Dirtbag

“I heard about last week,” Hanson says out of nowhere. I feel even the tips of my fingers tensing up, waiting for it. “Man, that is some bullshit. Your dad tried hooking you up with the receptionist? Ha, ha!”

“Make fun all you want,” I say. “After I rejected her, she got all pissy. It was hilarious.”

“Until the part where she said that Stephen made her do it,” Dolly interrupts. She only hangs around me and the guys every once in a blue moon. She swears that we make her feel even more pathetic than she already is.

I reply, “Yeah.” And then it is really quiet.

“Guess what, guys?” Fergus shouts. “I got something that will rock your socks off!” Dolly rolls her eyes, I prepare myself for the obvious, Fergus’ face is all excited, and Hanson is texting someone.

“It’s a hand-made ceramic pipe. How cool is that shit?”

“Cool,” the rest of us moan. We’re used to Fergus’ lame-ass surprises. Ironically, they’re never surprising.

“Is this what you ‘men’ do every Friday night?” Dolly huffs. She’s drinking Hanson’s beer, which is something he never allows. I’m suspicious. “I would rather catch my roommate watching porn.”

“Your roommate watches porn?” asks Fergus.

“A lot of people watch it, Ferg,” I state.

“Yeah, but not out in the open-open. That’s embarrassing. I remember one time my mom caught me—”

“Yes!” Hanson shouts. Thank God he interrupted the story I was going to mentally block out. “Nastasia is going to meet me over at The Lounge. You guys wanna come with?”

“Watch you hit on poor, innocent girls?” Dolly says. “I don’t think so. Count me out, boys.”

“I’m gonna go smoke another bowl,” says Fergus.

“Is that all he does?” Dolly questions. I nod.

“I’ll just stay here with them,” I tell Hanson. He calls us a bunch of pussies and leaves. Dolly continues drinking his beer.