Cobwebs

The water was beautiful. It was black as obsidian and the city lights reflecting off of it with the moon created an amazing picture. The sand in between my toes felt weird. It was different from the last beach I had been to on the west coast a couple of years ago. The sand here was a bit grainier and the water here felt like I was standing in a glacier. The music shuffles and then the song that came up was one of the ones that meant the world to me. So I began singing along with Chris’s voice.

“There’s so much beauty when your eyes
Lay lost in all the city lights
The wax will drip as so as blood
Romance is dead and all is lust
You are the water in my lungs
We’ve lost it
We are all alone…” I began to cry hard but still managed to sing. This song was always there for me when something happened. How had things gotten so fucked up?
“Paralyzed by my envy of the night
I am lost without you here
And outside it looks like rain
Tonight I bleed myself dry
I bleed myself dry
I bleed myself dry
And nothing I could ever write
Would help you understand this life
There’s so much beauty when your eyes
Lay lost in all the city lights
The wax will drip as so as blood
Romance is dead and all is lust
You are the water in my lungs
We’ve lost it all!”

I was now crying so hard that it took forever for me to notice that it had started raining. I dropped to my knees in the water so it was a damn good thing that I had kept my MP3 in my sleeve pocket rather than the hand pockets because it would’ve been dead.

Hands grabbed me and I screamed out in terror but a shivered hand took out my ear buds and I turned to see Devin and Michael standing in the pouring rain behind me with their eye makeup pouring down their pale faces. I just started crying even more and I think it was when I saw the sadness in their eyes that it really hit me. Katie was dying and there was no guarantee that she would make it. This would be the second person that I had lost to suicide.

“We should go back to the inn!” Michael yelled over the pounding of the rain. I didn’t know what to do because I could seem to move at all. I just looked down at where my white legs disappeared into the black water and tried to push myself up to my feet. They helped me up and Devin ran to get my shoes. Both of the boys had gone into the water with their shoes on and with their pants all the way to their ankles still. “Come on Devlyn!” Michael had to yell for me to hear him over the now thundering storm. I shoved my hands onto my pockets and opened my mouth but my teeth were chattering so bad now that I bit my tongue. He ran over to me and picked up so he and Devin could sprint the way back to the Inn that had been chosen for us to stay at. Ignoring the looks that we were getting from people they ran to one of the three rooms we were sharing where all of our friends were sitting in various places waiting.

“Is she okay?” TJ asked when I was sat down on a bed. “Dev are you okay?”

“She won’t talk.” Devin said and took a pair of sweat and a baggy shirt out of his bag and brought them over to me. “Put these on.” he said and I shook my head. I couldn’t talk to them and I wasn’t able to walk. How did he expect me to be able to change?

“She can’t really move Sola she needs help.” Michael said and peeled the soaked jacket off of me then froze when he remembered the guys in the room. “Okay clear the room.”

Everyone walked out and then both he and Devin tried to get the wet clothes off. I tried to be as cooperative as I could but I still couldn’t find the energy to help them out with anything. This had to be awkward for them. They had a lot of difficulties trying to take my skinny jeans off since they were sticking like glue to my skin. Devin kept apologizing and saying that they had to do this because I would get sick if they didn’t. A while later I was in Devin’s clothes and they had changed also. The ability to move was still gone but talking was easier.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered and looked up at the guys I was sitting in between. I was curled into Devin’s side and Michael was sitting close to me with a blanket wrapped around all of us.

“Don’t be.” Devin murmured and kissed the top of his head.

“You have a beautiful voice Devlyn you should sing more.” Michael yawned and put his head on my shoulder.

“I… only sing like that when I feel sad.” I whispered. “She’s dying isn’t she?”

“On life support.” Devin nodded. “They told us that they don’t know when she’ll wake up.”

“Did they say how?”

“Pills. Lots and lots of pills mixed with alcohol.”

“And we are leaving to see her tomorrow?”

“Yes you should get some rest.” Michael said ruffled my drying hair. “Tomorrow is going to be a busy day.”