An Undead Boy

I toss a rock up at the window, like I'm in a film trying to woo the girl of my dreams. But this is no film - they have a rollercoaster of emotions and incidents, taking you from the highest high to the lowest low but my life seems to be in a death spiral to the ground with no safety parachute. And I've broken the girls heart, stamped on it to make sure and set fire to the pieces, even if I hadn't wanted to.

I get no reply so I throw up another small pebble, hearing a small 'ouch!' from above. Danielle sticks her head out of the window, rubbing her cheek. Her hair is loose from it's ponytail and is flying free in the wind, silvery ribbons against the blue sky.

"Charlie? You're crazy. My parents are home! And you hit me in the face with that rock!" she calls down in a loud whisper, glancing behind her into her room.

I know all of these things and I'm sorry for all of them - especially the rock thing. But I need her now.

"Want to hang out? Please."

We stare at each other and I know everything that transpired between us yesterday is playing back in her mind. I cross my fingers behind my back, praying that some evil bitterness hasn't rooted itself deep inside Danielle even though I deserve to be shunned by her. She doesn't deserve to be tainted by it though.

"I'll get my coat. Wait there and for God's sake, keep away from the windows! My mum will go spare - "

I wait patiently, wanting to spill my guts to her about my father and mother and the family I never knew I had but I will not burden her with the news - not after what happened in her room. When she arrives, for once warm in a coat and surprisingly her hair still down, she looks me over with curiosity.

"I didn't expect to see you so soon - " she pauses, a blush lighting up her cheeks for a moment. She must be remembering the almost-kiss, I think. " - well, you know. So soon after seeing you yesterday."

I lightly take hold of her elbow and steer her away from her house, taking the route from the back instead of parading down the driveway. Despite what I have in store for today, I'm not stupid. I know Danielle's parents - or mostly her mother - will go ballistic if she sees us together and I can't stand the thought of losing Danielle to a minute of blind idiocy.

"We're having that day." I say simply.

Danielle allows me to tow her further away from the house, towards the road. I'm moving with a purpose and she seems too stunned to object.

"That day?"

"The day to show ourselves to the public. It's today." I tell her, throwing her what I hope to be a radiant smile. I want today to be perfect. "We're going to do normal, dull, everyday, human things. And we're going to love every minute of it."

She stops short when she spots what I am clambering towards, the first obstacle to overcome in this day out. The bus stop.

"We're getting on a bus? We're - we're going to - "

"Town? Yes. We're going to the shopping center and we're going to walk around and be ordinary."

She is still motionless. She's staring at me with a jumble of emotions, all of them fighting their damnedest to override each other: wonder, amusement, terror, uncertainty, excitement. I can see them all playing out across her face, always as open as a book, and she digs her heels deep in the ground. She is not going anywhere yet and her eyes flash abruptly, defying me.

"Where has this come from? I thought we were going to plan a day, to choose where to go? I thought it was going to be well thought out at least, not so out of the blue. What about how other people will react?"

I push the palms of my hands against my eyes and I sigh. I should never have expected her to just follow me around, undemanding of answers. What she is asking isn't meant to sound harsh, we should have to consider the people around us - I know that now. She wants to be sensible about this and who can blame her?

"I just think it's time. Don't mistake this - this confidence for acceptance of what I am. I don't think there's anything that can make me accept being, well...not alive - no, I've just learnt to manage it. That's all there's left to do, right? If you can't control something, if you can't change it then you have to learn to live with it. And this is me, living - in a sense - with it."

She tentatively takes a step towards the bus stop but looks across at me before she goes any further.

"Okay." she breathes. "Okay, let's do it."

I smile widely, grabbing her arm again and move as quickly as possible to the bus stop. I can see the bus trundling along on the road a little way away from us and hurry my pace, Danielle tripping behind me.

"But - there's one thing. I don't have any bus fare." she puffs as we reach the bus stop. She leans against it, clutching a stitch at her side. "And I never knew you could move so fast."

"Don't worry, I have change for the both of us." I tell her, stuffing my hand deep into my pocket to grasp for the coins at the bottom.

Fleetingly, I'm taken back to another time; a younger me and Mark and James in the park. The day with the ice lolly. I shake my head, banishing the thought from my mind and drop the change into Danielle's outstretched hand.

"Thanks." she glances at the approaching bus. "Are you sure about this?"

I nod briskly, buzzing with adrenaline. I haven't been on a bus in months, I haven't even been to town since my accident. I suddenly wonder if much has changed and if I'm making a big mistake - maybe it's too much for me to handle? But even as I think this, the bus swings into the bus stop and the doors lurch open, waiting for us.

I let Danielle go ahead of me, hearing her ask for an adult ticket in her quiet voice and step onto the rumbling vehicle. The driver, an old man with a heavy mustache, barely looks at me as I mutter the same as Danielle and when I grab the ticket from the machine, the bus jolts back into life, nearly sending me flying.

The driver notices and squints at me in the mirror.

"You okay, kid?"

I've braced my hand on one of the chairs, my coordination shaky as always. I can feel the eyes of every passenger on me and can just make out Danielle's silvery head retreating to the back of the bus; she hasn't seen me stumble.

"Yeah - yeah, I am. Thanks." I say, keeping my head low as I wobble after Danielle.

I'm not sure if the people on the bus are familiar with me but none of them say a word as I move past them; their eyes only flicker occasionally to me but maybe that's because I'm walking like I'm on ice? The bus turns a corner and I grab hold of the overhead handles, nearly colliding with a burly looking builder. I force out an apology and continue my journey to the back of the bus but a large pair of blue eyes are staring at me and I freeze in place.

They belong to a young girl, her blonde hair twisted into scruffy plaits that hang at the sides of her small, round face. For a moment, I'm forcibly reminded of Danielle though this girl has nothing in common with her except for the blonde hair - even then, it's not the same silvery sheen that I've become accustomed to but more of a bright yellow, like a buttercup. No, despite the lack of resemblance, it's the way she is staring at me that makes me think of my friend.

Unlike Mark, James and my mother - some of the only other people to look at me in the eyes since I died (unless you count Grandma Thelma, which I don't because she treats everyone with the same snappy attitude) - this girl is watching me fearlessly, like I'm the most fascinating thing she's seen in the whole world. She doesn't know what I am but there must be a sixth sense there, like she can tell there's something off about me but can't tell what. I feel a surge of something, a sense of acceptance from this child because her mind isn't clouded with judgement or prejudice yet - she's as innocent as she can be in this life.

"Charlie?"

I look up and see Danielle waving frantically at me from her seat, eyebrows raised questioningly. I take one last look at the young girl and she gives me a shy smile. Next to her, an older woman with the same sort of blonde hair who must be her mother, wraps a protective arm around her before I rush off to sit beside Danielle.

"What was that about?" she asks worriedly, staring past me to the young girl and her mother.

"Nothing. She just reminded me of someone."

She lets it drop and we go the rest of the bus ride in a comfortable silence.



Danielle is stood next to me, her eyes darting around the shopping center anxiously. After much insistence, she let me buy her an ice cream from a nearby stall but she hasn't touched it, the mint chocolate chip ice cream dripping a green trail down from the cone and onto her clenched hand.

I pull out a tissue from my pocket - a habit that I haven't managed to break from being alive, though my nose doesn't run anymore - and wipe the ice cream from her fingers.

"You know, if you don't eat that soon, the cone is going to get soggy and I only have this one tissue with me." I say, scrunching the sodden tissue into a ball and throwing it into a bin.

"Oh - " she gasps, looking down at the cone in her hand, like she's forgotten she has it. "Oh, sorry. I'm just nervous, in case someone from school sees and it kicks off..."

I roll my eyes and start to walk, beckoning her to follow.

"Quit freaking out, Dani. It's fine."

When she doesn't move and instead, the ice cream falls from her loosened grip and her eyes widen so much that they look as if they're about to pop from her skull, I start to panic.

"Danielle? What's wrong - "

She surprises me, breaking off into a high pitched laugh. I stare around wildly, not knowing what to do. Were girls always like this? So unpredictable?

"Nothing's wrong." she chuckles, shaking her head at me fondly. "You called me Dani."

I feel even more confused. "Is that a problem? I was just testing it out, I didn't know if it would sound right..."

She shakes her head again, her hair flying out behind her.

"I like it - I like that you've given me a nickname. It's kind of nice to know that we're close enough." she says, her eyes sparkling and her smile wicked. "Should I call you Charles? Chuck?"

I'm about to answer as I resume walking but when I open my mouth, my feet tangle together and I crash into something solid. And very much alive. There's a swish of coat and the unmistakable sight of a flat cap and I immediately know who it is.

"Arthur? No way! What are you doing here?" I ask, too shocked to see someone that I know. At least it's someone who doesn't loathe me - I think. Running into him can't have helped my chances of making friends.

After brushing down his coat and straightening his hat, he pointedly looks around at the other shoppers, then at the bags they're carrying and then at the shops around us.

"I believe it's called shopping, Charlie. I know, it's a bit far-fetched but trust me, I'm a professional."

Mentally, I'm blushing but if being dead has given me one gift, it's the ability to hide my embarrassment except for a sheepish grin. Beside me, Danielle is shaking with laughter and my shoulders sag with relief; it makes a nice change to know that she's not shaking from crying.

"If anything, I was going to ask you the same thing. I thought hanging about at the front of religious houses was your normal haunt? Or am I judging you too soon from our one meeting?"

He winks at me and directs his attention to Danielle, who shuffles closer into my arm. She's a whole different person around everyone else and I practically forgot about that - when we were still watching each other from across the classroom, she was shy and softly spoken. I smile fondly, thinking how funny it is how one person can change so completely given the right level of comfort and familiarity.

"You must be the girl - as in, 'there is this one girl'." he says, grasping Danielle's hand and shaking it with vigour. "Charlie's confidante, best friend and saviour all rolled into one. I'm impressed. It's very good to meet you - um?"

"Danielle." I cut in, saving her from Arthur's exuberance.

"Danielle - I totally knew that. Although, I think you look more like an 'April' or 'Amy' personally." he muses, leaning closer to her to peer into her face. "Have you ever considered a name change?"

"Arthur!" I shout, wincing as people look over to the sound of my yell.

He seems unperturbed by the cautionary glances of everyone around us, just shrugs his shoulders in a casual sort of apology.

"Not that Danielle isn't a very lovely name, just you look more like a -"

"O-kay." I say loudly, mortified. Danielle doesn't seem to know how to take this energetic person in front of her but I'm determined for them to get on; the only two people to openly trust and befriend me, even if they are polar opposites.

"Hey, Arthur? What would you say to hanging out with us today? You look like you're here on your own and we don't mind you joining us."

Arthur gapes at me for a second, unbelievably thrown by my question. He recovers soon enough though, his face lighting up with evident joy.

"I'd say that I would love to, Charlie boy."