I Want You to Rock Me

I pushed Harry away and turned and ran for the door. I flung it open and tears fell fiercely. How could he do that!? He knows that I just chose neither of them. It wanted to make me reconsider my decision, but I knew that would be selfish and completely unfair to Niall.

I raced back to my flat and as soon as I opened the door, Louis was waiting. He opened his arms and a sympathetic look crossed his face. I ran to him, and cried more. He shushed me and led me to the couch. I clung to him like lint as he stroked my hair.
"You told them didn't you?" he asked and I nodded.
"Then, when I was leaving, Harry spun me around and kissed me." I said, quietly.
"The little shit did what!?!?!?" Louis shrieked. I was surprised at his reaction. It was way more scary than I was expecting.
"He...kissed...me..?" I said slowly and Louis sat me up straight.
"So, let me get this straight. You told them both, nice and easy. Then Harry kissed you?" Louis asked and I was suddenly afraid to answer, but I knew I shouldn't be. Louis was there to help.
"Yes." I replied, waiting to see his reaction this time. For once, he was not about to make a joke. He looked so serious it was insanely freaky.
"Louis...are you okay?" I asked and he nodded.

"He promised. He promised not to screw it up." Louis said quietly but I still caught it.
"What!?" I said, my heart tugging in my chest. He looked at me and sighed.
"After you left Carly's last night, I went to Harry's flat. He was with Niall and he answered the door in his boxers. I knew he was with a bird last night. Anyway, Niall was passed out on the couch and he groaned when he saw me. I remember every bit of our conversation because I made him swear he wouldn't do this. I told him, that whatever your decision was, whether it be him or Niall, he wouldn't confuse you and make you change your mind." Louis paused and took a deep breath.
"So, you're mad because he did exactly what you told him not to do?" I asked, grasping the concept of what got Louis fuming in the first place.
"He promised...but knowing Styles, it's easy to guess he would do the complete opposite of what I tell him to," Louis sighed and rubbed his temples. I patted his back.
"It's going to be okay...right?" I asked and Louis suddenly smiled. In the days I'd truly gotten to know him, I could tell it was forced and fake.
"Of course." he replied and even though his voice was strained, it gave me a glimmer of hope that he was right.

Five Months Later...

After that night, when I told Niall and Harry that I couldn't be with either of them, I haven't spoken to them since. I found it odd... They just erased me from their lives and it kinda hurt.
Although, Louis and I have become very close and the best of friends. It was late May and I was really almost missing my mother. I would never admit it aloud.
One night, when Louis and I were going to meet at the theater, I got a call from the police saying I needed to come discuss some things with them. I wasn't even scared a little. I had nothing to worry about. I called Louis and told him what was up. He sounded a little nervous.
"You want me to come with you?" he asked and I smiled to myself and replied with a no.

As I stepped in the station, I caught the smell of stale doughnuts and coffee. It was interesting, really.
"Can I help you?" a secretary called over to me. I crossed the room to her and she smiled.
"Yes, I was called to discuss something?" I mostly asked and her smile wavered. It was almost like she knew exactly why I was there.
"I assume you're Pearl? Pearl Roshmire? The daughter of Ellen Roshmire?" she said, looking at her computer and I had a feeling if she mentioned my mother, something terrible happened.
"Oh my god, is she okay? Is she here?" I said, my attention drawn to the rest of the room. All the people I saw were in uniforms and some in old rags that looked like they held potatoes at one time. The secretary's voice drew my eyes back to her. They were glued to her perfect caramel-brown eyes.
"Look, just come with me," she said, in a tone of voice that made me want to slap her. She said it like I was an intolerable child. Which, I guess, at this very moment I could be. I was flipping out. Something was wrong, because behind the secretary's chocolatey good eyes, was the fear and sympathy she felt. Toward me. I wanted to break down and cry right there on the floor. I didn't want to know what my damned mother got herself into now. She can take care of it herself! My sadness turned to anger so fast, I felt like I had whiplash.

She led me to a room with a middle-aged man sitting at a small platinum desk. He smiled and I saw the same look behind his eyes as I did when I looked into the secretary's.
"Hello, Pearl." he said. I felt tears spring to my eyes.
"What happened?" I whispered. It was barely audible, but he still heard.
"Your mother's been in a car accident." he said. I cried out and he made a noise. I held my breath, I could tell, that wasn't the end of what he was going to say.
"She...she didn't make it," he said and my heart cracked. I dropped to my knees from the chair. Someone burst into the room. I looked behind me and saw...Harry. What was he doing here?

"Pearl! What's going on?" Harry asked. He sank to the ground next to me.
"My mother," I said, pausing to let out a sob, "she's gone, she's really gone."
I clung to his shirt so hard, my knuckles turned white. I couldn't believe she was gone. My mother, the one who told me Santa was going to come and kidnap me in my sleep so he could have 'fun', then joked about it and told me he wasn't real. Even when she said things like that, I still loved her all the same. She was my mother, and it was hard to believe she no longer existed. I cried for what felt like hours. I remember Harry bringing back to my flat. All of the rest of the boys were there. Even Niall, and Zayn, who I didn't know all that well.
"I am so sorry, Pearl." Louis said and it hugged him. After a few minutes, I stopped crying and went to my room.

A few days later, I was still somber and walking around my flat like a zombie. Louis was staying with me until I felt better. I suddenly remembered something from my father from a couple of months ago. It was addressed to me and it was for coming and visiting him.
"Louis, I have to tell you something." I said, coming back into the living room. He looked at me surprised. I hadn't spoken at all to anyone since I heard the news.
"Yes, love?" Louis said, looking hopeful. I felt so bad to tell him this, but he deserved to know.
"I'm leaving. I don't plan on coming back." I said. Louis face went white. His eyes watered and I couldn't believe I was doing this to him. Harry emerged from the kitchen. I didn't realize he was here. Shit.
"What do you mean, leaving?" Harry asked. Niall came out too. My whole world just crumbled. I was in some deep fucking shit. Really, fucking deep.