Summer Love

I was trying to calm myself down, while Louis did the same. My eyes wandered over to his curious blue ones. He wanted answers and soon, very soon. I wasn’t able to think or breath, let alone speak. I clutched onto his arm for support. What should I do? Do I go for it? I can’t. It’s too soon, too much to handle. Was I even ready to do this?

“Devin,” Louis’ voice sounded like a whisper.

“I-” but nothing was able to escape my dried up throat.

“Are you alright?” he lifted me slightly so I wasn’t sprawled across the concrete.

I brushed my hair behind my ear, “I need to tell you something,” I ended up gasping out my words.

“What is it? You got the letter, right? Of course you did. I gave it to you,” he rambled.

I just smiled up at him, sniffling, “I,” I pulled away from his grasp, “I-,” but it didn’t want to come out.

I had to tell him that Zayn and I had sex. I mean, it was his friend, his band mate. They spend loads of time together. What if it winds up being brought up? I don’t want to lie to Louis. He was my best friend… He IS my best friend.

“Zayn and I-”

“He broke your heart Devin. I could never forgive him.”

“He and I had-” I felt the corners of my eyes prickle with a new set of tears, “we had s-”

“You what?” his blue eyes nearly killed me.

“We had sex,” I sobbed uncontrollably.

“What? Are you kidding me? You were only going out for a short time! It’s- I- the fuck-”

“I’m so sorry Louis. I really am.”

“And what good does that do?” he snapped suddenly.

“I’m s-”

“I know you are but, really Devin? Even after-”

“I’m so sorry,” I blubbered out in a booming volume.

“I-” Louis paused for a moment, “Dev,” he took my hand again, “why?”

I could barely take a steady a breath to answer his question. Why? Why did give myself to Zayn? That same boy I began to develop feelings for, only to get my heart ripped out several days after leaving. I didn’t know how to answer his question. I didn’t want to answer it, but I owed him an answer.

I closed my eyes as I tried to muster up the courage to spew the truth to him, “I started to get feelings for him. I was just lonely.,” I sniffled, “and I needed a release.”

“Release? What fucking release?” he snapped again.

“Don’t make me feel even worse Lou! How long have you gone out with Eleanor? I’m sure you guys didn’t just hang out! I’m pretty fucking sure you guys fucked every now and again. Don’t you dare talk to me like I’m your fucking girlfriend. I’m not a trophy Louis. You were with El and I tried to move on. I tried to get over the feelings I had for you,” tears streamed down my cheeks.

“Dev, I-”

“NO!” I pushed him away and stood in a rush, “I don’t want you. I can’t be with you right now. I need time. I need time to think about the life I discovered. I need- I need to go,” I walked away.

My back was turned to him the entire time. I didn’t look back. I wanted to. I wanted to so badly but, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The look on Louis face after I just ripped on him was worse than how I was feeling. I felt bad about hurting him like that. Everything was just a big mess right now. I couldn’t think straight about anything. My mind was just a war zone at the moment and I need to organize it.

“Devin.” I heard Harry call from behind, “where are you going,” then I heard his shoes thrashing against the wooden floorboards, “wait.”

“What Harry,” I glanced at him for a second once he caught up with me.

“Where are you going? I thought you and Lo-”

“Harry,” I felt the tears knocking at the corners of my eyes, “I don’t want to talk about it. It’s over with us. It can’t be fixed.”

“Devin,” he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, “can I just say one thing?”

I took a deep breath and crossed my arms as I stopped, “what?”

“If there is one thing I’m sure about, it’s that Louis cares about you. Dev, he is in love with you. Seriously, in love. I can’t stand to see you hurt like this. I feel like you’re my sister and we’ve been through a lot. I mean, honestly Dev, are you sure you and Louis can’t work it out? He is crazy about you and I know. I have to hear about it every damn day. I hated hanging around him because everything that came out of his mouth was about you.”

If I Harry hadn’t caught me, I would have been sobbing on the floor. Instead I was making Harry’s shirt wet with my tears. I knew he cared about me. I knew Louis cared about me. Never did I know he felt that strongly about me. But I just couldn’t go back and tell him that I forgive him. I still needed time to think.

“Devin,” Harry whispered.

“I can’t,” I looked up at him with swollen eyes, “I have to go now.”

With that I stumbled my way out of the arena.



A week later

Liam called. I haven’t heard from him since I saw him at the concert. He did call after but, I wasn't ready to talk to him because I knew what he wanted. I wasn't ready to hear the names of the two boys who had my heart and broke it. I was not ready to confront them at the time either. It was something I needed to do though. And my heart was broken all over again.

“Hey Liam,” I answered the phone.

“Devin,” his voice was calming and low, “how are you? I've been calling.”

“I know,” I sat up in my bed I was currently occupying, “I’m good.”

“Dads been wondering how you were. Not to mention my mum was worried about you.”

I let out a small laugh, “tell Karen that I am well. As for dad, tell him the same. I miss them and you.”

“I miss you, too.”

“How about you Liam? How are things with you?”

I heard the smile in his voice, “I've been great. Danielle is always asking about you.”

“Yeah,” I bit my lip, “Danielle is a sweetheart.”

“It’s been a week Dev.”

“I know Liam.”

“You never told me about what happened.”

“I know.”

“So,” he paused for a moment, “are you going to let me in on what happened?”

“I would have thought the guys would have.”

“I want to hear from you though.”

I let out a sharp breath, “I’m not ready Liam.”

“To tell me?” he asked.

“I’m not ready to even think about them. Either of them. They both broke my heart. I can’t just let it slide so easily. I need time.”

“That’s understandable.”

I sniffled, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he said quickly, “when I have time, if you let me, can I come visit you?”

“Of course, Liam. You are my half brother,” I smiled, “my brother.”

He let out a chuckle as he spoke, “until then big sister,” he sighed, “I’ll see you soon, hopefully.”

“Okay Liam.”

“Bye Dev.”

“Bye Liam,” I paused, “I love you.”

Liam didn’t respond right away but, when he did, it sounded sincere, “I love you, too, sis.”

I hung up feeling pleased with my relationship with my brother.I was now excited to see him again.