Closer

The second they returned home from the doctor Laurel crawled into bed. Louis gave her space for the remainder of the day. He knew she must have been freaking out right now.

He was freaking out too. He had never expected to hear that kind of news. No on ever plans to not have children. Part of him knew he was avoiding Laurel because he didn't know what to say to her. He was clueless; he didn't know what she was going through.

Louis was hurt too. He was just told that his wife couldn't have a baby. They had planned to start a family together. "Two boys and one girl." Laurel always said. She was so excited. That's what she always wanted, and Louis agreed completely. But that wasn't going to happen now. And she was heartbroken.

His thoughts got the best of him so he decided to go to bed. The thought of her upstairs, alone, made him sick to his stomach. The sun had long since gone down and he hasn't heard a peep from Laurel. He knew she couldn't be sleeping, she never slept that long. So he climbed the stairs carefully and walked to the bedroom.

He saw her curled up on her side, not moving. But he knew she was awake. She always slept on her back. He stripped down to his boxers and pulled the blankets up, he blanched at the slight resistance he got from Laurel. He had to pull harder than necessary for her to let go. Eventually he was able to climb in. He lay there silently for a moment, listening to her shaky breath.

"Laurel, please don't push me away. You have to talk to me." Louis whispered to her in the darkness. He reached a hand to touch her and she wiggled away, settling on the very edge of the mattress, as far away as possible. "Lo." He said. His heart was breaking at this whole ordeal, and they were getting absolutely nowhere.

“You wouldn’t understand.” She swore. There was no way Louis could know what this felt like. To plan your whole life around something that wouldn’t ever happen.

“Then explain it to me.” He pleaded.

“No.” She snapped, burrowing into the bed deeper.

“I can’t stand to see you like this. This is hard for me too, you know.” He said quietly.

“Because I’m the broken person you made the mistake of marrying.” She expanded.

“No! Because you’re my wife and I’m concerned.” He clarified quickly. He hated that she was blaming herself for something she didn’t do!

"Don't pretend like you aren't mad, Louis. I know you are." She said in a lifeless tone. It was almost inaudible. She sounded defeated and it made a shiver run up Louis spine.

"Is that what you want? Is for me to be mad?" Louis asked her. He wanted to move closer, but he respected the distance she made.

"Yes. I want you to be mad. Because I know you are." She said indifferently.

"You think I'm mad at you?" He asked incredulously.

"How could you not be, Lou? I messed up our entire future." She maintained. Laurel couldn’t understand why Louis wasn’t angry with her for being such a fuck up. She was so mad at herself and he should be too.

"Laurel, don't say that." He scolded.

"It's true." She argued.

"It's not." He insisted. She didn't respond so her reached out and grabbed her hips in a firm grip. She started to squirm, but he held on tight and pulled her to his chest. She was still fighting him, but he held her body against his in an iron grip.

"Let me go!" She screamed, her entire body shaking.

"No way." He replied, pulling her even closer. He restrained her arms to her chest with his, rendering her entire upper half immobile. She started to kick her legs, so he hooked his knee over hers, pinning them to the mattress. There was nothing for Laurel to do but cry.

"Let me go." She whimpered feebly. She was still fighting him but it was in vain. He was too strong "Don't pretend that it's okay."

"It's not okay." He murmured into the back of her neck. "I'm sad, and I'm confused. I am angry, but not at you. I'm angry that you have to feel like this."

"Don't feel sorry for me." She snarled, squirming again. Her movements were in earnest now; she was determined to be free of his embrace.

"I don't feel sorry for you. I'm angry. I want to take everything your feeling and feel it for myself, because you shouldn't have to." He grunted. It was difficult to hold her down; he forgot how feisty she was.

"Yes I should. It's my fault." She insisted, twisting and kicking. Louis' size was the only thing keeping her in his hold.

"It's not your fault." He didn’t blame her for one second.

"It is." She demanded.

"It's not. And we're going to get through this, Laurel. We're going to do it together because that is what we promised we'd do when we got married. "

"I promised to give you everything. I broke that promise. Now get your fucking arms off me and let me go, right now.”

"You're here, you're safe, and you're healthy. I can't think of anything else that I need."

"I'm useless." She whimpered.

"No. Laurel, I'm so sad right now and the only thing I want to do is hold you in my arms. That is everything I want and everything that I need. Just let me hold you, let me help you. Let me be the husband I said I would be. Don’t push me away. Don't fight me. Please." Louis begged. His face was still buried in her warm neck, his words swallowed up by her skin.

Laurel relaxed and held perfectly still. Louis started to loosened his grip and relaxed with her. After a beat, laurel's chest filled with the most earth-shattering sob Louis had ever heard. It shook his brain and made him press his face deeper into her neck. Her back moved along his chest as she cried. She didn't acknowledge him, but he didn't push him away.

That was all they could do. She didn't want to cry, she didn't want to be angry, but it is the only strength she had left. So she sobbed, and the hours burned away as Laurel cried herself dry, Louis hanging on to her for dear life all the while.

Louis woke up to an empty bed. He sat up slowly, wiping the sleep from his eyes. The room was dark, the clock on the table indicating that it was nearing 5 in the morning. His body ached from the restless sleep and previous struggles with laurel.

He got out of bed on shaky legs. Cool air washed over him and he decided that his boxer shorts were not adequate clothing. He pulled on a pair of sweats and left the room in search of his wife.

At the bottom of the stair she saw a light on in the kitchen. He sighed in relief and made his way to her. Laurel was sitting at the breakfast bar, leaning over a bowl of cereal. Her shoulders were slumped, Louis couldn't decide if it was because of exhaustion or grief. Maybe both.

He placed his hands gently on her thin shoulders. She tensed under his fingers, which was something he chose to ignore. He placed a soft kiss on the exposed skin of her neck. Laurel sighed softly.

"Can't sleep?" Louis asked, moving to the cabinet to pull a glass out. Laurel just shrugged in response and took another bite of her cereal.

Laurel watched Louis as he moved. He had never felt so self conscious around her before. There was something about her gaze that made him uncomfortable. She was looking at him as if she was trying to decide if she wanted him here. Louis brought the glass to his lips as took a drink of his water.

"I started my period." She said into the milk. Louis stopped and looked at her.

"How do you feel?" He asked, unsure of anything else to say.

Laurel let out a dull laugh and swirled the spoon around. "How do you think I feel? I feel like shit, Louis."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just don't know what you want me to say. I need you to tell me what I have to do because I have no idea what the fuck is going on." Louis pleaded, willing her silently to look him in the eyes.

Laurel made no reply, but took another bite of the cereal. The sound of crunching and the hum of the fridge were the only sounds that could be heard.

"I love you." Louis said softly. Laurel frowned, but didn't look at him. With a sigh, Louis placed the glass in the sink and left the kitchen. The silence was too hard.



Louis was supposed to bring the papers to her hours ago. She was getting restless. It was so close to being done with. He wasn’t answering her calls and she was getting angrier by the minute. Typical Louis. She thought to herself. He was always later for things.

Laurel pounded on the door of their once shared home. She was going to get the divorce papers, no matter how difficult it would be. Her anger was still fresh so seeing Louis didn’t make her as nervous as it usually did. There was no answer. Laurel groaned and started to leave.

It occurred to her that she technically still live in the house. It wouldn’t be trespassing if she went inside. She missed the place so much. It was her home for a long time and leaving it was one of the hardest parts of the split. She put a hand on the doorknob and pushed, she was surprised when she found that it was unlocked.

The first sounds she heard were the announcer of a football match. The television was up really loudly. She shook her head. Of course Louis would leave the house without turning off the television. She stomped into the living room, expecting to find it empty. Instead, she found Louis.

"Oh Louis. What are you doing?" She yelled, running over to him and pulling the drink from his hands. She wrinkled her nose at the glass of whisky. She loved whisky, but not when Louis was drinking it.

"Why don't you love me?" He slurred. Laurel frowned at his state. She hated seeing him drunk, it was so unbecoming of him.

"I do, Louis. I love you so much." She replied, setting the glass out of his reach.

"Then why are you leaving me?" He asked her. His speech was thick and almost not understandable.

"Because, it's better this way." She informed him, folding her arms over her chest.

"I think that's bullshit. This is all I am without you." He threw his arms out sloppily, motioning to the dark room and half empty bottle of alcohol.

"Don't say that, Louis." She said forlornly.

"What? It's true! You leave me and what do I have left? An empty house and a bedroom with no furniture." Laurel raised an eyebrow at the last part of the sentence. No furniture?

"You can move on. Start a real family." She said tenderly, pushing the hair off his clammy forehead. His head lulled into the touch and she retracted. Her fingers were tingling from the brief contact.

"You were my family. But you left. Why would get a new one when I have a perfectly good one right in front of me?" He asked, reaching out for her. He came up empty when she moved away from him.

"I'm no good." She said, looking at the ground.

"But you are. You're prefect. My clumsy girl. My pretty bird. My sweet bride. Have I ever told you how pretty your hair is?" He said abruptly, letting out a small giggle.

"Lou-" She was cut off.

"You have pretty fingernails too. All of you is pretty. Your face, your toes, your skin, and you have a really pretty mind too." He informed her.

"Thank you. You need to go to bed." Laurel sighed and grabbed his arm, yanking him so that he sat up straighter.

"What's the point? I can't sleep without you. You’re so silly. Have I ever told you how dumb you are sometimes?" He huffed, pulled away and slumping back into the couch.

"No, you haven't." She said dryly, trying to pull him up again.

"You're pretty dumb sometimes, laurel. You can never see what's right in front of you. That's why you suck at word searches." He said, laughing harder.

"Is that right?" She grunted as she pulled him to his feet.

"It's not wrong!" He garbled into her ear, letting all of his body weight rest on her. She stumbled slightly since he weighed more than her, but managed to stay up right.

"Lou, you need to go to bed now." She said soothingly, walking them slowly towards the staircase.

"Are you coming with me?" He said hopefully, letting his head rest on top of hers.

"No. I'm not. We don't sleep in the same bed anymore." She reminded him.

"We should. I hate sleeping the middle al by myself." He said regretfully.

"I'm sorry." Mumbled.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left like that. I was mad, and you were being difficult. I lied at therapy, Lo. I don’t want a divorce. Not one bit." He whispered into her ear, as if it was a secret he wanted her to keep.

"You didn’t sign the papers?” She grimaced. Climbing the stairs was really difficult. Louis was nothing but dead weight. She let out a sigh of relief when they got to the top step.

"Why? Did I not love you enough? Did it bother you that I had to leave all the time? Were you mad at me because I loved you anyway? I don’t want kids, Laurel. I hate them. They’re loud and smelly and mean. I hate them.” He said angrily, wrapping his arms around her. The impact sent them stumbling into the wall in the hallway.

“You love kids, Louis. You don’t have to lie to me.” She said rolling her eyes.

“That doesn’t matter. I’ll say anything. I say anything to make you love me again.” He said as they stepped into the bedroom. She fumbled for the light switched and flicked it on.

“There’s noting else to say.” She informed him. She eased him into the bed but he fell into it with a loud grunt. He curled up into the pillows immediately and shut his eyes. Laurel sighed at him.

Louis wasn’t lying when she said there was no furniture. The only thing in the room was the mattress. Even the walls had been changed. Laurel shook her head at it. She knew that Louis wasn’t fond of the paint color. It didn’t surprise her that it was first thing he changed. With one last look at Louis she started to leave the room.

As her hand hovered over the light switch, she heard Louis’ voice. “I love you, Laurel. To the end of the universe and back.” Laurel didn’t turn around, she just flicked off the light and allowed the room to fill with darkness.