Hand Me Downs.

People blurred past me, barely smudges in my peripheral vision. I couldn’t focus, her face was everywhere, her eyes in my mothers expression.
The gush of blood, the protruding voice box pushing past the torn ragged slaps of thin skin.

No-one followed me, not straight away and I hadn’t gone up the stairway, I’d headed down the hallway, towards the courtyard. By the time I was outside it was empty, everyone even in or on their way to breakfast.

Good.

A sob forced its way up my throat and I choked on it, slamming my hand over my mouth.

Don’t break down.
Don’t you dare.

I took a few ragged breaths, reaching the other side, the lake visible, the small roof that followed the parameter of the cobbled area covering me from the light spritzing of snow.

“Amelia!” I didn’t stop walking, the snow growing heavier; I hadn’t been wearing a cloak, just my uniform, the woollen jumper growing wet quickly. There were two voices but one set of arms around me.

“Let go.”

“No, what the hell is wrong with you? Come on Amelia quit pulling.” I wrenched his arms off, but stopped a couple of metres away, the other person moving around me until he stood in front of me.

“Babe.” I glanced up at him, he look angry at the state of me, “Amelia, what happened?” I opened and closed my mouth, Ryan joining him, both smelt slightly of smoke.

“Why have you been smoking?” I asked in an odd voice, not really expecting an answer, “That’s really bad for you.”

“Never mind that, what’s wrong with you?!” I tried to answer but instead the sob burst from me again, the tears escaping rendering me speechless, just a blubbering mess.

Dale kept his arm gently around me, the two moving me under the covered corridor around the courtyard, words I couldn’t hear through my despair.

When the snow stopped hitting me I settled a little, fighting back the ridiculous noises, finally able to hear them, “I swear to God if this was Weasley...”

“It wasn’t,” I coughed, moving my hands up to my face, “It wasn’t anything to do with George.”
I could almost feel their frowns, “Then what is it?” Ryan asked softly from my right.

Students had started to filter out, no doubt on their way to Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures.
I heard a certain voice, a sneer amongst the others.

And I heard my name, removing myself from Dale lightly before the flame upon me lit fully, every limb tensing, aflame. I felt the confusion of my friends I stormed towards him, I could barely see, the edges of my vision went black, burred with fuzzy dots.

Draco’s eyes widened as I approached him, looking desperately at Crabbe and Goyle, both seemed confused as usual.

Pansy took a step forward but I harshly shoved her out of the way, seeing her wand slip from her sleeve.

“Is this what you meant?” Draco’s mouth fell open and closed mutely, “Is this what you meant before?” He didn’t answer and I felt my blood boil over, my throat aching, tears threatening again but they were shoved away, not needed, not now.

“Did you know she was getting out?!” My voice was a venomous hiss, drawing the attention of some first years around us. He didn’t answer, plastering the stupid smirk over his face he normally wore.

“Why don’t you back off?” Pansy scoffed, tried to push her away around me. I flung my head to her.

“I’m not talking to you.” I must have looked deranged, my face red, jaw clenched, no doubt there was mascara all down my cheeks. She fell silent and took a small step back.

“What’s up Pelanci?” He finally drew courage from somewhere, one edge of the smirk lifting.

“Did you know this was going to happen?”

“I can’t imagine what you mean.”

I took a step closer, vision blurring again, “Did you know?” I could barely hear my voice, just felt the growl of it in my throat and before he even had time to answer the animalistic anger in me had leapt at him, both of us sprawling to the floor as I heard profanities burst from my mouth, my fingers curled oddly.

“You knew, you sick sick...” There were arms around me, tears down my face as I was pulled back, my vision clearing, my blood simmering, the arms around me talking, trying to calm me down, tug me away.

But it was too late and there was that little cough of distaste, a swirl of students around us.

“Will you just calm the fuck down!” I stopped struggling, limp into Dale’s arms, my fists stung, my face was wet.
But Malfoy was still on the ground, shirt with patches of red, nose bloody.

“Seriously, if you wanted to cause damage you could have used your bloody wand.” I almost giggled, adrenalin pumping through my arms still, my breathing in spats, chest heaving.

“Miss Pelanci, why this is unacceptable, a complete discard for school rules, for dignity. You shall be escorted straight to my office and...”

There was another cough, lower pitched, louder and a tall body slid through students, “Everyone to your lessons, nothing to see.” She barked at a few students and they ran off, gradually the circle dispersed.

“Miss Pelanci?”

Dale nudged me lightly to speak, “Yes Professor McGonagall?”

“Am I to assume this is your handy work?”

I cut off Umbridge, “Yes Professor.”

“But you didn’t use magic against a fellow student?”

“Professor the point is hardly the way the crime was...” Umbridge was silenced with a lift of her thin weathered hand.

“No professor.” McGonagall nodded stiffly at me.

“I thank you for your promptness Dolores, but as the head of Gryffindor I shall deal out fair punishment and inform Professor Snape of the altercation.”

Umbridge let out a harsh giggle, “I think you underestimate my position and authority Minerva.”

“And I believe you underestimate my own, Miss Pelanci shall be given a punishment by myself, and if you are not happy with that, with how the school itself is run I am sure you know who to speak to.”

Umbridge smiled, teeth pressing against each-other, her knuckles white. “And I shall inform the minister of the slack punishments given by senior members of staff.”

By now, the few of us around were silent, entranced by the biting comments between the two teachers, Ryan sniggering under his breath to my right.

“Do as you will Dolores. Miss Pelanci, with me please.” Dale’s arms fell limp and I sidled up to her, “If one of Mr Malfoy’s friends could escort him to the Hospital Wing, there is a small chance his nose may be broken.”

We trailed off, and I could hear Umbridge’s disgruntled snapping behind us.

The twisted grin lifted on my face again, but I dug my teeth into my lip, forcing it back.

I tried too hard, letting the morning’s events wash over me again, seeing her face behind my eyelids each time I blinked. Silently she led me to her office, mouth making words with no sounds. Eventually we reached her office and she pushed the heavy door open, indicating for me to enter and take a seat.

“Have a biscuit.” I was expecting her to be angry, that I had let my guard down, myself down.

I’d made it obvious for anyone with a bit of sense.

“I’m not hungry.”

“I watched you leave at breakfast Miss Pelanci, I insist.” Gradually I nodded, pulling out a shortbread and under her eagle like eyes taking a small bite, my stomach twisting. “Now...”

“I’m sorry.” I blurted, crumbs spraying, “I...I shouldn’t have reacted like that it was stupid and I just...”

She was free, Bellatrix Lestrange, the woman who destroyed my mother, damaged my father and my relationship, rotted it from the inside.

And Neville.

I had to place the biscuit down, my throat was a vice, my eyes burnt.

Through my blurred vision I saw her face soften and within a few seconds and with little movement a glass of what smelt like butterbeer was placed in front of me.

“It was idiotic, not to mention an obvious violation of school rules...but I assume Mr Malfoy will not say anything about the reasoning, and I will speak to Severus.”

Severus, who I had only days ago discovered was actually a member of the Order.
I still didn’t trust him, like him.

It was just the way his eyes would cloud over, like he was somewhere else for a second, and then they would narrow, usually when in the Great Hall at Harry.

“Another biscuit?”

“No thank you.”

“Amelia...” she trailed off, thin lips barely there as she pressed them together, “Do you wish to practise?”

I lifted a brow my mind taking a few seconds to realise her meaning, “I did assume after all Miss Pelanci that you wanted to a fully fledged Animagus? In which case practise is necessary... so up!” I stood instantly, her voice was stricter, back to her usual Scottish drawl, a hint of a bark.

“Don’t you have a lesson?”

“Surprisingly I start off my Wednesday with a free period, of which I’m sure Professor Flitwick will be happy to cover.”

I nodded, watching her rearrange a few bits, feeling guilt hit me, embarrassment at my actions even though she seemed to have moved on, didn’t want to punish me.

“I am sorry Professor, I should have handled it better.”

“Grief is a strange thing. I shall have to give you detention, and I shall expect an apology to Mr Malfoy.”

“Yes Professor.”

She smiled again, it was a surprise each time she did, “But I think the detention times can be used to a distinct advantage.”

“Yes Professor.” I was a parrot, afraid to say much more, to be sucked back into the despair, upset.

“What...what about Neville?”

“I know you two are close, so I hope you can be there for each other at this time.”

“We will be.”

The smile blinded me again. “Well, before Professor Umbridge attempts to have me fired let’s have a quick go shall we? Then I presume you can head to your second lesson as usual.”

“This is my second lesson.” She took a moment, mouth pursing, eyes lifting to the ceiling.

“Of course is it! In that case you can help me move the furniture back.”

The next hour before the class arrived was brutal, she was pushing me in her simple stated words to feel the anger, to use it to turn, to feel it in my veins.

My body morphed into the eagle twice, each time a trickle of anger, the thought of Bellatrix set if off, was the key.

“Is that normal?” I asked, worn out as we levitated the chairs back into place, “Having to use an emotion to turn?”

“To transform fully is as particular to each person as personality, preference of food. There is no predicting it.”

“Do you...have to think about anything in particular?”

“I used to, but over time that wore away and the ability remained.”

I opened my mouth to ask what, but a slight look sprang over her weathered features, and she looked younger for a split second, a child.

I kept my words to myself, moving to my usual seat but earning many looks as the students filtered in, Katie plonking herself next to me.

“Are you okay?”

“I think so.”

She lifted a brow, observing me, “Honestly Katie, this is...I can deal with this.” Our voices were low whispers, shielded by the murmur of others.

“I heard you broke Malfoy’s face, your hand okay?” My eyes met Aaron, sitting in front of us, Leanne pulling out the adjoining chair. “Yeah, seriously, what the hell happened over breakfast?”

The four of them, Aaron, Leanne, Dale and Ryan didn’t know the whole truth.

Perhaps that was wrong, but I needed something, I hated the pity, the knowing looks.

I hated being reminded but now the woman who had done it was free, out of Azkaban.

“He just pissed me off.” I lied, letting my eyes flicker down to the parchment Katie placed in front of me, my bag had been left in the Great Hall, “Thanks.” She smiled, the others eyes lingering on me a little too long, suspicion.

I bit my lip and kept quiet, the lesson passing easily, turning the chairs into tortoises, something really complex.

And I kept quiet even as I was found by Professor Umbridge in the hallway, informed she had already repeated my ‘brutal attack’ to several higher ups and I according to Professor Dumbledore I would serve three detentions with her and a week with Professor McGonagall.

It was fair, I knew that, but my hands stung more just looking at her.

She also told me I was banned from her classroom for the day, leaving me the whole afternoon empty to stew in my thoughts. Instead, after an hour of doing so I stood, asking around until I discovered where the one person I wanted to talk to was.

I should have suspected it, pulling my coat tighter around me as I made my way down the hill, snow hitting at my face.

Typical Scottish weather, the winter lasted the majority of the school year it seemed.

“Hey,” I greeted softly, brushing past a typically red faced Professor Sprout, talking something that looked vile. “Are you looking for someone dear?”

“Neville,” I said quickly and she nodded in understanding.

“He’s in Greenhouse Three with some red horned Cornopia, make sure you put on the protective gear if you’re going in, nasty buggers.”

I winced.