Clueless

*Ben's p.o.v.*

There was a knock on the door, but I didn't get up. What was the point?
I tugged my blanket up higher over my head until I was completely buried in the safety and warmth of my own, as well as Danny's blanket.
I stuffed my other ear bud into my ear and turned the volume higher until I couldn't hear my breathing, my thoughts, or even my heartbeat. Basically, I was dead under that blanket shield. I was perfectly fine with that.

My death was short lived, though, because someone ripped the blankets from my body. I sighed and curled in further on myself, welcoming the uninvited gust of cold air on my body to wash over me.

Next came the ear buds. They ripped them out and I groaned loudly.

"Ben," someone said quietly. I looked up quickly, causing my head to spin and my vision to blur.

"D-Danny?" I said, my voice hoarse from disuse, but it didn't hide the hope in my tone.

There was a shuffling sound and I shut my eyes to steady my vision.
"No," the person said sympathetically.

I opened my eyes and saw Sam standing there.
Sighing, I turned back to my position I'd been holding for the past month and screwed my eyes shut.

"Come on, Ben... You have to eat something. I brought you some crisps," Sam said, lightly touching my arm.

I flinched at his touch and shook my head, refusing the food as well as the conversation.
I opened my eyes slightly and pointed to the ground, which Sam took the hint.
He picked up the blankets and I snatched them from him, and took refuge under my sacred hut of peace, which were the blankets.

"Are you alright?" He asked after a moment, and I sighed because he was still there.
I shook my head.
No. I'm not bloody okay. Can't you see that? Do you even have to ask anymore?
"Is it because you miss him?" he continued.

I nodded slightly.

"Alright... Well, at least think about coming down to dinner. Or even just visit Cam and I. You know what room we're in," he said softly, patting my arm comfortingly before I heard him leave.

I pulled the blankets over me and put my headphones back in.

There's another world inside of me that you may never see/
There're secrets in this life that I can't hide/
Somewhere in this darkness there's a light that I can't find/
Maybe it's too far away/
Or maybe I'm just blind/
Or maybe I'm just blind...

My eyes fluttered shut and I slowly lost consciousness.

"Misha... Misha, help," I shouted as he turned the corner. I didn't care if he saw me crying. I didn't care if anyone saw me crying. I didn't care.
"Unlock the door. Please. Unlock the door!" I screamed, tugging at my hair in worry.

Misha looked at me like I was mad, but didn't fight with me about it.
As soon as the door was open, I scrambled into the bathroom. I didn't stop when I felt and heard glass crunch under my shoes.

"He's taking a shower," Misha said, but then stopped walking and talking when he saw the scene in the bathroom.
He rushed in and tried to push past me, but I shoved him away furiously. Surprisingly, I'd managed to push the bulky man across the room, and he ran into a wall in shock.

"D-don't touch him! D-dont!" I shrieked as I turned the shower off and reached in to pick Danny off the floor.
I didn't care that he was naked. I didn't care that he was wet.
I cared about the blood soaking his skin, pouring out of the fresh self-inflicted wounds.

"Danny," I sobbed, cradling him against my chest. "Wake up... Please..."
His skin was cold... So cold...

Misha appeared again, this time with the doctors and Mr. Tony.
I shook my head at them in fear.

"No, no, no you can't take him away. No go away you can't have him, he's mine," I screamed, my voice sounding more like a feral animal than a human. "Stay away from him!"

Everything happened so fast... I clawed, kicked and screamed at anyone who came near Danny and I... But Misha held me down...
I thought you were on my side...
The doctors took Danny away from me... Mr. Tony kept talking to me, but I didn't listen... I couldn't hear them anymore...

"Danny! Danny! Danny!"
I just kept repeating his name, like it would bring him back. Like he would just appear, and I could hold him again.

A doctor came in, Mr. Tony told me that everything was going to be ok. Misha held me down, and the ugly beak-nosed doctor stuck a needle in my arm.

"I don't need it," I muttered, already numb. "I need... I... I need..."

Misha let go, and I tried to get up. I tried to run... I tried to call for help... I tried to... get Danny... I tried...

"Danny..."

My eyes popped open, though I couldn't see. I could smell Danny faintly all around me.
Something was stuck in my ears, and when I touched them I realized it was just my headphones. The music had stopped playing.
I pulled them out of my ears and contemplated what to do.
I was comfortable in my little fort, but it was kind of suffocating me. But as long as it was Danny's scent that was killing me, I wouldn't really mind.

Sighing, I slowly lifted the blankets off of my head. I was facing Danny's side of the room. I sighed again as I took in the blank wall, his posters taken down. His bags were gone. The only thing left was his bed, minus the pillow and blanket.

My head lolled to the side and the blinking red numbers on my alarm clock informed me that it was four.
Too early for dinner. Not too early to go to bed... But I was already awake, so what was the point?
I could just lay here, like every other day that passed. But then I would think. I didn't want to think.

Slowly, I managed to sit up. My muscles protested since I hadn't exactly moved from the bed (unless it was to use the bathroom) in about a month, but I pushed myself up.
I stretched, then slid off the bed gracelessly. I landed on wobbly feet and had to hold onto the bedside table as a defense from the dizziness that attacked me.

I ran my hands through my greasy hair.
Needed a shower tonight, alright.
I slipped on my vans and slowly made my way out of the room, shutting the door behind me loudly. I dragged myself through the corridors, remembering that Sam had invited me to come to his and Cam's room.
They were in the 'anxiety' hall, as the people here liked to call it. Just like I was in the 'depressed' hall. Such clever names.
I made my way through the hallways until I got to the rec room, spotting a bunch of twenties standing in the corner.
I trudged on, but they'd spotted me.
They were tough word wise, but if it came to it, I would gladly beat the shit out of them. Any of them. I was stronger than they would ever be, even if I wasn't at my best as of late.

"Bruce," one of them called. Ronnie.

I ignored them and kept walking, but when I felt a hand on my arm I turned and shoved them off.
Unfortunately, I'd underestimated my strength, and the guy fell on his ass and skidded across the floor.

"Whoa, there, 'Benji',' Ronnie mocked, giving me a knowing smile.
I clenched my hands to fists at the name.
Only Danny called me that...
"We heard your boyfriend's dead," he continued, raising an eyebrow at me.

I growled loudly, my wolf waking up within me.
"Boyfriend?" I snarled, barking a laugh. "Who the fuck do you think you're talking to, Ronald?"

"Well, you and Danny seemed to be getting awful close," he said with faux innocence.

I growled again and took an involuntary step forward. "Don't fucking say his name, filth."

"Now, now. Back up," Max, Ronnie's right-hand man, piped up, an evil glint in his sparkling jade eyes.

I didn't think before slamming my fist into Max's side. He fell to the ground, clutching his stomach.
Ronnie snorted and shoved my chest, causing me to stumble back and see stars.
I growled, this time it sounded completely wolf.

"I will fucking kill you all," I snarled, cracking my knuckles.
I took a menacing step forward and all four of the guys backed up a step.
"Don't talk about Danny like that," I commanded. "In fact, don't talk about the dead at all. It's just disrespectful. And don't fucking make shit up about me being gay. I've seen you, Radke. Green."
I snapped my jaws together, then growled, revealing my teeth. All the boys' eyes went wide and I jogged out of the room without looking back.

As I reached the anxiety hall, I reached up and touched my teeth. My fingertips were met with slightly sharpened edges and I yelped.
Fucking hell... I could only hope the guys hadn't seen them like this.

I made it to the room that I knew was Cameron and Sam's and knocked lightly on the door, realizing quickly what a stupid decision it had been to come here in the first place.
I'd hit two twenties, I'd threatened four twenties, and they'd seen my teeth. Now I was going to have to talk to people for god knows how long, and then I'd have to walk all the way back to my room.
It was just too much effort. I didn't have the energy.
I basically wanted to go back to my room and sleep forever.

"Ben?" Cameron asked, his eyes going wide at the sight of me.

I tried to force a smile, but I just couldn't, so I just nodded slightly.
I stood there for a few minutes until Sam noticed that we were standing there and he let me in.

"I can't believe you actually came!" he said happily as I sat down on the edge of his bed. He sat cross-legged on the other side, and Cam sat in between Sam and I.

"Me either," I said dryly.

I looked around their room to avoid looking at them, and hopefully a conversation.

"Um... I'm not trying to offend you, but why are you so torn up about Danny? He hadn't been here that long... No one really knew him," Cameron said.

I opened my mouth, but shut it quickly. I shrugged and let my head hang. "He was... my friend," I said softly.

Cameron snorted. "Then why are you so depressed?"

The question hung in the air. Not one of us three talked, moved, or even breathed it seemed.

I got up slowly, then walked toward the door. I couldn't do this. I couldn't talk to people. I was just done. With everything.

"You didn't answer me, Benjamin!" Cameron shouted, jumping up.

I turned around quickly enough to get dizzy, but that was already easy to do.
Cameron looked angry, and Sam just looked completely petrified.
My breathed started getting heavier as I got angrier.

"Why are you so upset that he's gone? Was he a better friend than James and I ever were?" Cameron continued.

I shook my head wildly, causing me to get dizzy again and lose my balance.
"Shut up!" I yelled, covering my ears with my hands. I squeezed my eyes shut and willed the world away...
Just go away... please...

"Just fucking tell me!" Cameron snarled, getting up in my face.

I felt my eyes flicker, and I knew that they were that unnatural shade of blue.
Fuck it.
My eyes flew open and both of my friends jumped back in surprise.
"I fucking loved him!" I screamed, standing up. I was shaking with anger, fear, sadness...
I sobbed, tears streaming down my face, and ran out of the room.

I knew it was a bad idea... I knew it...

I ran all the way to my room, but didn't stop. I continued running past it, then out the exit door. The sun was still up, so I was safe, but I needed to get away.
I ran through the trees that surrounded the facility. I ran until my lungs burned, then collapsed onto the frozen ground.

I cried there, on the forest floor. My life was in ruins. I'd fallen in love.
How had I fallen in love? Cameron was right. I'd barely known him.

But... I did.

And now, he was gone.

My cries weren't completely human. I hadn't been the only one to lose my love when Danny was taken away, my wolf lost it's mate.