Sequel: I Won't Give Up ›
A Blend of Fear & Passion
Greg
I woke up the next day earlier than normal. Getting out of bed, I peaked into Dawson's room and saw that he was still asleep, every worry of his locked up as he slept. As a small smile appeared on my face, I closed the door and made my way back to my room.
Changing into a tank and a pair of shorts, I quickly and quietly made my way downstairs, slipping on my shoes before slipping out of the house. Although it was summer, the early morning air seemed to be a little crisp, but it felt wondrous. Taking a deep breath, I started running for the school, needing to use the dance studio there alone while I had the opportunity.
Time Elapse
Walking into the darkened school, I made my way to the studio. Unlocking the door to it, I walked in and stared at the shadows in every corner and the ones that were reflected in the mirror. Removing my drenched shirt, I tossed it on a chair and removed my shoes. Turning the music on, I started dancing.
I was scared, I could tell because the moves I had no problem doing yesterday were now evading me like the plague. Getting angry, I put more into it and kept slipping up, falling on my ass. With more determination than ever, I pushed myself harder.
Every time my feet landed, it echoed throughout the room. My labored breathing seeming to fill the corners. Sweat poured off me as I pushed and pushed myself, my mind set on mastering every step, arch, and spin. Every jump, twist, and kick.
Falling to the mats in complete exhaustion, I lay there letting the sweat roll off me. I knew why I was working so hard. Working so damn much that I can't take it anymore.
I was falling head over heels for a boy, and I hated it. Hated that I allowed my walls to crumble and let myself love. I was so angered at myself for allowing myself to open up to a mere child. In all my thirty years, I've only ever once allowed someone within the sanctum of myself.
Standing up at that thought, I pushed myself further than ever before, thinking of how I was so hurt and destroyed by a single person, who swore that they loved me. I could feel it, I could feel my walls starting to rebuild, stronger, thicker, and higher.
Before I knew what was happening, I looked at the reflection of the familiar stranger, watching him as if he were my next target. His brown eyes seemed to burn with such an intensity that they almost looked red.
Closing my eyes, I fell to my knees, and wept. Why was I so afraid to love another human being? Afraid to let another soul into my life that cared for me? I knew that Jimmy was a reason, but I looked past that and got over it.
I wanted to be happy, to be able to do what I loved and have that support I needed. I just wish I didn't have to keep who I am a secret just to do so. I glanced into the mirror across from me, the man there looked pathetic, all broken and bent out of shape.
Seven years of anger and hurt busted down in just a few short months. Seven years of building my wall and using that to fuel my passion, gone with the snap of a finger. Letting what anger I now felt build up in me, I slammed my fist so hard into the floor, I felt and heard multiple bones crack, and the pain radiated through me in waves.
What am I doing? Allowing him to break me down like this? Am I really up for pushing away a shot at happiness?
Cradling my broken hand and wrist in my other arm, I leaned against the wall and looked out into the hallway, watching as the slow-rising sun broke through the shadows. My tears dry, my wall rebuilt, I sat there, staring into space with a look of angered resentment on my face.
Changing into a tank and a pair of shorts, I quickly and quietly made my way downstairs, slipping on my shoes before slipping out of the house. Although it was summer, the early morning air seemed to be a little crisp, but it felt wondrous. Taking a deep breath, I started running for the school, needing to use the dance studio there alone while I had the opportunity.
Time Elapse
Walking into the darkened school, I made my way to the studio. Unlocking the door to it, I walked in and stared at the shadows in every corner and the ones that were reflected in the mirror. Removing my drenched shirt, I tossed it on a chair and removed my shoes. Turning the music on, I started dancing.
I was scared, I could tell because the moves I had no problem doing yesterday were now evading me like the plague. Getting angry, I put more into it and kept slipping up, falling on my ass. With more determination than ever, I pushed myself harder.
Every time my feet landed, it echoed throughout the room. My labored breathing seeming to fill the corners. Sweat poured off me as I pushed and pushed myself, my mind set on mastering every step, arch, and spin. Every jump, twist, and kick.
Falling to the mats in complete exhaustion, I lay there letting the sweat roll off me. I knew why I was working so hard. Working so damn much that I can't take it anymore.
I was falling head over heels for a boy, and I hated it. Hated that I allowed my walls to crumble and let myself love. I was so angered at myself for allowing myself to open up to a mere child. In all my thirty years, I've only ever once allowed someone within the sanctum of myself.
Standing up at that thought, I pushed myself further than ever before, thinking of how I was so hurt and destroyed by a single person, who swore that they loved me. I could feel it, I could feel my walls starting to rebuild, stronger, thicker, and higher.
Before I knew what was happening, I looked at the reflection of the familiar stranger, watching him as if he were my next target. His brown eyes seemed to burn with such an intensity that they almost looked red.
Closing my eyes, I fell to my knees, and wept. Why was I so afraid to love another human being? Afraid to let another soul into my life that cared for me? I knew that Jimmy was a reason, but I looked past that and got over it.
I wanted to be happy, to be able to do what I loved and have that support I needed. I just wish I didn't have to keep who I am a secret just to do so. I glanced into the mirror across from me, the man there looked pathetic, all broken and bent out of shape.
Seven years of anger and hurt busted down in just a few short months. Seven years of building my wall and using that to fuel my passion, gone with the snap of a finger. Letting what anger I now felt build up in me, I slammed my fist so hard into the floor, I felt and heard multiple bones crack, and the pain radiated through me in waves.
What am I doing? Allowing him to break me down like this? Am I really up for pushing away a shot at happiness?
Cradling my broken hand and wrist in my other arm, I leaned against the wall and looked out into the hallway, watching as the slow-rising sun broke through the shadows. My tears dry, my wall rebuilt, I sat there, staring into space with a look of angered resentment on my face.