Tell Me You Love Me

Because of yesterday's school fiasco, my mother made sure that I got on the bus today. She walked me to the bus stop and watched me get on. It was so embarrassing! I flopped down in my seat with a thud, with a little girl laughing at me. I turned my head to look at her: short frame, peanut butter-colored skin, brown hair, big brown eyes, and dimples. I just stared and smiled. My baby's gonna probably have dimples, because I have dimples and Antoneo has dimples, too. The little girl noticed me staring at her and walked up to my seat to sit next to me.
"Hi!" she squeaked, straightening up in the seat.
"Umm, hi." I said, smiling weakly and waving.
"I'm really sorry those girls were bothering you yesterday about your baby." she said sweetly.
"Oh, you don't have to apologize for them. And how'd you find out about my baby?" I said, covering my belly with my backpack.
"Well, I looked at your belly. It's not that hard to tell from afar, you know." she said, laughing.
"Great. I bet you a whole bunch of people noticed me getting bigger now." I mumbled, but the girl just looked at me strangely.
"My momma said that alot of girls don't get bigger 'till they're in their 3 months. Where are you?" she said, trying to cheer me up.
"I am three months. How do you know so much?" I asked, questionable about her knowledge. She knows alot for a little girl.
"Momma says I read alot for my age. She's always yelling at me to stop reading! 'Maybell Nicole Richardson, you put that book down and do your homework!'" the little girl cried, making me laugh as she tried to imitate her mom. She looked at my belly and back up at my face.
"Do your momma know about your baby?" she asked curiously.
"Nope. I plan to tell her, but not now." I said glumly. Maybell just looked around and stopped at my stomach.
"May I?" she asked, raising her hand above my belly.
"Go ahead." I said cheerfully, sitting up in my seat. She moved her hand in a circular motion around my belly, but she frowned.
"I'm sorry, miss lady, but I think your baby's asleep or something because I don't feel kicking or nothing!" she said.
"Oh! Well, my baby won't start kicking yet, but she will soon. Maybe she'll start when I see you again?" I told her.
"Dunno. By the way, what's your name, miss lady?" Maybell asked, getting up while her mother pulled on the string at their bus stop.
"Simonee, Maybell. My name is Simonee, and I'm 3 months pregnant." I smiled. But my happy mood quickly came to a stop as Lala and ChaCha got in just as Maybell and her mother got off.
"Hola, mami-to-be!" they shouted in unison, sliding right into my seat. Here we go again, but just a different day.
"Alright, you two. I advise you two to keep away from me, or would you like a repeat for yesterday?" I said , warning them.
"Oh, shut the fuck up, you oversized walrus!" ChaCha sneered, rolling her eyes and jabbing me in my stomach with her nails.
"That bag costs more than your fucking life is worth! Pull some shit like that again, and that baby of yours will be going bye-bye!" she yelled, her eyes changing colors.
"Are you threatening me?" I hissed, placing my hands on my expanding hips.
"It's not a threat. It's more like a promise." ChaCha growled, walking off the bus. I just sat there with a blank look on my face. I feel the tears coming, but I'm not going to let that wench see me break. So I take a big breath and head for the school doors.

*****************
As I walked toward my dance class, I noticed three things: the doors were unlocked, the classroom was empty, and the lights were off. Perfect! I walked in the classroom, sat my bag down, and plugged my IPod into the stereo. Closing my eyes, I let the music take over my body as I danced to the song. When I danced, I felt as if all the beatings, all the bruises, and all the emotions left my body with every movement. When the music stopped, I didn't notice that my classmates were back until I heard their applause. As I walked to my bag to get some water, I heard my dance instructor say something to her assistant.
"She's back!" she whispered with joy in her voice. I guess Ashelynn and Nova weren't too pleased about her saying that, because they were headed straight towards me. Ashelynn has hated me since we were in preschool. When I first came to the school, Ashelynn was the Queen Bee and top dancer. She hated it when people tried to upstage her and no one could be above her. She decided to "take me under her wing" and I agreed. When it came it for us to dance, people were amazed at my style. She saw that and became instantly jealous until one day she demanded that we have a dance-off. When the people chose me, she got really angry and told me that she would get me back and took Nova as her second-in-command.
"I heard you were back, Simonee. You know, you really should have stayed in the back!" Ashelynn said, grinning wickedly.
"Oh, Ashelynn, I forgot that you blonds are stupid. I never left, honey, and I'll always be in the front!" I said sarcastically.
"Um, excuse me?! What makes you think all blonds are stupid! No blond is as stupider as you!" Nova cried, crossing her arms over her huge, fake boobs.
"Okay, Nova. First of all, 'stupider' is not a word. Second of all, you're not even a blond! Your hair is brown and you know it!" I said, rolling my eyes. Nova placed her hands over her hair and screamed.
"OMG! Is it true?!" she yelled, facing Ashelynn.
"No, honey, she's just saying that to get under your skin." Ashelynn cooed, patting Nova's head like a dog. Nova looked at her with a weak smile, stared me down, and stormed back to their place to stretch.
"Wow, Simonee. You didn't have to call Nova out like that!" Ashelynn said bravely.
"Well, she needed to be corrected. Someone had to tell her, and it obviously wasn't going to be you." I shouted.
"Yeah. Well, I've gotta run. But next time, watch out for us. How would you like it if someone, Nova, were to call you out? And we all know you don't want me to call you out. Especially with as big of a secret as yours!" she hissed like a snake.
"What secret?" I said cautiously.
"I don't kiss and tell, Simonee. But I don't make babies either." she cooed, walking away to Nova. How do these bitches know about my baby?! I'm not going to worry about that now. It's time for me to shine!
I walk back over to my spot, but this time, Ashelynn and Nova are behind me. What the hell is going on today?
"Okay, girls. As you know, we've been practicing for our winter show, which is a month away. Everyone seems to have their parts down, except for one person." my instructor said. She's talking about me. Nova whispers something to Ashelynn, who looks at me with a toothy grin.
"Now, we don't have much time. So, in two weeks, everyone needs to get their parts down." she said, causing the room to erupt into mumbles. Ashelynn whispered something to Nova this time, who raised her hand while looking at me.
"Yes, Nova?" our instructor said, losing patience.
"Okay. Say that our leader, or that one person, were to miss two days of practice or two weeks worth of practice which lead up to our show. What would be their punishment?" she said, her nasally voice ringing in my ears.
"Well, they would need a note, listing the date of their excuse and a good reason as to why they missed it. I have a list of absences for every person since the beginning of the school year." she said straightforward.
"Well, what if it's a medical excuse?" Nova said again, looking at me from the corner of her eye.
"If a medical excuse, they need a doctor's note. Now, cut it with the questions, Nova!" she said, making Nova pout. Then she made us line up in our positions while she played "All or Nothing" by Athena Cage. When the music starts and she sings, I feel like nothing can touch me, hurt me, or belittle me. Music is my escape pod from everything: Aaron, school, and home. But dancing is my rocket ship, my space mission, and my world. There are going to be scouts from Julliard at our winter performance and I can't miss being there. Julliard is my one-way ticket out of Brooklyn, away from home, and away from Antoneo. He doesn't know it, but if Julliard accepts me now or in the spring, I plan to leave with the baby. I know he's going to be angry, but it's best for me and the baby. I can't take his abuse, his drinking, and his ways anymore. I don't want my baby to see me get hurt and I don't want her to get hurt. When I get ready to do my stunt, Ashelynn sticks her big foot out, making me lose my balance and topple onto Nova, who makes Ashelynn and all the other dancers fall! My dance instructor stops the music and runs towards us, looking furious.
"Girls, what is going on!?!" she screeched, half angry and half worried.
"Get off of me!" Nova screamed at me. "It's all her fault! She messed up and toppled over me!" she cried, tears running down her cheeks.
"That's totally true! She's just clumsy and she's missed so many days that she can't remember her own dance steps!" Ashelynn yelled, jabbing me in the chest.
"That's not true! Ashelynn stuck her foot out and tripped me!" I said, pointing at her.
"Maybe if you weren't so busy getting pregnant, we would have never had these problems!" Nova cried. "MY NOSE! I THINK YOU BROKE IT!" she said through heavy sobs. As Ashelynn walked Nova to the nurse's office and the rest of the girls tried to regain themselves, the assistant instructor tapped me on the shoulder, signaling me to come to the office with her.

*****************
"Now, Simonee. We're here to talk about what happened today." my instructor said.
"About the accident? That wasn't my fault! When I went to do my stunt, Ashelynn stuck her-"
"Not that, Simonee. We're here to talk about you...and your pregnancy." she said. Oh shit.
"Um, what about it?" I asked nervously.
"Well, we've known about your pregnancy for a while now and we've learned that females are not supposed to do jerky and rapid movements if they dance, which we do in our performance." she said, lowering her head.
"Excuse me? I...I'm not understanding." I said, confused.
"I'm not sure how to put this. We can't...you can't...we're not going to have you dance in the winter show." she said, looking away from me. It took me a minute to let all of that information sink in.
"Wh-what?" I cried. But they just looked away from me. "But...but the Julliard scouts are going to be there!" I cried.
"I know, Simonee.We are so sorry for that. The scouts will be here in the spring. Maybe you'd be able to dance in the spring show, that is if you've had your baby by then or your able to dance." she said, trying to pull a weak smile, but I could tell that she was very scared and uneasy.
"May I be excused?" I said, hearing my own voice beginning to crack.
"Yes, Simonee. You may leave." she said quietly. I speed-walked to my bag to leave, but Ashelynn and Nova's conversation made me stop dead in my tracks.
"You see, Nova? Your choices will always have consequences." Ashelynn said, looking at me.
"I totally agree. Unless I want to end my career, I plan to keep my legs closed for a long time!" Nova cried, staring me down. When I looked at them, they just laughed uncontrollably. I went to grab my bag, and they followed me.
"Can I help you two Barbie dolls with something?" I asked, placing my hands on my hips.
"Not anymore...actually, you can tell me which color I should wear for my lead performance: black, gold, or both? Mother said I always looked best in any color." Ashelynn said, crossing her arms over her too big chest, with Nova doing the same.
"She gave you my part?" I squeaked, my voice cracking all over again.
"Not yet, but she will soon. It's pretty ironic that you said you were here to stay but you're leaving today. Never make promises you can't keep." she replied. I can't believe this girl. She's crazy if she thinks she can get the satisfaction of making me break.
"You know what? You're just a jealous little bitch who is scared of me!" I yelled, causing all the girls to look at me. Nova just snickered in the palm of her hand, watching her mess unfold. But Ashelynn caught on to it and put a stop to it quick.
"Nova, SHUT IT UP!" she growled, causing Nova to sigh. "Now, Simonee, what is there that I need to be jealous of? I'm richer than you, prettier than you, and better than you. I can afford anything and anything I want, I don't live in the slums like you, and my daddy is still around!" she cooed, with Nova right by her side. She just took a low blow at my home and my parents. I should kill her on the spot, but I'm better than that.
"Yes, I know these things, but I still can't figure out what I need to be jealous of because I'm a way better dancer than you. I mean, that is why you dropped me as a friend, because you said that you can't be the best when your best friend is better than you!" I declared. Nova opened her mouth to come to Ashelynn's defense, but I shut that down real quick.
"Oh, shut up, Nova! Everyone knows that you're not perfect! Your mother dated Marilyn Manson and your daddy is a crack head!" I yelled at her. I calmly picked my bag while the room was silent and walked out the doors of my second home.

****************
I had spent the rest of the evening crying my eyes out. Janae and Aaron tried to cheer me up until my mom came home, but it was no use.
"Simonee, please stop crying. You've been at it for two hours already." Janae whined. "No matter how many tears you drop, you're not going to dance in the show, so get over it." I looked at my sister in disbelief with tears still rolling down my cheeks.
"Get over it!? How am I supposed to get over not being able to dance in the most important show of my life, where scouts from Julliard are going to be there? Tell me, Janae, how am I supposed to get over that?" I whined, hugging a couch pillow close to my chest. I was so close to getting my chance at fame, and I lost it in a hurry!
"Simonee, calm down! Didn't your teacher say you can come back in the spring?" Aaron said, putting his hands behind his head as he leaned back in the recliner chair.
"Yes, but I need to go now! It was all apart of my plan!" I yelled, stomping my foot in a fit of rage. These people are unbelievable and crazy! Why would I go in the spring when the opportunity is right in front of me? I might not turn 16, the age requirement, before the deadline (December 1), but I'll be 16 in the fall, which is when I could start. Julliard is for the best of the best dancers, and I've been told that I'm one of them. I've been dancing since I was two years old, wearing all my little leotards and sticking each move graciously. My mother said I danced in her belly all day and every day. Dance has got me through every horrible things that has happened to me in the past: my father never showing up on days he promised, the death of my grandfather, the suffering with Aaron, and much more. But that's all over now and it ruined my turn at the big leagues.
"Simonee? Earth to Simonee. Can you hear me?" my mother had said. I guess she came in while I was zoned out and had tried to talk to me for the longest. "I said how was your day? I got you guys some spaghetti while I was out." she said, placing plates in front of us befor she returned to the kitchen to unbag the groceries. Aaron got up to help her put them away and Janae spoon fed Janae, no one directly looking at me.
"It was...fine. It was...fine." I said, repeating myself like an idiot.
" What? I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you correctly." my mother said, looking puzzled. Aaron and Janae just looked at me, staring at me but acting as if I wasn't even there.
"I'm not too well tonight. I think I'm gonna get some sleep." I said, slowly and carefully lifting myself up from the couch. They just looked at me, staring me up and down, but paying me no attention.
"Simonee, you haven't even touched your food." she said, coming to grab my plate.
"I'm going to sleep." I mumbled again before slamming my door shut. I laid on my queen-sized mattress for a minute to listen for anything. But they just stayed quiet, the only sound coming from the TV and the clanking of the dishes in the sink. I don't know why, but I picked up my pillow and walked slowly to my closet. I placed 3 blankets on the floor, using them as a mattress, and laid my head down on my pillow, wrapping myself up in a big blanket. I reached for my Big Puppy stuffed animal and clutched him close to my chest. Then I started to cry silently until I drifted off to sleep.