Stay Strong

Garrett

I had fallen in love with Ethan Jameson and I couldn't help but feel like our love was half empty. Whenever Ethan would utter the words, 'I love you' I couldn't help but feel like he didn't mean it, like he was just saying it to make me feel better. It's been six months since our first date and after a few months of getting close I asked him to be mine which he happily agreed to.

"Garrett?" Jade whispered quietly as we both sat at the kitchen table.

"Yeah?" I asked looking over to her watching as she set her crayons aside.

"When's daddy getting out of bed?" she asked looking up at me with her large innocent eyes. It shocked me how easily Jade adjusted to me. I thought a year after her father's death would still be affecting her, and who Ethan was dating. But she seemed almost nonchalant about it.

"I don't know." I whispered taking a crayon and sheet of copy paper to draw a rose for her. I've learned that Jade loves roses, one night I was drawing roses on the corner of a napkin and Jade noticed telling me it was pretty and it was her favorite flower. She cut off the side of the napkin and stuck the paper in her pocket. Later that night when I tucked her in bed I found my roses taped up above her bed.

"That one is pretty." Jade said pointing to one of the four roses I'd drawn her. I finished her roses before handing the paper to her and standing up stretching my sore limbs.

"I'm going to go check on daddy ok?" I said softly. Jade nodded softly as she cut each rose out carefully. Again I smiled and headed down the narrow hall to Ethan's room. I opened the door only to find Ethan laying beneath all his covers. I frowned lightly and walked over to him sitting on the edge of the bed and resting my hand on his back.

"Ethan." I whispered softly rubbing my hand up and down his back. "Jade's asking for you." I add my hand traveling up to his hair and brushing through it softly. "Ethan baby come on, I made dinner do you want something to eat?" I asked.

Ethan slowly sat up turning to look at me. I noticed how different he looked, of course when we first met he wasn't exactly in the best shape ever. His face was sunken in from lack of food and his skin pale from lack of sun. His eyes were raw and red like he has rubbed them over and over again to stop himself from crying. His lips were chapped and it was obvious he had been chewing and peeling at the skin of his lips. He shook his head lightly before crawling closer to me and wrapping his arms around my waist and holding me close.

I wrapped my arms around him holding him close resting my chin on the top of his head. I could feel his bony body shaking in my embrace, he was either cold or holding back his cries. "Ethan baby you need to get help, this is unhealthy. You've gotten so much worse." I whispered kissing the top of his hair not caring that his dark hair was greasy and oily.

Ethan mumbled something in response, lately he hasn't been talking much. Grunting, mumbling and shrugging seemed to be the only response I got from him.

"Ethan you need to get better for Jade." I whispered.

He looked up to me with large eyes filled with unshed tears. I leaned down and pecked his lips lightly before brushing my fingers along his cheek bones. "O-Ok." he croaked out his voice dry and raw. I smiled lightly leaning down to kiss his lips once more.

"I left you dinner in the microwave, would you like to come out and eat?" I asked softly.

Ethan nodded and crawled out of the bed pulling on a pair of jeans and a hoodie before walking out the room. I smiled and followed after him entering the kitchen where Jade was sitting at the table attempting to copy my roses. Ethan sat across from Jade curling himself into a tight ball as he watched her with sad eyes. I quickly warmed up his food before setting it in front of him and taking a seat in the middle of the two.

"Look daddy, Garrett's been drawing me roses." she said holding up the sheets of paper displaying my roses. Ethan gave her a small smile as he took small bite of his food. "They're all pretty." Jade mumbled softly before letting out a soft yawn.

"Are you tried kiddo?" I asked softly. Jade nodded and yawned once more before standing up and jumping into my lap. I smiled lightly and stood up as Jade wrapped her legs around my waist. I quickly gathered her roses and a roll of tape before taking her to her bedroom. I set Jade on the bed tucked her in before taping her new roses on her wall.

"G-Garrett?" Jade mumbled softly.

"Yeah?" I hummed softly as I taped each rose up carefully.

"Can you be my new daddy?" she asked.

I looked down at her sadly opening my mouth to respond but the sound of a door slamming stopped me. I frowned and finished taping her roses up before kissing her forehead, "Goodnight Jade." I whispered.

I closed her bedroom door and walked to the kitchen where Ethan's food was left abandoned on the table. I took a deep breath and walked to his bedroom attempting to open the door only to find it locked. I knocked on the door a few times, "Ethan? Ethan baby?" I called softly.

I got no response from him so I went into the kitchen and grabbed a kitchen knife before walking to Ethan's door and opening it with the knife. I entered his room finding him lying on the bed sobbing into a pillow. "Ethan." I whispered sitting next to him and resting my hand on his lower back.

"Go!" Ethan screamed pushing me away.

"Why?" I asked softly looking up to him.

"I hate you." Ethan hissed tears streaming down his eyes.

"Why?"

"You took her from me! Jade was all I had left of him and she doesn't even want me anymore." Ethan cried.

"I didn't take her Ethan." I said hissing his name. "You've been sitting in this room, in this bed, wallowing in your own misery and completely ignored the child you vowed to raise. You ignored her for months Ethan and I was left to help raise her because you choose not to. You didn't even think of how her father's death is effect her have you? You don't think she doesn't spend nights crying? I've walked into her bedroom finding her crying to herself as she wishing she still had her father, both her fathers because you're acting like she's nothing to you." I told him what I've been wanting to tell him for months. "Ethan you're being selfish right now."

"I can't help it!" he screamed tugging at his hair forcefully. I calmly pulled his hands away from his head and held them tightly. "I can't help that I'm feeling like this Gare. But I feel so empty, like half of me is missing. He was more than a boyfriend, he was still my brother and best friend and I feel so alone." he sniffed softly.

"I know Ethan but you realize you have me right? You've had me for months almost a full year." I whispered kissing his cheek softly a smile adorning my lips.

"Yeah." he mumbled looking up to me with a sheepish grin. "I guess I forgot."

"I'm hurt you forgot I was your devoted boyfriend. Who did you think I was a babysitter?" I chuckled laying down and pulling him down next to me. Ethan instantly curled into my side resting his head on my chest.

"No, I was just so caught up in myself." Ethan whispered. "I think I'll make an appointment with a therapist to get some help, I want Jade to have me back." he said looking up at me.

"I think that's great." I sighed looking up at the ceiling.

"Are you leaving again tonight?" Ethan asked softly.

Although it may seems like I live with Ethan and Jade I don't, I just spend my whole day here and go home at night. I live in a home with my friend Austin, his son Liam and our friend Oliver. In all honestly my friends have been trying to convince me to break up with Ethan for a few months now, trying to convince me Ethan was only using me. Using me as a way to take care of his kid while he grieved over his dead brother. I wouldn't believe them though, Ethan was in pain.

And I knew how he felt.

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked.

"No, not really."

"Then I won't."

"I love you Garrett." Ethan whispered softly.

"Mm I love you too." I hummed kissing his lips once more.