Do It All Over.

She knew she had to choose, but she couldn’t, not right now. She was never good at these things, not anymore.

So she did the only thing she was good at. Got drunk.

Effy took a drag of her cigarette puffing it out in front of her, watching the smoke swirl around her- free. Walking along the pavement, balancing on the curb she let out a sigh and then scoffed.
What was she doing? 2 boys? Two years ago she didn’t even believe in love but then, they along. Shaking her head she brought the bottle of vodka to her lips, enjoying the feeling it sent down her throat, pain.

The thoughts were still there though, she couldn’t escape them, they were like monsters shaking her mind, and she wanted nothing more than for them to be rid. But she knew to do this she had to make a choice, once she wasn’t really prepared. She wouldn’t admit it but she didn’t want to hurt anyone.

What if she made the wrong decision and ended up fucked up again? She couldn’t go through that again. In fact she wouldn’t.

Making her way to the park Effy downed more alcohol, making herself feel numb in the Bristol cold. Her dark locks blew in the wind and you could easily see the sparkle in her eye in the dark, her make-up was smudged from crying, running down her face, making her look a mess.

Reaching the park she threw her cigarette on the floor, stomping it out with her chunky boots; she sat on one of the swings, kicking her feet in the sand.

The Vodka wasn’t making her forget anything, at all. She tilted her head back, looking at the stars above her, how each one of them were different yet the same.

She knew she had to make a decision, but she had to think it through first
.
Freddie, he was the one that talked to her first, made the stupid bet with her, he was the “safe” one, he tried with her and he helped her, for most of the time. Great sex. Maybe that’s all it was, lust? But he’d always look after her, right?

Cook, the love she had for that boy, consumed her, it scared her and it made her crave more. She knew this probably wasn’t good for her, to be messing with her own mind like this, not choosing. But he intrigued her, he put on the whole “I don’t care” facade but she knew he cared, more than he let on.

“Thought I’d find you here.” a voice snapped her from her thoughts, she brought her head down to see Cook sitting next to her, his red jacket tightly zipped out, collar pulled up.

Tilting her head to the side she went to speak, tell him she wanted to be alone but he interrupted her.

To Cook, it was Effy or no one else. She kept him sane and he knew he helped her in some way as well. She consumed his every thought, that laugh. That smile, the “you won’t ever know me” one. But he knew her, he did. He wanted to prove this to her, but all he had was words. Words that may break it for him.

“If this was us, meeting for the first time, I’d do it all again. Everything. The fucks, the fuck-ups, everything. I’d do it again.” he spoke, his voice raspy from not using it in a while.

Her breath caught in her throat, the world was spinning and it was getting harder to breathe. “W-what does that mean Cook?” she croaked stuttering.

“It means Eff, that I love you.”

That was it. That was all she needed.