Last Chance

Climbing into the bathtub, I let the heat of the water take over me. I laid my head back and took a sip of my whiskey. Bless Sid for always knowing exactly what I need when I need it. That was part of why I loved him so much. If he hadn't come in when he did, god knows what would have happened. It wasn't the first time he had saved my life, but I hoped it would be the last.

Grabbing the soap I started to wash away the filth that was left on me. I could still feel his hands and smell his breathe. I would do whatever it took to rid my life of the cancer that he was. I scrubbed every part of my body until I was red and my hands were raw. When I was finished I wasn't nearly satisfied that I gotten rid if it all.

I closed my eyes and submerged myself on the water. Trying to let my mind go blank. It was useless. Everytime I closed my eyes, there he was hovering over me. I held my breathe until my lungs started to burn and the surfaced and let out the breathe. I repeated this until his face became fuzzy in my mind and my lungs couldn't take it anymore. It was my way of trying letting it go, trying to forget.

I sat there for what felt like ages, in total silence. Sid never came in to check on me, he knew I just needed some time and space. I thought back to the summer that my dad passed, and how he had been a rock for me then, as he was being now.

------Summer 2004-----

We sat on our bench at the beach. He was there to make sure I was okay and to make sure I made it home okay. The news from yesterday was still raw on my heart and I wanted to anywhere but at home. I took a sip from my travel mug and winced. "How am I supposed to go on? What about mom? Oh god, she'll never be the same." I slurred my words and continued "This." I held up the mug. "Is the only thing that will make me numb today." I needed to just get stupid and let the pain be gone, even for a short time. The time to heal and the time to deal with the loss of my dad was not going to happen today. Today I needed an escape, today I needed some stiff whiskey. Today I needed him."

----------

I opened my eyes. I had come to the overwhelming realization that I knew exactly where I wanted to be, where I needed to be.

I climbed out of the tub and wrapped the fluffy hotel robe around my body. Picking up my now empty I glass I opened the door to the bathroom and saw Sid pacing around the room, talking quickly and quietly into his phone. "I know Pat, but I'm you're going to have to reschedule. I'll let you know when I'm back in town okay. There are some loose ends I need to tie up here. Yes. Uh huh, okay. Great. Thanks." He saw we watching him and smiled. "Listen, I gotta go. Email me the details okay?" He was nodding his head. "Okay talk to you later. Bye" He put his phone down and walked towards me. "Hey you. How are you doing?"
"Okay I guess. Better." I held up my hands. "I'm all wrinkley now." Sid let out a chuckle. "Hey, so I've been thinking." I twisted my fingers and then played with a few loose strands of my hair before putting it behind my ear. "I want to go home." Sid looked at me cautiously and then sat down on the couch and motioned for me to sit next to him.
"Okay. When do you want to go?"
"Not now, not yet. I need to finish the tournament. I'm sure I can let out some frustrations on Team USA tomorrow, so I want to stay until next week. But when we leave, I don't want to go back to Calgary. I want to go home. To Cole Harbour." I grabbed his hand laced my fingers through his. He lifted his other hand and stroked my cheek. "Okay. We will do whatever you want, when you want."
"I knew you'd say that. I just need to see my mom. I need to be whole again and the last piece that is missing is home. Where we can just be Kel and Sid, Sid and Kel."
"I like the sound of that and you have no idea how excited my parents are to see you again. Not to mention Taylor." He brushed his nose against mine.
"I can't wait to see them either." I whispered, closing my eyes and feeling his touch.
"Do you want another drink?" He asked. I shook my head.
"No, I just want to sleep."
"Okay." He picked me up and carried me to the bed, pulling back the covers and setting me down. He was about to get up when I grabbed his hand. "No. Stay. Please. I don't want to be alone."
"I'll be right back okay. Just let me get changed." He kissed my forehead and slid quietly out of the bed.

When he came back he was wearing a pair of sweats and an old Reebok t-shirt, climbing in beside me and pulled me to him. My back was against his chest and I could feel his heart, and his beathing, slow and steady as he held me like he was never going to let go. I knew I was safe in his arms and that with him by my side, we could get through anything. We didn't speak at all, and I finally felt the comfort of sleep take me away from the day that I wish never happened.