, my mother slapped me across the face.
"I have had enough of you, little girl! What the hell is wrong with you?! Do you know how hard it is to leave my job, just to come here and hear about you and your silly little shenanigans!?" she yelled. I raised my hand up to my cheek and rubbed it softly. I didn't really know how to react to this. I should be used to it, due to my relationship with Aaron, but this is my mother I'm talking about. She's never hit me before.
"They're not silly. I don't do anything wrong to deserve this. I just do my work and go to class." I said as I buckled up my seat belt. I looked down at my stomach, which wasn't very noticeable, yet noticeable to know that I wasn't fat from a swift glance. My mother just sighed and backed out the parking lot. I don't really understand why I'm getting in trouble. I don't cause fights, my grades are good, and I stay out of everyone's way, so can someone please tell me why I'm getting shit thrown at me and getting picked on by people? To be honest, I think it's ridiculous. And then there's Jennifer! She's supposed to be my friend, the one I trusted the most, and she betrayed me! What the hell am I supposed to do now? She said she would be there for me, but now I have only Chris and Aaron...I think.
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"Tell me, this, Simonee: what makes you think you're prepared to become a parent when you still continue to act like a child? I mean, seriously, what in the Hell do you plan to do when this child gets here? How do you plan to support another human life when you can't even remember to rinse out the sink each time you comb your head? Do you know how much diapers cost? How much baby formula cost? A baby can run through an estimated 50 diapers a month and they need food, which could last you until three weeks later," my mother said, nagging at me as soon as we stepped in the house. I just rolled my eyes and plopped down on the couch, tossing my things to the side.
"No, I don't, but I can go get some stuff. You see, I already have a crib and cute, little clothes, and toys! I can do it, mom, I know I can. So, why can't you trust me on this?" I whined as my mother stared me down.
"Trust you on this? Simonee, what does that have to deal with anything?"
"You don't trust me enough to handle my own."
"Simonee, this isn't about trust. It's about you and how you're not ready to-"
"IT'S NOT YOUR DECISION, MOTHER!", I yelled, rising up from the couch. We stared at each other for a while until Janae came out of her room, with her work uniform on, Chenille in her arm, and her purse on the other.
"Well, well, well, what's all the commotion?" she said, looking at the both of us.
"Your sister seems to think that she can have a baby and that it's no ones decision but hers," my mother said sternly, not taking her eyes off of me.
"Well, I can, and it is my decision. I've grown to love this child and if you haven't, it sucks, but my baby doesn't need either of you, just me. Right now, I'm all this kid has got, and it's going to stick that way. Janae, how would you feel if you had to abort Chenille? Or Mom, how would you have felt if you had to abort Janae, or for any other matter, me? WHAT IF JANAE JUST GOT DONE HAVING A RANDOM BABY AND WAS UPSET DUE TO THE FACT THAT SHE GOT ALL BIG AND COULDN'T SEE HER FEET AND ATE EVERYTHING IN SIGHT, SO SHE DECIDED TO ABORT CHENILLE!?" I cried, shocking my mother and my sister. It didn't take me long to finally realize what I had said, but it was too late. From the look on Janae's face, I could tell that I had hit her hard, and I mean HARD, for the sudden shine in her eyes and the stale facial expression said it all. She stormed out of the house as my mother just looked down at the floor.
"Mom, I...I didn't....I didn't me-"
"Yes, you did," she said as she walked over to the fridge and grabbed some wine. Oh boy. "You intentionally said those that to hurt her feelings and mine. Abortion is a very strong subject to talk about when you're talking to a woman with children. You wanted to get under her skin, and you succeeded. I guess you've got it all figured out, don't you? So you're just going to give birth to a bastard child and live off of me? I don't think so. You have no idea how hard it is taking care of a child alone when you're just a child yourself."
"Who said I was alone? Aaron said-"
"FUCK AARON! WHERE THE HELL WAS HE WHEN YOU WERE THROWING UP AT THREE A.M? WHERE WAS HE AT THE CLINIC TO REASSURE YOU THAT EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE OK? FACE IT, BABY, YOU'RE IN THIS WITH YOURSELF AND FOR YOURSELF!" she yelled as she wiped away her tears. I couldn't look away from my mother without noticing how sad she looked. She took her bottle and stormed into her room. I was most definitely alone now.
"I-Iwas late because...my bus...I...I missed my bus this morning, and then these kids tried to fight me in the hall, and-" I said before the class erupted into snickers and laughs. Mr.Simmons just shook his head and sat down into his rolling chair. I looked up at Jennifer, who just shook her head and looked at me.
"Alright, Simonee. Stop with the excuses, please. Since this is your third tardy, I'm giving you a lunch detention next week. I'm all booked for this week. Now, please sit down so we can continue with our class schedule." Mr.Simmons said, scooting over to the front of the class as I slowly walked to my seat. Everyone was either looking me up and down or looking at my belly. I avoided eye contact with everyone, including Jennifer. I noticed that she kept sneaking quick glances at me, but we didn't speak to one another. The water dripping from my hair was now forming puddles on the desk as I began to place a notebook on it. Apparently, we were having a notes day and a test next week, and I tried to concentrate on the notes, but I just kept sitting there, doodling random pictures and baby names. Eventually, I just started circling the names that I thought were nice and continued to doodle. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Jennifer scribbling down words on a sheet of paper. 'Shut up, Simonee! It could be notes, ya dork!', I thought to myself as I continued to draw on my paper. She slowly slid the paper to the spirals of my notebook. I glanced up at her as she tapped her pen on the desk, signaling me to read it. I shook my head 'no' at her, but she just keep shaking her head 'yes' at me. I just gave her a sideways looked and opened up the stupid thing as quick as I could, trying not to get caught and into more trouble.
¿jenny: what's wrong, chica?
I looked over at her, and she had a worried expression on her face. I mouthed to her that I'd tell her at lunch and crumbled the paper up into a tiny ball. Personally, I don't really feel like talking to anyone right now. Everyone that I love seems to be pissed at me these days, and quite frankly, it sucks ass.
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"So, you wanna tell me what's wrong?" Jennifer says, pouring ranch over her potato skin-styled fries. It was now lunch time, and I didn't have much of an appetite. I was concerned about tomorrow's dinner. I don't understand why my family can't get the fact that I'm pregnant, and in 6 months, I'll have a baby of my own. I know it's a hard concept to grasp on to (believe me, it's hard for me to grasp on too), but they've got to accept it.
"Not really. These guys were messing with me this morning, and one of their girlfriends tried to fight me. Other than that, my grandmother's in town and I find out how far along I am this week." I said, twirling the straw in my YooHoo chocolate milk bottle. Jenny looked up at me with a 'are you okay?' look, but I just gave her a non-worrying glance. She needs to not worry so much about me. I'm fine...I think. "Jen, stop looking at me like that. I'm gonna be okay, really. Don't worry so much, bitch." I said, nudging her with a weak smile on my face. She doesn't really take the b-word too lightly, but she let me slide.
These two little, itsy-bitsy freshman girls stopped at our table, staring at us like they wanted us to move because we were sitting in their seats. I just looked away from their deadly states and took a small bite out of my disgusting hoagie sandwich. Jennifer looked up at them and slowly started to rise out of her seat. When I noticed that she was halfway out of her seat and in the air, I dug my nails into her skin and yanked her down, trying to stop her from starting any confrontations.
"Stop! Calm down and quit trying to start something!" I whispered to her, receiving a disbelieving look from Jennifer in return.
"What!? They're the ones that came over here, staring like they need something. I might as well help them find it." she said, slowly trying to get up again. This time, I grabbed her hands and yanked her down into her seat.
"NO! You've already gotten me in trouble for this shit! I swear, Jenny, if you cause another commotion, you're going down by yourself because I can't get in trouble again and I won't get in trouble again because of you." I whispered to her with a pleading look on my face. Judging from the look on her face, I could tell that she could tell that I was serious. She knows that I don't usually beg for anything, but she gives in to me this time. Jenny just sighs and picks up her fork, not making any eye contact with the girls. Sooner or later, they begin to walk away. As soon as they're out of ear shot, she starts drilling me.
"What the hell was that!? Those girls looked like they were going to say something to you and you just sit there and do nothing?" Jennifer says as I look away from her. I'm not in the mood to argue with her, but she's making it really hard to stay cool.
"Jenny, please, not now. I'm not trying to start anything. Besides, I've figured that if I just stay quiet and don't open my mouth, then everyone will leave me alone about it." I mumble, taking another distasteful bite out if my sandwich. I know it sounds silly to eat something you hate and I don't really have an appetite, but if you spent $2.50 on a sandwich and some chips, you're not gonna want to throw away that money, right?
"Leave you alone? Do you know how incredibly stupid that just sounded coming out of your mouth right now!? Simonee, you've been keeping quiet for a total of 3 days, and look how far that's gotten you! Kids are trying to fight you and are calling you names because you're pregnant, and you're sitting here like you are okay with all of it?"
"Ooh, so now I'm stupid to you?"
"No! I didn't say you were stupid. I said you're acting stupid, because everyone's treating you like shit and you're sitting here, thinking it'll all go away if you keep low."
"Well, that's damn near calling me stupid, Jenny! You don't think I know what everyone's saying or how everyone wants my fucking head?! Keeping quiet is the only thing I can do, other than getting fat and looking away while everyone's staring and laughing at me! You don't have to take all of this shit in and deal with it! I have to, but what can I do? Fight back and risk losing my child!? Look, if you want to go ahead and judge me like the rest of the student body, then be my damn guest, but don't do it to my face and act like my best friend with a fake ass smile. As a matter of fact, why don't you go gossip your ass off about me in the bathroom like everyone else does and get the hell out of my life, Jennifer?" I said, catching the attention of teenage burnouts who were completely wrapped up in their THC-induced vibe, preppy girls who were arguing over the release date of the newest Gucci bag, and multiple groups of onlookers and bystanders. When Jenny and I had looked up, we realized that all eyes were on us. Embarrassed by my outburst and the attention that I was receiving, I grabbed my backpack and my hoagie and left the cafeteria.
Apparently, word of Jenny and I's little argument got out quick...once again. For once in my high school nightmare, can my business stay...well, my business? It's as if no one else has anything else to talk about these days. I mean, I know that being "that pregnant girl" is a pretty big deal in high school, but COME ON! There are plenty of other topics to talk about in our daily, high school lives. I'm pretty sure that me being pregnant isn't the only thing we have to talk about. If anything, I should be the only one wondering and talking about this situation, considering the fact that I'm having the baby and I'll be taking care of it. Looking back on it, I wasn't really happy when I found out I was pregnant, but I wasn't really upset about the subject. I can remember it like it was yesterday:
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I was curled up in the fetal position on the salmon, cracked tiles of my bathroom floor. The water dripping from the sink faucet was the only noise that could be heard around the house at the time. My stomach was churning and bubbling like a boiling pot of milk. I tried to hold down my newest addition to my digestive system, but it just wasn't working. Sitting myself upon the tub, I sat the toilet seat up as my head began to spin rapidly and my lips began to quiver. I began to wail as the contents of my stomach rose up to my throat and out of my mouth. This had been going on for a total of 4 weeks now. God, I've never felt this sick before.
After flushing the toilet to hide the smell and the contents of my leftovers, I glanced over at the counter where the purple and white stick that was shaped like a thermometer laid. The miniature bow that sat in the trash can said it would only take 10 minutes, but it was taking an eternity. This seemed to be the second longest moment I've had to wait for something ( the first was waiting for my dad to show up for Christmas when I was 5 ), and I hated it. I don't want to wait to find out if I'm really pregnant or not. If I am, I don't know how I'll react. Most girls feel scared, surprised, or choose to ignore the fact that they'll have someone new in their lives. I just don't really know.
Beeping noises brought me out of my thoughts and back to reality. Looking over at the counter, my fingers lifted up the stick and brought it into my vision. My fingers started to tremble and my eyes started to tear up. My fingers lost their grip and the stick fell from my hands, breaking into three pieces. I washed my hands immediately and wiped off my hands before bringing them to my eyes. No matter how hard I tried to wipe my eyes, the tears kept on coming. I grabbed some toilet paper and picked up the broken stick as I continued to cry. They weren't tears of sadness, but joy and confusion. Thinking about it, I didn't need the test to tell me the news that I already suspected. The test could've came in a box that was written in Spanish, French, or Mandarin Chinese, but that didn't matter. They would've given me the same answer: I was going to be a mother at the age of 15, something I was actually happy about.
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"Are you okay?" a random teacher asked me, holding my hands. I didn't know what she was talking about. I'm not dying or anything, I've never met this woman a day in my life, and I haven't done anything wrong. "Honey, those children have been pelting you with food and other objects for the past ten minutes, and you're standing here alone, crying." she said. I looked back to see Ashelynn, Nova, their group of friends, and the kids from this morning snickering at me. Then I looked down at my clothes, which were now dirty. I was covered in applesauce, bananas, pepperoni, and food galore. There were spit balls in my hair and pencils at my feet. I didn't speak, but instead I smiled at the teacher while my eyes were getting watery.
"I'm fine, miss. Can I go clean myself up now?" I said with a weak smile on my face. I tried to look good and save face, but the teacher wasn't buying it. I knew she would call my bluff, I could see it in her blue eyes.
"Why don't you come with me?" she said, patting my hand. I wanted to tell her no, tell her that I could handle this problem by myself, but I didn't do that. I just shook my head like a dummy and let the lady hold my hand like I was crossing the street with her as she led me to her classroom. Judging from her room, she was a reading teacher or something, because she had a lot of positive posters and other stuff that teachers have. Plus, her desk plaque read : 'Mrs.Pimberton , Reading Teacher'.
"Now, I'm going to have to ask you to fill out this office slip. What's your next class, honey?" I didn't understand why I was filling it out, and I think she could tell, too. "Oh, honey, you're not it trouble. It's just for...um...wait one second, um..."
"Simonee. My name is Simonee Stallings." I mumbled as I wrote down the information. If I wasn't getting in trouble, then why am I filling out this stupid thing. Each time I wrote something, I snuck quick glances at her as she punched something into the computer. Then, the phone rang, snapping the both of us out if our trances. When she picked up, I continued to write, but I kept listening to what the conversation was about. "Yes, I have a student in my class who...she looks like a mess...found her in the hallway...covered in everything under the sun...Simonee Stallings...she's the one everyone's been...yes sir, but...never had anything this scandalous...not in 29 years of teaching...never been this bad...okay,sir...thank you, sir." As soon as she hung up, I focused back on my paper. She cleared her throat and I looked up, sniffling and wiping my eyes. My paper was almost covered in tear stains, but I didn't care. I just wanted to know why I was filling out this stupid paper. "Simonee, are you done with the form, honey?" I just looked at her , shaking my head. She didn't seem to mind, though. She just smiled at me and politely took the paper from me. "What's your next classes, Simonee?"
"Geometry and Art 101." I said silently before she went to the phone again and began to talk to my teachers. Apparently, I wouldn't be attending those classes for the rest of the day. I pray to God that I'm not getting suspended again. I just got back here and my mother will have my head if I get suspended again, since she worked really hard to get me back in.
I sat here, playing with my fingers until the principal of the school came in the room. Great, what now?! From what it looks like, I am getting suspended. This is some serious bull, man. I looked back at him and he just smiled at him. His name was...well, I don't really know his name. They've told us his name at orientations and stuff, but I can't remember it. He sort of looks like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons. I'm just going to call him Mr. Burns. The principal issues my teacher out into the hallway and she leaves the room. I can't really hear anything because they're speaking in low tones, but I can tell that it's not a good conversation. I just want this all to end. I don't like this feeling, this feeling of loneliness and fear. I don't watch a lot of television, but I'm pretty sure no one from 16 and Pregnant had to go through this type of stuff. I only have 6 lonely, stupid months until my baby comes, and then maybe everything will go back to normal...I hope. God, what is taking these people so long? Can I just crawl under a rock and die now? No one would miss me anyways.
Finally, they came back in, but they didn't even look at me. Instead, they called my teachers and told them to send people down to the principal's office with my work. Then, they called, you guessed it, my freaking mom! She's going to explode when she gets here. After the phone call ended, we walked down to the office. Everyone was staring at me like I was either in trouble or getting a reward. I didn't want to look at them because they'd notice that I've been crying, so I just kept my head down and didn't look up. I didn't look at anyone until I heard the principal's door shut completely. The kids from my classes came to give me my work, but they just looked at me with sympathy and sadness, like I was a damn charity case.
Needless to say, mother was not happy about coming into school from her job. As they told her the situation, her eyes were burning through my skull and my brain was probably now transformed into soup as she glanced at me during the whole meeting. I knew I was going to be in trouble for getting sent to the principal's office again. But she should be happy this time, due to the fact that it wasn't my fault this time. I wasn't paying attention to anything the principal had been saying, but I did catch snippets and pieces of what he had said. Apparently, my "situation" was causing problems for me and I was becoming more of a distraction, which I didn't understand at all. The little shits could get their work done if the wanted to, but they CHOOSE not to do their work and focus on my problems. I don't want to make it seem like the world revolves around me, but right now, it sorta does revolve around me...in a sense, I guess.
"Can I take my daughter home now?" my mother said, smiling fakely at the principal. I could see straight through her fake smile and I knew that she knew that I could, too. I don't look at her and pick up my backpack. My principal tells me that I can come back tomorrow, which my mother happily agrees to as she rises from her seat. Following my mother's footsteps, I rise out of my seat, placing one hand on the arm of the chair and the other on my belly. Suddenly, my mother clutches my hand as she stalks out of the office, dragging me with her. She didn't say one word to me as we showed our IDs to the security guards and when we walked out to the parking lot. I snuck quick glances at her to see if her mood had changed, but it hadn't. She still had the same expression: furrowed eyebrows, scowling face, frowning lips, and a nostril flare.
"Judging from your expression, you're not too happy about this whole thing, are you?" I asked as she unlocked the car doors. She stopped and looked up at me, her eyes wide like a mad man. I quickly looked away from her and got into the car, not saying a word. My mother got in the car and shut her door, whereas I slammed it. She gave me another look and I didn't say anything. Finally, my mother slapped me across the face.
"I have had enough of you, little girl! What the hell is wrong with you?! Do you know how hard it is to leave my job, just to come here and hear about you and your silly little shenanigans!?" she yelled. I raised my hand up to my cheek and rubbed it softly. I didn't really know how to react to this. I should be used to it, due to my relationship with Aaron, but this is my mother I'm talking about. She's never hit me before.
"They're not silly. I don't do anything wrong to deserve this. I just do my work and go to class." I said as I buckled up my seat belt. I looked down at my stomach, which wasn't very noticeable, yet noticeable to know that I wasn't fat from a swift glance. My mother just sighed and backed out the parking lot. I don't really understand why I'm getting in trouble. I don't cause fights, my grades are good, and I stay out of everyone's way, so can someone please tell me why I'm getting shit thrown at me and getting picked on by people? To be honest, I think it's ridiculous. And then there's Jennifer! She's supposed to be my friend, the one I trusted the most, and she betrayed me! What the hell am I supposed to do now? She said she would be there for me, but now I have only Chris and Aaron...I think.
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"Tell me, this, Simonee: what makes you think you're prepared to become a parent when you still continue to act like a child? I mean, seriously, what in the Hell do you plan to do when this child gets here? How do you plan to support another human life when you can't even remember to rinse out the sink each time you comb your head? Do you know how much diapers cost? How much baby formula cost? A baby can run through an estimated 50 diapers a month and they need food, which could last you until three weeks later," my mother said, nagging at me as soon as we stepped in the house. I just rolled my eyes and plopped down on the couch, tossing my things to the side.
"No, I don't, but I can go get some stuff. You see, I already have a crib and cute, little clothes, and toys! I can do it, mom, I know I can. So, why can't you trust me on this?" I whined as my mother stared me down.
"Trust you on this? Simonee, what does that have to deal with anything?"
"You don't trust me enough to handle my own."
"Simonee, this isn't about trust. It's about you and how you're not ready to-"
"IT'S NOT YOUR DECISION, MOTHER!", I yelled, rising up from the couch. We stared at each other for a while until Janae came out of her room, with her work uniform on, Chenille in her arm, and her purse on the other.
"Well, well, well, what's all the commotion?" she said, looking at the both of us.
"Your sister seems to think that she can have a baby and that it's no ones decision but hers," my mother said sternly, not taking her eyes off of me.
"Well, I can, and it is my decision. I've grown to love this child and if you haven't, it sucks, but my baby doesn't need either of you, just me. Right now, I'm all this kid has got, and it's going to stick that way. Janae, how would you feel if you had to abort Chenille? Or Mom, how would you have felt if you had to abort Janae, or for any other matter, me? WHAT IF JANAE JUST GOT DONE HAVING A RANDOM BABY AND WAS UPSET DUE TO THE FACT THAT SHE GOT ALL BIG AND COULDN'T SEE HER FEET AND ATE EVERYTHING IN SIGHT, SO SHE DECIDED TO ABORT CHENILLE!?" I cried, shocking my mother and my sister. It didn't take me long to finally realize what I had said, but it was too late. From the look on Janae's face, I could tell that I had hit her hard, and I mean HARD, for the sudden shine in her eyes and the stale facial expression said it all. She stormed out of the house as my mother just looked down at the floor.
"Mom, I...I didn't....I didn't me-"
"Yes, you did," she said as she walked over to the fridge and grabbed some wine. Oh boy. "You intentionally said those that to hurt her feelings and mine. Abortion is a very strong subject to talk about when you're talking to a woman with children. You wanted to get under her skin, and you succeeded. I guess you've got it all figured out, don't you? So you're just going to give birth to a bastard child and live off of me? I don't think so. You have no idea how hard it is taking care of a child alone when you're just a child yourself."
"Who said I was alone? Aaron said-"
"FUCK AARON! WHERE THE HELL WAS HE WHEN YOU WERE THROWING UP AT THREE A.M? WHERE WAS HE AT THE CLINIC TO REASSURE YOU THAT EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE OK? FACE IT, BABY, YOU'RE IN THIS WITH YOURSELF AND FOR YOURSELF!" she yelled as she wiped away her tears. I couldn't look away from my mother without noticing how sad she looked. She took her bottle and stormed into her room. I was most definitely alone now.