Hand Me Downs.

The first thing I noticed was how weird my arm felt, it was almost dead, stabs of needles shooting up it ever so often. I pushed my face further into the pillow, twisting my arm back into a more normal position as I stirred.

The pillow didn’t smell like mine. It smelt like Dale’s aftershave, something he used to drown himself in until we finally spoke him out of it. It was a nice smell, although I could never put my finger on what it was.

I smelt like Dale.

I was awake in an instant, flipping myself over, my hair in tangles over my face. My fingers formed claws to remove it and I wrenched my eyes open, the light causing me to wince and squint.

The sheets were in a state of disarray, the cover in a ball around me, the actual sheet pulled off half of the mattress.

But then the bed was empty.

My head began to burn, the acid in my stomach rose and I pulled my knees up, resting my forehead heavily and grumbling as it sent shockwaves through my skull.

The curtain twitched slightly and a damp Dale slid in, running a small towel through his dark blonde hair, “Are you okay?” His voice is normal, completely unaffected, but then, this had become kind of normal for us.

But this time it really wasn’t right, “No.” I murmured lifting my head up and wiping underneath my eyes, my hand stained black as I placed it back down on my lap.

He pursed his lips, “I’m sorry, that shouldn’t have happened. Especially not with...”

“It’s fine...well, no..actually it’s really not. What...” I turned to face him, watching as he sat down lightly, the sheet fell back across my lap but he kept eye contact, “...What are we doing?”

“Being stupid...” he paused, rubbing a hand over his tired eyes, “I don’t want this to be awkward again...”

“No, no it’s not that...we... we don’t randomly fuck our other friends when we drink, it just...” I sighed “I feel terrible, have you got anything?” My voice trailed off, I didn’t want to argue with him.

He nodded, shuffling in his bedside cabinet and pulling out some paracetamol, disappearing quickly and returning from the bathroom with a glass of water. I thanked him lightly, slipping three of the pills into my hand and swallowing them, the cold water instantly soothing my throat.

“I’m sorry.” we both blurted at the same time, causing me to roll my eyes as he smirked and I leant into his side. There was never any sense of romance afterwards, and the movement but nothing but friendly.

“We really need to sort this out babe, this just...” I pulled myself up, he was right; this needed to stop, all I felt was guilty and like I’d done something really bad.

“Do you actually have feelings for me? Like, would you date me, honestly?” he pursed his lips slightly and slowly shook his head.

“I don’t... I can’t imagine being more than friends with you.”

It stung a little but I accepted his words, I couldn’t ever imagine being his girlfriend either.

“Me neither. So...can we just... do that and maybe just stop getting drunk alone? Cause that’s when shit happens.”

“Yeah, and, remember what Ryan asked? Well we definitely have issues. I’m still sorry though Lia.” he had stood passing me my shirt and looking away as I slid it on,

“It’s okay, let’s just... stop doing it, we can be those awkward friends that kind of fancy each other but don’t fuck everything up?”

“Jesus, what are we on, Eastenders?” I giggled lightly, and turned back to him when I was dressed.

“So, are we okay?” he nodded, pulling me into his arms, my cheeks pressing into his collarbone.
“We’re always okay stupid...But you’re gunna need to talk to George.” I pouted slightly, pulling back and glancing up at him.

He snorted, “You don’t remember much of what you said last night do you?” I shrugged, dread filling me, waiting until he spoke, “You like him, a lot.” He stated, a fact.

It was a fact.

“Yeah,” I admitted, finally admitted to myself, “Yeah I really fucking do.”

He nodded, biting his lip slightly.

“Fuck.”

“Yup.”


For a place that has so many secrets itself, at Hogwarts they don’t stay that way long.

“Well, Aaron came in while we were," he maked an awkward gesture, "and we hadn’t done Muffliato so it was pretty obvious.”

I grimaced, “Oh god, poor boys.”

“Give over, I bet they loved it. But...”

My head shot round, “Cormac...Cormac would have told someone.” I felt my heart beat quicker instantly, Dale shook his head lightly at my ignorance.

“It would have been obvious anyway, it’s almost lunchtime now, we missed charms and plenty of people would have seen us come up...”

Again I grimaced, both at the realisation that by lunch everyone in Gryffindor, including George would know, and at how much work I would have missed.

“So everyone will know by the end of the day basically?” he nodded slowly, teeth lightly grazing his lower lip, “I really don’t care what most people think.” I argued, both to him and with myself, being labelled a slut was something I really didn’t want.

“Yes, but you care about Weasley, however long it’s taken you to work that out...which is why you really need to talk to George before someone else tells him, it’s pretty obvious he has feelings for you so..”

“Since when?!” I exclaimed, “And why did no-one think to tell me?”

“Like you haven’t noticed any signs lately.” I frowned but thought back, there were plenty, some I had mistaken for him being overprotective over ex-boyfriends, but then more recently, with Draco, Hogsmeade just the day before...

“I am such an idiot.” His hand ran through my hair softly, “I’m gunna go get ready then I’ll try meet him during lunch...but, what do I say..?” He shrugged and I grew sarcastic. “Oh hey George, just realised that I really have feelings for you, funny eh? Oh but I fucked Dale last night, oh no just ignore that, that’s fine, yeah...”

Dale watched my little rant with a blank expression on his face.

“Just get ready, you’ll sort it. Chill out.” I nodded at him, my pulse still erratic as I quickly made my way down the stairs and up my own, relieved the common room had seemed fairly empty, not that I had taken time to properly look around.

I jumped in the shower, lighting the fire with a spell a little too angrily, the flares flaring, my thoughts running.

What could I do? I was irritated, really, why was I such a fucking blind fool?

How the hell could I tell one of my best friends I had feelings for them, that was scary enough, but then to add insult to that by telling him about Dale before anyone else did.
It was hardly going to be a fun conversation.

“Stupid, stupid,” I muttered to myself, my hands raking savagely through my knotted hair. “Why can’t you do anything without fucking it up Amelia?”


I’ve always been one of those people that stress over stupid things, or just stress too much. Not about everything, or at least, not about what I can push to the back of my head, make jokes about.

But then the other things eat away at me, I feel like I’m on edge permanently, like it’s a tumour at the back of my mind that’s growing.

This morning had been one of those times. I felt sick, my mouth was dry, I was fidgeting.

It was a Friday, George and Fred had charms after I did. So, I was standing outside of Flitwick’s classroom, if I had the time to peek in I would apologise, see what excuse the others had made for me and keep it, ask for the work.

I liked Flitwick, and I didn’t want to fall behind in the only class I was really good at. That would definitely stress me out.

But that didn’t matter right now, what mattered was the bright red hair visible over the muddle of seventh years.

“Hey.” I said, my voice too high, too cheery. He waved a quick goodbye to Fred who pulled a stupid face at me and headed off with Angelina, who twisted, shooting me what was almost a glare.

Oh Jesus Christ.

“You alright? You weren’t at breakfast earlier?” I nodded, but offered him no answer.

“Can I talk to you?” he frowned slightly down at me but nodded, and we started a very slow walk towards the main hall.

“Fred’s annoyed at you,” he said randomly as I was trying to build up the courage to begin, I shot him a look, fearful of Fred already knowing but instead he laughed at my expression, “He was determined to make you have a fever fudge last night, and yet again you evaded him. Where did you go anyway? Were you in your room?”

“Not exactly...” I took a deep breath, how the hell did I begin this, “That’s kinda what I wanted to talk to you about.”

I didn’t talk again for a minute and I could feel the tension building, “Amelia, what’s wrong, you’re freaking me out.” He stopped, resting a heavy hand on either shoulder as I searched his face, he looked concerned, the light filtering through the high window in a way that it illuminated his pale face.

“You’ve been weird lately,” I blurted, internally wincing afterwards, nice one Amelia, go straight into offending him, “Like...with me, and... I think I’ve been the same.” His brow furrowed,

“What do you mean?” he looked even more nervous and I bit my lip.

“I mean... different to before, I...” he looked flabbergasted and my rambles stopped.

I didn’t know how to explain this so I just decided to show him.

I lifted each hand off of my shoulder softly and they dropped gently. He held my eye contact, did he get what I meant...did he understand what was behind my messed up words?

I moved so I was tiptoes, his lips met mine before I even had the chance to move in and I felt everything you were supposed to, the butterflies, happiness, a burst of flame within me.

I also felt fucking relieved...until he pulled away.

“You mean like that?” I nodded slightly, feeling my cheeks heat up, his eyes still darting over my face.

“Yeah.” His lips pressed against mine again, catching me by surprise. It grew more passionate, his arms landed on my waist, one moving upwards and curling around the tips of my hair whilst mine stay resting on his chest.

We broke apart again and he grinned at me, his hands moving down onto my hips in a way that made me wish we were somewhere a lot more private.

No.

“Amelia,” His fingers clicked in-front of my face as he let go of me looking uncertain, “Sorry, did you not want too...or...”

“No, I really wanted to and that’s the problem,” My throat felt clogged, I was going to ruin it, fuck it up already. “I... I’ve already fucked this all up.”

His brow furrowed again, his teeth chewing against the inside of his cheek as they always did when he was worried, “What do you mean? I get it will be weird and stuff, but I think its worth...” his voice was fast but his tone warm, the panic only glinting through.

“I didn’t go to breakfast because I got drunk and I had sex with Dale last night.”

Silence.