When Night Breaks

A soft breeze was blowing my hair, the warm sun beating against my skin. I felt the cool grass against by bare feet; my shoes were laying off to the side and I had no desire to put them on. I breathed in and the smell of freshly mowed lawns filled my nostrils. Yellow flowers -- weeds, but still beautiful -- dotted the landscape.

"Sammy," I heard a voice behind me. I turned and saw my brother, smiling and leaning against a tall maple tree.

"Sawyer?" I asked. I looked around with the realization that I was standing in the backyard of our childhood home. It was spring, no longer winter and no longer cold.

"It's good to see you, sis," Sawyer said.

"Am I..." I looked around me, the sun was warm and soothing. I felt no pain, no sorrow.

"Dead?" Sawyer chuckled. "Not quite."

"But you're..."

"It's okay to say it Sammy. I'm dead. I know. But you're still alive, just sort of, in between."

I didn't understand; I knew that place like the back of my hand but I didn't know why I was there. My memories before getting there were hazy. The last thing I remembered was being in the car with Jay. Had I not made it to the hospital?

"What happened to me?" I asked. Sawyer pushed himself off the wall and walked over to me. His smile was infectious and I couldn't help but grin back at him.

"You got shot, kid. In the stomach."

I looked down at my torso but no blood or wound was present. Pressing my fingers against my shirt, I felt nothing out of the ordinary. If I had been shot, there was no evidence of it. My confusion only grew stronger, Sawyer still smirking.

"Don't worry, there's no pain here. No gunshots."

"Who shot me?"

"I don't know. Sadly, I don't have all the answers for you," he said honestly and disheartened.

"What answers do you have?" I asked. If my brother had some sort of all knowing, or at least semi-all-knowing powers, I wanted to hear.

"I can tell you that you'll live. That is, if you want to. My suggestion is to want to."

"I have a choice?" A choice of living or dying? It seemed like an easy decision but the grass felt good under my feet and I had missed Sawyer so much.

"Sure. But as much as I love seeing you, I don't think you should stay."

"But I love it here." I looked around and the house I grew up in was calling out to me. Taking a step forward, I yearned to go inside and explore the all familiar rooms.

"Of course you do, it's your idea of paradise. We all have different scenes of the Heaven we want. Yours is here at home, with me. Mom and dad are inside."

"Are they dead too?!" Panic rose in my voice.

"They're alive and well. But the idea of them are here in your head," Sawyer laughed. "Don't worry, don't think too hard on it. You won't be staying."

"Why not? I have the right to choose."

Sawyer glanced behind me, his eyes locking on something in the distance. There stood Jay, waving to me and smiling. He looked happy, content. Was he part of my paradise?

"You're not quite finished though, Sammy. Do you think I sent him to you for you to leave him like this?"

Sent him? Sawyer spoke in language I just didn't understand. I heard the words but their meanings eluded me. If I were dreaming, it was the strangest -- and most real -- dream I had ever had. I glanced back at Jay and motioned him to walk over to me. But he didn't move, he just stood in his place still waving.

"Things all happen for a reason, Sam. Jay didn't show up in your life for no reason. You needed someone. Granted, it's been a hell of journey but he's good for you."

Sawyer was right. I never believed in coincidences and I always thought that there was a greater purpose for mine and Jay's love story. He was good for me, despite all the bad that seemed to follow us around. I turned back to my brother who was fiddling with a blade of grass he had picked. He always had to do something with his hands.

"I have to go, don't I?" I asked, sadness filling my voice. Sawyer simply nodded his head and I nodded back.

"It's been so good to see you though," he stepped towards me and embraced me in his arms.

Instantly, tears were streaming down my cheeks. Hugging him was a feeling I had missed so much. His cologne that I remembered so well filled my nostrils and it smelt like home. Wrapping my arms tight around him, I cried into his shirt.

"I miss you so much," I whispered.

"I miss you too, Sammy. But I'm always with you. You know that, right? Always." He let me go and wiped my tears away. Leaning in and kissing me on the forehead he stepped away. "I love you, kid. Be good, okay?"

He turned and was suddenly gone. The grass beneath my feet began to fade to brown and the sun went behind a cloud. My summertime was ending. I frantically glanced towards Jay and he began walking in the opposite direction. Leaving my shoes behind, I began sprinting in his direction.



I awoke with a startle, unaware at first as to where I was. A tube was pressed against my face, oxygen blowing into my nostrils. Suddenly aware of a pain in my stomach, I began to move around. But cords and wires tugged around me, preventing me from moving.

"Sawyer?" I tried to speak but my throat was dry. "Sawyer."

"Shh, calm down, you're okay," I felt my mothers fingers pushing my hair from my face. Her hands were warm against my skin. My eyes focused on on her face and I took in my surroundings.

"Where is he?" I asked.

"Jay's right here," mom said.

"I'm here Samantha," Jay's hand found mine and he gave it a squeeze. I attempted a small smile.

"And Sawyer?" I inquired, looking around still confused.

Mom's face turned into a grimace as he glanced at my dad. He shrugged his shoulders, unsure what to say. It took my head a moment to clear from the fogginess; I knew my parents believed it was the medicine talking. And maybe it was, but the dream -- if that's what I was -- seemed too real. Deciding not to mention my brother, keeping the image and feel of his hug to myself, I sat up a little in my hospital bed.

"Don't try to move too much, honey," dad said. Soon all three of them were by my side.

"What happened?" I asked, my memory lost.

"You got uh, shot, Sam. You've been out for a few days."

"Days??" I asked shocked.

"Yeah, you had to have surgery. But you'll be fine. Just have to heal up a little," mom smiled her smile that I swore could heal the world. I smiled softly back at her and she kissed the top of me head. "I will let you and Jay have a couple minutes. Dad and I will go get a coffee."

They walked out of the small hospital room and down the hallway. I could see worry in Jay's eyes despite the smile he was trying to give. Something was wrong, and more than just me being in the hospital.

"Does this," I looked around at the IV and wires connecting to my body, "have to do with us?"

"Yes, but I'm taking care of it."

"What does that mean?"

"It means you don't have worry. I'll handle everything."

Now I was worried; even though I couldn't remember the bullet entering me, I knew it had caused Jay to seek revenge. He often forgot I knew him so well. And even if I didn't know what he was planning, I knew there was a plan. I rested my head back on my pillow, the slow drip of the medicine going into my bloodstream bringing on sleep. Closing my eyes, I softly wished for my paradise to be waiting in my dreams again.