Clueless

*Ben's p.o.v.*

"B-Ben?" someone whimpered, and my eyes flew open.

I groaned as I sat up, my joints popping with almost every movement. I ached all over.

I rolled my shoulders, taking in my surroundings.

Then I realized where I was.

I looked around and saw Danny curled in on himself, a few feet away from where I was. His face was buried in his knees, his shoulders shaking.

I saw my shirt near him, and grabbed it before moving over to where he was sitting.

"Put this on," I said softly. He jumped at my voice and looked up, his eyes red from crying.

He gratefully accepted the shirt and put it on, pulling the edges down over his thighs. Thank god I was taller than him, or that shirt wouldn't have fit the way I planned.

"Why are you crying?" I whispered, touching his back tentatively.

He shook his head and wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

"I remember... everything," he said softly. "Wh-what am I?"

I sighed and sat next to him, our sides barely touching. It was freezing on the ground, but the sun was pleasantly warm.

"It's complicated," I murmured, my gaze settling on Danny's little feet.

"And it's cold out here. We should go inside."

Neither of us got up, and I looked up after a moment to see that he was already staring at me with huge eyes.

"You're naked," he giggled, his eyes traveling down, a blush appearing over his cute little nose and cheeks, before he pulled the shirt up over his face, so that the only thing visible was his hair and the lower part of his legs.

I rolled my eyes and smirked. "Would you mind getting me some clothes?"

He nodded and his head appeared again, then he stood up and left me out in the snow.

I shivered, the cold finally getting to me.

How was I supposed to understand this? I didn't know shit about being a wolf, and now there was another one that I had to take care of in the process. Plus, he was my mate. What did that even mean? I didn't love him, did I? No. No, I didn't. There was an attraction there, but I didn't love the kid. He was just my roommate.

And now I was going to push him away, just like I do to everyone else. He'd already gotten closer to me in the few days he was here than with anyone in the past four years of my life.

I'd have to start researching this werewolf shit. All I knew was that you shift when the moon's up, and now I knew that strong emotions could turn your mindset to the wolf part of your brain?

Hell, I don't even know.

Danny came out a few minutes later and handed me the clothes he'd brought- a black shirt, jeans ripped at the knees, and my shoes. I pulled the shirt on, and he looked away with a blush when I put my pants on.

When I put my shoes on, I looked up and noticed Danny looking at me with a thoughtful expression.

I quirked an eyebrow and stood up, wiping the snow off my pants.

I ran my hands through my hair and offered him one. He paused for a minute before he took my hand. He laced his fingers through mine and I pulled him inside the building.

It was weird. We were holding hands. But it felt right.

No one was in the hallway, which I thanked god for, and we got in our room.

I flopped onto my bed and sighed loudly. I noticed Danny hadn't moved from next to the door. He was still wearing my shirt, and his hair was wild. He stared at the floor, his arms limp at his sides.

"What's wrong?" I asked loudly enough to get his attention. He looked up, a bunch of emotions swirling around in his eyes.

"How did you know?" he whispered, taking a small step toward me, but he stopped quickly. "What happened in your dream? The one about my mum?"

I noticed he wasn't stuttering anymore.

I wracked my brain, trying to piece the dream back together.

Then it came back, and I wish it hadn't.

"You were in a cradle," I began softly, looking away from him. "You were probably two or three? I'm not sure. You were crying. This lady came in and she looked scared, I don't know. But she kept looking at the door. When you wouldn't stop crying she just... strangled you until you passed out."

I looked up again and he was crying.

"That actually happened. I remember it," he whimpered. "That actually happened. How could you dream something that happened in the past? Something you didn't know about?"

"We're tied. Mated. Whatever. We share some memories and emotions, I guess. Like when you were upset, I got upset. And you get pains in your stomach," I mumbled, still trying to make sense of it.

"But... why? W-why are we...?" he said, exasperated, and he walked over to his bed. He sat down across from me.

"I don't know! Maybe because I saved you? I don't know what this is! I've been a werewolf all my life, and I don't fucking understand it, because my parents tried to kill me! I'm a monster!" I shouted, my voice shaking and cracking all over the place, but I didn't care. I just blew up, and everything started spilling from my mouth.

"They always looked at me like they were disgusted! They knew that there was something wrong with me. And all my life, they were slowly trying to formulate a plan so that they could get rid of me. When I was fifteen, they tried to kill me, in my own room. Th-they tied me up and they burned me, and hit me, and cut me. Then I managed to get out of my room, and out of the house... And they locked me out. It was nighttime and I shifted, and no matter how hard I tried to get in... I just... Couldn't. I was going to kill them."

I was breathing heavily by the time I was done. I'd never told anyone about that night. I was crying silently, and I hid behind my messy hair so that Danny couldn't see. I was shaking.

"Then the police came... and I didn't tell them anything. They brought me here. And since my parents just threw me away, and left the state, and no one else wanted some freak who tried to kill his parents, they kept me here instead of letting me go free when I turned eighteen. And now I'm a fucking werewolf, in a fucking psycho hospital with a bunch of crazies, and I'm sane. I'm fine. They don't know anything." I sighed loudly. "And I don't even know how I became a wolf. I just am. And I don't understand it, not at all."
I didn't look up after the tirade, I just covered my face with my hands.
"Just... forget all of that," I whispered weakly.

Danny didn't say anything for a while, and I just sat there. Tears kept streaming down my face, and my whole body shook, but I didn't make a sound.

"How could I forget anything that you just told me?" Danny said softly, my mattress shifting to let me know that he was sitting next to me.

I didn't look up. I didn't answer. My stomach was churning uncomfortably, and I could tell Danny was worried, but I didn't care. I couldn't make myself meet his eyes. I couldn't even look at him.

One of Danny's fingers just barely touched my chin, pushing it lightly. He forced my head up and I didn't open my eyes, but I knew I was facing him.

"I didn't know any of that," he whispered, one of his hands grasping mine. "And I'm so sorry."

His voice held a twinge of sadness, and I knew he was telling the truth.

But why was I accepting comfort from him?

"Maybe we can figure this out together," he suggested hopefully, his voice gentle.

I barely nodded, keeping my eyes screwed tightly shut.

Danny wiped my tears away with his thumbs and sighed.

"Will you just l-look at me?"

I shook my head slightly and he sighed.

"Whatever."

He grabbed my arm tightly and pulled me so I was standing up, and I shrieked and protested.
He ignored my pleas and I stumbled over my feet until we stopped walking.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" I hissed, still refusing to open my eyes until I could stop the tears. It was like they never stopped.

"Are you gonna open your eyes, now?" he asked, irritation clear in his voice.

"No," I mumbled.

I felt Danny's hands move to the hem of my shirt and he started tugging it up and over my head.

Ok. What the fuck.

My eyes popped open and Danny grinned triumphantly, leaving his hands on my shirt.

"What are you doing?" I insisted.

"We need a shower," he said, then his face turned crimson and he flicked his hair in front of his face.
"I-I mean you need a shower, and I need one too, but not that we'll take one together, because that's awkward, and I don't even-"

I burst into a fit of giggles and he stopped abruptly, eyeing me meekly.
I waved him off and caught my breath.

"You're already... semi-naked, so you can go first," I chuckled.

He just nodded and I turned to leave, but he gripped my wrist gently.

I peeked over my shoulder and he was still hiding behind his hair, biting his lower lip.

"Um... Ben... can I..." he trailed off, and I turned to him fully so that he could ask me.

Instead of saying anything, he went back to tugging of my shirt.

"Hey, hey, hey," I said, holding the shirt over my stomach.

Danny looked up into my eyes, and I could see he was still blushing fiercely.

"I... just want to tell you that I'm glad that you t-told me, that's all. And I wanted to... see."

He let go and apologized for grabbing me.

After a minute, I realized that he was talking about what my parents had done to try to kill me.

"Maybe another time. Take a shower," I said, waving him off with a small smile. "After I get washed up we can get some lunch," I added, noting how hungry I was.

He must be, too.

Fear distorted his face for a fraction of a second, but when I blinked it was gone, and I debated whether I'd actually seen it.

"Um, ok," he said softly, his eyes shifting to the floor.

"Alright," I said, taking a second to burn the image of him in my shirt, nothing else, into my mind, before leaving the bathroom.

I mean... it was adorable...

I'm not interested in him, nope. I can't get close to anyone. Especially not in that way.

I belly-flopped onto my bed, shoving the thoughts of Danny away. I heard the shower turn on and I rolled over, reaching under my mattress for my laptop.

I pulled it out and booted it up, then leaned back against the headboard and searched 'werewolves'.

Seemed like a pretty decent starting point.

Werewolf. Wikipedia. - no.

Werewolves: The Myths and the Truths.
I clicked on the second link, already interested.

Another word for werewolf is lycanthropy, okay.

I filtered through the rest, and it all just had hyperlinks.

No, thank you.

I re-typed 'werewolves' and this time; I managed to find a site that had to do with shifting.

My eyes raked over the words quickly.

Night... Moon... Blah... Blah...

A werewolf can only shift under a moon. The moon, however, does not need to be full; it just needs to be up. The wolf inside can sense the moon, and it will take over your mind.

During a shift, the individual has little control over their body, and they can see through the wolf's eyes.

During a full moon, however, the individual's mind will generally just blank out for what seems like when you go to sleep, until the sun comes up.

I skipped over everything, losing interest fast, until I came up to something that looked like exactly what I wanted to know.

Birth and Rebirth.

I skipped over the 'birth' part, because I already knew that basically, a werewolf can be birthed just like any other child, but as soon as it sees its first full moon, the curse will activate. I also knew that the curse skipped every other generation in order to protect itself. (I'd been paying a fair amount of attention to what I'd been reading, at least.)

Rebirth- occurs when a human is bitten by a werewolf- not the human, however. It can only be the wolf as counterpart.

The virus takes anywhere from two weeks to two months to complete, since it needs time to morph the individual's DNA.

After the DNA process, the human will be a werewolf.

I hadn't bitten Danny, or at least I didn't think I did. And how did that explain our tie? How we could feel each other's emotions?

I sighed and continued scrolling, until I stopped abruptly. I could dance I was so happy.

Mating and Tying.

That seemed like it could help, maybe?

Tying occurs during a full moon only. It's rare, and most believe it to be a rumour or myth. It's said that during a full moon, a wolf will search for its mate. This can go on for years, with no results, but when the wolf does find its mate; its brain will instantly tie itself to the other individual's. This cannot happen unless both individuals are "in love", so to speak. This is not a decision; it's a subconscious phenomenon that can only occur when each is just drawn together. The human may or may not know about this until they can feel the others' emotions and thoughts, but that doesn't usually occur for months after the tie. When they have that type mental connection, the human's DNA will have begun to reconstruct itself to imitate that of its tied partner in order for them to be completely compatible. Since the human was not directly in contact with the virus, it will take much longer for the DNA to finish rebuilding itself. The tie only becomes much more complicated once both the original werewolf and its new mate shift and run together. This will cause a sort of physical connection between the two, so they have a vague knowledge of what the other is feeling.

Well, shit.

“Did you find anything?” Danny called from the bathroom. I hadn’t even noticed that the water had stopped running…

“Nope,” I called back, bookmarking the windows before shutting down my computer and stuffing it back under my mattress.

~*~

*Danny’s p.o.v.*

“No, I’m serious. How did you do it?” Cameron asked, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’ve been here for a month, and the kid’s already told you practically everything about him. James and I can’t even get into your room, unless you’re there.”

I shrugged, hiding the smile playing at my lips by drinking some of my water.

Ben was in line, getting a pile of food as usual. Sam sat next to me, awkward as usual. James was eating, and Cameron just kept questioning me about how Ben had opened up to me.
We were eating dinner. Obviously.

“He even lets you touch him on the arm, and high-five him, and punch him in a playful way. HOW?” Cameron continued, stuffing a bite of sandwich into his mouth.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say he has a crush on you,” Sam piped up quietly, looking to Cam for approval.

He was always trying to impress James and Cameron. He told me it was because he was insecure, and he wanted friends, but I saw the way he looked at Cameron.

I blushed and hid behind my hair at the suggestion, causing Cameron and James to burst into laughter.

“Who has a crush on Danny?” Ben asked, plopping down into the seat next to me. I choked on my water and shook my head as Sam joined in on the giggles.

“No one. He’s too ugly,” James replied with a smirk in my direction.

Ouch.

“Well… you’re… uglier?” I mumbled in a weak attempt at a comeback.

Nice one.

Everyone started laughing again, this time including Ben. He ruffled my hair and I pouted, crossing my arms.

“I think he’s adorable,” Ben said, patting my head.

Thank god my hair was long enough to hide my face, because I was red.

But I tried not to think about his comment too much, because he was just being a good friend. Friends joke about stuff like that all the time. Right? Right.

No doubt about it, though. Ever since that… night… when I’d shifted- it was still weird to think about- he had been a lot more… I don’t know how to explain it. He was just friendlier with me.

“I knew you were gay!” James exclaimed overdramatically.

Everyone went silent at our table, and we all stared at Ben to see his reaction. He stared at James with narrowed eyes.

“Oh, girl, you know it,” Ben said, making his voice higher, with a slight accent. He did sound pretty gay… and it was really funny.

I was the first person to start laughing hysterically, and then everyone cracked and joined in.

When Ben caught his breath, he looked at me carefully for a few seconds.

When it had passed a minute, I was kind of freaked out. Like, why?

“Wh-what?” I asked, a little agitation in my voice.

“You’re not eating,” he stated, taking a bite of an apple he’d picked up.

“I’m not hungry.”

I told the lie so often that it slid from my mouth fluently, without a hint of hesitation.

Ben frowned. “You always say that.”

I swallowed thickly, aware that everyone at the table was staring at me. I didn’t like being the center of attention. It drove me up the wall to know that I was that person that everyone was looking at.

“In fact, I haven’t seen you eat anything since you’ve been here,” he prodded, leaning in closer to me. He was inches away from my face, staring intently into my eyes.

This was it. He was going to interrogate me, then he would be staring at me so that it would be easy to tell if I was lying. Then he was going to find out, and I would die. Literally.

Well, not literally.

“Maybe you just haven’t been paying attention,” I said, letting the sentences create themselves on my tongue in hopes that it would come out calmer than I felt on the inside.

“No, you haven’t been eating, have you?” he asked, acting amused, but I could see that he was worried.

Why would he be worried?

“I-I have,” I said, furrowing my eyebrows. “What are y-you trying to g-get at?”

He smirked. “You’re stuttering.”

I rolled my eyes at his stupidity. “I always stutter. That doesn’t prove anything,” I snapped.

“Well now you’re implying that there’s something to prove,” he pointed out.

A soft growl passed my lips and my stomach ignited to say that Ben was getting pissed, but I didn’t care. Anger flooded through my veins in a millisecond. One perk of being a new werewolf is that you act like a girl with PMS. All the time.
“Just shut up! This conversation is stupid. It’s not supposed to happen. No, you’re stupid, Ben. You’re stupid, not this,” I hissed, clenching my fists.

His eyes flashed and he shook his head.
“What the bloody hell are you going on about?”

I was kind of surprised that Sam, Cameron or James hadn’t butted in by now, but then again, they weren’t ones to stand up to Ben. Then again, no one was.

“Your hair is just… stupid,” I muttered, reaching up to flick a stray piece out of his eyes. “Your clothes are ugly,” I continued, tugging on his sleeve. “Your smile is just… just… terrible. And… you snore… and… you’re too fucking tall… and… you’re so… Just…” I glared at him, and he glared back. I couldn’t really form a proper sentence, so I just stopped talking, pressing my lips into a thin line.
I noticed how close Ben was, then. He could hurt me if he wanted to. Hell, he could kill me. I didn’t doubt that for a second.

"Do you mean all of that?" he asked, his voice holding a bit of hurt in it.

I blinked a few times, my brain completely useless.
"No," I whispered.

"Eat something," he said just as quietly, reaching out.
I flinched as he touched my shoulder, but ended up melting into his touch.

He was just so... comforting.

I shook my head, shutting my eyes tightly.
I wasn't going to break down in the dining hall. Not again.

Ben sighed loudly, and I felt his arm land across my shoulders, pulling me to him in a sort of hug.
I opened my eyes, and my gaze landed on a dumbfounded trio.

I blushed and looked down, amazed myself at how friendly Ben was being.
Not that he hadn't done it before, just not in front of anyone else.

"I knew you were gay," James repeated his line from earlier, but this time he was serious.

Ben shook his head.
"No, I'm just looking out for the kid. Can't you see he's not eating?"
Four pairs of eyes turned on me and I shrunk into Ben's side.

"I am eating," I said lamely, shutting my eyes to block them out.

"Right, then you wouldn't mind coming up to get dessert with me," Ben said, standing up.
He pulled me up by my arm, but passed the line. We left the dining hall and he pulled me into the game room, pressing me up against the far wall.

I looked at him, my eyes wide.
"Wh-what are you doing?" I asked nervously, noticing how he was looking at me strangely.
I wiggled my wrists and tried to push him off, but it didn't work.

"Why don't you eat?" he asked, not releasing me from his grip.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said, coming to the conclusion that there was no point in denying it since he already knew.
But how did he find out? I'd been keeping it a secret for so long...

"But I do. I care about you, Danny, you know that?" he touched the side of my face with his delicate fingers and I melted.
I wanted him to kiss me.
Just lean forward... A little bit...
"Please. Just tell me why? I won't even tell you to start again. I just want to know your reasoning."
His grip on my wrists loosened and he leaned forward a bit, his hair falling into his eyes.

Those beautiful sky blue eyes prodded mine, and all I could do was stand there like the idiot I was. I couldn't tell him.
"I can't," I squeaked, letting my gaze drop to the floor.
What was I supposed to say? He would think I was crazy if I told him the truth.

"Please," Ben said quietly, moving his hands down to my waist.
I shivered at his touch and refused to look up.

"I can't," I repeated.
I felt my knees get weak, and I just wanted to lay down and sleep. I knew Ben was getting angry, and he was so good at hiding it, but the connection we had made it obvious to me.
Suddenly, Ben pulled my hips to his and I stumbled into his chest, landing with the side of my face pressed against it, and my hands on his shoulders. I made a soft 'hmmph' sound at the contact.
"Beeeeeenji," I whined, trying to pull away, but he moved his arms around my shoulders and trapped me against him.

"Please tell me... I just want to help," he whispered, his breath gently touching my hair.

I sighed against him and buried my face further into his chest. I didn't want to talk about this.
But we were friends. Maybe more.
We were tied. He had a right to know.
"My dad," I blurted after a long pause. I pushed myself away from him and shook my head. My eyes widened and I began to feel numb. I wrapped my arms around myself and looked around, expecting him to pop out anywhere.
"Please forget that," I whispered, unable to hide the panic rising inside me. "I-if he finds out, he'll get me."
My vision swam as memories bombarded me.

"No, you're not aloud to eat with your mother and I you worthless piece of shit," My dad laughed.
That stupid laugh.
It shook the room.
It made me want to punch him in the face.
That sick fuck.

I retreated a few steps until I wasn't in the kitchen anymore. I just stood there, needing to eat. My stomach protested, but I knew what would come if I went in.
I hadn't eaten in months because of that fat bastard.

They ate, talking about me. How they wish I'd never been born, and how good their life would be if I wasn't there.
I seethed. I stood, brewing in my own rage. Oh, how I hated them.
But I loved them. They were my mum. My daddy.

The conflicting feelings made me weak. I sank to my knees, having a hard time looking at them anymore.
I couldn't go to my room because that would just earn me another beating. I'd already assured myself one by trying to get into the kitchen.

"Danny, what's wrong? Who's going to get you?" Ben's voice filtered through the veil of the dream. I looked up, and Ben was in the kitchen.
A kitchen? No, I was in the game room again.
I looked behind him, to where the kitchen table was.
It was there. Mum was gone. But dad was walking up to me. He looked angry.

The scenes kept switching from Ben in my old house's kitchen to dad in the game room. But in both, Ben was a foot in front of me, and dad was stomping over.
He quickly got closer. Too quickly.
I tried to move, but I couldn't.

"Who is this?" he screamed, pointing to Ben. His eyes blazed and he balled his hands to fists. "YOU FUCKING TOLD HIM, DIDN'T YOU? YOU LITTLE CUNT. I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYONE. DID YOU TELL HIM THAT I BEAT YOU? DID YOU TELL HIM THAT YOU DON'T EAT? DID YOU TELL HIM EVERYTHING, SCUM?"

He got up in my face and I burst into tears, covering my face with my hands.
"No! I didn't tell him!" I cried, shaking my head furiously. "Don't hit me, dad! Please! I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Are you fucking lying to me, boy?"

His hands reached out and he ripped my hands from my face. My only protection...
His fist collided with my jaw and my head flew back, hitting the wall. I bit back a scream and he hit my stomach. I writhed against the wall, the overwhelming need to throw up taking hold of me.

"I-I didn't... It j-just slipped out... I- he's my friend, he won't tell...Don't hit me again," I sobbed, gasping for the air my lungs had been forced to give up.

"Danny? Daniel? Who's there?" Ben asked, his voice panicked. I could see him behind my dad.

"Oh, is he going to protect you? I always knew you were a faggot. A fat, ugly, mistake," my dad growled, raising his fist to hit me again.

I held my hands out in front of me.
"Please, please, please," I whimpered.

Ben looked frenzied.
"Where is he? I'll get him," he said, giving me a reassuring smile.

My bottom lip trembled and I pointed in front of me to where dad was.
Ben punched him repeatedly and dad screamed with fury, then disappeared.
I fell to my knees, relief washing over me.
Then I started crying hard. I trembled and wretched. I was still nauseous from the punch to my stomach, and I was sobbing.

A pair of long, strong arms wrapped around me and I knew it was Ben who was holding me. I turned to face him and he pulled me onto his lap, embracing me tightly, and I buried my face in the crook of his neck, his intoxicating scent calming me instantly.
I cried onto his shirt, not exactly caring enough that anyone could walk in at any moment and see us like this. He didn't seem to mind much either, as he just held me and whispered that everything was going to be alright in my ear.

"Who was it? Who got you? How did he find out?" Ben asked, resting his chin on my head while he rubbed my back comfortingly.

"My dad," I said quietly, shifting on his legs so that his knees weren't jabbing into my ass.
"He always knew when I told someone..."

"It's okay. I won't let him get you anymore," he said quietly, petting my hair gently.

Ben, by now, was used to comforting me during panic attacks, and I guess this was sort of like one. To be honest, it was comforting for him to just hold me. I felt safe in his arms, like the real world couldn't get reach us.

"Thank you," I said softly, my breath hitting his neck.
I didn't really think when I pressed my lips gently to the soft, exposed skin of his throat. I could feel the skin shift and constrict under my lips as he swallowed hard. It was like I was breathing in new life from him, electric shocks pulsing from my lips to his neck, and from his neck to my lips.
I shifted again, moving my legs so that I was straddling his waist. I removed my lips reluctantly from his neck and bit my lip.
"I-I'm sorry... I- just..." I could feel myself blushing profusely and I wanted to disappear like my dad had.
I started to get up but he gripped my hips and pulled me back onto his lap. I looked up and he stared at me, his eyes dancing. He blushed slightly and I looked away again.

"Will you... tell me what happened with your dad that made you stop eating?" Ben asked quietly after a minute, hope in his voice.

I sighed, the overwhelming need to tell him the truth building up inside me.
"He wouldn't let me eat," I said bluntly with a shrug. "I was fat. I still am. He didn't want a fat kid for a son... and plus, I was just a waste of money for them. One less mouth to feed could save them a lot."
Ben forced me to meet his gaze by moving my chin with a feathery touch of his fingers. I reluctantly did what he wanted, and I could see the pity in his eyes.
"D-don't look at me like that," I said, shaking my head. "I don't need you to feel bad for me."

"Did he hurt you, too?" Ben asked, rubbing circles into my hips with his thumbs.

I squirmed a little.
I mean... It was the most intimate I'd gotten with anyone, even if he was just trying to comfort me.
I couldn't form the words so I just nodded.
Another tear slipped from my eye and I tried to wipe it away quickly, but Ben leaned forward and kissed the salty droplet away.

"Thank you for telling me," Ben murmured, running his fingers up and down my sides. "But you're perfect, do you understand that?"
I blushed and tilted my head forward, causing my fringe to fall into my eyes. His hands came to a halt behind my neck, lacing together to mould against my skin.
"Your eyes are the most beautiful colour I've ever seen," he whispered, licking his lips nervously. "Your hair is adorably messy, and soft. Your clothes are always baggy, and they look so amazing on you... And you're the cutest size. You're just so little. Tiny," He smiled and I blushed even more, melting inside. "And you're so skinny... Too skinny..."
His right hand trailed down my side, then under my shirt. The contact making me shiver and he ran his hand over my stomach and to my ribs. He caressed the bones slightly, and I looked at him with wide eyes.
"The only thing that could make you more perfect is if you believed it, too. And if you ate, you wouldn't be stick thin. You would be the most beautiful creature to walk into my life. Hell, you already are."
Ben bit his tongue and blushed, his whole face turning red. "I... That last part wasn't supposed to come out. That was just a thought!"

I choked back tears.
That was the best moment of my life, I swear.
No one had ever said anything like that to me. No one had ever told me I was beautiful, or perfect, or adorable, or even taken the time to point out my perfections instead of my imperfections.
I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him to me tightly.
"Thank you. Thank you..." I whispered, the side of my face smashed up against his. "Thank you for making me feel important."

"Danny... We're friends, right?" Ben asked suddenly. I pulled back and stared at him intently.

"Of course we are," I said quietly.
Oh, god. Did he not want to be friends anymore? Was it because I kissed his neck? I hadn't meant to do that.
But he'd just told me that I was perfect. Why would he say that just to push me away?
Thoughts battled around my head and I tried to push them away.

"I..." Ben began, but he trailed off, leaving me confused and anxious.
Before I knew what was happening, he had his hands behind my neck again and he pulled my face to his, crushing our lips together.

It was just like the first time we'd kissed.
Sparks. Fireworks. Whatever you call it, it happened.
And also like the first time, I was shocked, but a little bit more since he'd told me the first time. Soon enough I melted into his lips, pressing my body up against his.
I realized all too well how close we were, and where I was sitting, and how we were kissing.

I pulled away and Ben kept his eyes shut, his lips curled into a smile, and plumped from our desperate yet sweet kiss.
"Wh-..." I spluttered, the feel of his warm, soft lips on mine lingering.

"Danny, I like you as more than a friend," he said insecurely. His head fell forward a little, hanging in shame.
"I mean, you probably don't feel the same way. You don't have to like someone to enjoy a kiss if you're tied; it just happens like that, since you have a 'connection', your brain just makes you think you like it. God, and you're probably straight. What was I thinking? I'm sorry," he rambled on, shaking his head.
"I was trying to hide my feelings and now I just let them out and I didn't mean for any of this to happen. This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't saved you."
His eyes shot up and he covered his mouth with his hand.

I nodded slightly. He was right. But it still hurt like hell to have him say the truth.
"No, you're right," I said as he opened his mouth, probably to apologize.
I didn't want his fucking apology.
I remained on his lap for another fraction of a millisecond before jumping up. Ben tried to grab my waist, but I was too fast.
As I walked away he tried to grab my hand, but I avoided his touch and left the game room in a hurry.
I could hear him calling me, but I ignored it, and when I heard his footsteps signifying that he was coming after me, I started sprinting.

He wouldn't catch up to me. I knew he was taller, but I was fast.
I pushed myself as hard as I could, and I knew that it wasn't the best idea because there was already a fire in my stomach and an awful pain in my throat and lungs. I just kept going until I reached our room, and I threw open the door, slamming it shut. I locked it and retreated to the bathroom, curling up in the shower on the floor. Thank god neither of us had showered yet today.

I leaned on the wall, my knees pulled up to my chest. I was breathing raggedly from running, and I felt like I was going to pass out.
Being anorexic didn't really go with the whole exercise thing when you hadn't been eating for as long as I had.

It hit me full force, then. Ben hadn't wanted to save me, it wasn't even a conscious decision. It was the fucking wolf's.
And now I'm a fucking wolf.
Great, more motherfucking problems.

I broke down and sobbed silently.
I shouldn't have survived. I shouldn't have.
What's life got for me, anyway? Just more people to screw me over, and Ben to fuck with my emotions.

I made my decision.

There was a loud bang on the door and Ben was saying something about how he was sorry and how I should open the door, but I filtered him out.

I stood up, sniffling as tears continued to cascade down my cheeks.
I stripped down to my boxers and stared at myself in the dingy mirror. I could see my bones, but I was fat.
I pinched the skin of my stomach in various places, pulling on it.
God, I'm so ugly and fat.

I glared at my reflection and didn't think twice before punching the mirror with as much force as I could. All of my anger just came out in that movement. Coming undone. Wanting to just kill everyone.

The glass shattered and flew all around me, shards cutting into my skin as they fell to the floor.

I could hear Ben screaming. It sounded like he was crying.
God, what a baby. He just wanted to get into the fucking room and he acted like he was dying.

I took off my boxers and turned on the shower, glass ripping into my feet as I walked over it.
I looked down at the bloodied glass and smiled bitterly.
Maybe mum and dad would be happy because I'll be gone forever.
Ben can go back to having no roommate to worry about, not to mention an annoying faggot one at that. His wolf could find a good mate that'll make him happy, instead of miserable.

I grabbed a piece of the glass. It was extremely sharp, and I cut myself by just touching it, and it was as big as my fist.
I glanced at my discarded clothes and slipped a small shard, about the size of a quarter, into my pocket just in case I made it.
Unlikely.

I got into the shower, ignoring the pain shooting up my legs with every step due to the glass in my feet. The hot water burned my skin and I sighed, sitting against the wall again.
I could hear Ben screaming, but it was muffled behind the sound of the shower.
I looked at the glass in my palm and smiled.
I was finally going to get what I deserved, and everyone else would be happy.

I lined up the jagged edge against my wrist, and pressed down. It sunk deeper than I expected into my flesh and I let out a little mewl.
So long hiding behind the pain. It was heaven to let it all pour out.

The cut was deep. Blood began to trickle down my wrist and into my palm, dispersing between my fingers. It dripped onto the floor and down the drain.

After that first cut, I got careless. I just shut my eyes and threw my head back, earning a sickening thud from the wall and an ache in my skull.
I brought the blade down blindly. Not just on my wrist, but everywhere. My legs. My stomach. My arms. My chest.
I was crying loudly. I was screaming.
I just let all of my pain out. Years of hurt.
I could vaguely hear something bang, and shouting.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't open my eyes because it was such a hassle. I just let myself fade and fade and fade...
Then I was gone, met by the mercy of nothingness.