Rocking The House

We arrived at Schwartz and for the first time ever, there was no line up to get in.

"This is it?" Jack asked skeptically.

"Yup!" I smiled and put my hands in my pockets.

"You were right, it does look like a dump. Maybe we should just skip it and go to the strippers."

"Come on Jack, give it a chance, and we're not going to the strippers. Not really my thing." I leaned back on my heals as we entered the restaurant.

Ther server greeted us, and I used what french I knew to talk to him.

"Bonsoir" (Good evening) he said as he pointed at us and help up two fingers.

"Oui, deux s'il vous plaît" (Yes two, please) I replied. He lead us to our seats, which were located at the same table as an older couple who were enjoying their dinner. At Schwartz it was cafeteria style. They have long tables and if you only need two seats and the place is pretty full, they will sit you at the same table as complete strangers. Jack and I took our seats next to the older couple and looked at the menu. Which luckily for Jack was in english.

"Do you find it weird that we are sharing a table with strangers?" He asked.

"Nah, it's part of the charm. Besides, you never know who you'll end up sitting next to. I love it."

"I guess so." Jack replied as he skimmed the menu. "What do you usually get Sid?"

"I usually go for the smoked meat with a Cherry Coke. Sometimes I get a pickle too.

"Sounds good. I'll have what you have."

The server came around and asked for our orders.

"Francais, or English?" he asked.

"English would be great." I smiled. "For this guy here, he doesn't speak french."

"Oui, perfect." The old man replied. He had on a greasey white shirt with an apron and I white hat. I felt like my favourite restaurant was stuck in the fifties. It was awesome.

"I'll have the smoked meat sandwhich, lean. Cherry Coke, and yeah, I think I'll take a pickle too."

"And for you sir?" He asked looking at Jack.

"Wait. Are you telling me I can pick the leaness of my sandwhich? Has anyone ever gotten the fatty one?"

I raised my eyebrow at him. The extra fat sandwhich is gross, the fat drips off the bread and the thought of it made me want to puke. I watched Max try and finish it once and he couldn't stomach half of it. I suddenly had a brilliant idea.

"I'll tell ya what Jack. If you can finish a whole extra fatty sandwhich, we'll go to the strippers. And I'll pay."

He smiled as he considered my offer, putting his finger on the corner of his mouth like he was really taking his time to consider it. He held his hand out to me "Deal!" He laughed. I looked back at the server. "Did you get that?" I asked .

"Oui. One extra fatty sandwhich with a pickle and cherry Coke. May I suggest you take a glass of water too sir?"

"Yeah, he's gonna need it. I'll have one too. Thanks." I turned back to Jack. "Oh buddy, you have no idea what you just agreed to. I can't wait to see this. Not even Max could make it through the whole sandwhich without puking. If you can do it, you'll be my hero."

"I think you under estimate me Mr. Crosby. I'm always up for a challenge, and like you, I hate to lose."

As we waited for our food we looked at all the old photos hanging on the walls of various celebrities. "Cool, the Rolling Stones!" Jack pointed at the picture. "What I wouldn't give to be here when they walked in the door. That would be awesome."

"I know eh,. I would have liked to have been here when Angelina Jolie came. I can't even picture her eating meat, let alone in a greasy joint like this."

Our server brought our food and the look on Jack's face when his sandwhich was placed in front of him was priceless. He looked like he was going to be sick. The sandwhich looked like a big ball of fat. You know how pieces of bacon have the fat on them? Well this was like all fat with a tiny strip of meat. I had a good feeling that I was going to win this battle. Jack must have seen the look of triumph on my face because he looked at me before taking a huge massive bite of his sandwhich.

"I know that look Sid, you haven't won anything yet." He said as he chewed, and he chewed. Trying to break down the fat so he could swallow.

"Try smaller bites next time." I teased as he reached for his glass of water. I looked down at my food and happily took a bite and opened my Cherry Coke. I was laughing at the sounds Jack was making as he tried to down his food. He had already made it through the first half.

"Hey, can I have a bite of yours? I want to know what it really tastes like." He had slowed down on his food and was looking longingly at my plate. I shook my head as I stared at him and took another bite of my food.

He shook his head at me before staring at his sandwhich with disgust. "Maybe I'll eat the pickle first." He said to himself. I chuckled as I watched him play with his food, trying to work up the nerve to finish it.

"It's okay if you can't finish it Jack, there will be more dancers in other cities."

"I don't want to watch dancers in other cities, I want to watch dancers here!" He pouted as he forced himself to take another bite of his sandwhich. I had to admit, he had made it farther than Max, but he still had about three good sized bites left.

"Maybe if you put some mustard on it, it will help." I said, passing the container to him. He nodded as he smothered the last bit with mustard before he took another bite.

"Any better?" I asked, trying not to laugh at him. His eyes were closed and his face was red as he tried to swallow the big gob of fat in his mouth. He shook his head violently as he forced the food down his throat and taking a gulp of water to wash it down. He had two bites left and I was now starting to think he was actually going to finish it. He opened his eyes and belched, causing the couple beside us to look over and frown at us.

"Nice manners buddy." I laughed as I finished up my plate. He glared at me, his face full of confidence as he took another bite. This time using his Coke to help ease the taste of grease in his mouth. When it went down, he opened his eyes and smiled at me. I knew now, that I was going to be spending my night on St. Catherine's and that my wallet would be considerably lighter by the end of the night. Jack stared at me as he popped the last bite into his mouth. He smiled as he chewed it and then took a sip of his Coke to make it go down. "I hope you brought your Black Amex Sid because tonight, we're going to party like we're rockstars."

I looked at him and smiled before asking the server for our bill.