You Were Mine

The time I spent with Adalyn went amazingly fast, too fast for my taste, anyway. I found myself each morning asking what we would do that day and what felt like only moments later, after a day of whirlwind fun, I was kissing her goodnight. I was wading deeper and deeper into her, discovering things I had never thought I could discover in a person. She could finish my sentences, she always understood my jokes, she introduced me to the most amazing music I’d never heard of, she got me to try things I would have never tried before. I thought before that I had an adventurous spirit. Well, that was before I met Adalyn.

“Take me to your favorite place in London,” I begged one day. I’m not sure what I was expecting, really, but of course Adalyn knew the most amazing places. We toured the city the whole day, eating in delicious hole-in-the-wall restaurants that I’d never once heard of before, peeking our heads into shops that housed the most interesting things, running down streets I’d never seen in my life. I fell in love with the way her hair blew in the breeze as she ran out in front of me, and the crescent of her face when she looked over her shoulder to flash me that cheeky grin of hers. She was as perfect as perfect could be.

That night, she pulled me into a strange building I’d never been in before. It looked rather like an apartment complex, with lots of floors with rows of doors lining the halls. To this day I’m not quite sure what the rooms housed, and I guess the only way to know would be to go back. But I’m not sure if I could without Adalyn. That place means too much to her and me now.

We took the elevator to the top floor and when we got out, she started up a flight of stairs in front of us. “Where are you going, Ada?” I questioned, hesitant to follow her.

“Oh, just be patient for once in your life,” she complained, a little smile giving her away. “You’ll see in a minute.”

At the top of the stairs, she pulled open a door that lead to the roof. Confused, I followed her out, only to have the breath taken right out of my lungs by the amazing view laid in front of us, perfect like a painting.

We could see all of London, all the pretty parts anyway – the night lights, London Bridge, boats on the river, the cars driving below. I’d never seen the city like this before, with all of the colors and the summer night air. It was like the first time I’d ever seen, the first time I’d viewed from that angle, from that mind-set, from that level of being in love. With her and with the world. It was like from that moment on, nothing would be the same.

Adalyn was far out in front of me, standing against the concrete wall that surrounded the perimeter of the rooftop. I chased after her, wrapping my arms around her from behind when I reached her. A cigarette was already in her mouth, the embers at the tip smoldering red and orange.

“How did you find this place?” I gasped, looking out at the skyline again. “It’s beautiful.”

“Places like this have their way of finding me, I suppose,” she replied, letting a cloud of smoke float from her lips in curly, flowing wisps. She looked so beautiful, the moonlight skimming her bare shoulders, exposed from her low cut, strapless dress that she’d skated around in all day. Suddenly she turned to me, eyes all serious and light mauve lips gapped in just the slightest way.

“Keep it a secret, okay? I don’t want people getting the wrong idea that this can be their place too,” she said, looking me head on. I merely nodded, not really knowing what else to say. Immediately I thought of the guys and how they would love this, how Harry would howl at the moon or some other Harry-like thing. It was strange to keep something from them, but for Adalyn, I felt I would do anything.

She turned away again, bringing the bone to her lips again, her chest heaving with the smoke-saturated night air that filled her lungs. I found myself watching her instead of the city, my eyes unable to leave her. She was so beautiful in her mysterious way, thick eyelashes shrouding her real intentions and fingers like skeleton keys that could unlock all the doors in her soul.

“I’m going to miss this,” she sighed, leaning against the wall on her elbows. She looked sad for just a flicker of a second, a brief moment, like a flame. “When I’m in Glasgow, I mean. The city. The lights. The atmosphere. You.”

On the last word, she glanced back at me and I could have crumbled to the ground in that very moment. Liam’s words came to mind again all those weeks later, when I’d simply given up on the thought of ever telling her. All inhibitions out the window, just me and her and the beautiful city in front of us – standing next to her, I felt invincible, like it could be just me and her for the rest of forever and I’d never tire of being by her side.

“Adalyn,” I murmured after a moment. “I love you.”

Again, she turned to me, this time eyes full of hollow bewilderment. Suddenly, all that hopeful invincibility melted away and I was left just a boy with his heart on his sleeve, hoping for her to say it back.

“Oh,” was her reply, as she exhaled once more.



I didn’t tell her that it bothered me as much as it did, but that night haunted me for a while. I don’t think I ever told a girl I love her before that night, maybe my mum or something but definitely not a girl like Adalyn. It followed me wherever I went with her, though she was never awkward about it. With her, it was almost as if it had never happened. With me, it was like it was all that ever happened.

It didn’t affect us in any great way, the way I make it seem. It mostly just affected me. I sang love songs for a career, I spun girls hopes and dreams with words for money – as terrible as that sounds, I realize now that’s what it all really was. Hopes and dreams, that is. At any rate, I told a girl I loved her and she didn’t say it back. We still had an amazing time, like we were living in a dream, spending all our days together, but I couldn’t help but wonder why.

I spilled my guts to the guys one day away from Adalyn, just a day spent goofing off around Liam’s new flat, closer to the outskirts of the city. I told them everything, how I told her I loved her, how she didn’t say it back, how we hadn’t mentioned it ever since. Louis had watched me with particular interest, asking questions periodically like he was taking a survey somehow.

Later that week, I figured out what he was up to. We were back at our pub, the place where Adalyn and I met that day in June, sharing some drinks and having a laugh and dance or two. I hadn’t seen her in a while; she’d disappeared in the crowd of people for some time and I was left to joke around with Zayn and Liam at the bar, mostly poking fun at the girl who was working the beer dispenser.

“God, who hired you?” Zayn seethed teasingly as she poured him another masterful pint. She handed it to him, and it was practically flawless – just enough foam on top and a shade of dark, dark amber.

“That is absolutely the most poorly poured pint I’ve ever seen,” Liam said critically, shooting a grin to the girl. We fell into a fit of laughter because while others may not have realized it, we were the most hilarious people there, the lot of us.

Suddenly there was a hand on my shoulder and I turned to find Louis standing there, looking rather somber for the amount of liquor he’d consumed. I glanced around to see that Adalyn had suddenly materialized behind him, talking casually to another girl, someone she must have known. I knew immediately something was under foot.

“I need to talk to you,” Louis insisted. “Privately. Come outside?”

I nodded reluctantly; completely clueless as to what he could possibly need to talk to me about. I concluded it must have involved Adalyn, seeing as she had conveniently appeared just as he had. It was hot outside, muggy, especially for London. Louis lead me away from the door and down the block a bit, like he was walking off some steam before he could talk to me.

“What is it Louis?” I finally asked, impatient.

He sighed, pausing a moment before opening his mouth. His eyebrows were knit together in a concerned fashion, lips hesitant like he didn’t quite know what to say. “I talked to Adalyn. About what happened.”

“You did what?” I cried, fury and embarrassment growing in the pit of my stomach. “Jesus Christ Almighty, Louis, could you not act like you’re the law on love just because you’ve been with Eleanor for so long?”

“I couldn’t stand to see you like that anymore, I just couldn’t,” he protested.

“Well what did you say to her then?” I shouted, ignoring the sincerity in his sentiments. “That I’ve been pining after her this whole summer, and that I should have known from the start she couldn’t love a guy like me?”

“Just listen!” Louis yelled back, causing me to shut up entirely. He rarely raised his voice, not angrily anyway, and I knew immediately that I needed to listen.

“She said that no one ever told her that they loved her before, not even her parents. She said that she doesn’t know what that even means or how to know when you feel it at all. And that she didn’t mean to hurt you, she just didn’t understand.”

It was like someone had pulled a plug that kept me together, letting all the stuff that held me up out into the early August night. I melted to the concrete, pressing my face into my hands and exhaling deeply, angrily. It was all I had in me to not explode in a furious rage, screaming at the sky for having never sent Adalyn someone who loved her before me. My heart ached for the girl who had never been loved. She deserved to be told she was loved every day of her life. She deserved that and so much more.

So I did. I told her I loved her every day, when I saw her in the morning, every opportunity throughout the day, and every night before she went to sleep. And though things didn’t change and she still didn’t say it back, I hoped that with time she would understand its meaning and just how very much I truly meant it. I knew that there wasn’t much time left, so I had to make it count.