Let Love Bleed Red

When I woke the next morning, I was surprised to find out that I had no hangover of sorts. Nothing, except for the general ache that everyone felt from waking up. My eyes burned as they met the sunlight, which proved confident in my bedroom. Eric's snore was slowly becoming louder than my own thoughts, so I hurried out of bed, stumbling over to my dresser, and looked up into the mirror to see what had changed.

I was twenty one now. A real adult in my mind. I was supposed to be more stable now, than I was when I turned eighteen, but I didn't feel any different. I assumed it was going to be like that for the rest of my birthdays. My hair was scraggly. Oil accumulating on the top like plastic wrap, it was disgusting. Eric must have brushed through it with his fingers before bed. My make up was marked down my face, as if I joined a tribe. And my clothes... they were not the ones I had on at the party. I spun, slower as I felt dizzy, and hugged my pajamas to myself. After a night of alcohol, I was extremely glad that I woke up comfortable, not the other way around.

I glanced back at Eric, who did not wake from my movements, and then over at the alarm clock. The neon numbers bounced with 6:47am, and that was early enough for me. When I started downstairs, I was surprised to hear sounds coming from the kitchen. Pots and pans crashing against the counter. I groaned, wanting to be alone for a single moment these past 24 hours, and realizing that that would never come unless I used the bathroom. I saw Jesse, Gabe, Mitchell and Jack sprawled across the living room. Cringing from their unison snoring, I followed the noise from the kitchen.

Eddie was leaning over the sink, apron and all. He appeared wide awake, bouncing before the counter as I leaned up against the door frame.

"Morning," I said, and he turned around in a flash. He was holding a spatula, which already had some sort of food product dripping from the edge.

"Hey kid, how'd you sleep?"

I shrugged, suddenly interested in my toes, which I wiggled as I thought about what I wanted to say. "Not bad. I can't remember too much, which is probably normal. I don't have a hangover... which is kind of weird."

"Not weird," he said. I raised my eyebrows at him. "Before Eric took you to bed, I gave you my famous remedy to avoid things like that."

"Oh really, and what did this remedy consist of?" I crossed my arms, curious. A little skeptical as I thought about what he could've put in a mystery drink.

Eddie wiggled the spatula, and shook his head the same way the utensil was going. "It's a secret, Eliza. Been in my family for years."

"I doubt that. I bet it was something with beer, wasn't it?" I walked over to him, peeking over his shoulder at what he was cooking. I already knew it was eggs as the smell had drifted into the living room before I could even reach the kitchen. But since Eddie was such a great cook, I enjoyed watching him. He could make prepared food look like art. It was a talent I was jealous of, and always would be.

"Maybe, but you'll never know, so just give up and sit down over at the table. Breakfast will be done in a bit."

"I want to help."

Eddie laughed, turning the dial down on the burner, and continued moving around the eggs. "If you help, we'll be eating a-la burnt, courtesy of Eliza Lennell."

"You're mean for an old man. Fine, fine. I'll set the table," I replied, not going out of my way to hide my fake disappointment. He took a gulp of his can of beer and continued on. We were short on plates but I fit as many as I could around our small table. And then it struck me that people were missing in our house.

"Hey, Eddie. Where is everyone else?" I was mostly wondering the whereabouts of Kellin, but Eddie and I's past over that subject was a little touchy. I thought I could easily glide around it, but...

"You mean where's Kellin?"

"No." I said, a little too quickly as I tried my best to avoid eye contact.

"Oh, okay. Everyone is upstairs in Sanders' bedroom."

My stomach flopped. He had been close all night. We had been sleeping together in the same vicinity. I sat down slowly, taking a hold of one of the plates absentmindedly. The one thing I was sure of last night was that Kellin would leave once the party died down. And then I thought of how Eric was there to ruin it, undressing me and redressing me, sleeping next to me. And it was such a terrible thought to have, that he ruined what could've been something else. The time I had spent with Kellin awake on Warped Tour was good and all, but I missed what it felt like waking up next to him.

"Stop," Eddie walked over, shaking his head while he looked on at me. He slid two eggs onto my plate and then stayed where he was. "You can't do this a second time."

"Eddie, come on."

"Once again, you have no idea what's going on with him."

"I don't understand what you mean." Eddie gave me this look, as if I were lying, and then marched back over to the counter. He set down the frying pan, took off his apron, and then his eyes fell back upon my face.

"His personal life, Eliza. Have you been keeping tabs on Sleeping With Sirens? I doubt it. If Eric knew what you were up to, it would kill him. Do you even know if Kellin is still with Katelynne or not?"

I shook my head, feeling guilty under his words. He knew much of what was going on, but it wasn't like I would just drop Eric off at a doorstep and pick up where I left off with the singer. Jesus, I wasn't that cruel, or heartless for that matter. He was right in the sense that I had been curious about Kellin, and where he was at, personally. But whether he was with Katelynne or not was his business, not mine. The information was useless to me, and I was going to convince myself just that until it was burned into my skin.

"Listen," I cut him off before he could say more. "Before one of your eye opening advisories, I admit that I am usually impulsive. I don't think things through with everything sometimes, but I know I shouldn't be an idiot about this. What happened last time really damaged me, and I'm willing to learn from it. I dove headfirst into traffic two years ago, but this time will be different. I don't even give a shit whether he is single or not. Maybe I'm just looking to be friends with the guy!"

"I call bullshit on that one."

"I call bullshit on your face. You don't know me."

"Don't give me that teenager crap," he rolled his eyes, and turned away from me. I looked down at my eggs, no longer feeling as hungry as I first did when I came downstairs. They were getting cold as the seconds went by, and so wasn't this conversation. "Take responsibility for your actions. You're not nineteen anymore, you're twenty one and you need to live up to that."

"Eddie, I do take responsibility for my actions. What do you think I did at Warped?"

"I listened to you blame Kellin several times over the course of Warped Tour. I won't be listening again."

"You sound like the father I never had," I sighed, placing a palm over my heart. I shoved the food into my mouth as quickly as possible, and choked a bit on yolk.

"That's a good thing, I'm assuming."

"You know what's funny?" I snorted, pushing around the yellow goo with my fork. He didn't say anything, but his body told me he was preparing for what I had to say next. "You tell me to grow up, but you're over there, speaking to me as if I were a child. What is it then? What do you want me to do? It's one or the other, right?"

"Well, yes. But it's all up to you. If you say you want to be just friends with him, then I believe you." His tone, along with his frown, (not to mention his wrinkled forehead), made him look older than what he was. As we looked at each other, I felt an understanding happening between the both of us. Eddie could get annoying with all of his blabber, but in the end, he meant well. When the time came, I'd appreciate his words more than I would now. I was just hoping my owns words wouldn't come back to haunt me.