Status: Enjoy.
Tolden James: The Unusual Diaries
The Baby That Nearly Killed Me
--Saturday, July 4th, 6:00 PM
I show up at six sharp just as my mother had asked and am greeted by a slew of people, loitering around my old house. This is the basic turn out every year at this time. Hundreds of people, semi Project X style, minus all of the naked and or drunk teenagers. And it is still early. I'm dreading the many more to come within the next couple of hours. See, the neighborhood likes to come to the James residence because my dad has the hook up on loads of illegal fireworks. The cops will hang around the front, pretending not to notice.
"Oh, good! You're here!" My mother rushes me, pulling me into a bear hug. "Can you do me a favor and get these done?" She hands me a list of errands.
Typical.
"How am I supposed to finish this by myself?" I ask her. The list is a good half a page long and just like every other year, she expects all the errands to be done before they start the fireworks at eight.
She scans the front yard and scampers away from me for a second.
The list reads as follows:
-Get the refreshments (4 coke, 4 sprite, 4 grape, 4 ginger ale)
-Get apples for the bob
-Buy sparklers
-Buy tons of spray cheese
-Get the pastries from Ellen's
-Get order from Subway and Dominos
-Pick up grandma, grandpa, and aunt Mary
-Get the rest of the fireworks from Benzone
-Blow up balloons
"If it isn't Tolden James..." I look up from the headache inducing list to see my mother standing arm-in-arm with Byron Polanko.
"He said he'd love to help you! Isn't that great?" She oozes, practically jumping up and down. My mother doesn't know about my history with Byron... She thinks he's just Richard Polanko's well-to-do son, offering to help me run errands.
Granted, I'm in no position to deny help right now...
An awkward silence ensues and I reluctantly hand Byron the list. "We're taking my car," I deem, walking towards it.
"But I have a truck... Don't you think that'd be better suited for this?" He just wants an excuse to be in charge.
"My car will do just fine, thank you very much." I get in and slam my door closed, waiting as Byron slowly trails around to the passenger side. He pulls hopelessly at the handle.
"Aren't you gonna unlock it, Tolden?" I can tell he's not interested in playing games with me as he's becoming just as annoyed as I am. I wonder why he wanted to help me...
I harshly tap the unlock button and wait for him to take his seat. We both buckle up and I start the car and drive to our first destination. I'm so far enjoying the silence. He's not crossed any invisible boundaries, so I'm okay.
"Still mad at me?" He grills.
"Why wouldn't I be? You tried to sexually harass me, Byron." I keep my eyes steady on the road as he chuckles childishly.
"Look, I think we can both agree that that was just a big misunderstanding." I notice him staring at me out of the corner of my eye.
"I understood perfectly," I claim, pulling into our first destination.
"Wow. So you're going to loathe me because I like you? That's harsh, Tolden." He steps out of my car and slams his door jokingly upon my parking.
Like me?
--Saturday, July 4th, 7:43 PM
Byron and I knocked out a good majority of the list with painless ease and are finally at the last spot. Neither of us spoke about his confession, as it was probably normal for him to be so honest, sweet, kind... Self-absorbed, egotistical, moronic. I debating carefully on whether or not I should bring up his rendezvous with Tracy in the last few weeks, but then I decided 'Why should I care?' and moved on to the sparklers. It seemed that during each one of our tasks, he would successfully find some sneaky way to touch me. Grazing my hands as we hauled the boxes of fireworks, brushing against me in Safeway, or making full-frontal body contact as he pretended to be shoved into me by someone three times. Needless to say, my boobs felt a little sore and my temper was reaching it's limit.
Now, as we had finally reached the last stop on the list, my grandparents' house, he was getting on my last nerve. The whole ride here, he would "accidentally" touch my hand when I would go to shift, saying "I'm just changing the station." Bullshit.
I exit the car and shuffle up the porch steps to the front door, knocking loudly so I'm heard. Byron arrives behind me at last. I scoot closer to the door so he won't have any excuse to feel me up again. Within seconds, my aunt Mary is answering the door with a huge grin across her face.
"Tolden, sweetie! You've gotten so big! C'mere, give your auntie a hug!" She pulls me in and I'm first greeted with her large out-sticking stomach and an outy bellybutton that tickles my own stomach.
"Aunt Mary, I didn't know you were pregnant... Again." She rubs her tummy lovingly, smiling down upon it without a word to me.
Behind her, I see my grandparents trailing slowly with their canes in hand. I can't help but feel a little annoyed by their speed. We've only got fifteen minutes before the fireworks start. I calmly guide everyone to the car and stand at the driver side door, waiting. Byron assists my grandmother over, as she's becoming less mobile by the day. And my aunt is also moving slowly with close steps and an arched back. It takes a good two minutes for everyone to get in and buckled, my frail grandmother in the middle.
"Tol-house, your car smells like ass. When's the last time you cleaned it?" My grandpa rages, coughing his phlegm everywhere.
"Oh, cut it out, dad... The car smells fine. Ahhhhh," my aunt Mary moans in pain, then breathing out a sigh of relief.
"You okay back there?" Byron calls.
"Oh yeah, I'm fine. Just another contraction," she states.
"Contraction?" I question. "Aunt Mary, how far along are you?"
She moans in pain again and I see sweat begin to form on her forehead. "Oh, I'm just around the nine month mark. Doctor said I'm not ready to birth yet."
She moans again, but louder this time, clutching the handles above the door.
"Those contractions are pretty close together," Byron notices. "Are you sure your not ready?"
"Calm down, she's probably just got a little gas. That's all." My grandfather waves her off and gazes out the window. We are just minutes away from my parents' house.
"Um, Tolden..." Byron starts. "I think her water just broke."
My aunt lets out an unbearable scream of pain. "No!" She wails. "My water broke hours ago! Get me to a hospital!"
"Oh, no!" The house was less than a block away and now there was some unidentifiable liquids on my seat. I make a quick left turn to the hospital, panting in panic as my aunt screams in the background, my grandfather cough uncontrollably, and my grandmother snores. My breath has become so heavy that I can't think straight.
"It's okay, Tolden!" Byron assures, rubbing my arm.
"Get your hands off of me!" I yell, inhaling quickly and bolting into the hospital parking lot. He grimaces and looks around, unsure of what to do.
As I park, he jumps out of the car, rushing to my aunts side as I retrieve a wheelchair. Byron and I rush into the ER and wait.
--Saturday, July 4th, 11:20 PM
Joseph Oliver Haynes Jr. He ended up being the great baby that revealed my newly diagnosed asthma to the doctors. They said I had a close call, and I was just minutes away from a fatal asthma attack. Baby Joseph came out at eight pounds, three ounces with beautiful blue eyes, like his father, and the darkest patches of brown hair. It took just over three hours for him to finally decide to come out, and Byron insisted that we stay until was arrived. Sr. Haynes finally showed up just minutes before his baby boy was born with the biggest smile I'd ever seen on a man. Mary began to tell him about how helpful Byron was in the process and they two men hugged it out with great joy.
After a long and exhausting night, Byron and I were just making our way back to my car. We entered and sat in silence for a few moments.
"That was a very strongly worded letter you left me," he mentions. I hadn't even remembered that letter until now. It was the one I left on his windshield the night Tracy and I egged it.
"Oh, yeah. I guess I'm sorry about that... But you did call me a bitch, so I guess we're even." We laugh and finally buckle our seat belts. I'm so ready to go home and fall into bed, it is not even funny.
When I turn the key, the car doesn't start. It just sputters continuously...
"Oh, no... No, no, no!" I plea, banging my hands on the steering wheel.
"What? What's wrong?" He questions.
"... I left the car on when we went inside. The battery is dead."
Byron and I are both disappointingly silent before he opens his mouth. "We can walk back to your place," he offers quietly. "Then I'll drive you home."
So we do. The walk only takes a little over twenty minutes and fireworks are going off everywhere, but the biggest ones are coming from my house, I can see.
When we arrive, I find out that my parents had to come pick up grandma and grandpa from the hospital, as we had unknowingly left them sitting in my car. I get the third degree about my carelessness and time management, and I feel fed up. The day has been too eventful and tiring for me to sit and listen to this. I lie and tell them that Byron is waiting for me, but he's actually just watching the fireworks in awe as he sits in his truck.
I open his passenger door, get in, and we drive.
I show up at six sharp just as my mother had asked and am greeted by a slew of people, loitering around my old house. This is the basic turn out every year at this time. Hundreds of people, semi Project X style, minus all of the naked and or drunk teenagers. And it is still early. I'm dreading the many more to come within the next couple of hours. See, the neighborhood likes to come to the James residence because my dad has the hook up on loads of illegal fireworks. The cops will hang around the front, pretending not to notice.
"Oh, good! You're here!" My mother rushes me, pulling me into a bear hug. "Can you do me a favor and get these done?" She hands me a list of errands.
Typical.
"How am I supposed to finish this by myself?" I ask her. The list is a good half a page long and just like every other year, she expects all the errands to be done before they start the fireworks at eight.
She scans the front yard and scampers away from me for a second.
The list reads as follows:
-Get the refreshments (4 coke, 4 sprite, 4 grape, 4 ginger ale)
-Get apples for the bob
-Buy sparklers
-Buy tons of spray cheese
-Get the pastries from Ellen's
-Get order from Subway and Dominos
-Pick up grandma, grandpa, and aunt Mary
-Get the rest of the fireworks from Benzone
-Blow up balloons
"If it isn't Tolden James..." I look up from the headache inducing list to see my mother standing arm-in-arm with Byron Polanko.
"He said he'd love to help you! Isn't that great?" She oozes, practically jumping up and down. My mother doesn't know about my history with Byron... She thinks he's just Richard Polanko's well-to-do son, offering to help me run errands.
Granted, I'm in no position to deny help right now...
An awkward silence ensues and I reluctantly hand Byron the list. "We're taking my car," I deem, walking towards it.
"But I have a truck... Don't you think that'd be better suited for this?" He just wants an excuse to be in charge.
"My car will do just fine, thank you very much." I get in and slam my door closed, waiting as Byron slowly trails around to the passenger side. He pulls hopelessly at the handle.
"Aren't you gonna unlock it, Tolden?" I can tell he's not interested in playing games with me as he's becoming just as annoyed as I am. I wonder why he wanted to help me...
I harshly tap the unlock button and wait for him to take his seat. We both buckle up and I start the car and drive to our first destination. I'm so far enjoying the silence. He's not crossed any invisible boundaries, so I'm okay.
"Still mad at me?" He grills.
"Why wouldn't I be? You tried to sexually harass me, Byron." I keep my eyes steady on the road as he chuckles childishly.
"Look, I think we can both agree that that was just a big misunderstanding." I notice him staring at me out of the corner of my eye.
"I understood perfectly," I claim, pulling into our first destination.
"Wow. So you're going to loathe me because I like you? That's harsh, Tolden." He steps out of my car and slams his door jokingly upon my parking.
Like me?
--Saturday, July 4th, 7:43 PM
Byron and I knocked out a good majority of the list with painless ease and are finally at the last spot. Neither of us spoke about his confession, as it was probably normal for him to be so honest, sweet, kind... Self-absorbed, egotistical, moronic. I debating carefully on whether or not I should bring up his rendezvous with Tracy in the last few weeks, but then I decided 'Why should I care?' and moved on to the sparklers. It seemed that during each one of our tasks, he would successfully find some sneaky way to touch me. Grazing my hands as we hauled the boxes of fireworks, brushing against me in Safeway, or making full-frontal body contact as he pretended to be shoved into me by someone three times. Needless to say, my boobs felt a little sore and my temper was reaching it's limit.
Now, as we had finally reached the last stop on the list, my grandparents' house, he was getting on my last nerve. The whole ride here, he would "accidentally" touch my hand when I would go to shift, saying "I'm just changing the station." Bullshit.
I exit the car and shuffle up the porch steps to the front door, knocking loudly so I'm heard. Byron arrives behind me at last. I scoot closer to the door so he won't have any excuse to feel me up again. Within seconds, my aunt Mary is answering the door with a huge grin across her face.
"Tolden, sweetie! You've gotten so big! C'mere, give your auntie a hug!" She pulls me in and I'm first greeted with her large out-sticking stomach and an outy bellybutton that tickles my own stomach.
"Aunt Mary, I didn't know you were pregnant... Again." She rubs her tummy lovingly, smiling down upon it without a word to me.
Behind her, I see my grandparents trailing slowly with their canes in hand. I can't help but feel a little annoyed by their speed. We've only got fifteen minutes before the fireworks start. I calmly guide everyone to the car and stand at the driver side door, waiting. Byron assists my grandmother over, as she's becoming less mobile by the day. And my aunt is also moving slowly with close steps and an arched back. It takes a good two minutes for everyone to get in and buckled, my frail grandmother in the middle.
"Tol-house, your car smells like ass. When's the last time you cleaned it?" My grandpa rages, coughing his phlegm everywhere.
"Oh, cut it out, dad... The car smells fine. Ahhhhh," my aunt Mary moans in pain, then breathing out a sigh of relief.
"You okay back there?" Byron calls.
"Oh yeah, I'm fine. Just another contraction," she states.
"Contraction?" I question. "Aunt Mary, how far along are you?"
She moans in pain again and I see sweat begin to form on her forehead. "Oh, I'm just around the nine month mark. Doctor said I'm not ready to birth yet."
She moans again, but louder this time, clutching the handles above the door.
"Those contractions are pretty close together," Byron notices. "Are you sure your not ready?"
"Calm down, she's probably just got a little gas. That's all." My grandfather waves her off and gazes out the window. We are just minutes away from my parents' house.
"Um, Tolden..." Byron starts. "I think her water just broke."
My aunt lets out an unbearable scream of pain. "No!" She wails. "My water broke hours ago! Get me to a hospital!"
"Oh, no!" The house was less than a block away and now there was some unidentifiable liquids on my seat. I make a quick left turn to the hospital, panting in panic as my aunt screams in the background, my grandfather cough uncontrollably, and my grandmother snores. My breath has become so heavy that I can't think straight.
"It's okay, Tolden!" Byron assures, rubbing my arm.
"Get your hands off of me!" I yell, inhaling quickly and bolting into the hospital parking lot. He grimaces and looks around, unsure of what to do.
As I park, he jumps out of the car, rushing to my aunts side as I retrieve a wheelchair. Byron and I rush into the ER and wait.
--Saturday, July 4th, 11:20 PM
Joseph Oliver Haynes Jr. He ended up being the great baby that revealed my newly diagnosed asthma to the doctors. They said I had a close call, and I was just minutes away from a fatal asthma attack. Baby Joseph came out at eight pounds, three ounces with beautiful blue eyes, like his father, and the darkest patches of brown hair. It took just over three hours for him to finally decide to come out, and Byron insisted that we stay until was arrived. Sr. Haynes finally showed up just minutes before his baby boy was born with the biggest smile I'd ever seen on a man. Mary began to tell him about how helpful Byron was in the process and they two men hugged it out with great joy.
After a long and exhausting night, Byron and I were just making our way back to my car. We entered and sat in silence for a few moments.
"That was a very strongly worded letter you left me," he mentions. I hadn't even remembered that letter until now. It was the one I left on his windshield the night Tracy and I egged it.
"Oh, yeah. I guess I'm sorry about that... But you did call me a bitch, so I guess we're even." We laugh and finally buckle our seat belts. I'm so ready to go home and fall into bed, it is not even funny.
When I turn the key, the car doesn't start. It just sputters continuously...
"Oh, no... No, no, no!" I plea, banging my hands on the steering wheel.
"What? What's wrong?" He questions.
"... I left the car on when we went inside. The battery is dead."
Byron and I are both disappointingly silent before he opens his mouth. "We can walk back to your place," he offers quietly. "Then I'll drive you home."
So we do. The walk only takes a little over twenty minutes and fireworks are going off everywhere, but the biggest ones are coming from my house, I can see.
When we arrive, I find out that my parents had to come pick up grandma and grandpa from the hospital, as we had unknowingly left them sitting in my car. I get the third degree about my carelessness and time management, and I feel fed up. The day has been too eventful and tiring for me to sit and listen to this. I lie and tell them that Byron is waiting for me, but he's actually just watching the fireworks in awe as he sits in his truck.
I open his passenger door, get in, and we drive.