When Night Breaks

The old farmhouse stood off of a small gravel road; huge trees that had shed their leaves for the winter surrounded it. It was an old home, the wood on the outside had been worn down by countless rains and winds. But it was private, which was what made it an ideal location for a safe house. The nearest neighbors were on the other side of a small patch of woods; they could neither see nor hear us.

I pulled the SUV into the driveway and glanced over at Samantha. She had been silent for most of the trip, uttering nothing more than a few lines of small talk. I could tell she was scared. Her heart was pounding in her chest and with each thump I heard I felt more guilty for dragging her into such a mess. It was a big change, leaving life in the rear view mirror and traveling down a dark road -- a road that I knew all too well to a lonesome one.

“Are you okay?” I asked for the tenth time that day.

“Yeah,” she forced a smile. “It’s just a lot to adjust to.”

“I know. Hopefully it won’t be this way forever,” I said, trying to convince myself as well.

Truth was, I didn’t know how long we would have to stay there or if we could ever go back into the main part of the city. I wanted it all to end -- the pain, the deaths, the hiding. But it was a life I had lived for 24 years, and I didn’t see an end in sight. Still, I did my best to pretend for Samantha’s sake.

“I’ll help with the bags,” I offered, stepping out of the car. “Let’s go look around first.”

The air was bitter cold, the temperature had dropped drastically and I could feel a storm approaching. Samantha had already started back to school, but I knew the heavy snow that was to come would delay classes for a few days at least. It was a subject we didn’t speak about; neither of us knew how she would balance going to class and staying hidden.

I walked up to the house and opened the door for Samantha. She took a hesitant step inside and then turned to me.

“It’s nice,” she said.

“It’s nothing special but it’ll do.”

The home was furnished lightly; the living room had a couch and a couple chairs, the kitchen with the essential dishes and pans to cook, and only two of the four bedrooms actually had beds. One had been converted into Leo’s office and lab, something he had set up right after we moved to Elliot Springs. Leo and I had bought several homes -- where he got the money, I was never sure -- and set them each up in case an emergency move happened.

After giving Samantha a short tour, I retrieved our things from the car and brought them inside. I found Samantha in the kitchen, staring out of the back door. Her arms were crossed against her chest and she stood almost perfectly still. I walked up behind her and followed her eyes outside, searching for what she was looking at. My eyes found nothing but barren trees and brown grass.

“Hey, it’ll be alright,” I said, touching her shoulder.

“I know,” she responded, but her voice held little honesty.

“Leo is looking into Alice, seeing if maybe he can find any connections to the McKenzies or Ian.”

“Do you think she’s behind this? Killing Ian, killing Rose?”

“Maybe,” I answered.

“Why? I mean, why any of this? Ian was just a jealous maniac and Rose was a friend who didn’t even know you existed. Why kill them and not us?”

The words were sharp; they dropped from her lips and scattered on the cold kitchen floor. The thought of dying crossed my mind often. I knew I was always close to death’s reach with the way I lived, with what I was. But thinking of Samantha dying was a thought I couldn’t fathom.

“I don’t know. I don’t have answers, Samantha. I wish I did, I would give them all to you. I’d give everything to you if I had it.”

“Will it ever be safe?” she asked, her eyes pleading.

“Maybe one day. When the McKenzies are dead, when Alice is gone, and when there’s no one after me. But even then…”

“Even then you have to hide,” she said it as if it were a solid truth. And it was.

I knew what I was, what I had been made into. I was a monster, a beast that wasn’t all human. I couldn’t be in public for fear of raging out. Even if I could control my temper, my animal instincts would come out if I felt threatened. And then there was the issue of my night-eyes. Why it took the night to change them was a mystery that Leo and I never figured out. Still, the white that replaced the blue was enough to force me to stay locked inside.

“This isn’t fair to you,” I said, but I knew Samantha already knew that.

“It’s alright. I knew what I was signing onto,” she smiled. I couldn’t help but smile back.

“Let’s go get you unpacked,” I said, wanting to change the subject.

I lead Samantha up to the bedroom that was designated as mine. I didn’t like it as much as the one in our real home. But it had to do.

“I’m sorry it’s nothing fancy. And, we’ll have to share a bed unless you want to crash on the couch every night,” I laughed.

“I think I’d much rather take the bed,” she smiled.

We unpacked our things -- what little we had -- and then cooked dinner. Thankfully, Leo had thought to stock up on food, and we ate lasagna from a frozen box which tasted better than it sounded. Afterwards, Leo retired to his room quietly, leaving Samantha and I to ourselves.

We made out way to our bedroom, the night air slipping in through the old wooden windows. I found an old towel and stuffed it around the window sill, attempting to block the bitter wind. Samantha was already under the covers and I soon slid in beside her.

“I’m sorry for the heat. I’ll check it tomorrow and make sure tomorrow night it’s warm in here,” I said, feeling embarrassed that she had to stay in such a place.

“It’s okay,” she said, moving closer to me. “We can keep each other warm.”

I stared at her, captivated by the way the moonlight was reflecting off her face. I wanted to take a photo to capture it, to seal the image onto paper so I could look at it over and over again. I reached up and touched her cheek, feeling how soft her skin was against my fingers. I pulled her face in, brushing my lips against hers. I had kissed her many times, yet each time it felt new. The same chills that I got the first night our lips touched on her balcony, was present in every kiss after that.

Samantha moved her hand to the back of my neck, pressing harder against me. I let my arm wrap around her waist. Her body was cold, so I held her tightly. Slowly, she leaned back and I eased myself on top of her. We pulled away and looked at each other; she smiled and I couldn’t resist bringing my lips down to her neck.

Suddenly, a heat rose inside of me, and the night air was no longer a bother. Samantha’s hands found the skin of my stomach and her fingers trailed up my body. I mimicked her motions, feeling her slender waist against my hand.

“I love you,” I whispered between kisses.

“I love you too,” she replied, her hand now siding back down and resting above my pant line. I felt her trail down, her fingers finding the strings to my sweat pants. I pulled away from the kiss, suddenly embarrassed.

“Samantha, I ---” the words were floating around in my brain but they couldn’t find their way to my lips.

“What?” she looked up, clearly confused.

“I’ve never….” I felt the heat in my cheeks. I was embarrassed; I wanted Samantha in every way possible, but my lack of experience left me nervous and unsure of myself.

“Oh,” she said, chuckling. Her laughter stung.

“I’m sorry…I know you’re laughing because….” her lips pressed against mine hard, stopping my words.

“I’m not laughing at you, Jay,” she said as she pulled away. “I’m laughing at us. I haven’t either.”

Her cheeks soon met the shade of red of mine and I suddenly felt bad for assuming that Samantha had been that far before.

“Oh. Well, I guess we’re both just awkward.”

“I’m okay with that. I‘m perfectly okay with just being with you, lying here in a cold room,” she smiled. I leaned down and kissed her lips again before rolling off and resting beside her.

She laid her head on my chest, and I held her tightly. She uttered a soft goodnight and I love you and was soon asleep. I didn’t let go of her, and instead brushed my fingers softly against her arm that was wrapped around my waist. The room that at first felt cold and unwelcoming suddenly felt a little more like home.