Falling Slowly

I didn't know how long I was unconscious for, but every now and then I would drift in and out. If I was lucky I would overhear a slight conversation from the nurses that would walk by, or I would hear a doctor examining a patient. I could feel the throbbing pain every time I would move my body, it was unbearable. Shouldn't I have some pain killers? Some Morphine, or something?

I felt a presence around myself near the bed I laying in.. I felt a scorching hand intertwine with my cold numb one. As I opened my heavy eyelids, I could see the familiar face that I had been avoiding for a week before this incident. I took notice that Rhiannon's hand was in mine, and she had her head bent down, resting it next to my left thigh. Her skin looked paler than normal, and she looked a tad bit skinnier than I remember. It might just be from the incredible pain I felt right now, it must be making me imagine things.

Coughing lightly, I watched as Rhiannon's head snap upwards from the resting position she was in. Rhiannon instantly released her hand from mine, and brought me into a big sisterly hug. The pain got worse, but I didn't want to ruin the moment. She let go finally and I noticed she had tears starting to form.

"Amanda.. I'm so glad you're okay." She finally managed to choke out, she always tried composing herself in front of me when she was upset, but I guess this was too much for her. Or she didn't care if I saw her cry anymore. "I'm so sorry Amanda. I should have been at the house more with you, I was so caught up in everything that I forgot I had a responsibility for you." I could tell she was sincere, I could tell she was blaming herself for what happened to me.

I shook my head slowly, trying not to make the pain increase. I was getting incredibly irritated by Rhiannon always blaming herself for things she shouldn't even have to worry about. "Rhi. Stop. Just stop with everything, okay? I'm fine. Sure I'm in the hospital, but you weren't the one who pushed me against the tree, alright? So I want you to stop blaming yourself for everything. I can take care of myself, so if you want you can run along with your new best friends, frankly I don't really care what you do." Why was I being so harsh with her? She was only trying to look out for me.

I saw the hurt look on her face, and new tears start to form. I instantly regretted what I said. "Rhiannon. Dammit! I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. I have all this hostility towards everyone I care about, and I don't know where it's coming from. I didn't mean what I said before. I.. I think I'm just bitter that you've been spending less time with me. And hurt also, because all of you are hiding something from me."

I watched Rhiannon shake her head. "I'm sorry Amanda. I should have told you before when we realized what Silas was. We just thought he wouldn't attack you like he did." I furrowed my eyebrows together in confusion. What is she talking about? What Silas was? What the hell? He's a human, obviously. "I know you're confused Amanda, but I can't explain it to you right now. It's to complicated and I would need Jacob there with me. He knows more about this than I do."

Oh great, just what I need to feel better. Someone in the same room as me, glaring while I try to hide the pain running through out my body.

Fan-bloody-tastic.


After the hospital finally released me from their hands, Rhiannon drove me home blabbering about something unimportant. I had to much stuff on my mind to even focus on Rhiannon's moving mouth. I couldn't believe how confused I was about everything.

"And was killed by a new born vamp." I don't know if Silas wanted me to believe what he was saying, but I just couldn't believe it. I don't believe in fairy tales, especially about werewolves and vampires. Really, I know there are a lot of those type of movies out now, but why would Silas just come up with a twisted mental story about my dad being a werewolf? He probably watched too many of those horror movies and thought it would be hilarious to mess with me.

"Please hold on, I can't lose you." Those words plagued my dreams every night in the hospital. I didn't understand why Jacob had said that, maybe I had been running a fever and made me delirious? It just didn't make any sense to me, he hated me, didn't he? If he didn't then what was with all those unwanted glares and scowls, and the distance he kept putting between us? The one feeling I didn't want was having the feeling of being hopeful. Hopeful that those words that came out of his mouth were the truth, that he didn't want to lose me. Hopeful that he felt the same way as I for him.

I hoped he was falling slowly in love with me.

I shook my head violently, letting the incredulous thoughts escape my mind. How could I think that? I quickly put my hand to my forehead, sweaty and hot. Thank god for the fever! I kept blaming my fever for the thoughts of Jacob.

"Manda? You okay?" Looking up, I saw Rhiannon with the passenger door opened. She held her huge hand out for me take, and then she led me to the house. I still felt kind of sick when I entered the house, I felt like I was about to pass out at any second. Rhiannon placed me on the couch in front of the television, and then walked out in to the kitchen. I could hear her whispering a few seconds later while I rested my eyes for a bit.

I must have fallen asleep for a few minutes, because when I opened my heavy eyelids I see Quil, Embry and Jacob sitting at different places in the living room. Quil sat on a recliner chair diagonal from the television and the couch. Embry also sat in a chair it was also diagonal from the television, but a tad bit closer to the couch. Rhiannon was sitting next to me, with my head resting on her shoulder. She had her left arm wrapped around me as I cuddled into her chest.

And then on the other side of me, was Jacob Black. Before any of those incredibly stupid thoughts flooded back into my head, I quickly looked away from him.

I pushed myself off of Rhiannon so I wasn't being suffocated with heat. She smiled down at me, but quickly faded when she saw the look on my face. She knew I wanted to know the truth. She sighed a big sigh, and ran her hand through her hair. Embry, and Quil were looking in my direction with small smiles on their faces. I gave a weak one back, letting them know I wasn't mad or ignoring them anymore.

I didn't even look towards Jacob, I was still incredibly confused about him and everything that was involved with him. "Where do you want us to start Amanda?" I held my breath in when I heard his voice mutter out loud something incoherent.

"Wherever you want to start." I saw him nod towards Rhiannon, I guess she was going to explain everything to me.

"Amanda, what we're going to tell you is the truth. I don't want you to freak out or have a panic attack, okay?" She eyed me suspiciously. What am I going to do? Run the hell away? Well I was always good at that. I rolled my eyes and nodded for her to continue. "What Silas told you three days ago was the truth. I am a werewolf, as is Jacob, Quil and Embry. Daddy used to be one, I always knew something was wrong with him, I just never figured it out until I turned into one myself. You should have been one, but it always skips a generation. Remember when mom had that miscarriage? If she didn't, then you would be the one in this situation, not I." I felt a sneer finding its way to my face, I felt anger also rising in my chest. Did everyone in La Push think I was a dumb ass? Even my sister thought I was. I was about to explode, but Jacob took his turn to explain the best he could for me to understand.

"Werewolves have to learn how to control their emotions, because if we don't, then we'll phase and endanger everyone around us. You remember Emily? Sam's fiancee? Well you remember those scars on her face when you met her? Sam gave those to her, he lost control and phased with Emily around. He didn't mean to hurt her, he feels guilty all the time when he looks at her, but she always tries to comfort him. They're made for each other, soul mates really." I watched Jacob quickly shoot a warning glance towards Rhiannon, Quil and Embry. What was that look for? I waited for Jacob to continue, but Embry then took his place for the speech. I wanted to roll my eyes and groan out loud, but I reeled it in for the sake of being polite.

"Amanda, the first day of school when you walked into Trig, holding hands with Silas, do you remember how Jacob was shaking violently?" I nodded my head, trying to grasp what he was trying to say. "When he saw you come in with Silas, he was about to phase because he impr.." He quickly shot a glance towards Jake, and continued. "Because he knew that Silas was a vampire, you see vampires and werewolves are mortal enemies." I couldn't help but roll my eyes at this, I already knew they were enemies. "He didn't want anything to happen to you, none of us wanted anything to happen to you, but we thought Silas was like the Cullen's. And.. Bella.. We thought he'd be a vegetarian, but we thought wrong and almost lost you. For that we apologize for, but you're now safe. Silas was.. beheaded.." I gulped and quickly looked at the ground, for fear that they would see the worry in my eyes. They stared at me, probably waiting for me to speak. I didn't know what to say, what I was feeling. I felt ... numb basically. How could I believe them?

"Show me." I managed to say, but it kind of came out as a whimper/squeak.

"Show you what?" I heard Jacob ask, rather harshly. I was really getting sick of this hormonal little ass.

"Phasing." I said with the same tone Jacob had, "I don't know if I actually believe that you all are werewolves."

I watched impatiently as the three 'werewolves' glanced at each other. They probably were debating on who was going to show me 'phasing.' Jacob finally growled and stood up. I never really noticed how tall he was, he must be about seven feet now. I literally had to look up to see his eyes, while he had to look down. I walked silently behind the three as they walked out the door. Jacob had taken off his shirt, his socks, shoes and shorts. He had boxers on, he walked about 15 feet in front of us, probably not to be near me, and quickly took them off and immediately he phased into... Bear?

I started hyperventilating, I couldn't believe it. All this time I was feeling attached to JACOB BLACK?! All this time when I wanted to see my best friend Bear, I actually wanted to see him?! How could I have been so dumb! I should have realized something was up when I first compared them at the Black's house. How could I have loved that stupid, ignorant asshole this whole time?

I wished I didn't ask them to show me phasing, because now I was incredibly pissed off. I couldn't let the anger cool down at all. I saw Rhiannon standing in front of me, holding my shoulders, slightly shaking me as I breathed in and out loudly and in shaky breaths. "Amanda? Calm down." Rhiannon announced, shaking me more. I watched Jacob pull his boxers back on, and then the rest of his clothing articles. He had a sheepish grin on his face when he stood next to Rhiannon. My temper was growing as I stared at him. Embry and Quil were standing behind me, probably about to pounce when I pounced on Jacob.

"I wouldn't hit him Mandy." I growled at Embry when he used my nickname again. "You'll just break your hand, or arm." He quickly added, slightly chuckling.

Instead of hitting, kicking, or smacking I started to yell at him. "Jacob Black. I can't even describe how ... pissed off I am at you. You approach me in your goddamn werewolf form, yet you can't even LOOK at me when you're human? You scowl, glare and even growl at me whenever you see me in the hallways, the lunchroom, the classrooms. Yet, when you're a wolf you lay your head in my lap, and lick my face?" I started to blush when I realized he had his head in my lap that one time, he was so incredibly close to... "You're such an ass!" My hands were balled into fists by the end of my rant, I felt a lot better when I released everything. Jake just stared into my eyes, until finally he busted out a roaring laugh. I only rolled my eyes and released Rhiannon's grip on my shoulders, and walked into the house.

Embry and Quil followed me in, while Rhiannon stayed back and I guess talked to Jacob. I don't know, I don't really care either. I still didn't want to put up with Jacob, even if I did feel a lot better letting him know how I felt. They sat on either side of me, I must be crazy to actually believe this. It was obviously true though, since I saw Jacob phase into the same wolf I first came in contact with.

Rhiannon and Jacob finally walked back into the house, Jacob wouldn't even look at me. My hands became fists again, and my knuckles were turning white. I didn't care either that my nails were digging into my palms. I don't understand how he can get to me like this.

"Who are the Cullen's? And who is Bella? Since when were vampires vegetarian also?" I asked, remembering Embry say their names. I watched from the corner of my eye, Jacob shaking violently like last time during school. He clenched his jaw together, I swear I heard a slight crack. And in an instant, I watched him rip his clothes off of his body, and fly out of the door as Bear.

"Did I say something wrong?" I asked, feeling slightly guilty for Jacob's outburst.

"No, it's fine Amanda. He's just been through a lot with the Cullen's and Bella. I won't say much, that's up to him. But Bella was his first love, but she loved another. Eward Cullen. He was a vampire. He's been through a lot lately Amanda, just give him a break, he'll eventually come around." Embry announced, as he placed his arm around my shoulder.

I only smiled and rested my head on his shoulder. I didn't want them to know how I felt when he said 'first love.'

My heart sank when Embry told me about Bella, I'm sure she's much prettier than me, probably much smarter than me also. How could I compete with someone that Jacob hasn't gotten over yet?

I can't do this anymore. I need to keep my distance from Jacob while he's healing, he'll never feel the same about me as I do for him. He's all about Bella, since he can't even hear her name and then control his emotions from exploding.

I guess you could say that unrequited love really sucks.