Do Overs and Second Chances

I guess somewhere between now and when we fell into bed we had both fallen asleep because when I woke up I was in Stephanie's apartment. Not only was I in her apartment I was in her bed and she was wrapped in my arms, her own hands pressed gently against my chest. It was just like how we used to be.

I sighed softly and placed a kiss on her forehead before sitting up and removing my shirt. After the article of clothing was gone I walked into the living room and grabbed my bag from the floor. I set the bag on the couch for a second and looked through it for the pack of cigarettes I'd had stashed away in it somewhere. Upon finding them I removed one and slipped it into my lips. I slung the bag over my shoulder and turned to walk out the front door; I really needed to do laundry.

Before leaving I scribbled a note on the sticky pad next to the door, saying I'd be back when my laundry was done. I opened the door and was immediately regretting not having a shirt on. Oh well, it wasn't like anybody could tell that I was cold anyway. The tattoos disguised the goosebumps as they rose up on my skin. As soon as I was outside I lit the cigarette in my mouth and glared against the morning sun. I inhaled deeply, letting the smoke somehow relax my body as I walked down the steps.

I released the smoke and pulled the bag harder over my shoulder, looking out across the street from the apartment at the laundromat across the way. After a moment or two I checked both directions and found both sides of traffic to be stopped at red lights. I dashed across, barely letting my feet touch the ground as I ran. When I was safely across I pulled one last drag from the white stick of death before snuffing it out and walking inside.

The door to the small washing area rang a bell hanging over it and a sudden warmth washed over me. It smelled so familiar and so clean. I had spent most of my life washing my clothes here that I noticed every little detail. The brown stain next to the benches from coffee being spilled, the old Asian man behind the desk, staring everyone down critically as they washed their clothes. The broken, dinky fans that rotated lazily overhead, hardly circulating any air at all. The TV that bugged out every few minutes, going into a fuzzy show of black and white static.

"Aaah Tony, have you move back across street?" The old man recognized me, even in my current state and greeted me with a wide smile,

"No, I haven't." I conversed with him as I did my laundry, "Just visiting an old friend." I chuckled and continued to toss my clothes into the machine,

"Is this friend special?" He was such a little gossip,

"Yeah." I paused and unfolded some jeans, checking the pockets for any hidden treasures. All I found was a receipt from a night I didn't remember. "Yeah, you can say that." I tossed the slip of paper away into the trash can and the little old Asian man smiled, patting my back and going back to his place behind the desk.

It didn't take long for my clothes to be cleaned and for me to find my way back to Stephanie's apartment, still shirtless and not giving a damn about the cold or the sun. I was just happy to still be here and able to see someone I so sorely missed.

After Sicily had killed herself, literally the day of the funeral I had gone home and taken a blade to my arm, wishing I was dead along with her. I still remembered the pain I felt and the hate for myself that I had for the next week. The doctors didn't let me leave for two days so that was two days away from my daughter and brother. It was two days away from everything I had loved. And when I was finally let out of the hospital they still didn't let me out of the sight of my family. I couldn't have any doors closed, no sharp objects in my room, no glass anywhere. I couldn't see my daughter, even though I heard her almost every night, crying so shrilly.

It took away from what had become me. I had fallen into the habits of drinking and smoking. Then progressively I became back who I was. Although I still drank heavily and smoked at least two cigarettes a day.

I sighed as I thought of all of this. I hated this whole mess. Getting in that relationship with Sicilia was a bad idea and I regret it fully. But I don't regret having Alexa. Alexa is my world, even though I only see her once every week. It's still better than once a month. That reminded me that I was supposed to go visit her today. I'd set it up with the people who had adopted her that I was to visit her when I got back from tour. Every tour I went on I bought her something from one of my favorite stops. One this tour somewhere in the midwest there was a little teddy bear shoppe that was packed with hundreds of different stuffed toys for kids. I'd bought her a small stuff giraffe (they appeared to be her favorite animal) that had 'Daddy's little girl' on a t-shirt the giraffe was wearing.

The cashier seemed surprised someone like me would be buying a toy like this. I had played off the weird looks like they were nothing and now the little stuffed giraffe was sitting in my backpack, waiting for the adorable little one and a half year old to play with it.

I chuckled again and walked up the steps to the front door, opening it softly and stepping inside. Immediately my nose was met with the smell of cooking eggs and bacon along with pancakes.

"Mmm is my baby making me breakfast?" The door lsited closed behind me as I walked inside, setting my bag down on the ground next to the couch,

"Slow down turtle boy." Stephanie chuckled and turned toward me, putting a plate of food on the table before wrapping her arms over my shoulders and leaning into me, "Oh sweet heavenly Jesus you're freezing! The door listed closed behind me as I walked inside, setting my bag down on the ground next to the couch. I laughed at her and pulled my fresh out of the drier sweatshirt out of my bag, slipping it on over my head.

I put my arms only half way through the sleeves and wrapped them around Steph's shoulders.

"Better?" My voice was a soft mutter as I kissed her ear she chuckled and her arms slipped around me, squeezing me tightly,

"Mmm so much better." I kissed her forehead and she waddled with me to the table, pushing me so I was sitting down and she was straddling my legs. Her arms slipped from my waist up over my shoulders and her fingers laced themselves into my hair, playing with it so sweetly. Her lips found their way up to mine and placed themselves so delicately against me. But the delicate touch ended when she pressed her body up against mine, working her lips into me hungrily.

She let out a soft whimper as her hands played with my hair and her hips grinding up on mine. I chuckled and let my hands fall onto the tops of her hip bones, flicking my thumb over them. There was a metal ball there about the size of a pin top that I didn't remember being there.

"Ooh when did this happen?" My voice was low and husky as I spoke into the kiss. Stephanie whimpered softly and her fingers twisted their way into my hair,

"A week after you left." Short and sweet answers are exactly what Stephanie was good at. And of course she would do that to me, get something fun right after we break up,

"Aw, that's mean." I kissed her again as she slid her hands down my front, "Take away all the fun." I chuckled into her lips as she pushed me further back on the chair,

"Your fault." She moved her lips down onto my neck as I laughed at her,

"Wait wait wait a second how was it my fault?" I pushed her off of me and started questioning her,

"Tony, you know exactly how it's your fault." She scoffed at me and sat back on my legs. Not this again. She would do this every time I tried to talk to her about it. She'd get all defensive,

"No. I don't." I did what I did best and fought back, trying to pry her issues out of her, "Stephanie whenever we talk about this we never come to the reason why we broke up, please tell me. Why did you leave me?" Stephanie sighed exasperatedly and ran her fingers through her hair,

"I was scared. Okay?" She sat back on my legs and stared at me with that kind of sad look in her eyes,

"Why? Steph, you know that I would never hurt you." I put my hands on her thighs and let y thumbs trace small circles over them,

"I-I heard some things that I didn't want to be true but were scary because they were a very real possibility." She swung her leg over mine and walked around to the other side of the table, sitting in one of the chairs and leaning her elbows on the long plank of wood, "Because we were getting a little distant and then the new girl moved in and I was just so scared you were getting tired of me." She sounded like she was tearing up as she held her head in her hands and stared at her legs, "I just- I didn't want that pain. I didn't to deal with us going out with like that. S-so I let you go." Her voice started to shake. But I knew she wasn't crying.

Stephanie was too tough of a girl for tears. She was just scared. Right? She wasn't crying!

There was a soft hiccup that came from her lips. Oh god. She was crying,

"St-Stephanie, babe why are you crying. I would have done the same." I walked over next to her and grabbed her in a tight hug,

"I-I've just had such a fucked up life after you and I'm probably going to make yours worse if I come back." I shook my head as she just sat in my arms,

"No, Stephanie, please stop. I hate seeing you like this." I kissed her head and held her tighter, "Please I would rather have you in my life and my daughter than just my daughter." She kind of froze up when I said that and her arms slunk around my waist, holding me so softly.

She sighed and brought her hand up to her face, wiping away a tear as it fell,

"Okay." She sniffed and her hand dropped into her lap, "I'm sorry. I'm such a wreck." I shook my head and she hugged me back,

"No, you're nowhere near a wreck." I had a right to be saying this. My late fiancee` was truly a wreck. But she was beautiful. If only she had seen it in herself.

I closed my eyes and let go of Stephanie, looking at her with a soft smile on my face,

"By the way, I have to go see Alexa today, you wanna come with me?" I offered her to join me kindly and she stopped crying a little bit,

"S-sure." A smile spread across her face, "But I need to shower first." I nodded to her and her smile grew a little more,

"May I join you?" I was as polite as possible, something Sicily had been anal about in the later months of our relationship. Stephanie nodded and took my hand, standing and pulling me from the kitchen into the bathroom, a sly smile on her face. Wow so much in one day.

Who knew?