Crash

I tossed and turned all night, getting out of bed twice for a glass of water and the bathroom. I dreamed about him and the guys, just like how we were. It was like a nightmare.

But here I am, making coffee early afternoon and getting ready for the wedding I had to do in a few hours. All I wanted to do was stay in bed and try to get some sleep. If only it was that easy.

****

The wedding was cute and traditional. I took photos of the bridesmaids, groomsmen, the flower girl, the ring barrier and of course the beautiful bride and groom.

I had dressed nicely in a skirt and a white formal top, with black heels. I was also due to take pictures at the reception and overall, I enjoyed it. The bride absolutely loved the pictures and I told her I would post them on my website just in case she wanted them. She just couldn't stop smiling.

I was home now, getting ready to laze around and watch movies for the rest of the day. I put on sweats and changed into a camisole then grabbed my laptop, carrying it to the couch in the living room. I connected my camera to it and synced the photos then posted them on my website. I put the computer to the side and scrolled through Netflix on my television for a movie to watch.

I cuddled up on the couch as the movie started and laid my head on the small pillow, sinking down into the cushions. 

****

It's been a few days since I saw him at the club and I wasn't as paranoid as I was before. I had this little voice in my head telling me that I would see him again and it was making me crazy. Alexa reassured me hundreds of times that I wouldn't see him again when she tried to get me to come out but I refused. 

She even had to come over and drag me out to the club, which is what happened tonight. She tried calling me again when I didn't answer and then she showed up at my door and begged me to come out. I just rolled my eyes and got ready in my room.

Now I'm sitting in a booth at a different bar, surrounded by more of our friends who were having a good time. I didn't want to bring them down so I got up and headed to the floor to dance by myself. I didn't want them to worry about me, I just wanted them to have their good night.

I went up to the bar and ordered a soda. I didn't feel like drinking tonight and I wasn't a fan of hangovers. I took a sip and faced the floor again. I tried to keep my eyes away from the entrance, but I just couldn't help it.

"Waiting for someone?" A voice said from beside me.

I looked over and rolled my eyes at Alexa. "Shut up."

"Markie, come on. Have a good time! Don't waste it on thinking about them. You won't even see him again." She faced the bartender and ordered a beer.

"See, that's where you're wrong Alexa. John," I swallowed after I said his name, "John likes to drink, all of them like to party and they would most likely come to a bar."

"I doubt they would come here. There's millions of other bars all over Tempe."

I rolled my eyes, facing the crowd again. My mouth came open after I swallowed my drink and I stared. "See! I fucking knew he would be here!" I pointed to the doors to show Alexa and I looked over at her.

She rolled her eyes, "Well, I guess you'll have to face him then. You're not leaving, it's too early."

"Hide me," I grabbed her arm when he walked closer to the bar and I walked with Alexa to the floor. We danced for a little and I tried my best to cover my face from his eyes.

Alexa stopped dancing in front of me and looked behind my head. She looked uncomfortable and pointed. I sighed and turned around to look at hazel eyes. I leaned on my left leg and looked away from his eyes.

"What, are you stalking me now?" I said sarcastically.

I saw him smile out of the corner of my eye, "Well, there's a lot of bars in town." I couldn't really hear his voice but I was pretty sure he still had his high voice.

"And?"

He opened his mouth to say something but stopped, shaking his head. He took my arm firmly but not too hard and pulled me outside. I looked behind me for Alexa but I didn't see her anywhere. What a bitch.

He walked me out to the side of the building where we could have a private conversation and I leaned against the wall. I felt his eyes on me and I shifted, already feeling uncomfortable.

"You look good," he said quietly.

I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest. "Stop trying to crawl back in."

"What is your problem, Markie? I can't just have a normal conversation with you, my best friend?"

"Ex best friend, actually." I corrected him.

"You're the one that left us, Markie. We didn't leave you. So why are you acting like this?" I looked up at him.

"You guys left me first! You just left me there!"

"What are you saying? We never left you! We called and called but you never answered. Hell! I called and called and you didn't even pick up for me!" I could hear the anger in his voice about past problems. "I know why you're mad now," he said more quietly, "You're upset because John left you. Markie, you were the one who agreed to it. You were the one who wanted it. You were the one who shut us out. You shut me out, Markie." He was a little closer now and I swallowed the lump in my throat. "You ran away from us when we had our arms wide open for you."

I sniffed and blinked my eyes. "I need to go," I wiped under my eyes and turned to step out of the alley but Kennedy pulled me back by the waist and I leaned up against the wall again.

"No, Markie. Talk to me, it's been three fucking years and I'll be honest with you, I missed you more than anything." He looked down at me in the dark.

I felt my face blush but was thankful of the dark. I bit my lip, "Why are you talking to me?"

"Why wouldn't I talk to you?" His eyebrows came together when I looked up at him.

"Because I left you. I ruined our friendship and everything." I reached up to wipe under my other eye and met his eyes again.

He shook his head, "You're my best friend whether you like it or not and like I said, I miss you. I just want you back in my life."

I held back the tears when I jumped on him, throwing my arms around his neck. He hugged my small waist against him and nuzzled his face into my neck. My eyes grew watery again but I didn't let them slip out. I didn't want to cry because of us fighting or me refusing him.

I wanted him back too.