Rocking The House

I sat back and enjoyed my beer as I watched Jack at center stage. He had been invited up by one of the dancers and hopping along, trying to pole dance. I laughed when she tried to show him how to hang by one leg, seeing as he only had one good one at the moment it made for a pretty comical sight. He waved over to me when he managed to get one leg wrapped around the pole and I lifted my beer to wave back. I was glad he was enjoying himself at my expense; I just wish the beer would go down faster so I could relax a bit. Strip joints always made me feel uncomfortable and I usually tried to avoid them at all costs.

My corset wearing server came back and brought me another drink. I think I was going to need something stronger than beer. I asked for a shot of Crown and gave her my empty bottle.

Jack came back to the table, sweating and smiling like he had just had the time of his life. “Candy wants to join us for a drink when she gets off shift.” He winked and spread his middle and index fingers apart, taking them to his mouth and sticking his tongue through them.

“You’re disgusting Jack.”

“I know, and you’d expect nothing less of me either. So I told her to bring a friend, you know, so you have someone to talk to.”

My shot arrived and I quickly downed it before using my beer as a chaser. “I’m quite happy just sitting here and watching you make a fool of yourself. You should go back up on stage so I can take your photo and put that on Twitter. And honestly Jack, I’m having a good time.” I put my beer down and fished my phone out of my pocket to check the time. The server came back again, knowing we were dropping a lot of money; she was very good at taking care of us. I ordered another shot for the each of us as well as another round of beer.

“You don’t fool me Crosby, you’ve been wearing a sour face all night. Let Ginger get you up on stage and let loose! You danced up quite the storm at Taylor’s dance.” A shot was dropped in front of me and I put it up to my lips and swallowed quickly, no chaser needed this time.

“Fine Jack, let me show you how it’s really done.” I had a feeling that my liquid courage was going to get me into a lot of trouble. I put my phone back in my pocket and walked towards the stage.

*****

I woke up with the overwhelming urge to throw up. I threw the blankets off of me and raced into the bathroom, not even making it to the toilet I threw up all over the shower. Oh. My. God. What the hell happened last night. I tried to jog my memory but was coming up blank. My head was killing me and when I walked back into the room it looked like someone had murdered a duck. There were feathers everywhere and the room looked like a scene out of the Hangover. Jesus fuck, this was not good, not good at all. At least there wasn’t a tiger in the bathroom. I grabbed a bottle of water from the mini bar and couldn’t get it into me fast enough. I scanned the room looking for Jack. He was spread eagle, butt ass naked on the couch. I had to close my eyes before I puked again. That wasn’t a site I needed to see. I grabbed a pair of sweats from my bag and walked into the bathroom to brush the god awful stench from my mouth. I started the shower to try and clean it but the sight of my own vomit made me want to puke again. “Fuck Sid, what happened last night?” I thought to myself.

I walked over to Jack and poked him in the leg. “Jack! Wake up!”

“No, my head hurts, I’m sleeping.” He turned his head and went back to sleep. I walked back over to the bed looking for my wallet and was happy when it was laying on the bedside table. I opened it to see if my credit card was still there and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw it in it’s usual spot. I walked around the other side of the bed to look for my hat. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw a set of red painted toes hanging off the end of my bed. “Fuck.” I said out loud. I walked back over to Jack and threw a pair of jeans at him. Causing him to stir and open his eyes. “Please tell me that is not Candy and please tell me that I was far too wasted to do anything with her?” I asked.

“Yeah, that’s Candy and yes you were far too wasted to do anything with her. The two of us had to carry you up the stairs – twenty four flights of stairs I might add – as you suddenly had an overwhelming fear of small spaces and refused to go in the elevator. I couldn’t do much since I have only one leg so she actually carried you most of the way. Her real name is Rhonda in case you want to know.” Jack closed his eyes again and reached for a blanket to cover himself.

“Wake up Jack, I don’t remember anything past going up on stage.” I threw a bottle of water at him in hopes it would coax him to wake up.

“You really don’t remember, anything?” He eyed me suspiciously.

“No, come on bud, you gotta fill me in. I’ve never been so wasted that I don’t remember anything. Are you sure no one put anything in my drink?”

“No one put anything in your drink Sid. You were mixing beer with rye, what did you think was going to happen?” He sat up on the couch and opened the bottle of water. “Oh god, I stink.” He got up to head towards the washroom. Before I could warn him about my little incident in the shower he had already closed the door. A second later I heard him. “What the fuck Sid! You blew chunks in the shower. Oh my god, that’s disgusting!” He opened the door a second later looking disgusted. “I really need to take a shit. Now what am I supposed to do?” I laughed as I pointed at him.

“How many times did I clean up your shit and cover for your ass at school? This is payback.” He knew it too, and he didn’t even argue with me. He walked back into the washroom and started running the shower.

Candy or Rhonda or whatever her name was was still passed out cold in my bed. I really hoped she would wake up sooner rather than later so we could get the hell out of here before housekeeping showed up.

Jack came back out of the washroom a few minutes later, throwing the towels out into the hallway for housekeeping to pick up. “How’s you ass feel?” He asked as he started picking feathers up off the floor and throwing them into the garbage can.

“Fine, why? It hasn’t hurt in days.”

“Hmmm…okay then. Maybe you were right. You told them it wasn’t going to hurt in the morning.”

“Told who what? Shit. Jack what went down last night?”

He chuckled and I knew he was enjoying that fact that I for once was not the responsible one. “Go and check yourself out in the mirror and when you come back, I’ll tell you what happened.” I rolled my eyes at him and headed back into the bathroom. I pulled my sweats down and stared in horror at the tattoo on my ass.

“Holy mother fucker! Jack! I can’t believe you let me do this! I will never live this one down!!” I heard him laughing hysterically from the other room. Tattooed on my ass was a Canadian Flag that said 100% Canadian Grade A. I nearly started to cry, how could I have been so stupid? The blood drained from my face as I opened the bathroom door.

“I tried to stop you, but you insisted it would be okay. Grab your phone Sid.” Jack was still picking up feathesr and throwing away empties. I walked over to the bed, nudging Candy’s feet to see if she was alive. She let out a squeak as she pulled her feet up into the blanket.

“You need to wake up it’s time to go.” I said coldly to her. I handed Jack my phone and he opened the photo album on it.

“Sit down, I made sure to chronicle the evening for you. Starting with your pole dancing.” He showed me a photo of me up on stage with a brunette dancer, learning how to climb the pole. The next picture was of me hanging upside down on the pole. I cringed as I looked at them. “Come on Sid, you had a lot of fun up there. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” My head was pounding and it was hard for me to focus. The next set of photos were taken at the tattoo parlour.

“I thought I would have had to sign a waiver saying I was sober or something”

“You did, you just lied.” Jack laughed as he hit play on the phone to show a video of me getting my ass tattooed. I seemed to be enjoying myself as I laughed and said that it tickled when the tattoo artist started. I put my hands on my temples as I took in the video. It did look like I was enjoying myself. Jack flipped through the photos afterwards showing me trying to hail a cab and then Candy carrying me up the stairs. Pieces of the night were coming back to me as I looked at the photos.

“Holy shit, did I really piss in your shoe?” I got up and walked over to where Jack had left his shoes. “Yup. Sure did.” I said. “Sorry Jack, I’ll buy you a new pair. Who knew I was so much fun eh!” Jack didn’t look impressed as he got up and walked into the bathroom. “Hey Jack?”

“Yeah”

“I think you might need to drive. I still can’t really see straight. I’m going to check us out. I’ll be back in a few.”

“Whatever Sid.” He tried to sound mad, but I knew he wasn’t. He had had fun last night watching me make a fool of myself, he just didn’t want to drive. I shook Candy until she woke up telling her she had to get up and handed her fifty bucks to get a cab home. How I still managed to have cash in my wallet I wasn’t sure. I had no idea how much money I spent last night.

When I reached the front desk to check out it was the same girl working who checked me in. “Rough night Mr. Crosby?” She asked as I handed her my key.

“You could say that.” I smiled. I read over the bill and signed it before heading back up to the room. Luckily, Candy was gone and Jack was packing his bag. I threw my clothes back into my bag and chuckled. “Well, we were looking for a good time in Montreal, I’d guess you’d say we found it.” I took one final look around the room before closing the door.