I Want You to Rock Me

"No...no you can't leave, Pearl. You can't just disappear!" Harry said. I could feel tears forming in my eyes.
"Harry..." I started but he held up his hand. I suddenly felt numb. That movement, was so painful I hated what I was doing to them.
"Fine, we have no power over you, do what you want..." Harry said, pushing past Niall and going back into the kitchen. Niall stood frozen for a moment longer. He turned away too and went into the kitchen without saying anything. Louis wouldn't even look at me. He just sat there, frozen, and eyes glued to the television. It really did hurt. I almost didn't want to go visit my father, but I know, after Ellen's death, he would want to know I'm okay.

Since no one was going to acknowledge that I was there, I went to my room and cried. I sobbed loud and hard, so they would know how my pain I was in.

Soon after I was done crying, I fell asleep. It was dreamless, and cold, and dark. I felt so bad. When I woke up, I walked out into the living room, to find it completely pitch black. It must be like, four in the morning.
"You're really serious about this...aren't you?" a voice rang out through the silent flat. It startled me at first, but then I recognized the familiar deep, British accent. Harry.

"Yes, I am. I can't stay here anymore." I said, and felt my way to the couch. I touched Harry and he jerked away from my hand. I felt a pang of guilt. If I left, it would destroy Harry...and Niall. They both love me, and running away from them, suddenly didn't seem like the right thing to do. I couldn't leave...but what do I say now? Do I play it out and see what happens? I suppose I can't really turn tables now that I've already decided I'm leaving.

I sat down next to Harry. He scooted away from me, I could feel the moment on the couch. I sighed. I didn't know what to say or do at this point. I found Harry's hand in the darkness and took it in mine. I heard a sniffle and knew he was or is crying.
"Harry, this isn't to hurt you. It's not to hurt Niall either. I just...need some time to see my father. Plus, I think if I draw myself away from you two, it will make both move on...and I think that's for the best." I said, and he jerked away from me again. He stood and turned on a side-table lamp next to my couch.
"DO YOU SEE ME MOVING ON!?" he yelled, which startled me again. I didn't want to be in another freaky situation. There was a knock on the door.
I ignored it and continued focusing on Harry.
"Harry..." I said, but he blocked my words with his lips. The sparkles in my stomach came to life again. I kissed back and sucked on his lips, while he did the same. I had to admit, this boy was skilled.

"Does anyone else have a sense of Deja Vu?" Niall asked. We jerked apart like last time. It did feel like Deja Vu.
"Niall, please just hear me out this time." I said, quickly so he wouldn't jump to any conclusions. Niall crossed his arms and stood there like a statue.
"I-I actually don't know what to say..." I said and Niall smiled.
"How about I say it for you? YOU decided to play the fun trick of saying you're leaving to see which one of us would come crawling to your knees?" he said, and I felt like he slapped me. Which is convenient because at this point in the situation last time, he really had slapped me. I pretended what he said didn't effect me at all. He smiled and I shook my head.
"NO! I was completely serious about leaving! Don't you DARE try and tell me what I was playing at, because I wasn't playing at all. Apparently to you, this has all been a fucking game! This is exactly why I want to leave! You have no respect for letting me get two words out when you get mad!" I said, with each word I yelled, I took one step closer. He flinched at every word I yelled too. Good. I turned to Harry.

"What everyone doesn't know, is while Niall and I were dating, we fought all the time. It was almost like a recurring thing! The only problem was one day when we were fighting, you happened to be in the house. That moment, when you kissed me, was when it all went truly bad." I said, and Harry and Niall looked both terrified and sad. It almost made me stop yelling, but I wasn't finished yet. When I turned back to Niall, he was crumpled on the floor, crying. My heart tugged to him and I couldn't yell at him anymore.

"Niall, I'm sorry. I really am, but you need to let me help you. If you do that much for me, I won't leave. Alright?" I said, and he managed a small smile and nodded. I walked over to him and knelt by his side. He looked into my eyes and kissed me, right in front of Harry. This kiss was different though. It wasn't passionate...it was a goodbye kiss.

We pulled apart, and Niall looked into my eyes again. I smiled and so did he.
"I will always love you, Pearl." He said, before getting up and leaving.
I turned to look at Harry who was looking tired and a bit dazed. I laughed at his expression, and it felt good. To laugh, I mean. The sound widened his eyes.
"So, you're not leaving then?" Harry asked, hopeful. Again, I hated to tell him this.
"Yes, I am leaving. I need you to keep an eye on Niall for a while." I said, and he looked broken. I immediately ran to him and hugged him as hard as I could. He let me go and looked down at me and smiled. I really didn't want to leave anymore, but I made up my decision.

"You look really tired...do you want to sleep here tonight? The couch is really comfortable." I said, and he smiled.
"Sure."
I got some blankets and went to my bedroom as he laid down. I really had this feeling that I should make tonight memorable. I also felt it should be with Harry. After about five minutes of laying in my bed thinking it over, I got up and walked back into the living room. He was messing around on his phone. I laughed, which caused him to drop it. He stood up and walked over to me.
"I can't sleep now that I laid down," he said, stroking my arm. It suddenly occurred to me, Niall let me go. I can be able to want Harry and not feel so guilty. Once that thought came to me, I looked straight into his eyes and knew, it was always supposed to be Harry.

We were so close, I could feel his breath on my skin. It reminded me of the first night I met him. Without thinking, I grabbed the back of his neck and brought his lips down on mine. He reacted well and kissed me back, hooking his arm around my waist. We found it to my bedroom quickly and fell onto the bed in a heap. When we broke apart to take a breath, I laughed. He started kissing down my neck and leaned up to take off my shirt. I wanted this. I really did. Every kiss he made, left a tiny sizzle of fire burning underneath my skin. When he stripped me of my clothes, and his were gone, he entered me fast. I gasped and immediately after his lips covered mine again, leaving me with no air. We rocked the bed for the rest of the night.

It was nearly 6 a.m. when we finally lay there. My hands were entangled in his curls and I realized then, I truly had to leave and not come back. I felt my eyes start to water. Harry was asleep. I still couldn't seem to let the sleepy feeling consume my senses.

I crawled out of bed and found my clothes. My phone was sitting in the living room. My father's number was still in it. I pressed send and heard the ringing.
"Hello?" a rough voice answered. I sighed.
"Hi dad," I said and I heard a deep breath being taken.
"Pearl, are you okay?" he asked and I could barely contain my anger for him. He was an asshole and we both knew it. The fatherly tone he was going for, so did not work for him.
"I need a place to stay, do you think there's a possibility I could stay with you for a little while?" I asked, and he sighed of what sounded like relief.
"Yes, of course, when?" he asked.
"Today, if possible." I replied, sitting on my couch and messing with a strand of fabric coming out of the side.
"I think that will work, what time do you want me to book a flight? I can arrange for your things to be brought here as well." he said and I felt a little better with how concerned he actually sounded. I haven't really seen him in about two years, so if it's possible he might have changed, then all the better.
"That sounds good, what time?" I asked. He was silent for a moment before answering.
"Um...1:30 p.m. is the best I can do...is it alright?"
"Yes, sounds good, I'll pack up my things. Goodbye...dad." I said, before hanging up.

"So, it's official? You're really leaving..." Harry said from behind me.
I turned around and he was leaning in the doorway leading to my bedroom. I gave him a heart-warming smile and ran to hug him. He started to cry and so did I. I had to leave though, I was not the kind of girl Harry would want to be with.

I packed up all of my stuff, and left to go with Harry to see the boys one last time.
Louis was the first one to cry and the rest sort of followed, even Zayn. Niall stepped over to me and kissed me on the forehead. I smiled and hugged him tight.

I left at 1:30 crying. I didn't want to leave, but Harry and Niall had to move on, and they couldn't do it with me there. So, I'm going to Sacramento, California to stay with my father. I would handle my life from there. I had a year of college already done, maybe I could finish it there. I bet my father would pay for it.

I was going to miss those boys and their childish ways. Not only did they have to move on...but so did I. I needed this, a fresh, new start. It was the only way.