An Undead Boy

The walk home is a long and lonely one with only images of Danielle for company. She plays on my mind like a broken record, juddering back into my consciousness whenever I manage to break free from the recollection of her ghostly face. The sound of her knees hitting the floor is the constant soundtrack beating against my brain and pounding into my ears.

The rain has finally stopped, the clouds sailing away like ships to reveal the vast, incredible, forget-me-not blue that is the sky. In a way, it almost feels like it's mocking me, like it's saying "HEY! LOOK HOW OPTIMISTIC AND INFINITE AND HAPPY I AM!".

My house looms up at me, totally alien now. It's like I don't even live here anymore but I force myself to go in, despite the hostility I can feel radiating from the place, spiking my sixth sense.

The hallway is deserted but I spot my mother's car keys on the table and I hesitate in the doorway as I wonder what to do. I don't have to wait long though.

"Charlie..."

She is calling me softly from the kitchen and I hate how the room has turned into some kind of anti-library for me and my mother. It's the place where everything awkward happens, where the neglect hides behind the kettle, on top of the refrigerator, under the table.

I enter the room feeling exposed like I'm under a spotlight. She's sat down facing the door, as if she's been waiting for me all this time.

"The school phoned."

Her tone is neutral, alarmingly so. I've not heard my mother this calm since I changed. It makes it all the more worrisome when I see the knife lying flat next to her hand on the table. It's the sort of eerie control that I imagine the worst kind of criminals have, the way she keeps drumming her fingers on the handle of the knife, almost teasing. Why does she always have a knife around me now? When did my relationship with my mother suddenly turn into this? The sun shining merrily outside makes the whole situation seem surreal.

"They did?" I'm stalling and I know exactly why they phoned. Of course they did; if a parent of a student storms into class and starts screaming about how I bit their daughter, why wouldn't the school phone my mother? It had skipped my mind though, it hadn't ranked very highly in terms of me caring.

"Yes, they mentioned something about you biting another student."

Looks like time is up.

"I didn't mean it."

It is such a childish thing to say but I've never spoken truer words. Facing my mother like this makes me feel small, like a blip - meager and inconsequential.

"I want you to get out now. Leave and never come back." she orders, her face dead-pan.

"What?"

"I said, leave and never come back. I shouldn't have let you come back, I should have left you at the hospital. You're not Charlie anymore, no matter how much you look like him."

"But - but you can't just chuck me out on the streets. Where do I go?"

"GET OUT!" she screams, standing up with the knife in her hand. "Everyone is looking for you. You attacked a girl and they're not going to let you get away with it. They're hunting you now, a huge mob. This is the last thing I'm going to do for you because whatever you are now, you were still Charlie once. Go. They will kill you and if they find you, I won't stop them but I'll give you this warning. Leave."

"People are coming for me?" I say, my voice raising an octave. "They're going to kill me?! They can't do that!"

"Just you watch them." she hisses, moving around the table, knife poised. I don't recognise her anymore, her features morphed by hatred for me. "I mean it - get out of my house now."

I flap my arms wildly and step away from her, thinking fast. "Can I at least pack a bag?"

"NOW!" she roars and I run from the room, past the stairs and the former safety of my room, out of the front door, down the path and away from my house - away from everything I know.

I don't stop running until I reach an alleyway. I fall to the floor and crawl over mud and chewed gum to hide behind the cover of a bin.

It's all a disaster. I've lost Danielle, my mum, my friends....

Why didn't I just look out when I stepped into that road? Why did I have to be such an idiot, thinking that life isn't so precious or fragile, that it didn't need to be enjoyed with every single breath? I've never wanted to change the past as much as I do right now, thinking about Danielle and James, even Mark, and especially my mother. Their lives are inextricably wound with mine and the consequences of my actions that day changed them all. I'm not the only person who was forced to take up a life I didn't ask for.

I'm more scared now than when I was alive. If what my mother said is true, then death is coming for me again but there are no back up plans or exits routes that can lead me to safety this time. I won't wake up from this - I've blown it. When that car hit me, it was too sudden for me to really feel fear but it's crashing into me now with all its might. I guess someone out there thinks I deserve to feel it twice as hard, to make up for the last time.

I tilt my head back and scowl. There it is again, that sky. It's inappropriate, I think, staring up at it; when bad things happen, isn't it always about dark skies and lightning bolts, not bright sunlight and chirping birds? I remember I used to look up there and think how the sky was like this huge dome, trapping us all beneath it like bugs under a glass. It always got me thinking how we're literally just floating around in this giant bubble, surrounded by nothingness. It made me feel alone back then and it still does.

"CHARLIE!"

Someone is calling for me. I can hear them from my crouched position behind the bin and I strain my ears to hear the shouts again.

"Charlie?"

And then I know. Arthur. How does he always manage to find me when others can't? I step up and scale the wall, peering out from the corner and sure enough, there he is in his absurdly long coat minus the hat. I lift a hand to wave but stop myself; what if he has heard about what I've done? What if he hates me now?

Before I can dive into the shadows again, he sees me, his mouth curling into a relieved smile as he gestures at someone I can't see, already starting to jog towards me.

Matt is there now, his own face splitting into a grin while he follows Arthur. There's someone else with them, the sight of whom would make my heart stop if it were possible. Danielle, right behind him, hair flying behind her in tangles.

As soon as she's close enough, I reach for her dazedly. I thought I was never going to see her again, not for the first time in my undead life. They're all here, all together and not caring one bit about my stupid mistake. We're all hugging and laughing like we've accomplished the greatest thing; defeated the bad guy, rescued the damsel-in-distress, saved the whole world in one incredible motion.

"How?" I say weakly, too shocked to go beyond one-word questions.

"We sneaked her out." Arthur tells me, looping his arm through Matt's. "We heard about your showdown with Danielle's charming mother and we realised that this reunion was never going to happen if we didn't pull our fingers out because, let's face it, you were probably a catatonic wreck."

He turns to Matt with a broad grin, slapping his cheek with affection. "After ages trying to think up a plan, this genius remembered there was a window in the office so while the nurse was trying to calm Danielle's insane mother down outside, me and Matt waited under the window to help her down."

"I pulled up a chair and hoisted myself out." she pipes up proudly but her smile fades. "But there's something I need to tell you."

I glance at Arthur and Matt but they share a look with Danielle and avoid me, walking to the mouth of the alley to keep look out. I desperately want them to come back but I can tell this is something she wants to do alone. With trepidation, I nod for Danielle to continue.

"I need you to put your hand on my chest." she says calmly, stepping in front of me with grim determination.

"Uh - I know it's been a crazy day and everything but - "

"Really, Charlie. Feel." she insists, grabbing my hand herself to lift it up to her chest. My eyes widen and I try to withdraw it, even though I'm possibly in mortal peril and maybe in some weird way, I do deserve to get one last shot at being a teenager, no matter how shameless, but I don't want to sacrifice who I am, what my principles are. She holds tight though, leaning close with a bemused smile.

"I'm not trying to get you to grope me, Charlie. Jeez, just feel my heartbeat, you idiot!"

I let her guide my hand to that spot beneath your collarbone, the spot that is strong and vulnerable all at the same time. It's the centerpiece of your life, the thing that keeps you going through all the hardships, keeps on beating and pumping and living as long as it has the will to. The thing that, even if it falters, tries its damnedest to get back on track for you. It breaks and falls and lifts and stops all for you.

But Danielle's heart isn't doing anything. Nothing at all. I lift my gaze to stare at her, to really look at her since she got here, and I see familiarity but in all the wrong ways.

The shadows under her eyes, the startling whiteness of her skin, the resolute silence of her heart. They are the trademarks of me, not of her. I realise, a little too late, that her fingers on my wrist aren't seeping with warmth.

"Please tell me that you've - you've learnt some sort of crazy magic trick where you stop your heart from beating. This is a joke, right?" I ask earnestly, pressing both my hands into her chest. There's a naive hope that maybe I missed the thud of her heart somehow.

She shakes her head a little, more sad for me than herself. "Oh, Charlie..."

I move away from her, fall back against the wall beside a stinking skip full to the brim with rubbish - exactly where I should be, not Danielle.

"You had a life, a whole life to live. I didn't think I would be - didn't know you'd turn - God, I'm so sorry, Danielle."

I can tell by her face that this isn't how she expected me to react. I can see her trying to rewind, to think of something to make this more acceptable to me.

"It's okay - better, actually - "

"How is this better?" I snap, groaning in frustration. "You can't grow up."

"I guess I'm like Peter Pan then, in a way. One of my favourite stories." she shrugs and that tiny movement of her shoulder nearly makes me shout. The nonchalance of it.

"This is not a children's story! Which, by the way, is something else I've taken from you. You can't have kids - not with me, not with anyone. We have no future like this."

She walks over to me, rests the side of her head on the wall next to mine. I can feel her eyes pierce my skull but I don't look at her.

"We'll get a cat." she promises gently. "Run away with me."

It takes a moment for me to process that information.

"What?"

"Run away with me." she repeats, enunciating every word.

"We can't." I mutter, shutting my eyes. "We can't just go. I have no money, all my stuff is at my house, we have no mode of transport. What if I turn into it again - the zombie?"

"You're going to let all of that stop you?" she breathes, the smile in her voice. "And as for the zombie thing? Charlie, I trust you. I saw your face after you bit me, I don't think you can do that to someone again even if you wanted to."

I push off from the wall, look at her with my head cocked to the side to see if she's being sincere.

"You really want to do it? To run away? Because I will, I'll do anything if you want me to."

I don't mention that I'm not as confident as her when it comes to my restraint.

"I just wanted to see how committed you were. Don't worry, I have my bank card in my bag - lucky for you, I carry it everywhere with me. There's enough for us to cope for a little while, I can withdraw it all as soon as we're away from here."

"So we're going to do it? Are you sure?" My hopes are starting to build and like the first time we met, I'm offering her a way out, a chance to sever ties with me for her own good. It's different now though and as much as I didn't want it, she's like me. We're equal.

"Yes. Positive." It's the same response she gave me in the library that first day; she's seeing the similarities in the situation like I am.

I don't know where our frozen lives will take us, if we'll escape the town before the mob catches up with us or if we'll become two more names on the missing person list. We're leaving behind our old selves and maybe it will help, becoming other people where no one will know us. Maybe it's all I need for a second chance; others willing to give it to me.

"You ready?" she asks excitedly, holding out her hand to me.

I look behind me, at Arthur and Matt and the world beyond them, the place where I used to belong. What would have happened if I was still alive? I'd be stuck in the same routine, no Danielle to help me get through the day, pretending that everything is fine because I'm breathing, ignorant to the cruelty of strangers and even my best friends and family. I didn't know, didn't have a clue, that life could be so much more than school and video games and yet here I am, on the verge of something new. I want to discover what else it can be.

I sigh, a sound that goes on and on like I'm releasing something from my skin, from my bones. I'm letting go of everything I used to be, the former Charlie and what he represented to everyone who knew him.

I grin at Danielle, taking her hand in my own.

"Ready."

And I mean it.