Cobwebs

“D-Devin…” I whispered.

“You’re awake.” A voice said and I looked through heavy eyelids and saw a nice looking lady with mocha skin and kind dark eyes.

“W-Where’s Dev?”

“He just left with your other friend. He might be in the parking lot.”

“Get him please.” I whimpered. She nodded and ran out of the room and stopped at the desk. She said something to the lady and then a phone was dialed and you could hear running footsteps. Devin ran past the nurse that was walking back to the room and hugged me around the waist. He was shaking and so I started rubbing his back and playing with his hair. He leaned back to look at me and I started crying happy tears and hugged him burying my face in his neck.

“What’s the matter love?” he asked in a shaky voice.

“I-I had a-a dream and you were dead. I k-killed you and everyone left and I was alone and you were dead and I-I wouldn’t ever do that.” I cried.

“Hey guys I know visiting hours are up but since she just woke up and this area is pretty well empty you can call in your friends.” the lady said.

“O-Okay.” Chris said quietly and called someone on his phone. “She’s awake and the doctor said we can bring you guys in but try and no being really hyper she just woke up….. Okay see you soon.”

“Who all is coming?” I asked quietly.

“A few people but I don’t now who because they didn’t tell me. How are you feeling Dev?”

“Alive. I’m not tired. I’m sad. My dream scared me. I think I heard you two talking right before I woke up. I don’t think I have forgotten anything and I’m still me.”

“Toldya so.” Devin said and hugged me. I slowly sat up and put my feet on the floor. “Hey I dunno if you should do that.”

“Me either and we won’t know until I try.” I said and stood up. My legs were shaky and I was a little dizzy at first but I didn’t fall.

“Now let’s see if you can walk.” Devin said and put an arm around my waist. I shakily moved my legs and walked over to where Chris was leaning against the door and hugged him.

“Hey lil devil.” he said and hugged me back. “You kinda scared the shit out of us.”

“Kinda?” Devin snorted. “Understatement man. Jacky and I were hysterical… everyone else was scared and worried but us two were flipping the fuck out.”

“I hope he stops in.” I said and looked at the hospital clothes I was wearing. “I don’t think I ever got to actually meet Jacky Vincent. It sucks that when I did I ended up in the hospital and almost died. I didn’t even get to say my name or a simple hello.”

“What did you say?” Chris asked curiously as him and Devin started guiding me to the bed. “He said you wouldn’t shut the hell up about something but never told us what it was about.”

“Probably about Devin.” I mumbled and lay down on the bed tiredly but pulled them with me so we all squished up there. “I was upset about what had happened, my pride was wounded because TJ ,of all fucking people, saved me, I wasn’t paying attention and then… when I thought that I was dying I remember feeling all alone and wanting Devin to comfort me because everyone else I live with are always to intense or hyper. I didn’t want to die and have the last thing I said to one of my best friends being that he had scared me.” I snuggled closer to Chris and Devin’s warmth. “I remember you freaking out when they were rolling me in here. Telling me not to die.”

“The entire time you were asleep you would react to him.” a voice said softly from the door. “You would twitch or something.”

Jacky was standing in the doorway looking at his feet and everyone else was behind him.

“Hey Jacky.” I said and got up again. I walked over to the door as gracefully as I could and hugged him. It took a little bit but then he hugged me back. “Hi everyone else.”

“How are you doing Devlyn?” Ryan asked and Jacky flinched.

“I am doing great and so is my head.” I said and went back to sit with Chris and Devin. “I need to look where I am going more so I don’t freak people out like that.”

“Freak out is an understatement dear.” Ronnie snorted and pushed everyone into the room. “Jacks and Devin were crying so hard they forgot how to breathe and the rest of us kind of had a ‘What the fuck now?’ moment.”

“You would’ve forgotten how to breathe to Radke if you almost killed someone. If she would’ve died I would not only be going to prison and lost my friends and my career I would’ve also lost my respect for myself and woulda had to live the rest of my life with a grave on my head filled with a pretty little coffin and the headstone of Devlyn Marie Snow.” Jacky grumbled.

“It wouldn’t have been your fault Jacky.” I said and played with the plastic hospital bracelet on my wrist. “The blood problem I have… without it I would’ve just had a terrible headache. I used to do drugs and they fucked me up bad giving me the blood issue. It woulda been my fault.”

“But I-”

“Not your fault man.” I said and interrupted him. “In fact more than anything you probably saved my life. If not for you getting me help I woulda died… something to compare this to is earlier today or yesterday whenever it happened. TJ saved me from some creep at a club. Now if he hadn’t been there shit woulda been bad for me but if it did get bad it wouldn’t have been his fault.”

“Does that mean you don’t hate me as much?” TJ asked quietly. I hadn’t noticed him because he was hidden behind Kuza, Ronnie and beside them Michael Vampire. I’m not sure why he was there because I hadn’t met him. The furthest contact I had had with him was I watched one of the VE sets.

“I guess.” I smiled softly

“You know Dev… you did say more than Devin’s name… you also said mine name, Ronnie, and TJ…. What was your dream about?” Chris asked and I stiffened.

“You don’t have to tell us.” Devin said and patted my back. I leaned against him and nodded.

“It… I woke up in a hospital room like this. There was a man who said he was my doctor. His name was Tom.” I said in a shaky voice. “I-I asked him where you guys were and he told me that you had all been gone for years… I was alone. I was scared and sad and so I started freaking out. I told him he was lying because you wouldn’t just abandon me… that Devin wouldn’t let you. H-He said that- that I was right. Devin wouldn’t have let anyone leave me but that I had killed him and that was why I was in there and then I noticed that I was in five point restraints and then I heard a voice and so I pretty much fought hard enough against the bindings that I ripped out of one and then I undid myself. I got free and went to the voice and they tried to stop me and they were all demons and I remember not caring what in the hell they did to me because I needed to help the tortured voice.” I was crying now but it was a strange type of crying. I had tears falling fast but no sounds were coming from my chest. “I asked where everyone was and when he told me that I had murdered Devin I told him he was lying because I wouldn’t even try killing TJ. I would die before becoming a monster that played God and decided when others were to die… but I dreamt it up so doesn’t that mean that I am already a monster. In my mind I killed one of my best friends.”

“No you are not a monster.” Michael said softly. “Our minds pick our worst fears and play on them. It was nothing more than your subconscious attacking your feelings. We know you wouldn’t kill anyone but you wanted to make yourself hurt and so it picked the darkest and most painful way possible.”

“But how do you know? I almost killed myself a couple times on accident because of recreational drugs and then damn near succeeded on purpose. Something I’ve not told anyone is that the only fucking reason I am alive is that the drugs I tried to kill myself with when I slit my wrists slowed my heart enough to not let me bleed out but if I would’ve taken even one mg more I would be dead.” I said bleakly as my tears continued to fall. “If I could kill myself what else am I capable of?”

“It was just a dream Devlyn.” Devin murmured in my ear and put both arms around me. I looked into his brown eyes that were brimming with unshed tears. “Just a dream. I would never let them leave you and you would never kill me. We are still here and I am still alive with a beating heart.”