Clueless

Danny's P.o.v.

I woke up and the first thing I noticed was I wasn't in my bed. Mine was small and cot-like; close to the ground and cold. This was soft and conciderably comfortable. I didn't exactly know where I was, but I looked around the room. I wasn't scared, but I was curious. There was a bed next to mine, a few feet seperating mine from the other. A boy was laying there. He was on the taller side, and lanky. His hair was distributed wildly about the pillow, but I couldn't see anything else since he was buried in blankets and facing the wall opposite to me.
I was confused. Was this a dream?
I laid there for a few moments before sitting up and pulling my knees to my chest. I hugged them there tightly and shut my eyes as the panic set in, like I knew it would. I tried to will it away but it wasn't working...

I remembered my mum, then. I don't know why. I didn't want to remember, but I did. My mind wouldn't let me forget.
She was there, next to the warm, comfortable bed. She was smiling down at me, and I felt like I was eight again.

"Mum?" I whispered, though I knew it wasn't real.
It wasn't. It couldn't be.
My bottom lip trembled as I struggled to move, but I was stuck in place. It was like my limbs had just given up.
"Mummy, why can't I move?" I whimpered, struggling against the invisible restraints to no avail.

The beautiful woman only smiled down at me and she reached out to touch my face, stroking my cheek with the back of her hand. It felt like it was actually there, but it was cold, like she was frozen.

"Mum, help me," I pleaded, my voice rising in my distress.
That same smile remained on her face as she continued stroking my cheek.

"Shh, baby boy," she said softly. Her voice was the soft, caring voice of a mother that was soothing her son after he woke up from a nightmare.

All that my mind could register was shock.
This wasn't my mother.
I squirmed on the bed but I didn't move at all. My heartbeat sped up and I felt tears building behind my lids.

"Calm down baby boy," she whispered.

I wanted to push her away. I didn't want her to touch me. I didn't want to be here.

My heart was going to burst out of my chest. I was hyperventilating.

Her face morphed into fury in the blink of an eye. She morphed from the beauty to the beast.
The saddening part was I only knew the rage in her. I'd never seen her happy... and it was all my fault.

"You should have died," she screamed, snatching her hand away from me like I was on fire.
"No one cares about you! No one ever will! You were a mistake, you ruined everything!"

Her hands flew out and wrapped around my thoat, squeezing tightly. I couldn't breathe. My chest hurt from the lack of breath. I was frozen to the headboard of the bed, pinned by my mum's hands. They squeezed tighter and tighter.

This is it. I'm going to die.
She's right. Nobody would care if I was gone. I should have died.

I shut my eyes tightly and tried to stop fighting, but kept on trying to breathe. Why?
I could only scream inside as my mother killed me.

A figure appeared beside my mum and I blinked a few times until I could see clearly. It was the boy from the other bed. I knew him.

I tried to search my mind for a name, and as I took in his face I realized who it was.
Ben?
Memories came flooding back in waves.

He looked at me with a mixture of fear and concern as he walked up to a spot next to my mum.
He didn't even acknowledge her, though, as he stared down at me looking at a loss.

My gaze flickered between the two and it seemed like he was completely oblivious that she was strangling me right before his eyes.

I didn't ask for help. He probably wouldn't have helped anyway. I need to die, I'm nothing. I can't do this anymore.

"Kill me already!" I screamed at my mum, glaring at her. Why wasn't it working?

"Daniel, what's wrong?" Ben finally spoke up, but it sounded distant despite the fact that he was standing right in front of me.

I couldn't answer. My vision was fading fast.
My eyes slipped shut and I heard my mum laugh maliciously.

"What the bloody hell's happening?" Ben yelled, panic lacing his words.

I ignored Ben and focused on saying a few last words to my mother.
"Mum, I-I'm sorry I d-didn't die when I t-tried... I-I'll die this time, I p-promise... You-you'll be h-happy again."
By now I was sobbing, but I was losing consciousness.
Tears trailed down my cheeks and I felt a warm hand touch mine, and suddenly the hands around my neck disappeared. I was still crying and breathing heavily, and my heart was in overdrive, but I managed to get enough oxygen to my brain to stop from passing out.

I opened my eyes slowly, afraid that my mum would still be there, or worse, my dad would be there, but neither were. Ben stood over my curled up body, practically leaning into my side. His eyes were wide with fear and his mouth was open like he wanted to say something.
He snapped his mouth shut when he saw I was staring at him and clenched his jaw, moving away slightly. His hand remained on mine.
It felt like there were sparks circulating through our hands into one another, but I ignored it.

"What the fuck just happened?" Ben asked suddenly, looking like he just woke up, which he had.

I sat up so quickly that the room spun, but I looked around frantically.
It was just a room. The room I'd be living in.
There was no one but Ben and I.
But just to make sure...
"Mummy?" I called out, my voice hoarse.
No response but a look I couldn't decipher from Ben.
My gaze fell to my lap and I hastily wiped the tears from my face. I was still shaking from the panic attack.

"What happened?" Ben asked, his voice softer this time. He sat down gingerly next to me and I recoiled, curling tighter in on myself. I was afraid he would hurt me. Not just afraid, terrified, but somehow his steady gaze and warm touch made me feel like I shouldn't be.
A wave of deja vu hit me, just like when I'd first seen him, but I shook it off.
He looked a bit frightened himself, like he didn't know what was happening or what to do.

I shook my head and buried it in my knees.
"Nothing," I murmured.

Ben gave me a dismayed glance.
"You sure about that, mate?" he asked, still sounding concerned.

I stared into his big, beautiful eyes and we just sat there a few minutes.
"Yeah," I finally whispered, my voice cracking at the end.

He shook his head like he was just in a daze and his hand left mine.
Feelings flooded through me again. Fear, anxiety, hopelessness, despair, pain, depression.
He frowned a bit and shook his head again.
"Alright... Well, go back to bed," he ordered, and walked over to his bed. He looked at me again, confused, before he laid down and all I could see was his back.

I tried to push every coherent thought away and just stared blankly at the ceiling.
I wish Ben was still touching my hand. I didn't know what had happened, but when he touched me, everything just sort of disappeared, like he'd forced the thoughts away.

And I knew him from somewhere. I could swear I've seen him before I'd even shown up at the ward. But where?

I needed air.

Ben had been exhausted, and I heard him snoring already. I got out of bed as quietly as I could and pulled on a pair of Suicide Silence basketball shorts, then my gaze landed on the shredded leather jacket I'd ended up wearing after I woke up in the hospital. I picked it up gingerly and held it for a beat before deciding to put it on. It smelled familiar, but I was just crazy. I flipped the hood up and slipped into my black vans before silently walking out of the room and shutting the door quietly behind me.

I looked around for anyone but the hallway was deserted, so I wandered around until I found an exit door.
I looked around again, being the paranoid kind of person I was, then opened the door and stepped outside into the frozen Seattle air.

I took a deep breath and held it in as I stared at the snow on the ground, reflecting the abnormally bright moonlight.
I exhaled, my breath making a cloud in front of me, and looked up to the sky.

Suddenly I felt uneasy. Nauseous.
My stomach lurched and I felt like I was going to vomit. I turned to go back inside, but my knees buckled and I fell to the ground.

What's happening to me?

Along with whatever was happening, I felt another panic attack working it's way into me.
"S-stop!" I screamed to dead ears.
There was a sharp pain in my chest and I gasped, then threw up.
I wretched and convulsed in the grass, sinking my fingers into the hard, cold ground as if it would ease the pain.
I cried for the second time that night- morning?- and again, accepted the fact that I could die, because the pain was just that excruciating.

I was losing consciousness. I wasn't going to fight it, though. Maybe it would be better if I died this time.

"Help," I managed weakly, then my eyes slipped shut and there was nothing.

Ben's P.o.v.

I woke up shortly after whatever had happened with Daniel because I felt sick, like my insides were on fire. I ran to the bathroom, stumbling on my sheets in the process, and managed to make it to the toilet just as I started dry heaving.
Nothing came up, though. I sat on the floor in confusion, then shook it off and washed my hands before heading back to the main room.
I glanced at Danny's bed on the short journey to mine, only to see the blankets scattered and nobody laying there.

"Danny?" I whisper-yelled, but there wasn't a reply.
Our door was open.

Shit, shit, shit. Where did he go?

I sprinted out of the room, not able to shake the feeling that something was wrong. After his episode, anything could happen.
My stomach was still burning as I neared the exit door that I usually used to escape. I was about to keep searching but something caught my eye through the glass.

The moon stared at me and I instantly felt the urge to go outside. The feeling in my stomach got worse and it was soon accompanied by a pulsing headache.

I rubbed my temple as I pushed open the door. The hair on my arms and legs stood straight as the cold air seeped into my bones, or maybe it was the sight of Danny laying on the ground, his limbs twisted at awkward angles.

I looked up at the moon again and cringed as a picture of the same moon, but different scene flashed before my eyes.
It wasn't much, just a bridge.

I instantly knelt beside Danny, afraid to touch him. He looked so fragile in this state.

Why do I care, though? He's just like everyone else.

Another picture flashed.
It was the bridge, and the moon. But now I was under the bridge, pulling someone out of the water.

What the actual fuck?

I checked for a pulse, and felt a faint beat.
I picked my roommate up and held him bridal-style, still unsure if I would break him.
I ran to our room and locked the door, flicking the light switch and setting him on the bed gently.

"Holy shit," I gasped as I saw his jacket. It was mine. Maybe he'd grabbed it out of my drawer by accident?
I repeated the curse as I saw his condition. His bones were shifting underneath his skin.

Suddenly, everything made sense.
I knew where I knew him from.
I knew what was happening.

I tried to force the shock away, but I couldn't. I just stared at him, mouth gaping open.

His big eyes fluttered open and he let out a pained groan.
I stayed rooted to where I was as his eyes landed on me.

"B-Ben?" he asked weakly, then he screamed, but cut himself off by biting down hard on his lip.

I snapped out of my trance, still freaking out, and ripped my jacket off. I stuck the sleeve into his mouth and he reached up and bit on it to muffle his cries. Steady streams of tears trailed down his face.

"This is going to hurt," I said as calmly and soothingly as I could.
But it was the only way I knew how to stop it.

I crawled onto the bed next to him and placed my hands on a broken bone threatening to break through the skin on his arm.

"Breathe in," I demanded.
As soon as he opened his mouth I forced the bone back into place. He screamed instantly and I felt guilt bite me, but I just moved on to the next one.

I continued to do that with every broken bone until I didn't see any left magled.

Danny was sobbing, shaking his head wildly. I felt so fucking bad...

"D-Danny?" I said quietly, brushing his fringe out of his eyes.
They popped open at the mention of his name and I recoiled as I saw that his eyes were bright. They were almost glowing. And they looked fake, like the fake blue of a coloured contact.
Just like mine did at night.

He spat out the fabric and sucked in air frantically.

I backed away, afraid that he was already too far gone, but he looked up with panic etched on his face.

"P-panic attack," he gasped, curling into a ball as he burst out crying again.
"W-what h-happened? W-what's happening to m-me?" He sobbed.

I chewed on my lip, not sure how to explain.
Instead of an explaination, I cautiously reached over and placed a hand on his shoulder.
A burst of electricity met my hand, and this time I knew why.
I rubbed comforting circles into his back. That's what I used to do when my sister would get panic attacks.

"You're okay now," I assured in a hushed tone, daring to get a bit closer.

Daniel had calmed enough so that he was only taking shuddering breaths. The attack had passed rather quickly.

By now I was practically cradling the poor kid in my lap.
He looked up at me, his eyes now just shining with tears. They were back to their pale blue, and I almost sighed with relief at that.

"W-what happened?" he spluttered.

How do I explain? I'd only just found out myself.

"I... I don't know," I lied, refusing eye contact.

I quickly got up from beneath him, my head still hanging.

"Some crazy panic attack, I guess," I muttered. "We're not allowed outside at night, just don't do it again."
I turned the light off and climbed into bed, shaking.

Could it really... What...

"Ben?" Danny said softly.

I grunted in response, not trusting my voice. I couldn't. Not after figuring it out.

"Thank you," he whispered, then sniffled.
"I'm sorry."

"It's fine," I whispered back.
"Goodnight, Danny."

Sheets rustled and I heard a quiet sob.
"Goodnight, Ben," Danny squeaked.

I turned on my iPod and put my earbuds in, turning my music up until I couldn't hear anything out side of it and my thoughts.

I let out a shaky breath.

I'd saved Danny that night he'd tried to commit suicide.. I was the reason he was here...
When I'd saved him, I wasn't human.
And now, because of me, he wasn't entirely human either.