If I Can

Landon wasn't like this when Quincey's boyfriend last came over. Back then he never really paid attention, and spending some time with Quincey shouldn't make any difference... should it?

“Hey, man.” He blinked more than once when he opened the door to see Travis, looking bored as hell.

“Hey.” Travis nodded in acknowledgement. “Is Quincey there?”

Landon would have gone somewhere else if he had anywhere to go. He didn't feel like going alone in public places, and his friends were either preparing for the finals, were already taking them, or drinking about them. And really, what was so wrong about being here anyway? He slouched on his table, trying to memorize more formulas, while the couple were on Quincey's bed, just sitting and talking. Landon wasn't looking, but he knew Travis had been whispering something, and Quincey would occasionally slap him on the arm, giggling loudly. Landon wasn't even listening. His mind just couldn't concentrate at the moment.

“Landon, you have an exam later, right?” Quincey remarked.

“Yeah.”

Quincey chuckled. “Good luck with that.”

“Don't you have one, too?” Landon remembered, turning around in his chair, placing his elbow on the arm.

“Oh, you have? Why didn't you tell me?” Travis tucked Quincey's hair behind his ears.

“It's still tomorrow,” Quincey assured him, patting his cheek. “And I've already studied earlier...”

And, out of nowhere – or maybe from somewhere all along – Travis caught Quincey by the mouth. Quincey blushed, and, when it registered, pushed Travis away.

Quincey jerked, clueless as to why Travis did it, while Landon perfectly knew. Oh, he knew all right.

Quincey looked at Landon almost apologetically, and turned to Travis. “Get a room, will you?”

Travis laughed while Landon The Third Wheel, who averted his eyes, evolved into Landon The Peeping Tom. Sort of.

“Let's go out.” Quincey said. “Landon, have you eaten?”

“Yeah.” He hadn't.

“Oh, okay.” They got up and put on their coats. “See you then.”

The door closed, and Landon was left alone in the room, lazily landing his chin on the table. He knew the reason why Travis kissed him was because, simply, he had the right to do so. And what's wrong with that? Geez, what's wrong with him?

Nothing's wrong, he told himself, muttering it aloud.

*

“Hey, hey... what's wrong?” Landon quickly sat on the other end of the bed the second he heard him, his breathing ragged, weeping.

Quincey bore his eyes on him. “Don't tell anyone, okay?”

Landon's hands turned tense, aching to wipe his tears. A fuzzy feeling pooled his stomach that sent his muscles numb. “What is it?”

“I...” Quincey spoke softly, as though he barely mouthed the words. “...I caught him cheating on me.”

Landon stood up, too appalled to speak.

“H-he... he was with someone else...” His sobbing was a mess, as if couldn't understand anything anymore. “An officemate? I don't know... but they were so close, then they were kissing... and I was too far... I didn't...”

Anger built itself inside his chest. “Quincey, you should've punched him in the face!”

“I-I didn't know what to do... I couldn't move...” Quincey's fingers were playing with his shirt, trembling violently. “And we've been together for so long... I—”

“That doesn't matter, Quincey!” Landon yelled, his insides burning. “He fucking cheated on you, and you're gonna act like everything's all right?”

Quincey stood too, shocked, but his expression soon turned sour. He gritted his teeth. “He's the only one who cares for me, Landon! You don't understand anything!”

Landon could have just opposed that claim, but Quincey had stormed out of the room before he had the chance.

*

Landon spent an hour looking for him everywhere, even asked a couple of people around.

It was in the afternoon when he came back to the dorm, and he found Quincey squatted on the floor, picking clothes from his cabinet and stuffing them in a luggage, humming a song Landon couldn't recognize.

Landon sat beside him, realising it was actually the end of this semester and that this would be their only time to talk. “Quincey, talk to me.”

Quincey paused and gave him a mock-smile, folding a turtle-neck. “No.”

“Please.”

Landon was ignored.

“I just need to tell you something.”

He was practically begging – and he had never been the begging type – but Quincey kept ignoring him, until he had no choice but to choose the last resort. Landon The Tickle Master.

“Ah! Stop...!” Good thing Quincey didn't bang his head on the side of the bed when he fell over.

“Talk to me!” Landon yelled, going for his waist.

“You're an idiot, Landon!” He was laughing, fighting his attacks. “Stop it... please!”

When he finally did, he ended up on top of Quincey, knees straddling his hips, hands holding both his wrists as he tried to wriggle out of them, eyes on... Quincey's lips, God, how could anyone have such perfect lips?

And just like that, he could no longer pretend.

Because the truth was he never wanted anything more than feeling those lips crashing and wet onto his, like waves against the shoreline, like the dawn seeping on a new day.

And that truth made him do it. He closed his eyes, lowered his head and kissed him, despite the fact that he belongs to someone else, despite his partner who's a cheating bastard and a sweet-talking farce.

When he pulled away, all he saw was Quincey looking almost frightened. Perhaps that might have been his expression too, and he was ready to let him go when Quincey placed a hand on his nape and pulled him back to his mouth.

They stayed like for a while, and the room was silent save for their smacking lips and wrestling tongues. Quincey's hands ventured on his hair, his neck, while his own grasped the edges of Quincey's shirt, the heat cloaking them almost palpable.

Soon, Landon pulled away from the kiss, despite himself, although he stayed beneath him, leaving Quincey moaning at the sudden break.

“Quincey.” Landon tried to suck in more oxygen before he could completely faint. Every line was there, playing in his head, he doesn't deserve you, I'll treat you better, I'll treat you right. But all he said was, “Sorry.”

“Landon. Landon.” That was all Quincey could seem to say, tearing up. “Help me, Landon.”

And he could. Maybe. He could disembowel Travis and make Quincey watch as he gets what he deserves. But what would that solve? Quincey may be child-like, but he still loved Travis, and Quincey would hold on to the one he loves, that was clear as the drops streaming downwards onto his hair, onto the floor.

Landon closed his eyes. “I want to save you, Quincey, if only I could. But I couldn't... It's just, Quincey, when it comes to this thing... I think... you have to save yourself.”

*

They didn't meet during the spring break. When the new semester began, the first thing he did once he entered the dorm was to flop on the bed, but knowing Quincey would be there any minute sent him pacing, moving from place to place. He sat on his chair and placed his laptop on the table, flipped it open. He'd just surf the net or something.

Just then, a hand touched his shoulder, and Landon was beginning to think he was in another sort of scene chipped from a thriller movie.

“Hey.” Landon said after he spun to find Quincey, stooped to level his head with his and who's sad face terrified him more than murderers chasing helpless protragonists.

“You were right, Landon.” Quincey straightened himself, his fingers fiddling with the cuffs of his long sleeves, uneasy. “I broke up with him... right after we talked.”

Landon tried to keep his composure, tried to keep his features even, trying so hard not to smile about it. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Told him he's a lying, playing douchebag...” Quincey bit his lip. “I-I punched him... and I kind of bruised my knuckle...”

Landon couldn't help but giggle at that, especially when Quincey looked at him, smile sweet, when the ache in his gut was something he couldn't stop ignoring anymore.

Quincey tilted his head, looking thoughtful. “And...”

“And...?”

“...they're in town again.” Quincey pulled out two pieces of paper from his pocket, and lowered his head again, face awfully close. “I have two tickets.”

“That's nice,” Landon said, and pinched Quincey's nose. “I don't think my boyfriend would allow me, though.”

Quincey's face fell. “Oh.”

“Well...” Landon laughed, taking Quincey's hand and earning a chuckle from him, more delighted than ever. “Please allow me, then.”