The Flavor of Your Lips Is Enough to Keep Me Here

Harry doesn’t understand, he truly doesn’t understand why Louis won’t love him. He doesn’t mean to sound and feel so pretentious but they’ve been best friends for two years now and friends with benefits for about six months. He doesn’t understand why Louis can’t just want to be his boyfriend already. They already know so much about each other and they are intimate almost every day, surely Louis feels something for the younger boy. It’s always been said that in friends with benefit situations someone always fall for the other and Harry and Louis are no different. Although Harry fell for Louis months before they started sleeping together. The only reason Harry agreed to it was because he hoped he could prove to Louis that he is worth the risk, he is worthy of being loved.

Harry is tired of their routine though, being best friends in the public eye and pretending like they aren’t doing anything but once they are behind closed doors Louis is ripping Harry’s clothes off faster than Harry could get through the door. When Harry and Louis decided to take a step in their friendship, Harry thought he’d be on top of the world, he thought he’d be happy and he thought the pain of loving Louis would die down. Instead he feels like he’s spiraling out of control and he’s never felt worse about himself. In the beginning it was fine; it was exciting, and fun. But now it hurts, it hurts Harry to his core, so much so that some days he doesn’t leave his bed because he can’t manage to hide his feelings.

Today happens to be one of those days where Harry can’t find any reason to leave his bed. His heart
literally feels like its aching and he can’t stop crying. His mind is going a mile a minute and all he wants is to feel better, he wants Louis to make him feel better. He wants Louis to love him back.

“Hazza!”

Harry bit his lip and buried his head further into his pillow, shutting his eyes tightly at the sound of Louis’ voice.

“Where are you?” Louis yelled again.

Harry didn’t say anything; he simply pulled his duvet over his head and tried to disappear completely. Unfortunately it didn’t work for him and Louis bounded into his room and pounced on the bed yelling at him to get up.

“Haz, what’s wrong sweetheart?” Louis asked once he noticed Harry’s tear stained cheeks.

Harry shook his head, “It’s nothing.”

“Which is why you’re sobbing under your duvet.” Louis responded rolling his eyes. He waited for a response and when he didn’t get one he kissed Harry’s jaw and made his way down his neck. “Fine, if you won’t talk let me make you feel better.”

Instead of feeling turned on by the comment and the feel of Louis’ lips on his skin, he felt disgusted and used.

“No, Louis.” Harry spoke.

“Oh come on Harry. I promise it’ll make you feel better.”

Harry let out a whimper as Louis started sucking on his skin, Louis thinking it was a noise of approval when it was the complete opposite. Harry pushed Louis back as hard as he could, making Louis stumble back and almost fall off of the bed.

“I said no!” Harry yelled, taking the duvet and covering his head again.

Louis stayed away from Harry for a couple of seconds, trying to register what just happened. Once he felt like he could move again he got off of Harry and crawled under the covers with him.

“Harry,” Louis whispered, his heart breaking at the sight of Harry sobbing. “What’s wrong?”

“Get away from me Louis. Please just leave me alone.”

“No, I won’t. You’re upset with me. I didn’t mean to keep going; I thought you didn’t mean it. I wouldn’t push you to do something you don’t want to do.”

“Please Louis, just leave. You’re hurting me, just leave me be!” Harry choked out trying to push Louis away.

“I don’t understand, what am I doing? Harry I want to fix it, please talk to me so I can fix it.”

“I don’t…it hurts Louis. I can’t…I can’t tell you just please leave.” Harry spoke one more time before turning around so he was away from Louis.

Louis didn’t know what to say or really do but he knew he couldn’t just leave Harry alone, not when he was hurting so bad especially when it is supposedly Louis’ fault. Louis carefully moved closer to Harry and wrapped an arm around him, keeping it there even when Harry tried to get away from him. After some struggling Harry finally stopped moving around and allowed Louis to envelope him in his arms. Harry cried against Louis for what seemed like hours until he finally managed to calm down some.

“Please talk to me.” Louis whispered. Harry shook his head, “Baby please I don’t want to hurt you. Just tell me what I did so I can fix it.”

“You’ll leave me Louis; you’ll never talk to me again.”

“No, no I wouldn’t. I would never leave you Harry, ever. We’re best friends Haz, nothing is going to change that.”

Harry took a deep breath and moved away from Louis so he was sitting up on the bed, Lois immediately following suit.

“I don’t want to fool around anymore.”

Louis let out a deep breath, “Is this what you’re worried about? Harry, I would never leave you just because you don’t want to fool around anymore. We’re more than that.”

“Are we? Are we really?”

Louis furrowed his brows, “What do you mean Harry?”

Harry sighed and shook his head, “Nothing.”

Louis sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “Harry, the past few times we’ve fooled around have you not wanted to? Have…have I hurt you?” Louis was afraid to ask but he needed to know.

“No, Louis it’s not like that.”

“If it wasn’t then you wouldn’t have been sobbing your eyes out earlier.”

“I promise Lou, it’s not that.”

“Then what is it? Not wanting to fool around shouldn’t have caused that kind of reaction.”

“It’s because I’m in love with you Louis!” Harry yelled getting up from the bed and pacing around, trying not to cry again. “I’m in love with you and it hurt too much to be with you in that way and know you don’t feel the same way!” Harry shook his head, ruffling his curls. “Fuck, I wasn’t meant to fall in love with you. I wasn’t, it wasn’t supposed to work this way. I fell in love with you and then you wanted to fool around and I figured this would be the only way to have you so I agreed but now…now it hurts. It hurts so much. I can’t take it anymore.”

“Harry.” Louis whispered getting up from the bed and walking towards Harry. “I didn’t know, I wouldn’t have done anything, I’m sorry.”

“I don’t need your pity!” Harry spoke harshly.

“Harry that isn’t what I’m trying to do.”

“Right, I’m sure.” Harry rolled his eyes. “Look Louis it’s fine, I know you’ll never love me. I know you’ll never feel the same way and its fine okay? I’ll learn how to deal; I’ve been coping with it for a while. Maybe I’ll get over the feelings.” Harry shrugged.

“I don’t want you to get over the feelings.” Louis told him carefully.

Harry glared at the older boy, “What? What are you saying?”

Louis sighed and stepped closer to Harry, taking Harry’s hand in his, “I don’t want you to get over the feelings because I’m in love with you too.”

Harry tore his grip from Louis’, “Don’t say this shit. No, you’re making it worse. I don’t want you to say it if you don’t mean it.”

“I do mean it!” Louis yelled. “Harry, I do mean it. I’ve been in love with you for months now.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Harry asked quietly.

“Same reason you didn’t.”

Harry bit his lip, “You really feel the same way?”

Louis smiled softly and took Harry’s hands back in his own, “Yes Harry I do. I don’t know what I can do to make you believe it but it’s true. I’m so in love with you.” Louis gently caressed Harry’s cheek making Harry lean into Louis’ hand.

“I want you to make love to me.” Harry whispered, making eye contact with Louis. “Show me you love me.”