Little Black Submarines

[JOHN]

"Ada's been asking about you."

I rolled m eyes. "My Grandma just died, my brother tried to kill himself, and the funeral is in two and a half hours. Honestly, Ada isn't even on my radar right now."

"That's cold," Halvo said with surprise.

I shrugged. "I don't know her at all. I don't have energy to know her."

"Well she is one of Katy's friends..."

"I'm not going to be rude. I have nothing against her. I just- I'm tired."

Jared wrapped and arm around my shoulder and I felt some relief. "We aren't meaning to push."

"I know. I know I need to not hermit up right now. Nothing good will come of it."

"Listen, are you sure you want to drive alone?"

I nodded. "I just want some time to myself before I have to deal with people at the reception after the funeral." No one actually had it in them to challenge me. I know what's best for me. I have to speak at the funeral anyway and I'm going to get high on the way there. I don't see how I could make it through this otherwise. I don't want any of them trying to convince me otherwise.

I took the long way to the church, longing to drag out the trip. I lit up my bowl as soon as I hit the back roads. She would be buried next to my Grandfather in the Church cemetery they grew up going to, same as their parents and grandparents and maybe a generation or two after as well on one side or the other. It felt unnatural to know that I didn't have either of them anymore. When I was scared they would sit down with me and talk it out... Tell me how smart I was for what I thought about life. I never got greater comfort than from my Grandma and Grandpa. His death hit me harder when hers came.

[ADELAIDE]

I pulled the blanket up to my chin and took another sip of my Cosmo. "Did ya put any cranberry juice in here, Katy?"

She laughed. "Some, yeah. God, this show makes me dread wedding dress shopping! I can't imagine how my Mother will be."

"Hopefully more supportive than hers," I chuckled. "Do you think you and Pat will get married?"

Katy shrugged. "I don't know, I hope so. Probably not anytime soon." We both turned around with a startled jump when the door banged open. Pat and Halvo came in, supporting John between them. We both jumped on the couch, shocked. We were staying at Pat's apartment and weren't expecting the boys back this early.

"I juss, my Mom is fuckin' pisssssssed."

"Well John, are you surprised?"

"Evvvybody said my speech was grrrrreat," John slurred.

"It was, but you smelled like pot bro! Did you hotbox it?! Your eyes were red, but a lot of people thought that was from crying."

"And at the burial, don't get me started. You could barely get to a chair and afterwards you were eating a shit ton. Definitely was obvious to anyone with half a brain."

John stumbled out of their grip and into the floor at our feet. "Hey pretttttty ladies! God, this show makes me crazy. These bitches are insane!"

Katy and I looked at each other and sat back down. We resumed watching the show with John.

"Ada, we should get married and you can be one this show," John slurred, struggling to sit up and look at me.

I laughed. "How much did he drink?"

"I drank a hell of a lot, but I know you're beautiful and you would make a wondeeeeeerfulllll..."

I laughed again. "I'm more Bridezillas than Say Yes to the Dress, baby."

"That's fucking hot."

Katy and I burst out laughing. Pat and Halvo shook their heads and sat down on the couch across from us. The boys surprisingly didn't make us change the channel and we all watched the next three episodes before the boys began getting antsy.

John sat up all of a sudden during the commercial break and began sobbing. After several minutes of everyone being frozen I sank to the floor beside John and cautiously wrapped my arms around him. I don't know if he'll be upset or not... One of the guys should be doing this.

"I can't handle this."

I cooed gentle words into John's ear and let him get it all out. He gripped my arms desperately. Finally Halvo sank to John's other side and wrapped his arms around him as well. Pat moved behind John and we sat holding him as he cried. Katy gently ran her hand up and down John's calf.

"Fuck."

"I'm so sorry dude."

"I don't know what's wrong with me." John began calming down twenty minutes after he broke down. He ran his hands over his face and gently pushed everyone off of his body. "I want to go home."

"You're drunk as a skunk dude. I don't think that's good idea right now."

"I don't think sitting in the floor and crying is either. I'm not getting anything productive done. I need to go home- I-" John sighed and grabbed a beer from the fridge.

"I can't handle all of this. I don't know what to do. Mom and Dad had enough shit on their shoulders without me making an ass of myself as the funeral. I can't believe I fucking did that."

"John you're going to laugh about this with them in a few years. Maybe not Jenny, but your Dad will see the humor in it."

John just shrugged, not really looking at any of us.

"I'm a fuck up."

"John I think you need to go to bed and just deal with everything tomorrow."

"What the fuck do you know?" John snapped at me coldly. "You know nothing about me."

I flinched at his tone but nodded and didn't say anything else. Katy thumped his nose. "Way to be an asshole. She's right. Go the fuck to bed John Oh. You're way too drunk and you're angry. Go the fuck to sleep."

Katy's tone dared John to say something back to her. He sighed and went into a bedroom to go to sleep.

"If he remembers that he's going to feel like such an ass in the morning." Pat said.

"It doesn't matter, he's upset. I mean, he's right though. I don't know anything about him."

"Well he wants you to know about him so don't take it to heart. John's a great guy and he would be all about you if all of this wasn't going on right now."

I shrugged. "I don't care about that really... I'm not here for a relationship, I'm here to visit Katy."

"I need a drink. You boys want to drink and play board games with us?"

[JOHN]

I woke up with a pounding headache and the urge to throw up. I raced to the bathroom and emptied my stomach. I found the mouthwash and ran my wet hands through my hair to try and make it look a little decent.

To my surprise, no one was awake. Pat's apartment was silent. I left a quick note saying I was going home and left quietly. Yesterday's events weighed heavily on my shoulders as I walked down to the parking lot. I vaguely remembered breaking down in front of everyone last night and I knew I said something rude to Adelaide, but I couldn't remember exactly what I said.

"You're gonna have some trouble if you're planning on leaving."

I turned to see Ada smiling up from beside me. She was leaning against the building exhaling smoke from her lungs.

"Oh? Why is that?"

"Your truck is at the bar still. Pat drove here."

"Oh."

"I was leaving... I can give you a ride if you want."

My eyebrows rose slightly. "That would be great. Are you sure? I don't know what I said, but I vaguely remember being an asshole to you."

Ada shrugged. "You're going through a lot right now. I get it."

I smiled. "Let me take you to lunch at least."

Ada shook her head. "I actually have a lunch date with the girls."

"I'll make it up to you somehow," I chuckled. "I don't know I get lost in my own head man. Fucking up that speech just was the straw to end it all."

"Why did you get high beforehand?"

I shrugged, buckling my seat belt. "I dunno. I needed some kind of relief. It was too much."

"I'm sure if you just explain that everyone will understand."

I laughed. "My Mom's exact words will be 'Cornelius,' that's my middle name, 'Cornelius this has been too much for me but you didn't see me smoking a joint before I spoke at my mother's funeral.' And I'll say 'You're absolutely right Mom' because I was a dick. I'm a fucking idiot, Adelaide, and if we hang out for any significant amount of time I just want you to keep that in mind."