Status: I wasn't living... I was existing♥
A Nightmare? Or a Dream...?
Family Farewells
It's so hard to see the faces of those that I love in so much pain. Especially when it was my own fault.
That's one of the reasons I ended myself
I was just causing too much trouble for everyone
Not feeling loved is the reason that people commit suicide.
But I knew that my family loved me.
I see tears on familiar faces...
And it pains me.
I can't stand to see people suffer.
I know how awful suffering is ....
It doesn't take long before I notice my big sister
We always got along. We have never fought.
But we were 14 years apart.
She had problems of her own.
And I felt her pain.
She couldn't help but cry...
I was her only sister.
We loved to be around each other
Every time we spent time together, we laughed until our stomachs hurt.
Though she wasn't present all the time during my childhood, I still loved and admired her.
I couldn't have asked for a better big sister.
My nephew, her son, admired me more than anyone
He reminded me so much of myself.
His low self esteem worried me...
His lifestyle worried me.
Of course, he squaled for me to come back to him.
But I was gone. It was time to move on.
My little sister cries- naturally. But I kinda did feel bad for the little five year old that never respected me.
She did love me. And I loved her.
But we were totally different people.
My stepbrother tries to stay strong and fight back the tears
We fought sometimes, but we were best friends
He couldn't help but start to shed a tear or two
Whether he would admit it or not, he loved me
He always told me that he'd defend me no matter what.
And I would do the same for him
My grandparents- heartbroken.
My Mamaw and Papaw helped raise me until I was 5. They were everything to me. And I was everything to them. My sweet Papaw, weak and unstable, said that he wouldn't let himself die before he saw me graduate high school. And my poor Mamaw... The most anxious person I know.
Their tears kill me the most.
Because they were my heart. And I was theirs.
I hope they know how much I love them.
I helped Papaw walk back to a pew so that he wouldn't fall. His time was close. I'm so glad I don't have to live to see him go...
My other grandparents are in so much pain that its indescribable.
My sweet grandmother loved me more than anything in the world.
She always has.
So has my other Papaw.
I remember that I was in a minor wreck once...
My Papaw wouldn't let go of me that entire night.
And seeing them here.... Their emotions are wrecked.
I couldn't help but cry with them.
It broke my heart to see them in so much pain.
I held my grandmother's hand like I did when I was little.
It really kills me to see my grandparents in pain.
I can't handle it. So I force myself to turn away.
I see all my aunts and uncles and cousins and relatives.
Some I barely knew. Some I was very close to.
My favorite cousin that I loved more than anything had always tried to help me and give me advice. He is such a motivating person. He always tried to put me in a good mood.
I try to stay strong as I watch the pain across each family member's face. I had no idea the affect that my death would cause... Do I regret it? Undetermined. That decision will be made whenever God places me in eternity.
That's one of the reasons I ended myself
I was just causing too much trouble for everyone
Not feeling loved is the reason that people commit suicide.
But I knew that my family loved me.
I see tears on familiar faces...
And it pains me.
I can't stand to see people suffer.
I know how awful suffering is ....
It doesn't take long before I notice my big sister
We always got along. We have never fought.
But we were 14 years apart.
She had problems of her own.
And I felt her pain.
She couldn't help but cry...
I was her only sister.
We loved to be around each other
Every time we spent time together, we laughed until our stomachs hurt.
Though she wasn't present all the time during my childhood, I still loved and admired her.
I couldn't have asked for a better big sister.
My nephew, her son, admired me more than anyone
He reminded me so much of myself.
His low self esteem worried me...
His lifestyle worried me.
Of course, he squaled for me to come back to him.
But I was gone. It was time to move on.
My little sister cries- naturally. But I kinda did feel bad for the little five year old that never respected me.
She did love me. And I loved her.
But we were totally different people.
My stepbrother tries to stay strong and fight back the tears
We fought sometimes, but we were best friends
He couldn't help but start to shed a tear or two
Whether he would admit it or not, he loved me
He always told me that he'd defend me no matter what.
And I would do the same for him
My grandparents- heartbroken.
My Mamaw and Papaw helped raise me until I was 5. They were everything to me. And I was everything to them. My sweet Papaw, weak and unstable, said that he wouldn't let himself die before he saw me graduate high school. And my poor Mamaw... The most anxious person I know.
Their tears kill me the most.
Because they were my heart. And I was theirs.
I hope they know how much I love them.
I helped Papaw walk back to a pew so that he wouldn't fall. His time was close. I'm so glad I don't have to live to see him go...
My other grandparents are in so much pain that its indescribable.
My sweet grandmother loved me more than anything in the world.
She always has.
So has my other Papaw.
I remember that I was in a minor wreck once...
My Papaw wouldn't let go of me that entire night.
And seeing them here.... Their emotions are wrecked.
I couldn't help but cry with them.
It broke my heart to see them in so much pain.
I held my grandmother's hand like I did when I was little.
It really kills me to see my grandparents in pain.
I can't handle it. So I force myself to turn away.
I see all my aunts and uncles and cousins and relatives.
Some I barely knew. Some I was very close to.
My favorite cousin that I loved more than anything had always tried to help me and give me advice. He is such a motivating person. He always tried to put me in a good mood.
I try to stay strong as I watch the pain across each family member's face. I had no idea the affect that my death would cause... Do I regret it? Undetermined. That decision will be made whenever God places me in eternity.