Kissed
knock knock
“Knock knock?”
“Who’s there?”
“Cash.”
“Cash who?”
“No thanks, but I’d love some peanuts.” She listened to him chuckle as he flipped through the booklet of knock knock jokes she had gotten him. Apparently he loved things like that. She was curled up in a lay-z-boy recliner in Jeremiahs living room reading a play for school, but if she was being honest with herself she spent most of her time watching him smile. His laugh was like a thump right in the middle of her chest.
She had been doing this with him for almost a month now. She had decided that she didn’t want to date and she didn’t want to be exclusive, but she wanted to be near him. She had also decided that she was a hypocrite. She would finish her shift at work and he would pick her up and take her somewhere. They never went to the movies or to a restaurant, and if it was a meal then it was always fast food. It was decidedly easier to pretend they weren’t dating if their memories were always surrounded by greasy burgers and crumpled receipts in her back pocket.
Except it wasn’t just that. Her memories of them were of so much more. He smelled like toothpaste and freshly cut grass and boy. He took her to the park and even though she’d like to pretend that they had deep soulful conversations about how she was waiting to find herself, she would be a liar; they made out; a lot.
She liked that he didn’t want something serious from her. She liked his hands.
“Hey, earth to Rooney? Woohoo.” She snapped her eyes up to see him leaning off the couch waving his hand in front of her face.
“Hey mister, hands to yourself.” He smirked.
“Well, we both know how you feel about me keeping my hands to myself.” She smiled as she pushed herself back into the chair.
“Back to your knock knock jokes mister, I have to finish this before tomorrow.” Except he didn’t, he kept staring at her. She flipped through another page that she hadn’t read, pretending that she couldn’t see him. Finally she flicked her eyes up to meet his; watching her. “Bored already?”
“No, I love this kind of thing; which is what I can’t get. You hate these kind of jokes. If I remember your words went something along the line of ‘knock knock jokes make me want to shove bamboo splints between my nails.’ I’m trying to understand why you bought it for me.” He was staring at her in that way, unflinching and searching; open and vulnerable.
She dropped her eyes to the book in her lap as she tried to think.
“I like it when you laugh. It makes me,” She considered the words for a moment “it makes me happy when you’re happy. I like it when you laugh because it makes me laugh and… I want to make you happy.” She finished softly. She hadn’t meant to sound so sappy about it, but it was true, and maybe he deserved the truth after putting up with her strange demands and odd antics.
He was quiet for so long, that when she finally looked back up at him she was surprised to find him still on the edge of the couch, still staring at her.
“You’re driving me crazy Rooney.” He said in a hoarse whisper, and she felt the air in her windpipe stop and expand.
“Good.” He lunged across the room at her, threading his fingers through her loose hair, and she only had a few moments to bookmark the page that she still hadn’t read before his mouth covered hers.
She had a conversation with her grandfather once while he was out of his mind on morphine. He had just been in a car wreck that broke his ankle. She had stayed the night with him in the hospital, and he babbled mindlessly the entire time when he had told her a story about her grandmother.
“Rooney, when it happens to you – you’ll know. When I saw your grandmother for the first time… it was electric. It was like a… a… a heat surrounded her. She shimmered, and her eyes were so alive. Rooney, when it happens, it’s like wildfire. She’s always been the only one for me.”
So, even though she hated to admit that she was thinking of her grandfather as Jeremiah slipped his arms around her to pick her up, she did. Because it was exactly like her grandfather had said. It was electric.
And it scared her.
His fingers left a trail of heat across her skin, and she could feel him even after he dropped her on the couch. They weren’t touching, but she could still feel him, like there were tiny strings connecting them. Except she didn’t want strings, she just wanted the electricity again.
Her hands tugged at his shirt and it fell away as he leaned back down into her. He stole her breath away. It wasn’t just his mouth and his hands and her heart stuttering away. It was the heat and the press of their bodies; it was the way he grabbed at her sides and dug his fingers into her ribs, and the feeling of his hair in her hands and the caress of his cheek on her stomach.
She couldn’t pull him close enough. He was pulling her shirt away and then she was pulling at her jeans too. She loved the way looked at her, and she loved the way he made her feel even more. She would have stayed there in that high with him forever.
“Rooney.” Her eyes clicked open as he laid there on top of her, and in that one word she froze, but before she or even he could say anything the ringing of his doorbell broke the tension like a whip.
“Fuck.” He buried his head in her neck as someone on the other side of the door started banging.
“Jer you better open the fuck up! I know you’re in there bro!” She smiled as she recognized Jeremiah’s friend from next door. She ran her hands up his shoulders and over his neck to rest on his face. She kissed his cheek as she pulled his head from her neck.
“Go answer the door, I’ll be here when you get back.”
“Okay.” She listened as he opened the door with a “The fuck man?”
Swinging her legs over the side of the couch she slipped Jeremiahs shirt over her head. Her heart was still thump, thump, thumping away in her chest, and the pops and the zings were still scorching across her skin.
“Hey.” She looked up at him as he walked towards her.
“How’s the neighbor?”
“Shay? He’s still an asshole.”
“I’ve never done this before.” She said abruptly staring at the wall directly past his left ear. Maybe that would make this easier.
“Never done what before?” She tried to swallow the brick that had somehow lodged itself in her throat.
“All of… this.” He smiled when she said that.
“Rooney, if casual sex makes you nervous… I’m not going to push you. You know that right?”
“That’s not… I mean it is, but…” She sighed heavily into her hands. “It’s not just the casual part Jeremiah. It’s all of it. I’ve never done this before.” She looked him in the eye this time, trying to make him understand.
“Shit.”
“I’m a virgin.” She blurted out, except now that she had said it, she felt the need to keep going; she wish she didn’t. “And like, I’m not one of those girls that needs to be married and wants it to be magical and romantic and special, but you should know that I’m a hypocrite because I still want it to…”
“Mean something.”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
“And I just don’t know if…” She trailed off, but lucky for her Jeremiah was there to fill the gaps.
“You don’t know if I’m special enough?” And she could hear the bitter undertone in his voice and it hurt her more than she thought it would.
“Yes.” He didn’t say anything to that, and she wasn’t sure what she could say to make it better. She wasn’t even sure what she had said wrong, but she knew that this certainly wasn’t right. “I’m gonna go.” She said, and he nodded and just sat down; watching her pull her clothes back on and walk out.
“Who’s there?”
“Cash.”
“Cash who?”
“No thanks, but I’d love some peanuts.” She listened to him chuckle as he flipped through the booklet of knock knock jokes she had gotten him. Apparently he loved things like that. She was curled up in a lay-z-boy recliner in Jeremiahs living room reading a play for school, but if she was being honest with herself she spent most of her time watching him smile. His laugh was like a thump right in the middle of her chest.
She had been doing this with him for almost a month now. She had decided that she didn’t want to date and she didn’t want to be exclusive, but she wanted to be near him. She had also decided that she was a hypocrite. She would finish her shift at work and he would pick her up and take her somewhere. They never went to the movies or to a restaurant, and if it was a meal then it was always fast food. It was decidedly easier to pretend they weren’t dating if their memories were always surrounded by greasy burgers and crumpled receipts in her back pocket.
Except it wasn’t just that. Her memories of them were of so much more. He smelled like toothpaste and freshly cut grass and boy. He took her to the park and even though she’d like to pretend that they had deep soulful conversations about how she was waiting to find herself, she would be a liar; they made out; a lot.
She liked that he didn’t want something serious from her. She liked his hands.
“Hey, earth to Rooney? Woohoo.” She snapped her eyes up to see him leaning off the couch waving his hand in front of her face.
“Hey mister, hands to yourself.” He smirked.
“Well, we both know how you feel about me keeping my hands to myself.” She smiled as she pushed herself back into the chair.
“Back to your knock knock jokes mister, I have to finish this before tomorrow.” Except he didn’t, he kept staring at her. She flipped through another page that she hadn’t read, pretending that she couldn’t see him. Finally she flicked her eyes up to meet his; watching her. “Bored already?”
“No, I love this kind of thing; which is what I can’t get. You hate these kind of jokes. If I remember your words went something along the line of ‘knock knock jokes make me want to shove bamboo splints between my nails.’ I’m trying to understand why you bought it for me.” He was staring at her in that way, unflinching and searching; open and vulnerable.
She dropped her eyes to the book in her lap as she tried to think.
“I like it when you laugh. It makes me,” She considered the words for a moment “it makes me happy when you’re happy. I like it when you laugh because it makes me laugh and… I want to make you happy.” She finished softly. She hadn’t meant to sound so sappy about it, but it was true, and maybe he deserved the truth after putting up with her strange demands and odd antics.
He was quiet for so long, that when she finally looked back up at him she was surprised to find him still on the edge of the couch, still staring at her.
“You’re driving me crazy Rooney.” He said in a hoarse whisper, and she felt the air in her windpipe stop and expand.
“Good.” He lunged across the room at her, threading his fingers through her loose hair, and she only had a few moments to bookmark the page that she still hadn’t read before his mouth covered hers.
She had a conversation with her grandfather once while he was out of his mind on morphine. He had just been in a car wreck that broke his ankle. She had stayed the night with him in the hospital, and he babbled mindlessly the entire time when he had told her a story about her grandmother.
“Rooney, when it happens to you – you’ll know. When I saw your grandmother for the first time… it was electric. It was like a… a… a heat surrounded her. She shimmered, and her eyes were so alive. Rooney, when it happens, it’s like wildfire. She’s always been the only one for me.”
So, even though she hated to admit that she was thinking of her grandfather as Jeremiah slipped his arms around her to pick her up, she did. Because it was exactly like her grandfather had said. It was electric.
And it scared her.
His fingers left a trail of heat across her skin, and she could feel him even after he dropped her on the couch. They weren’t touching, but she could still feel him, like there were tiny strings connecting them. Except she didn’t want strings, she just wanted the electricity again.
Her hands tugged at his shirt and it fell away as he leaned back down into her. He stole her breath away. It wasn’t just his mouth and his hands and her heart stuttering away. It was the heat and the press of their bodies; it was the way he grabbed at her sides and dug his fingers into her ribs, and the feeling of his hair in her hands and the caress of his cheek on her stomach.
She couldn’t pull him close enough. He was pulling her shirt away and then she was pulling at her jeans too. She loved the way looked at her, and she loved the way he made her feel even more. She would have stayed there in that high with him forever.
“Rooney.” Her eyes clicked open as he laid there on top of her, and in that one word she froze, but before she or even he could say anything the ringing of his doorbell broke the tension like a whip.
“Fuck.” He buried his head in her neck as someone on the other side of the door started banging.
“Jer you better open the fuck up! I know you’re in there bro!” She smiled as she recognized Jeremiah’s friend from next door. She ran her hands up his shoulders and over his neck to rest on his face. She kissed his cheek as she pulled his head from her neck.
“Go answer the door, I’ll be here when you get back.”
“Okay.” She listened as he opened the door with a “The fuck man?”
Swinging her legs over the side of the couch she slipped Jeremiahs shirt over her head. Her heart was still thump, thump, thumping away in her chest, and the pops and the zings were still scorching across her skin.
“Hey.” She looked up at him as he walked towards her.
“How’s the neighbor?”
“Shay? He’s still an asshole.”
“I’ve never done this before.” She said abruptly staring at the wall directly past his left ear. Maybe that would make this easier.
“Never done what before?” She tried to swallow the brick that had somehow lodged itself in her throat.
“All of… this.” He smiled when she said that.
“Rooney, if casual sex makes you nervous… I’m not going to push you. You know that right?”
“That’s not… I mean it is, but…” She sighed heavily into her hands. “It’s not just the casual part Jeremiah. It’s all of it. I’ve never done this before.” She looked him in the eye this time, trying to make him understand.
“Shit.”
“I’m a virgin.” She blurted out, except now that she had said it, she felt the need to keep going; she wish she didn’t. “And like, I’m not one of those girls that needs to be married and wants it to be magical and romantic and special, but you should know that I’m a hypocrite because I still want it to…”
“Mean something.”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
“And I just don’t know if…” She trailed off, but lucky for her Jeremiah was there to fill the gaps.
“You don’t know if I’m special enough?” And she could hear the bitter undertone in his voice and it hurt her more than she thought it would.
“Yes.” He didn’t say anything to that, and she wasn’t sure what she could say to make it better. She wasn’t even sure what she had said wrong, but she knew that this certainly wasn’t right. “I’m gonna go.” She said, and he nodded and just sat down; watching her pull her clothes back on and walk out.
♠ ♠ ♠
I have returned from the dead!With camp ending and college beginning I've hardly had any time to write, but I'm really glad I was able to put this out before the end of the month. Thank you guys for all of the comments they always help to motivate me.
I hope to get another chapter out in the next week or so, but know that either way I am trying. I hope that those of ya'll who are going back to school are going to have an awesome school year, and for those of you who may be done with school, I hope you're doing what you want with your life.