Love Is for the Sane

I took a deep breath.

“How about we send her a letter? It still sends the message, only she won’t freak and try to kill us.”

Gerard and I were standing in front of a menacing building with the words Ancora Psychiatric Hospital above the door in large, blocky letters.

“It’s only fair to her that we tell her about out relationship.”

“You know what? I really don’t like you right now. You could’ve made things infinitely easier had you just told her instead of dragging it out.”

“I didn’t feel she was ready for it. I wanted her to be able to handle it.”

I pouted, “Asshole. I bet you just didn’t want to tell her by yourself because she’s obviously the psycho ex-girlfriend to rule all psycho ex-girlfriends. I bet they all have bitter get-togethers, which she plans.”

He grinned, “Where do you come up with this shit?”

“In my head. I have an amazing imagination to rival all other imaginations.”

Gerard hummed in agreement, “Well then, will you stop stalling and let us go and see Jessica?”

“She’s going to kill us. And you’re family will be paying funeral costs, because I wanted to send a letter and you wanted to go on the suicidal journey of telling it to her face.”

Gerard grabbed my arm and started pulling me towards the door, “Yeah, yeah…shut up, drama queen.”

“I’m not a girl.”

“Fine, then. Drama drag queen.”

I stuck out my tongue, “Only for you, honey.”

We walked through the painfully bright white halls to the receptionist who was talking on the phone. She gave us a shiny white smile that was too sweet to be real and asked us what we needed. We told her we needed a Jessica Fonda’s room. She quickly directed us there and continued the conversation which sounded more like her gossiping than doing her job.

When we finally reached the room, I stopped in front of the door and took slow, deep breaths.

“Do we really have to go in? It’s not too late to leave.”

Gerard turned to me, “Actually, Frank…I told Jessica we were coming. She’s expecting us…and who knows how she’d react if we didn’t come…and we’re going to have to tell her anyways.”

I stared in shock, “When the hell did you call her? I’ve been with you for pretty much every moment since we got back together!”

He grinned cheekily, “I did it once you feel asleep. You’re dead to the world at that point. Anyways, we must be going in now! ”

Before I could protest he swung open the door with a cheerful yell of, “We’re here!”

Sitting on the hospital bed, watching soap operas was Jessica. And I smiled. I smiled so hard, it felt like my face was going to rip in half. I smiled because I was happy.

Her eyes widened and she let out the type of scream that you can only let out when you reunite with best friends or family when you least expect it.

“Holy shit! Frank, Gerard! You assholes get over here and give me a hug!”

She looked amazing. She was glowing, nearly. She dropped the faux French accent in favor of her usual Jersey drawl and she didn’t look like the disgusting plastic doll from before. Her hair had returned to its natural mousy brown, only it had a beautiful sheen to it now. Her skin was its natural slightly pale color, but it was a healthy pale. And her eyes shone with a bright brown flecked gold.

I ran over and embraced her, overjoyed to have the old Jessica back.

“Damn, I’ve missed you! You look so much better than before!”

She giggled, “Don’t I? I don’t look like Barbie anymore! And I swear, you’re a fucking sight for sore eyes, I thought Gerard wasn’t going to come again, let alone let me see anyone else!”

“What? I thought Gerard had already called up and told you we were coming.”

She looked confused and shook her head, “Uh…no. I haven’t gotten any calls in a week. Last people who did were my parents.”

I glared at Gerard, “Asshole! You said you called her! You fucking tricked me!”

“Tricked?”

Gerard smiled apologetically to Jessica, “Yeah, um…I’ve been meaning to tell you something…when I told you the reasoning behind why I got back together with you…I didn’t tell you the whole thing…”

Jessica looked confused, but thankfully not angry, “Well, you can tell me. There’s not much you could say to make me angry…”

Gerard grimaced and looked at me, hoping I would tell her.

Frowning, I turned to Jessica, “Fuck, Jessica, I’m sorry…but, uh…Gerard and I…”

She quickly glanced at Gerard and then me, before looking expectantly at me.

“We’re…uh…fuck…”

Gerard sighed before speaking up, “We’re in a relationship. We are in love with each other.”

I blushed profusely before murmuring another ‘Sorry’ and trying to sprint out of the room. But before I could even get up, a hand grabbed my wrist.

I’ve definitely got to work on my ability to run away from rooms and people. They always end up catching me!

I looked down, ready to be verbally attacked from a hopefully soon-to-be-restraint ex-girlfriend. But instead, I heard a giggle. Then a chuckle, a laugh, and soon an obnoxious cackle I knew but hadn’t heard in a long time.

Looking up, I saw Jessica, nearly falling out of her bed from laughing so hard.

“Ha…l-l-like I didn’t already know you had the hots for each other!”

Gerard stared, dumbfounded. I always had the suspicion she’d know. Seeing his expression, she quickly sobered up and turned to Gerard.

“Wait…you didn’t know? Seriously, with all the longing looks Frank sent you, I was one jealous fucker! And not only that, but you know how we used to hang out before we hooked up? You should have fucking seen the way sparks would explode whenever you guys were within a foot of each other. Even when we were together, all you needed to do was go onstage and it was like…magic, I guess. I was stupid enough to try to fuck with that.”

I grinned and roughly hugged her again, “Damn…I really did miss you. Sorry I stole your boyfriend from you.”

She grinned again, “It was really me who did that. I’m sorry for being a bitch before, even though you never did try to do anything with Gee until it was over, even though he was obviously yours from the start.”

She turned to Gerard, “And what about you? You still have not given me some well-deserved hugs yet. I should beat you up.”

Gerard walked up and awkwardly held her. She furrowed her eyebrows and pursed her lips.

“What the fuck is that? Come on, I promise I won’t break. And I want a hug from my ol’ buddy who saved my life.”

Gerard smiled, finally realizing that Jessica was back and firmly squeezed her.

“Don’t thank me, I was an asshole too. Frank’s the one who fucking telepathically forced me to help you out.”

I pouted, “No way! You wouldn’t have done it unless you were the selfless person you are! Stop being stupid and accept that you’re a nice guy!”

“I know I’m nice, but you’re nicer. You should accept that.”

“You save depressed kids' lives everyday!”

“I wouldn’t be inspired to write the music if it wasn’t for your pure humanity and chivalry!”

“But you’re the one who made the band, out of the feeling of wanting to help not only yourself, but others. And without the band, I would not be able to demonstrate my humanity and chivalry because I’d either be doing some shitty job or I’d be dead!”

“No, you wouldn’t, you would have a job making music to help save people’s lives because you’re just that way!”

“Are you actually having a fight over who’s nicer?”

We both abruptly turned to look at Jessica, who was once again almost doubled over in laughter.

“I-I swear…you guys were definitely made for each other. I bet you even fit together nicely.” She giggled again before winking saucily.

Gerard laughed nervously and I scratched the back of my neck.

“So, uh…I guess this means you’re not mad…?” I began shakily.

She just smiled brightly, “It would be wrong of me to get in between you guys again. People bullshit others by saying they were ‘meant to be’ but it’s different. I wouldn’t say so unless there was definitely something there.”

Gerard sighed in relief, “Fuck, I still can’t believe I left you like that…I should’ve taken better care of you…I was an ass…”

“I needed tough love. I wouldn’t be where I was if it wasn’t for the two of you, you’re both probably the best thing to happen to me. And I hope we can be friends again, despite how selfish I was.” Jessica looked sheepish, and I was happy to see she was sincere in her apology.

Gerard and I ran over to her and engulfed her in a hug.

I saw Jessica crying, but she quickly wiped away the tear.

“There will be no tears today, miss! I have had enough of the waterworks, and there will only be smiles today!” I loudly announced for the whole hospital to hear.

She smiled again and agreed.

Several hours later, after catching up with her, I was leaving the hospital with Gerard. Suddenly, he stopped in the middle of the road.

“Gerard…?”

His back was rigid, and he looked like he was shaking.

“Um…F-Frank…you love me, right…?”

I stared, confused, “Of course I do! Damn it, are you getting worried again?”

“N-NO! I mean…uh – no. I was just checking…”

I looked concernedly at him, “Are you sure you’re all right? Do you want to sit down or something?”

Shit, maybe he’s coming down with something…

He shook his head, “I’m fine, but I need to ask you something important.”

I stared in his eyes, which were hard and serious.

What’s going on?

He took a deep breath before grabbing my hand.

“Look, I know we just got back together, and I know that you love me, so this isn’t about me being concerned that you don’t…I just want some finality to it…”

His palms were sweaty and he was still shaking.

“Gerard, before you tell me, please sit down? I’m scared you’re going to pass out or something.”

Shakily, still, we sat on the chalky gravel beside the car.

Gerard then resumed, “Okay…what I’m asking you is…I mean, could you…no, would you – uh, fuck…”

I was getting slightly frustrated, “Will you please hurry, and stop procrastinating? I’m sure whatever it is can’t be too bad, alright?!”

He blushed before blurting out, “Will you marry me?”

For a second, I thought I had died. It seemed like time stopped and everything went black.

When I woke up, I realized I had fainted.

“SHIT! I’m so sorry, Frank! Are you okay? Thank God you’re awake!”

I cleared my throat before speaking, “What the hell happened?

Gerard turned red again, “Well, uh…I asked you to marry me…but you don’t have to! I’m not forcing you, I mean you fainted and all, probably because I was stressing you and well, that was real-“

I put up a finger to stop his rant.

“Gerard…I will.”

He started before looking up, confused.

“W-What?”

“I can, want, and need to marry you, Gerard Way.”

Reaching over, I pulled him over for a kiss.

It was soft. It wasn’t rough, like the old first kiss, or passionate, like the new first kiss. No, it was soft, and sweet. Full of love and all the other emotions we went through. It was the absolute kiss. Absolute love. Absolute anxiety. Absolute melancholy. Absolute ambivalence.

Absolutely perfect.