You'd Kill for Me, I'd Die for You.

Over The Hills and Far Away

I lazily turned the nob in the shower, waiting for the water to come on and get warm. I needed a shower, badly. I let myself go to a point that, even though I couldnt bring myself to care or feel anything, I just couldnt take being dirty anymore.

I stripped off my clothes as I waited. Brushed my hair, and then just looked at myself in the mirror. My face had a sunken in look, cheek bones jutted out more then usual. My eyes had dark circles around them, they looked dull in the bathrooms light, or maybe that's just how they were going to be from now on.

I couldnt look away from myself, my eyes were just like his, one chocolate brown and the other bark blue. Just like his, just like my father. And for the first time in two weeks I felt something. It turned my stomach, burned through me. Rage, pure rage.

Without a single thought, I doubled up my fist and punched the mirror, throwing my weight into it. I didnt even flinch from the glass shattering around me, or the pain shooting through my hand and up my arm. I liked the pain, it was a sweet re-leaf. It meant I was alive, and that was something I was beginning to wonder about.

I quickly showered after, not bothering with my hand for now, I was just savoring the feeling. It had been a dark two weeks locked up in my house. Only leaving my bed a few times to use the washroom, or force myself to eat something when it seemed like I should, I just wasnt hungry. I just laid awake day and night, only letting sleep take me when there wasnt an option anymore.

I was broken, alone, and worthless. My father let me know that by leaving for good. I had no one, and that was all on me. If I hadnt fought back my father wouldnt have left. He would have possibly beaten me to a point of being unrecognizable, or killed me. Either of those options would be better then this. Better then knowing my own father didnt really love me, couldnt love me. I didnt blame him though, he was right, I was the reason my mother was dead. I was the reason the love of his life was gone. And now I didnt have either of them.

I turned the water off and got out of the shower. Quickly drying myself off, then walking to my bedroom. I put on my undergarments, then grabbed an old pair of grey jeans and pulled them on, then threaded my old black leather belt through the loops. Then went to my closet and pulled out my favorite Led Zepplin t-shirt, and pulled it over my head. I walked over to my bed and lifted up my pillow, grabbing my handgun and putting it in the back of my pants.

I made my way down stairs and took everything in. It was still in shambles, there was a musty smell to the house. I never bothered to clean up after I read my fathers note.

I made my way into the kitchen and grabbed the first aid kit, then sat at the table and grabbed what I needed to clean up my hand out of the box. I winced when I pulled the small slivers of glass from my knuckles. The pain was still just as sweet as ever. It was all I deserved.

I made quick work of my hand, finishing it up with a splash of rubbing alcohol and some bandages. It wasnt really bleeding now, I haddnt done too much damage.

I had an overwhelming sense that I needed to leave. Every fiber of my being screamed at me to get out of the house. I just needed to be in the woods, I couldnt be here any longer.

I picked up my boots from where I had kicked them off days ago, and slipped them back on. I looked around the room for a moment, before walking to the door and exiting the house.

I took a deep breath through my nose and out through my mouth. The cool early morning air was sweet, the birds were starting to wake up, chirping happily. It was beautiful. The grass had grown up a bit around the house, it was still dewy, the sun not having yet had a chance to dry everything.

It was a little chilly out, normally I would have grabbed a jacket. But not today, I couldnt bring myself to turn around and go back in. I might not ever come back out if I tried.

I just started walking. I didnt know where I was going, didnt care. I just needed to be in the woods. Needed to feel the cold air, breathe it in. I needed to see and hear the animals, have the sun shine on my face.

I had felt so trapped in that house. Everything was crashing down around me, I could hardly breathe in there anymore. Everything I thought I knew was wrong, I could see that now. My father helped me see that. I was a fool to not realize everything sooner.

I needed to figure out what I was going to do now that I knew that. What was I going to do with my life? Try to make a go at having a normal life, work, go to college, find a man, have kids, the whole American dream bit? Or was I going to do what I know, hunting?

You can never really leave the life. Even though my father never took me on jobs, I still knew too much. I knew what was really out there. And at this point there was nothing to stop me. I had no one, nothing to tie me down, hold me back. No weakness. Every hunter I knew started hunting because of tragedy. Something always seemed to happen to them, something they couldnt explain. It drove them into it. And now I had my tragedy, I had my reason to start.

I hadnt been walking for more then an hour, before I came upon the old river. Daryl and I would stop here for lunch sometimes when we were hunting. The memories brought a slight smile to my face as I sat down in the grass.

The steady current down was so soothing, the sound of the water rushing and just watching the movement. Flowers grew here and there along the bank, I never took the time to learn the names of flowers, it wasnt my thing, but I could always appreciate natures beauty. The occasional fish swam by, I could see them clear as day through the crystal water.

My heart sunk, the sound of Daryls laughter played in my head. Had he even noticed I wasnt around for those two weeks? Did I even cross his mind?

I pulled my gun from the back of my pants and just looked at it. Would he miss me if I was gone? Would anyone for that matter?

Brush rustling behind me pulled me from my thoughts. I turned my head to look at the bushes behind me. And there he was. My heart started to race, and my stomach twisted in a knot. But my face stayed blank as I took him in.

He looked a little shocked, just staring back at me for a second. But he slowly started to make his way towards me, cautiously, eying the gun in my hands. I could see a look of concern wash over his features, those beautiful blue eyes looked sad.

"What are ya doin out here?" He asked as he seated himself beside me. Glancing from me to the gun. His tone told me he was worried.

I felt like I had forgotten how to speak. All I could do was just look at him, face blank. For the first time since we had become friends I didnt know if I really wanted his company or not. I had some serious decisions I needed to make, and I knew if I chose my last option he wouldnt let me. I needed to be alone right now.

I looked forward again at the river, and he picked some grass from the ground as he started to speak again, "Didnt think I'd see ya again. Been tryin ta get hold of ya since I woke up that day after the party. Been by yer place at least once a day, I 'magine."

What happened next I really wasnt expecting at all. Daryls strong arm snaked it's way around me and pulled me against his firm warm body. I didnt say anything still, didnt move my arms around him. He seemed ok with it, he just nestled his face into the nape on my neck. His warm breath on my skin was calming, but at the same time set my heart racing harder then ever before.

The hug did feel a little forced, but not awkward by any means. This sort of physical contact was so out of his comfort zone. I wasnt really sure what was going on. Did I maybe mean something to this man?
♠ ♠ ♠
So, sorry its taken me far too long to write this. Not really sure if anyone is Even still interested in this story. But I'm still gonna try and finish it, hopefully update more often now that I have more free time.

Thanks to anyone who does read this.