Falling Slowly

After realizing that Jacob needed to know how I felt about him, I tried to run as quickly as I could back to the house. I figured Jake would be at my house to relieve the anxiety he had as I walked through the door.

I could see the light from the house in the distance. I stopped running, and instead walked towards the house. I had to catch my breath before entering, and if I ran all the way to the house, I would be stammering like a moron. I quickly thought of ways to tell Jacob that I loved him, but every time I think I had the right way, it seemed to cliche and to sappy. I didn't even realize that I was pacing back and forth in the front lawn, until I heard bickering come from the house. I stood frozen as I heard the bickering turn into full out yelling. From the window I could see four shadows. I saw two of the shadows pacing back and forth in front of the window, while the other two stood out of the way with their arms across their chests. The two that were pacing kept yelling with their hands moving all over the place.

What was going on? Were they bickering because that I hadn't returned yet? Or was it something else? The two shadows seemed to be utterly pissed off.

I quietly entered the front door, and peeked around the corner where the four were. I saw a bewildered Embry and Paul pacing, while Rhiannon's face was flushed and stood away from the other two. Quil just stood there, sadness was evident in his features. What happened? I felt relief rush through my body, since they had stopped yelling, but they kept muttering under their breath.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. They all turned around, and I silently wished I hadn't returned. Embry and Paul started to glare at me. If looks could kill, I'd be six feet under the ground right now. Rhiannon just looked at me, like she didn't know what to say, she looked confused. Quil just stared into my eyes, it looked like he was trying to read my thoughts. It was like he was trying to understand something, that apparently I had no idea, had happened.

"You! What did you do?!" I was taken back by Embry's sudden outburst towards me. Paul was the one who usually lost his temper, not Embry. He usually was so nice and protective over me like a big brother. But it was just his werewolf instincts probably. He was shaking slightly, and it looked like he wanted to tear me to shreds with his teeth. Fear embraced me when I noticed the shaking pick up its pace a tad bit. As each moment passed while I stood there, it got worse. Paul must have noticed the look on my face, because eventually his glare softened and he started to whisper into Embry's ear.

He wasn't calming down. He just continued to shake and glare at me. Eventually Quil started to stand in front of me in a protective stance, Rhiannon was just standing there. She looked like she was miles away in her own little world.

"How could you have done that to him Amanda? He has been nothing but nice to you, he never once forgave himself for Silas attacking you! He really loved you, yet you broke his heart when you ran away. That's the only image that he keeps replaying in his head. He thinks you loathe him!" I stared at Embry with my mouth wide open. What is he talking about? I didn't understand why he was telling me all this. Why was he losing his temper, and yelling at me?

"Wh.. Where's Jacob?" Finally regaining my mute voice, I couldn't help but think the worst. I hope he didn't try to kill himself, I don't think I could live with myself if he did.

"Why do you even care?" Embry shot back. My heart broke right there, it felt like a million daggers were being thrown into my chest.

"I care because... I..." I couldn't even finish my sentence, my knees gave out and I felt nauseous. Quil caught me before I landed on the ground, he led me to the couch and placed me near the arm of it. He sat next to me, still having his protective stance around me, in case Embry lost his temper and phased.

Embry let out a cold vicious laugh. I slightly shuddered, I never heard that laugh before, I didn't like it one bit. I wanted to hear him let out that soft, warm laugh again. "Oh you care now? Well you lost your chance Amanda, he's gone..." The look on Embry's face was heartbreaking. It was mixed with anger, hate, pity, but most of all it was full of pain and agony. He lost his best friend again, but this time it was because of me.

I lost my chance to tell Jacob how I felt about him. He thinks I hate him, when actually it's the other way around. I wish I didn't run away from him, I wished I stayed there and just felt his warm lips moving with my cold ones. I wanted to feel his arms wrap around me again, I missed his warmth. I missed his laugh, his smile, his beautiful eyes, but most of all I missed him entirely. I missed the way he said my name, the way he made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.

How could I have been so stupid, so oblivious? He loved me this entire time, and I was in denial of my feelings. I was in denial and pushed my feelings and Jacob away. And now he's gone.

I felt like I couldn't breathe, I ached in places I never knew existed. I could feel the color in my face running away from my body. My stomach started turning, I felt like I was going to throw up. I never knew what heart break felt like, but now I know. I felt empty, useless.

"Amanda?" I stared into the face staring into my eyes. The brown eyes that reminded me of Jacob, was full of concern and fear. He wasn't glaring anymore, and he wasn't shaking. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, but I felt numb. I felt the tears start to form as I watched Embry's eyes start to water also.

He wrapped his hot, suffocating arms around me in a tight embrace. He whispered soothing words into my ear, which made me cry harder. Paul left after Embry calmed down, I didn't even realize that he left. Rhiannon was suddenly sitting next to me on the other side of me, when had she moved there?

I just stayed in Embry's tight embrace until I couldn't cry anymore. I felt my eyelids droop suddenly, I fell into a slight slumber. I felt Embry pick me up, and carried me up the stairs into my room.

I felt him kiss my forehead, whispering "everything will turn out okay, Manda."

I tried so hard to believe his soothing words, but I couldn't help but doubt them.

Nothing will turn out okay if Jacob isn't here with me.