Perfection.
Perfection.
I couldn’t believe I’d found her. She was everything I’d ever imagined and more. She was perfection incarnate. The sunlight fell on her as she lay sleeping on my bed, her arms and legs curled up tight against her body. The morning sun picked up all the different shades of blonde in her soft, curly hair from yellow where the sun hit it at its brightest to the pale gold locks that were left in the shade. Her milky white skin looked silky soft and smooth and I ached to reach out and brush my fingers against her. To once more feel the firm, supple softness of it against my hard callused hands. She frowned in her sleep, lines appearing between her thin blonde eyebrows and her plump pink lips curved downwards. I longed to wake her up, ask her what had caused such sadness to touch her beautiful face, to comfort her and tell her everything would be all right; I was here for her now. But I resisted, as I knew I must. I desperately needed to see her open her eyes, to see those ocean blue eyes again. But the last time I looked into those deep wide eyes, I had seen sadness and a hint of terror. I do not think I could stand to see such a look in those incredible eyes again. Those eyes that seemed to stare right through you, that instead looked into the depths of your soul. Those eyes were old and wise and told me that she knew things no girl her age should know. Twenty was too young an age to know all of the horrors of the world. It was those unbelievable eyes that made me realise she was the one. She was the one I had been looking for all these long, lonely years.
I always knew she was out there for me. I’d known ever since I was a child. A voice told me that there was an angel out there waiting for me. An angel with hair like softly spun gold and wide, knowing eyes. I had searched for this angel my whole life, never staying in one place, always hoping she was in the next city. But I never found her; she was never there until now. She came to me in a dream and told me where to find her. Told me that if I followed her directions I would find her and she would come to me. She whispered to me that everything the voice had told me was true. She was what I needed. She was whom I needed for redemption. When I had her all would be forgiven. God would forgive the horrible, unspeakable thing I had done in my childhood. I would be given entrance to Heaven.
In the end, she came to me. The angel walked into my flower shop before I had a chance to follow her directions. I knew it was she when I looked into her eyes. Her eyes told me so, her deep blue, old eyes. And so, I took her. It wasn’t hard; she was such a small, delicate little thing. All it took was for me to get behind her and put the chloroform under her nose. The angel fell right into my arms. I’d had practice during my search for her. All those other blonde girls had been the same. I’d taken them too thinking they were the angel but they never were. I knew in my heart this time that this was her. I brought her into my bed and there she slept until now. During the night I had undressed her to make her comfortable and she had briefly woken up. It was then that I saw that look of sadness and terror; it was then that I had felt her soft, smooth, delicate skin. I had the chloroform ready and I put her back to sleep. She did not struggle. Why would she? She knew she was my angel, my last chance at salvation. She wanted to do this for me. Of course she would not struggle against me. But I would never harm her in that way. No such thoughts ever even entered my head, even as I was undressing her. Yes, I had hurt the others like that. But they were already dirty and unclean. My angel needed to stay pure, pure and perfect.
When the morning sun moved its position away from the angel’s face I knew it was time. All that I had been waiting for was here. I knew I was ready for my redemption. I was ready for my passage to heaven. I left my post at the foot of her sleeping body and began to prepare. My heart was pounding and my chest was heaving from excitement. I put on my best dress, it was old and tight, squashing my breasts, making it difficult to breathe, but it was long and white, perfect for this moment. When I was ready I picked up the tools the angel had told me I would need. I would do it all exactly as she had told me in my dream. I pulled the covers off the angel and took position over her wonderful naked body. I placed the gun on the bedside table; it would not be needed until later. I raised the hammer over my head and braced myself. I was giddy with excitement but now was not the time for laughter. I swung with all my strength and brought the hammer down on my angel’s beautiful face, just like she had told me to. I heard a loud crack as the hammer hit her skull and I knew it was over. I opened my eyes, which I’d closed as I brought the hammer down, and saw blood pouring from her nose. I swayed in anguish, almost crying out but I stopped myself. This was how the angel in my dream had told me it must be done. I put the hammer on the table beside the gun and leaned down to check her pulse. She was gone. The hammer had done its job.
Now it was my turn. I pulled a chair to face the angel’s dead body and sat down. I took the gun in hand, bracing myself. I was finally getting my redemption. I was finally going to be forgiven for killing my mother and my unborn sibling when I was thirteen. It had been an accident. I hadn’t meant to push my mother into the creek, I had been angry and lost my temper. I had never forgiven myself and I had known God wouldn’t either. It was then that the voice had appeared telling me how I could appease God and make my way into Heaven to be with my mother and sibling. I had spent twenty years looking for the angel but I had found her. Now all would be forgiven. I was ready for Heaven. I put the gun to my temple and smiling softy at the angel’s body, I pulled the trigger.
I always knew she was out there for me. I’d known ever since I was a child. A voice told me that there was an angel out there waiting for me. An angel with hair like softly spun gold and wide, knowing eyes. I had searched for this angel my whole life, never staying in one place, always hoping she was in the next city. But I never found her; she was never there until now. She came to me in a dream and told me where to find her. Told me that if I followed her directions I would find her and she would come to me. She whispered to me that everything the voice had told me was true. She was what I needed. She was whom I needed for redemption. When I had her all would be forgiven. God would forgive the horrible, unspeakable thing I had done in my childhood. I would be given entrance to Heaven.
In the end, she came to me. The angel walked into my flower shop before I had a chance to follow her directions. I knew it was she when I looked into her eyes. Her eyes told me so, her deep blue, old eyes. And so, I took her. It wasn’t hard; she was such a small, delicate little thing. All it took was for me to get behind her and put the chloroform under her nose. The angel fell right into my arms. I’d had practice during my search for her. All those other blonde girls had been the same. I’d taken them too thinking they were the angel but they never were. I knew in my heart this time that this was her. I brought her into my bed and there she slept until now. During the night I had undressed her to make her comfortable and she had briefly woken up. It was then that I saw that look of sadness and terror; it was then that I had felt her soft, smooth, delicate skin. I had the chloroform ready and I put her back to sleep. She did not struggle. Why would she? She knew she was my angel, my last chance at salvation. She wanted to do this for me. Of course she would not struggle against me. But I would never harm her in that way. No such thoughts ever even entered my head, even as I was undressing her. Yes, I had hurt the others like that. But they were already dirty and unclean. My angel needed to stay pure, pure and perfect.
When the morning sun moved its position away from the angel’s face I knew it was time. All that I had been waiting for was here. I knew I was ready for my redemption. I was ready for my passage to heaven. I left my post at the foot of her sleeping body and began to prepare. My heart was pounding and my chest was heaving from excitement. I put on my best dress, it was old and tight, squashing my breasts, making it difficult to breathe, but it was long and white, perfect for this moment. When I was ready I picked up the tools the angel had told me I would need. I would do it all exactly as she had told me in my dream. I pulled the covers off the angel and took position over her wonderful naked body. I placed the gun on the bedside table; it would not be needed until later. I raised the hammer over my head and braced myself. I was giddy with excitement but now was not the time for laughter. I swung with all my strength and brought the hammer down on my angel’s beautiful face, just like she had told me to. I heard a loud crack as the hammer hit her skull and I knew it was over. I opened my eyes, which I’d closed as I brought the hammer down, and saw blood pouring from her nose. I swayed in anguish, almost crying out but I stopped myself. This was how the angel in my dream had told me it must be done. I put the hammer on the table beside the gun and leaned down to check her pulse. She was gone. The hammer had done its job.
Now it was my turn. I pulled a chair to face the angel’s dead body and sat down. I took the gun in hand, bracing myself. I was finally getting my redemption. I was finally going to be forgiven for killing my mother and my unborn sibling when I was thirteen. It had been an accident. I hadn’t meant to push my mother into the creek, I had been angry and lost my temper. I had never forgiven myself and I had known God wouldn’t either. It was then that the voice had appeared telling me how I could appease God and make my way into Heaven to be with my mother and sibling. I had spent twenty years looking for the angel but I had found her. Now all would be forgiven. I was ready for Heaven. I put the gun to my temple and smiling softy at the angel’s body, I pulled the trigger.