4. Hate

Jack sighed as he fell back on to the bed of his hotel suite, who knew business trips could be so boring.

When his boss had first asked him to accompany him on this trip to New York, he thought ‘wow, great, yeah, what a brilliant opportunity!’ but since arriving here two days ago now, they have done nothing but travel from the hotel to the company building and back. He had absolutely no time to see the sights, also meaning he had nothing to take his mind off the dull aching in his heart.

Truth be told, part of the reason Jack had accepted the invitation to travel two-hundred miles away from his home was because he just needed a break. He couldn’t take the arguments back at home anymore, couldn’t take the days spent not talking to each other simply because of stupid things like whose responsibility it is to empty the dishwasher, or whose turn it is to make tea, because seriously, Jack just didn’t have the energy for things like that when he’s just spent the day working his arse of and listening to people gossip about things he really couldn’t give less of a shit about.

Sighing again, he pulled out his phone for the millionth time that day and hovered over the one number he should never have any hesitation to call, he debated this time being the time he actually grows some balls and presses the green call button, but alas, Jack had always been a bit of a wimp and instead pressed the back button until his wallpaper was visible again before locking the screen, being careful not to let his eyes linger on the picture representing the time not so long ago when everything was still perfect.

He pushed the device back in his pocket and threw his head back in frustration. How had he let things get this bad? Why hadn’t he just given in when the arguments started, it really wasn’t that big of a deal if he had to do a few chores more than his fair share, it was just the matter of the fact that they were both just so stubborn. They’d been together five years for Christ sake; shouldn’t they be past all this? All he wanted was for them to be happy, he wanted them to be one of those couple that could overcome anything. Tears came to his eyes as he realised the possibility of that happening was becoming smaller and smaller by the day. Oh what he wouldn’t give for everything to be okay again.



Three and a half hours away back in Maryland, a very frustrated Alex Gaskarth burst through the door, tumbling over anything in his path. He made his way over to the bed, slowly removing each item of clothing from his body, hands grasping to find purchase on his companies hips.

It was fair to say he was pretty wasted absolutely trashed right now, and the only thoughts that were running through his mind were how good it felt to have someone else’s body pressed against his own, feeling the heat and the need radiating through them as they pulled him impossibly closer, attacking his lips, jaw and neck with their kisses.

They finally made it to their destination, crashing to the mattress in a mess of tangled limbs and disregarded clothing, names forgotten and promises disregarded as they satisfied each other’s needs. Alex knew he should stop, that this wasn’t right because it didn’t feel right. Yes, it felt good to have that warmth and need, but it wasn’t the warmth and need he had become so accustom to over the years, this was a completely foreign feeling and it wasn’t making him feel as good as it should do, but despite all this, the alcohol in his system was just enough to erase all logic left in him, as thoughts of his responsibilities slowly left his head and the pleasure of just being able to enjoy somebody overcame his system.



When Alex woke the next morning it was to a cold empty bed and a killer headache, but worst of all the feeling of his two tonne heart as the memories of what he did last night slowly began to work their way back in to his head. He tried to get his head around how could let himself do that to Jack. Obviously they were having problems right now, but he just didn’t understand how he could let things get that far.

The silence was soon broken by the sound of ‘Family Reunion’ blaring from his bedside table, causing Alex’s breath to catch in his throat; that was Jack’s ringtone, they had set it as that all them year ago when they had been nothing but friends and it had stayed that way ever since, oh how simple things had been then, he wouldn’t have felt so guilty for letting things get so far last night if things were only how they had been then. Alex shook his head, he knew he shouldn’t be thinking like that, this was Jack he’s talking about, he smiled as he remembered how much better things had become since the skunk haired man had come in to his life. By the time Alex brought himself back to the present the music had already cut and started again with a second attempt, he sighed and reached across, sitting up in the bed and quickly noting the time 7:30am glaring at him as he pressed the green button.

“Hello?” His voice was groggy with lack of use, and he closed his eyes, refraining from looking at all the things that would remind him even more of the man on the other side of the phone.

“Mornin’ ‘Lex, how’re you doing today?” The weight of Alex’s heart increased further as he heard how soft his boyfriends’ voice was in his ears, almost always with the hint of happiness lying below his words, always hopeful. If he ever found out what happened last night Alex just knew it would break him, he sighed heavily before replying.

“I’m fine, Jack. How are you?” He hated this, hated how tedious their conversations had become, the words just used to flow between them the moment contact was made, but these days it seemed to him that every sentence had a though process behind it.

“I’m okay. I miss you.” The weight increased impossibly at the new found sadness in his voice, Alex didn’t know if he could keep this up much longer, he knew he would break down soon, and then he definitely wouldn’t be able to keep the biggest secret he’d ever kept from the one person that had always been there for him.

“I miss you too Jack, I really do.” He heard said man sigh down the phone; Alex shook his head to remove the thoughts of how sad it sounded.

“I’m sorry I rang you so early, I just wanted to say something before I went to work,” Alex opened his eyes and focused on a picture of Jack and himself at their senior prom all those years ago, he allowed a small smile to grace his lips as he listened intently.

“What is it?” Another sigh followed suit, but there was something new to it this time, almost like...relief, Alex’s gut twisted and turned as his mind conjured up the possibilities of how this conversation could go.

“I want us to make this work ‘Lex, I know we’ve been fighting a lot lately, and we’ve been getting on each other’s nerves, but that’s part of the reason I took this trip, I wanted to give you space. I hate it when we fight and don’t talk for days, I miss us being able to say I’m sorry, kiss and cuddle and it’d all be forgotten about. But despite all that I know I love you more than I’ve loved anything else in the history of ever, and I really want us to work this out Alex, ‘cause I don’t think I could handle us not being together.” He could hear the hope in his boyfriends voice as he spilled his heart out over the phone, a tear escaped from his eyes as he took a deep break to steady his voice before replying.

“I wanna make this work too Jack, I’m sorry I’ve been so shit lately, we’ll talk about it when you get back, okay? We’ll make this better, I promise. I love you too.”

“Thank you so much ‘Lex, we’re gunna get back to how we used to be, I just know it. Hey look, I have to go to work now, I’m already running a little bit late, but I’ll be home before you know it okay?” As the happiness returned to his voice the sadness in Alex’s heart increased...what had he done?

“Okay Jack, I’ll see you soon. Have a good time, I love you.”

“I love you too. Bye, bye.” Alex hung up the phone and threw it to the base of their bed whilst the weight of the world settles itself on his shoulders. He pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in his hands as he began to cry, because at that moment, Alex was pretty sure he had never hated himself more than he did right now.