Born Again

Rain poured down outside of the room as she sat against the wall of her bathroom door in tears. She cried harder and harder as the reality of her situations hit her harder. The young woman, barely in her 20's, was pregnant. The words of the man kept repeating in her mind.

"It'll be over soon."

Another sob hit her as she remembered the night more.

She was still nineteen at the time. She was walking down a street on her way to Ralph's to grab some groceries. She was so excited about her birthday next week, she didn't notice any of her surrounds as she walked down listening to her iPod. The words of Jason Aldean's Dirt Road Anthem were playing in her ears. She hummed along to the song as she thought about her twentieth birthday coming up. She was inviting all of her friends and family, as she had raised enough money to rent out a banquet hall for the evening. They even gave her a DJ for free.

She had bought the perfect dress for herself at her budget price. Everything was turning out awesome. As for tonight, her mom was coming over for dinner around eight and she decided to cook a nice meal. She had everything at home except for the pasta and spinach for the salad she was making. She made her way down the street and decided to take a short cut so she would have more time to prepare her food.

"Yeah, I'm chillin' down a dirt road, laid back swirvin' like I'm Gorge Jones. Smoke rolling down the window and ice cold beer sittin' in the console. Memory laid up in the headlights has got me reminiscing on the good times. I'm turnin' off a real life drive and that's right I'm hittin' easy street on mud tires.
Let's ride." The song finished and changed to Small Town USA by Justin Moore, her favorite singer.

Before she could get into the song, someone tapped her on her shoulder and she turned around to see a man who looked to be in his 40's. He had piercing blue eyes that had caught her attention automatically.

"Can I help you?" She asked softly.

"I'm sorry." He stuttered."I haven't been able to eat for two days now, would you have any change with you?"

She frowned at the news of the man. "I'm sorry, I keep all my money in my bank card. I'm walking down to Ralph's though, you're welcome to join me and I could buy you some food."

Her heart sank when she heard the man's problems. Sure, she wasn't very rich herself, but she at least had a stable job that helps pay for bills and food. She could simply not buy her accessories for her party and use the money to buy this man some food.

"Thank you." The man smiled at her.

They walked to Ralph's in silence. They were only a block away now. Once they got in there, they went through a couple of isles and picked out some things for the man and she made sure to grab the spinach and pasta for her dinner.

She had turned off her music so it wouldn't seem rude. She grabbed him about 2 packs of toast and the meat. She then got one of those hot and ready chickens they had for him. He would at least have a hot meal tonight.

Once she paid for the things, she handed him his bags and they walked outside. She sighed as the cold breeze hit her.

"I'll walk back down with you, my car is parked where we met." He told her. She nodded her head, starting to feel more uncomfortable. Once they were near his car, he stopped right in front of it.

"Thank you for the food." He said, "It was really nice of you to do that for me." He had put his arm on her shoulder and started rubbing his arm up and down hers.

Her uncomfort grew, "Yeah, it was no problem."

He pulled her in for a hug but she stayed frozen.

"You can let me go now, it wasn't a big deal." She said, panic started to rise in her body as he didn't let go.

He brought his mouth up to her ear and whispered, "It's okay darling, it'll be over soon."

She sobbed more and more as she remembered the memory. She just wanted it to get out of her head, along with this baby. She didn't want any attachments with that memory. She wanted it to fade as if it never happened. It's why she didn't go to the police in the first place.

She sighed and remembered more of what happened that night.

She stopped fighting at one point and went he finally left, she continued sobbing while curling up in a ball. She was in an alley alone, nude. She didn't know what else to do. She should report this to the police. He should be locked up in a jail for it. She was just being nice. She bought him food to be nice to the man. Why had he done this to her? Why had it happened to her? She kept herself pure all of high school to save it for the one guy she was supposed to end up with. She finally found him but she wasn't pure anymore. No thanks to that bastard.

She choked out a sob thinking about her boyfriend. He asked her to marry her. He was so sweet and kind. Even though she didn't say yes at first, he understood why. She was at the finish line of her schooling. She only had three semesters and then she would start planning their wedding as they talked about that night. She played with the ring on her finger with tears streaming down her face.

She thought about her mom to. Her christian mom. God. If there was a God, why had this happened to her? Why had her hurt her? Why had he let her get hurt? Sure she didn't believe in him, but she still was a good person. It was the way she was raised.

She decided not to tell them. She could tell them, it'd break their hearts. She knows her fiancee would bend hell to find the man who did this to her and she didn't want him in jail. She didn't want her mom's heart to hurt so she'd thought it best to keep to herself. She tried taking deep breaths to calm her down. About 15 minutes later, she stopped crying enough to get up and put her clothes back on.

She had to get home and cook dinner so her mom wouldn't suspect anything was wrong. She had to be her normal self. She left filthy though as she put her clothes back on and grabbed the bag of groceries the man had put to the side. She choked on a sob again thinking of the man but she tried her best to keep it down. No more crying.

She walked home, keeping her head down. She wiped away any tears that had escaped her grasp. Once she stepped into her apartment, she looked at the time to see 7:13pm. She sighed and put the bag down on the counter to take a fast shower.

Once her doorbell rang, she put the pasta on low to go answer it. She put on her best smile when she saw her mom at the door. "Hi momma."

"Darling, how are you?" Her mom smiled at her. The mom was very proud of her daughter. She was living on her own, had found an amazing guy, and was so close to finishing getting her diploma. She was blessed to have a daughter like her and thanked God everyday for her daughter. Her heart was pained to know that her daughter was an atheist, but she knew one day God would touch her daughter's heart.

"I'm good, thanks Ma." She said and hugged her mother. She let her mom in and walked into the kitchen. "The pasta is almost done."

"Where's my lovely son-in-law?" Her mom asked her. "He should be home soon." She answered.

Once the pasta finished, she poured it into the bowl she had taken out and set it on the table. She went and got sodas from the fridge to set on the table as her mom asked her questions about her classes.

"I got an A on my midterm, it was a relief to hear." She said and sat on the table, waiting for her fiancee.

He mom was sitting across from her. "I'm so proud to hear." Her mom said as the door opened. She got up and walked to the door and saw her boyfriend with a cake in her hand with his suitcase in the other.

"Sorry it took so long, I decided to stop buy and buy that fruit tart you love so dearly." He smiled and kissed her on the lips. She held down a shudder.

"Dinner's ready." She said and grabbed the tart from his hands. He frowned looking in her eyes. There was something wrong for sure. He knows he didn't forget anything though. Her birthday's next week, her anniversary is in a couple of months, and Valentine's Day isn't until the fourteenth of February.

This didn't seem to be like that though, her eyes looked dead inside.

They sat down on the table and poured food for themselves.

"This tastes amazing darling." Her mother said.

"Thank you." She smiled at her mom.

"So how was your day?"

"It was great, dear. You should have been at service today, it was amazing. God was there himself." Her mom smiled.

She grasped her fork tighter and he frowned seeing this.

"The choir were singing their hearts out. You should come next week."

Those words seem to set her off as she slammed her fork down and stood up, "You know you can save all of that bullshit because I don't believe in it so it'd be fucking nice if you stopped talking about a God who doesn't exist!" She shouted and walked away. She walked into her room and started crying.

"Babe, are you okay?" She heard the soft whispering of her boyfriend from across the door and only cried more.

Memories shot of what happened making her nauseous. She got up quickly and ran to the bathroom, almost knocking him down in the process and bent over the toilet.

She felt someone gathering her hair from her face and rubbing her back. She flushed the toilet and saw her boyfriend kneeling next to her.

Her eyes teared up and she ran back to her room, locking the door.

"Baby please, tell me what's wrong." He said.

"I want to be alone!" She shouted. She stayed locked up in her room not bothering to go see if they had left or not.

She wiped away more tears, sad that she had hurt her family like that. They still don't know, but her and her mother don't talk anymore and she's been fighting with her fiancee a lot and it's been tearing them apart.

She tried taking deep breaths but all that shot in her head was the fact that she was pregnant. She got up and walked into her room to get clothes to take a shower. She left like shit.

She got yoga pants and a tank top and moved to her dresser to grab a bra and an underwear. She opened her underwear drawer and started digging to find the pair that matched with the bra. She sighed in frustration and her hand hit something. She grabbed a hold of it and pulled it out.

She kept herself from rolling her eyes as she saw it was the bible her mom got her. She put it to the side but hesitated before letting it go. It wouldn't be to harm to read it, she thought. She grabbed a page and flipped it opened.

Psalms 55:1 She read the chapter name and sighed. It's won't hurt her, she reminded herself and read on.

Listen to my prayer, O God,
do not ignore my plea;
hear me and answer me.
My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught
because of what my enemy is saying,
because of the threats of the wicked;
for they bring down suffering on me
and assail me in their anger. She frowned but it caught her attention enough to keep reading.

My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death have fallen on me.
Fear and trembling have beset me;
horror has overwhelmed me.
I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest.
I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;[c]
I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm.”
Lord, confuse the wicked, confound their words,
for I see violence and strife in the city.
Day and night they prowl about on its walls;
malice and abuse are within it.
Destructive forces are at work in the city;
threats and lies never leave its streets. She read and a tear fell onto the page.

If an enemy were insulting me,
I could endure it;
if a foe were rising against me,
I could hide.
But it is you, a man like myself,
my companion, my close friend,
with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
at the house of God,
as we walked about
among the worshipers.
Let death take my enemies by surprise;
let them go down alive to the realm of the dead,
for evil finds lodging among them.
As for me, I call to God,
and the Lord saves me.
Evening, morning and noon
I cry out in distress,
and he hears my voice.
He rescues me unharmed
from the battle waged against me,
even though many oppose me.
God, who is enthroned from of old,
who does not change—
he will hear them and humble them,
because they have no fear of God. The more she read, the more she could connect. She felt a warming in her heart as she continued to read.

My companion attacks his friends;
he violates his covenant.
His talk is smooth as butter,
yet war is in his heart;
his words are more soothing than oil,
yet they are drawn swords. The next words touched her heart the most.

Cast your cares on the Lord
and he will sustain you;
he will never let
the righteous be shaken.
But you, God, will bring down the wicked
into the pit of decay;
the bloodthirsty and deceitful
will not live out half their days.
But as for me, I trust in you. She decided to do something she hadn't done in years. She decided to get on her knees and pray.

"I know you probably aren't pleased with me, God. I've done many wrongs, but if your up there, somewhere, then I need your help. I need you.

I'm sure you'd know what happened to me a month ago. It isn't the easiest to speak about, but I need help so I'm putting it all on you, like you said to. I'm casting my cares on you. I need to know what to do here. I didn't want to hurt my mom that day, it snapped and my fiancee, he deserves the best of me and I've pushed him away even though he only cares. I love him, Lord. Tell me what to do please." She said and waited for something. Something to happen.

She heard a knock on her door and got up to answer it. She saw her fiancee outside the door, looking worried.

"Hi." He said simply.

"I'm sorry." She said, tears flooding her eyes. "All you've done is care and all I've done is push you away. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. It's okay." He said, hugging her automatically. He needed to find out what was going on that day. She hasn't been acting like herself and when he looked into her once cheerful eyes, they looked empty, as if someone had killed her.

"Baby, you need to tell me what's wrong." He whispered in her ear. "I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

"I know and I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I just thought it would be best if I kept it to myself because I know how you would react and what you would do. It would destroy my mom if she found out to. I didn't want to hurt you two."

"Baby it's hurting you. I don't want anything to be hurting you." He said , running his fingers in her hair, trying to calm her down.

"He hurt me. All I tried to do was help. All I wanted was." She sobbed against his chest.

"Who hurt you?" He asked automatically, his protective side kicking in.

"I just wanted to help, he hadn't eaten in days." She cried.

"Baby, relax please. You need to be able to talk to me. Please just calm down."

Their door opened and they looked to see her mom here.

"Mommy." She cried and went to hug her mom.

"Oh sweet pea, what's wrong?" She said hugging her daughter tightly, looking at her son to get some answers. He shook her head and got up to get her fiancee water.

He helped her drink it and rubbed her back. They sat her down and she cuddled into her boyfriend, while keeping close to her mom.

"Baby, who hurt you?" He asked her.

Her mother's eyes set fire when she heard that, but didn't act upon it so she could get the answer.

"I was making the dinner and noticed we ran out of spinach and the pasta so I decided to walk to Ralph's to buy it." She said and hi-cupped from all the crying and explained the story.

By the time she finished, a fire was set in her boyfriend's eyes as he hugged her tightly.

"Baby, we need to call the police." Her mom told her.

"That isn't all." She whispered.

"What's wrong?" Her mom asked her.

"I've been throwing up a lot lately so I decided to take a test." She said and left his body stiffen.

"I'm pregnant."

Six Months Later

"Baby, we are going to be late." She said rubbing her growing stomach.

She watched her fiancee put on his shoes and walk to the door. They got in the car and drove off to the hospital.

"What if it's a boy?" He said, rubbing her stomach with one hand.

"I don't know, God willing it's a girl though." She smiled, looking at her stomach.

Once they got to the hospital and checked in, they were put in a room and the doctor came into the room. She smiled at him.

"Hello, how are you today?" She asked.

"That's usually what I'm supposed to ask, but good, thank you." Her doctor laughed.

"Are we ready to find out the sex of this baby?" The doctor asked the couple excitedly.

"I definitely am. I need to start preparing the nursery for this one." She smiled rubbing her stomach.

She raised her shirt above her stomach and glared at the blue gel about to be applied to her stomach making her boyfriend laugh.

"Sorry about that." The doctor said, "Now let's see." The doctor paused and then smiled.

"You've got yourself a baby girl on the way."

She smiled and rubbed her stomach.

"Yes!" He boyfriend shouted and beamed a smile and she chuckled at his goofiness.

She heard a phone go off and saw her boyfriend pick her phone out of his pocket and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Yes this is he."

"She's with me right now.

Once he let out a sigh, she was confused. "Thank you, I'll tell her at once. I'll stop by your office tomorrow. Okay. Bye." He said and closed the phone. "Love, he's in jail."

Her eyes widened in shock and her heart leaped with joy. She sighed in relief and closed her eyes.

She remembered the line that saved her through all of this.

Cast your cares on the Lord
and he will sustain you;
he will never let
the righteous be shaken.