Red Roses

You know that feeling you get when you have so much you want to say to someone but you're too overwhelmed by shock to get the words out? That's how I felt.

About halfway through the day, I realized acting that way was ridiculous. I couldn't spend who knows how long moping around and crying about a guy, even if every time I thought about him, it made my heart clench and my throat clog up. What if I felt like this all the time? What, I'd live the rest of my life in bed, avoiding the world and closing myself off from it? I couldn't do that. I had a life to live. I had friends, family. I had a job I couldn't wait to start. I refused to revert to the lovesick teenage girl I had been in high school.

About an hour later (or half an hour; I didn't really pay attention to the time) of thinking about all of it, I jumped in the shower and hoped that it would completely wake me up. I got out of the shower and put on some clothes: leggings, flats, and a short-sleeved blue dress ‒ nice and comfortable. It was time for me to go out and meet some new people. It was past lunch on a Sunday so I figured there would be a decent amount of people around.

I left my house and headed to that dreaded café for some food first. I walked through the door and the bell above the door jingled. I walked up to the cash quickly to place my order to go.

"Good afternoon, miss. What can I get you?" the nice, Scottish man at the cash register asked. I smiled at him.

"Hello. I'd like to have a large hot chocolate with some cream in it. Could you also add some whipped cream and cinnamon on it, please? It was really good last time," I asked.

"Anything else?"

"A couple of buttered scones, please." He smiled and nodded, going to prepare my order.

"Oh, wait, it's to go!" I added. He turned around and smiled again.

While I waited, I looked around. There weren't many people in the café but that could have something to do with it being a nice day out. There were mainly couples sitting around and enjoying a late lunch. There was one guy sitting with a girl who looked like she felt uncomfortable where she was ‒ if uncomfortable was the correct word. The guy sitting across from her kind of resembled Jason but it didn't seem like it was. My eyes were probably just playing tricks on me. Jason's look-a-like reached over and grabbed the girl's hand, smiling at her. He looked up and our eyes locked. I gasped.

It was Jason. Jay with a girl. Jay holding hands with a girl. Oh God. A thousand things went through my mind at once. I wanted to ask him why he had left on Friday, who she was. I wanted to ask why he threw out the roses, where she came from. There was so much I wanted to say, to ask but my mouth just wouldn't let me form the words.

"Miss, your order is ready," the cashier announced. I kept my eyes on Jay and he kept his on me. He opened his mouth to say something, but I turned around and paid for my food, grabbed it and bolted out of the café. Today was a bad day to go out. I walked to the inn Cam was staying at and knocked on the door to his room (it was the only burgundy one around).

A couple minutes later, the door opened to reveal Matt, Cam's fiancé. "Eve, what are you doing here?" he asked when he recognized me.

"I..." I trailed off as my eyes filled with tears. I took a deep breath and tried again. "Is Cam here?" Matt smiled sadly and ushered me into the room. I sat on the couch and hugged my stuff to myself. Anything to give me comfort.

"No, Cam's not here. He went out to get us some real food and deal with something or other but you can hang out here until he gets back," he answered softly. I nodded and gave him a small smile. "You know, I know we don't really know each other, but you can talk to me. It might help. Or if you don't want to talk about it, we can talk about something else ‒ like get to know each other ‒ or nothing," he added shyly.

"No offence, but I'd rather talk to Cam about this. Thank you anyways," I said, flashing him a grateful, albeit weak, smile. "I wouldn't mind getting to know you though. I mean, you are marrying my best friend."

Matt smiled and nodded, then proceeded to get up and get something from the kitchenette ‒ a cup of coffee, as it turns out ‒ and join me on the couch again.

"Where do I start?" he asked.

"Wherever."

"Well, I grew up in Ottawa. My dad was a cop and my mom a lawyer..."

For who-knows-how-long, I sat there, sipping at my hot chocolate and munching on a scone as I listened to Matt tell me his life story. Somehow, he managed to keep my mind off my current emotional state. That changed when the door opened with what was clearly a struggle.

"You'll never guess who I ran into at the grocery store, Matt!" Cam said as he walked in. He walked straight to the kitchenette without looking at his surroundings. "I ran into your sister. My first thought was, 'What the hell is Selena doing here?' then I saw she was with Jay and I remembered..." he trailed off as he finally turned around and saw that he had a visitor.

"Hi," I mumbled as tears formed in my eyes at the mention of Jay's name.

"Eve, hey! What are you doing here?"

"I---I saw... Never mind. I just realized it's not fair for me to keep disturbing your life because of Jay. I'm sorry," I said, trying to hold in my tears. I stood up and walked to the door. "I'm going to go now. I'll see you later."

I opened the door but before I could step even a foot outside, the door was slammed shut. I looked up to see Matt's hand on the back of the door and a frown on his face as he looked at me with sad eyes.

"Wait!" Cameron exclaimed after a couple seconds of tension, only a bit delayed with his request. I turned to look at him and he wore a frown to match Matt's. I sighed.

"What?" I grumbled.

"What happened?" Cam asked softly. Matt put his arm around my shoulders and guided me towards the couch. It briefly entered my mind that it was weird that I felt comfortable enough with him after a day for him to even touch me. Maybe that's why Cam fell for him.

"Tell us what happened," Matt said as he stroked my arm. I sighed but agreed.

"I went to the café because I was hungry and I wanted to get out of my house. I gave my order and that's when I saw him. He was sitting at a table, facing me and there was a girl ‒ no, a woman ‒ sitting across from him. They were holding hands or something. She looked like she felt uncomfortable and out of place, like she didn't belong." I looked up at Cam and my eyes filled with tears. "He was with another girl, Cam. What if he was married and he never told me?" I cried out as a sob wracked my body.

Cam sighed and shook his head. He sat down beside me and took my hand in his.

"First, if Jay got married, no matter how many miles separated the two you, you would know. Second, I'm pretty sure that was not a girl that Jay is romantically involved with," he said, as though he knew everything. Which admittedly, most of the time, he did.

"What makes you so sure?"

"Was she blonde?" I nodded.

"Kind of tall?" Cam asked. Again, I nodded. "Yea, that's Matt's older sister, Selena. She's in Liberton because she's married to Jay's brother and he just passed away. I think she's here to try to get to go home."

"Ethan died?" I mumbled, shocked.

Cam and Matt both nodded sadly.

"When? Why didn't Jay say anything to me or my brother even? I mean, Ty is Ethan's age and they were friends."

"He passed away two months ago in a car accident. I don't know why Jay or your brother didn't say anything," Cam told me, looking down as he spoke, a clear sign he was hiding something.

"What are you hiding?" Cam shrugged, choosing not to answer me.

"After the funeral," Matt began, "Jason quit his job, applied for citizenship in another country ‒ he never told Selena what country though ‒ and started packing up his entire life. The one thing everyone did know was his reason for leaving."

"What was it?" I mumbled. This was all too overwhelming. Who would've thought Jay was going through so much? He'd never been one to smile through his pain.

"He had let it slip that he wanted to go find the only person that could help him get through the pain," Cam told me, his gazed fixed on me.