I'm All Yours

As days turned into weeks my stress level rose.

Harry and I had moved into our house, but between promoting, appearances and recording I felt like I was living in this giant house alone.

On top of that, I was planning a wedding with no idea what I was doing. We set a date for a few months from now and I felt like it was creeping up on me faster than I could handle.

We decided to have the ceremony in this church we grew up near in Homes Chapel, and were having a reception at a big hotel.

But that’s about as much of the wedding I had planned.

I hadn’t looked at dresses yet, I’ve hardly figured out the flowers and the guest list wasn’t finalized because I couldn’t get any time with Harry aside from like 5 minutes here and there or sleeping.

“You look knackered,” Pete said coming into the back room on his break.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair, “I really am. I hate planning this wedding.”

He laughed, “I think you’re the only girl on the planet that has ever said that about their own wedding.”

I shrugged, “I just feel like I’m doing this for everyone else more than me or Harry. He hasn’t even been home to help me plan this.”

He came over and sat on the desk next to me, “I think you’re over thinking everything.”

“But I’m not! I only have like, 3 months to plan this entire thing, and I haven’t looked at dresses or finalized flowers. Harry hasn’t even told me who he wants to invite, and we don’t have a song!”

“What?” Pete said confused.

“A song! You know, the song that the newly wedded couple dances to for their first dance? We don’t have a song!” I practically yelled. “Plus, I’m so behind on organizing the accounting for the store!” I gestured to all the papers in front of me, “So Seb will fire me, and then I’ll have no solid future to fall back on in case, god forbid, One Direction fizzles out! You know how fast trends change Pete! You know!” I had lost my mind.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Emma. Calm down, take a breath will you?” He placed his hands on my shoulders to make me sit back in the chair, “Come on breathe with me. In,” He inhaled, and I fallowed with me, “Out,” he blew out. We continued for a moment before he figured I was calm.

“Thanks,” I said lightly.

He shrugged, “No problem. But I really think you should just relax for a bit. I mean, I think you’re letting this stress you out more than you should.”

I groaned, “I know, but I don’t have time to relax. Do you know how fast these months will pass?”

“Then why don’t you let your friends help you?”

“They are.”

“Then give them more to do. It’s that what the bridal party is for?” I gave him an odd look, “What? Ashley watches a lot of wedding shows.”

I laughed, “Okay Pete.” I sighed, “Maybe you’re right. But I need to get a wedding dress and the bridesmaid dresses and Lux’s dress. It just all feels like too much.”

“Hey,” he put his hand on my shoulder again, “You can do it. Just don’t for get to breathe.”

I smiled lightly, “Thanks. I just wish Harry was actually home while I did all this.”

“Just figure out a way to make it work. It’ll all fall into place.”

I rolled my eyes, “Whatever you say oh wise one.”

He laughed, “I’ll pretend you didn’t say that in a condescending tone and still offer buy you lunch later.”

I perked up, “What are we getting?”

“Something from the sandwich shop, don’t get too excited.”

I smirk, “Damn. But thanks. I needed a good talk.”

“No problem love. I’ll expect you to return the favor when my future wife is freaking out.”

I snorted, “No problem.

*****

I didn’t get home from work tonight until 10, and I was surprised when I saw Harry’s truck in the garage.

“Harry?” I yelled when I walked in.

“Upsaitrs.” I followed his voice up into our room where I found him getting dressed up.

“You’re actually home!” I smiled.

He was tying on his bowtie in the mirror, “Yeah,” he said over his shoulder, “But I’m going out with Ed and Nick, so I’ll be home later.”

“Oh.” I said as he sat down and pulled his shoes on.

He glanced at me, “What’s with your tone?”

I shrugged, “Nothing. I just haven’t really seen you. I haven things to run by you about the wedding.”

He sighed as he stood to put his blazer on, “I know, I’m sorry. I just need a night out. And whatever you want with the wedding I’m fine with.” He kissed my cheek as he walked around me out of our room.

“But I want your opinion,” I said following him, “And I need to know who you want to invite!”

He sighed as he grabbed his wallet and keys off the kitchen counter, “I’ll give you my guest list soon. I’ll figure it out on my down time at the studio. Now I’ve got to go.”

He walked by me but I grabbed his arm, “Harry, can you wait a second do I can talk to you? I haven’t seen much of you in a while.”

“We sleep next to each other every night.”

“Harry,” I pleaded.

“God, Emma, not right now!” He snapped at me pulling out of my grasp, “This is the first night I’ve had off in a while, and I don’t want to spend it going though the wedding right now. Now I’m going, I’ll be back late.”

I just stood there and watched him walk out the door.

What the hell was that? I don’t think I was asking too much from him to want him to just talk to me for a minute was I?

I sighed and walked into the kitchen to find something to eat, even though I wasn’t even hungry now.
I pulled a frozen pizza out and threw it in the oven.

I sat on the counter and waited for it to cook. I looked across the kitchen out into the empty living room. The house was quiet and just… well just empty. This is not what I excepted it would be like when I moved in with a boy. A husband.

That’s life I guess though, right? Never what you expect.

I got up and grabbed my folder that held all the wedding plans before I sat back up on the counter. I made little notes here and there, and texted Mayra, Gemma and Eleanor to ask when they were all free this week to go dress shopping.

Buy the time the pizza was done I had made plans with them to go Friday to find dresses.

Then I put all the wedding stuff away and sat there, on the counter, eating pizza. I forced two pieces down before I stood up and wrapped the rest of it up and threw it in the fridge.

I went back up to the big room I shared with Harry. It was much too big with just me in it. I took a long hot shower, which actually relaxed me enough to realize how exhausted I was.

After I changed into my pajamas I walked out of the big bathroom back into the bedroom and just stared at the massive king size bed I shared with Harry. Well, shared in the few hours he was actually in it.

Again, it just looked empty. I was sensing a theme happening here.

I knew why he wanted to go out tonight, I do. He hasn’t seen his friends in a while, and he just wanted to let loose. I get. But he also hasn’t seen me really either. I really needed him right now.

I sighed and shut off the lights and walked out of the room and closed the door behind me. I walked into one of the smaller guest rooms. This one had my old bed in it.

When we moved all our stuff I Harry and kept out old beds for two of the extra rooms.

I crawled in and the familiar comfort of the bed was so inviting and warm. My old queen size bed felt less empty without all the extra space the king bed had.

I burrowed under the covers and tried to fall asleep alone for yet another night.