Do Overs and Second Chances

We spent what felt like forever on the bus, just talking about what happened to us in our lives since we were apart. Stephanie, since we broke up, had dated a guy from our high school and apparently they were close to having a life together until she walked in on him cheating with some girl.

"So if you were so terribly in love with her," She paused and crossed her leg the other way, resting her arms over her knee, "Why did you leave?" I chuckled and the door to the bus opened before I could respond,

"Tone, I hear- Ohp- shit." Jaime came onto the bus, but stopped abruptly and started to back off before taking a second look at my company, "Stephanie?!" He laughed as he said her name, amazed that he'd find she and I in the same room without one of us being drunk. Truth be told I did not and cannot remember the last time we met. Which according to Jaime happened two days before Sicily killed herself. I had drunkenly found my way to her apartment. "Stephanie, what're you doing here?" He came up onto the bus and sat down next to her on the couch, this huge, stupid grin on his face.

"I stumbled onto Tony in the club!" She smiled and put an arm around Jaime's shoulders, hugging him softly, "He told me about everything," and with that the mood suddenly dropped and all was serious, "I'm so sorry about your sister." Jaime's hand did the same as mine had and grabbed at the ring on the chain around his neck.,

"Thanks." He dropped his gaze to the floor as he remembered Sicily, "so," He shook away her face, "How've you been?" Stephanie chuckled and went about telling Jaime about her happenings and the changes.

Half way through the familiar story I excused myself and stepped outside. I needed cool air. Between the bus and the club I had little release from the stuffy company of people. When I got outside I saw Mike standing by the door, the same pretty little dirty blonde, hanging from his shoulder and running her hand, playfully up and down his chest. Mike was being his usual cheeky self with a cigarette hanging from his lips and his arm around the little girl. I shut the door behind me and nodded to him,

"Hey, can I get a smoke?" Lately I'd picked up the filthy habit of smoking. I don't even remember where it stemmed from. One day I just found myself smoking two or three cigarettes a day.

Mike nodded and tossed me the remaining pack of cigarettes. I opened the top, pulling out a single white stick and placing it in my mouth before retrieving my lighter from my pocket. I tossed the small cardboard box of tobacco death back to Mike before lighting the cigarette in my lips.

Once lit I took a drag from it and released the smoke into the atmosphere, watching as it disappeared into the black night. A walk would be nice.

"Hey I'll be back in a bit, don't go home without me." I waved to Mike and he just nodded, going back to kissing that little girl on his shoulder. She couldn't have been older than twenty. Boy was she in for a nasty shock when she realized how old Mike was.

I walked from the parking lot of the club, down the street until I came to a tall gate that I knew well. It was plain chain link, standing hardly over my head but it still pose as a difficult obsticle in getting to the familiar spot that I had used to clear my head millions of nights before. I took a drag from the cigarette and let the smoke come through my nose as I sighed.

I reached up and grabbed the top of the gate, hoisting myself up onto it. I shoved my foot into one of the holes and pushed myself so the fence was at chest level. My hands positioned themselves around the spikes on the top as I swung one leg over, balancing so carefully that I didn't puncture or crush anything of vital importance to me.

Once atop the fence I placed my fingers around the cigarette and inhaled deeply, letting the smoke burn my throat in that familiar way it did before I blew it out through thin lips. I swung my other leg over after replacing the cigarette into my mouth and fell down so my feet hit the solid earth beneath me.

I walked up the familiar hill and felt the wind as it brushed my hair off of my face and behind me. My feet crunched over dead leaves and grass that were laying on the tall hill of dirt. I kicked up dust and it floated into my nose, mixing with the scent of my cigarette. I had missed the familiar smell of dying foliage. It was one I'd become so accustomed to from living in the city of dead plants.

I sighed deeply and dropped my cigarette onto the ground, putting the smoldering ember of a butt out with the sole of my shoe.

When I reached the top of the hill I crossed my arms over my chest and just stared out at the late night city lights. The scenery was fantastic up here. Downtown San Diego shone and shimmered against the navy blue night and twinkled on the old San Diego bay. North Island out in the middle of the bay shone with yellow lights and fires along the beach. Several boats charged their way through the water, sending their lights out in front to show the way.

It's amazing how much light can tell you. It can tell you age, distance, that which has yet to come. Light is amazing. It's beautiful when bouncing and glittering in the cold night air. Night time was beautiful too. I let my eyes list up to the sky, looking for the soft twinkle of stars overhead. I knew I wouldn't see them though, not in downtown. The moon was there though, shinning yellow with the promise of a sunny day tomorrow.

I leaned down and put my hand on the earth, sticking my leg out and letting my butt rest on the ground. I brought my other knee in close to my chest and continued to stare at the sparkling horizon. San Diego is the best place.

I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.