Motionless in White
Dear My Closest Friend
Pen in hand, I sit at my desk, blank piece of paper in front of me. I had so much to say, and yet, I didn't know how to say it. I let out a frustrated sigh. I was trying to write to Ricky, my best friend in the whole world. He left about two years ago, and I've tried to let go, but it seems impossible. No, it is impossible. He was more than a friend to me, I loved him, I still do. And now he's gone, and its my fault. We did nothing but argue, usually over the stupidest things. So he quit, left the band. He left me. And I didn't even get to tell him how I felt. I've tried so many times to write to him, but each time I did, he never answered. I began to wonder if he was even receiving them. But then I thought maybe he was, and was just too angry with me to write back.
Finally, I gave up. I couldn't write to him anymore. It wouldn't matter if I did. He wouldn't answer, and I would once again be left a depressed lovesick mess. I threw my pen down, and crumpled up the paper, tossing it in the trash. I sighed, getting up and turning out the lights, before crawling into bed. We had a show tomorrow. Not a huge one, just a small little charity thing. There wouldn't be many people there, maybe thirty of forty. Nevertheless, I still needed my rest. But that's not easy for me to do.
The next day, I was adjusting my microphone on stage. It was an outdoor event, and it was so nice outside. The perfect day for it. The stage wasn't very big. It was maybe only five feet far from the ground. At lest I wouldn't have to worry about getting hurt if I fell off. People were waiting patiently for us to start. Once I was satisfied with the mic, I spoke. “Alright, we have a special song for you guys tonight.” A few people cheered and clapped. The guys started playing. “This song is for someone very special to me.” I waited for the right time, listening intensely to the music.
“Dear my closest friend,
I'm writing because
I miss you so much,
at night I always cry.
The stillness still reminds me of
when we first fell in love,
and I miss that so much.
Dear my closest friend.
Dear my closest friend,
I remember when,
you asked me to stay,
and I just walked away
I apologize.
I hope my letters sent
I lost that moment,
I lost that moment,
Seconds out of time,
seconds out if time,
I wait for your answer,
but I already know,
your hand was always mine,
Your hand was always mine”
I listened as the music continued, waiting until I had to sing again. It felt incredible, like I was pouring my heart out. Like all of my emotions were flowing out into the open.
“Your hand was always mine
Dear my closest friend,
I'm writing because,
I miss you so much....”
I finished, blinking my eyes a few times to keep from crying. That song makes me realize how much I miss him. And it hurts. People were cheering, and I looked out into the audience. I had to do a double take. I could have sworn I saw him. And sure enough, there he was. He was more beautiful than I remembered. His eyes still big and blue, his skin still pale, and he was...smiling? This couldn't be real. I had to be hallucinating. And yet, it seemed so real. All I could do was stare, not moving a muscle.
“Hey, Chris. Its been a while, hasn't it?” I still couldn't move. “Say something you idiot!”, I screamed at my self. Then I lost all control, and let my body take over. I ran to him, hopping off the stage. I tackled him, wrapping him tightly in my arms. I was afraid that if I let go, he would disappear, and I would be left a sobbing mess again. But this was real. He was really here, in my arms. I breathed in his familiar scent, letting it soothe me. I was crying now, but I couldn't tell if they were happy tears, or sad ones. I finally let go, but not completely, my hands still clinging to his sweater.
“R-Ricky?” He smiled. “Yeah?” I smiled too. “I-I...”, I stuttered. I just couldn't find the words to say. He laughed, the sound like music to my ears. “Did you get my letters?” “You mean these?”, he asked, pulling a stack of envelopes out of his pocket. My mouth hung open in shock. “Y-you got them? How come you never wrote back?” “I was going to, I really was. But I just didn't know what to say, or how to say it. So, I figured I'd come tell you myself.” I was still clinging to him. “I missed you Ricky. More than you could ever think.” “I missed you too Chris.”
“I have something I've wanted to tell you since the day I met you.” He looked at me questioningly. “Really, what?” “This.” I leaned in and kissed him. He kissed back, and I felt like I was in heaven. I've waited years for this moment. I wanted it to last forever. When we finally broke apart, I looked down into his beautiful blue eyes. “I'm sorry Rick, for everything.” “I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have been so difficult.” “And I should have been less ridiculous.” He smiled that adorable smile of his. “I love you.” My heart skipped a beat. “I love you too.” And he was finally mine. I wasn't going to do anything to make him leave ever again.
Finally, I gave up. I couldn't write to him anymore. It wouldn't matter if I did. He wouldn't answer, and I would once again be left a depressed lovesick mess. I threw my pen down, and crumpled up the paper, tossing it in the trash. I sighed, getting up and turning out the lights, before crawling into bed. We had a show tomorrow. Not a huge one, just a small little charity thing. There wouldn't be many people there, maybe thirty of forty. Nevertheless, I still needed my rest. But that's not easy for me to do.
The next day, I was adjusting my microphone on stage. It was an outdoor event, and it was so nice outside. The perfect day for it. The stage wasn't very big. It was maybe only five feet far from the ground. At lest I wouldn't have to worry about getting hurt if I fell off. People were waiting patiently for us to start. Once I was satisfied with the mic, I spoke. “Alright, we have a special song for you guys tonight.” A few people cheered and clapped. The guys started playing. “This song is for someone very special to me.” I waited for the right time, listening intensely to the music.
“Dear my closest friend,
I'm writing because
I miss you so much,
at night I always cry.
The stillness still reminds me of
when we first fell in love,
and I miss that so much.
Dear my closest friend.
Dear my closest friend,
I remember when,
you asked me to stay,
and I just walked away
I apologize.
I hope my letters sent
I lost that moment,
I lost that moment,
Seconds out of time,
seconds out if time,
I wait for your answer,
but I already know,
your hand was always mine,
Your hand was always mine”
I listened as the music continued, waiting until I had to sing again. It felt incredible, like I was pouring my heart out. Like all of my emotions were flowing out into the open.
“Your hand was always mine
Dear my closest friend,
I'm writing because,
I miss you so much....”
I finished, blinking my eyes a few times to keep from crying. That song makes me realize how much I miss him. And it hurts. People were cheering, and I looked out into the audience. I had to do a double take. I could have sworn I saw him. And sure enough, there he was. He was more beautiful than I remembered. His eyes still big and blue, his skin still pale, and he was...smiling? This couldn't be real. I had to be hallucinating. And yet, it seemed so real. All I could do was stare, not moving a muscle.
“Hey, Chris. Its been a while, hasn't it?” I still couldn't move. “Say something you idiot!”, I screamed at my self. Then I lost all control, and let my body take over. I ran to him, hopping off the stage. I tackled him, wrapping him tightly in my arms. I was afraid that if I let go, he would disappear, and I would be left a sobbing mess again. But this was real. He was really here, in my arms. I breathed in his familiar scent, letting it soothe me. I was crying now, but I couldn't tell if they were happy tears, or sad ones. I finally let go, but not completely, my hands still clinging to his sweater.
“R-Ricky?” He smiled. “Yeah?” I smiled too. “I-I...”, I stuttered. I just couldn't find the words to say. He laughed, the sound like music to my ears. “Did you get my letters?” “You mean these?”, he asked, pulling a stack of envelopes out of his pocket. My mouth hung open in shock. “Y-you got them? How come you never wrote back?” “I was going to, I really was. But I just didn't know what to say, or how to say it. So, I figured I'd come tell you myself.” I was still clinging to him. “I missed you Ricky. More than you could ever think.” “I missed you too Chris.”
“I have something I've wanted to tell you since the day I met you.” He looked at me questioningly. “Really, what?” “This.” I leaned in and kissed him. He kissed back, and I felt like I was in heaven. I've waited years for this moment. I wanted it to last forever. When we finally broke apart, I looked down into his beautiful blue eyes. “I'm sorry Rick, for everything.” “I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have been so difficult.” “And I should have been less ridiculous.” He smiled that adorable smile of his. “I love you.” My heart skipped a beat. “I love you too.” And he was finally mine. I wasn't going to do anything to make him leave ever again.